Keep the surprise or spill the beans?

[MickeyMonstersMom]

As I've posted elsewhere, I "owe" DS a birthday trip to WDW because DD had one when she turned 8. We had originally planned to go for his 8th this past January, but schedules and finances did not work out and DS was wonderful about understanding that we'd have to postpone his celebration. A few weeks ago I decided rather suddenly to take advantage of the Free Dining as I will be in Florida in August to pick the kids up from visiting their father and stepmother (who live there). So far Dad is on board with the idea of keeping this a surprise until I pick the kids up.

However, there has been some tension in the household lately. DD misses her dad (understandably) and has been fantasizing that life would be better if she lived with him. This can never happen (for all sorts of legal and personal reasons), but it has led to some painful mother-daughter angst. Yesterday was a rough Mother's Day and I considered letting the kids know of our plans in an attempt to inject some positive energy into the home. I'm torn between maintaining the surprise and letting the kids in on the excitement of looking forward to Disney. Thoughts?

(btw, fwiw, I've already started addressing the visitation issue by giving dad 6 weeks instead of 4 this summer, plus Christmas in addition to the Easter that he normally has)

 

[hellokitty86]

Hello!!

First, let me say that I think its great that you are understanding about your DD missing her Dad. I admire your willingness to work things out and give her more visitation, if thats what she wants!!

In my opinion, I would tell them about the trip. My parents have surprised me with trips, and although it was sooo exciting, part of the fun of the trips is looking forward to them, and making countdown chains, etc!!

It is a tough call, but with your situation maybe it would help that you told them.

Whatever you do, please tell us their reactions regardless!!

And Happy Mothers Day!!

 

[3princesses+aprince]

It sounds like you had your heart set on surprising the kids when you got there. But I think I would tell them too, and you can think of plenty of surprising ways to tell them! I love counting down the months, weeks and days with my kids, it gives them somthing to look forward to and daydream about. There are so many fun things you can do with your kids while waiting, you can make a paperchain countdown(like previous poster said, we're doing that for our next trip) you can make your own autograph books(so they'll be personlized) and the people here on the Disboards always have so many good ideas. Good Luck and have a wonderful trip.

 

[kaw1218]

I vote for telling the kids. Our last trip was a surprise for the kids. It was HARD keeping a secret. And while it was exciting for the 5 minutes when we told them, I won't do it again. This time we told them as soon as we booked. I have more fun doing all the planning with the kids. Its much more fun than it was planning everything myself. I wanted to ask their opinion on everything from attractions to dining.

 

[tbstein]

Ihave done both, with surprising and not surprising. It was wonderful both tiimes. In fact, to surprise my DH, 5 at the time, she didn't believe me until she saw the WDW sign when entering property from the limo that picked us up at the airport. This last time we all planned together. I would have to agree with the 2 previous posts. While a surprise is great, having them help plan would be just as great. You could plan a surprise dinning experience, such as a breakfast with the princesses, for one of the mornings. Have fun and a safe trip!

 

[thelionqueen]

I personally would not keep it a secret under any circumstances really. I mean, honestly, half of the fun of Disney is the excitement and the anticipation.

DH surprised me with a trip to Vegas, the day we left, and I was so upset, it took me over a day just to unwind from all the up n' down feelings and rushing.

I know some people would say keep the secret and watch their face when you tell them, but think about this. How would you feel if it were done to you and you had no chance to fantasize about the upcoming trip, nothing to look forward to and no part in the planning. I say tell them for sure. I hope everything works out for you!!

 

[kpk89]

I think you should tell them ... it sounds like it would be a welcome surprise NOW, as much as it would be then.

We kept our first trip a surprise, but the kids were too little to really grasp that time concept or to help in planning. They loved the surprise, but from now on, we'll be telling them.

 

[Hockeymommy]

We went last year and told the kids when we booked, 8 months in advance. This year it is going to be a surprise for them, 9 & 10. I can't wait to see their reaction when they find out! We are still trying to figure out how to get all the way from Washington state to Orlando without them figuring out where we are really going. They think we are flying to Spokane (only 2 hrs. away) for a long weekend. Any ideas?

I see many of our friends who are divorced or seperated having the same kinds of problems with their children. For the kids it seems that the grass is always greener at the home of the non custodial parent. Keep the faith, your daughter will realize all of her blessings (you and your ex) sooner or later.

 

[MPLsDad]

When we surprised our then 4yo DS at the airport before one trip, he got really angry and told us we were "sick and wrong". We thought he would be totally psyched but he told us off and was truly angry. Of course, once we got there he was fine...

 

[MichelleChell]

I remember your original post and I said suprise them but now I agree you should tell them. Maybe you can do something fun to tell them!

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

Thank you to everyone for the input! DS had asked to celebrate his birthday at POP, so I dug out my old resort map and started talking about the pools and other things he'd said he liked. I had a copy of the confirmation in my hand and was going to reveal it with a flourish, when DD said suspiciously, "Are we going to Disney World?" DS just stared at the confirmation, while DD skipped around the room chanting, "I knew it! I knew it! Mom's been spending all that time on the DIS!"

Whoops. Busted!

Well, DS appears to be in a state of shock. DD demanded to know everything I've planned so far, so she's critiqued my ADR's and offered advice on park choices for the days I'd left blank. Nice mom-daughter bonding...

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I have always wanted to surprise my children with a trip to WDW. It never happened. I am such a planner I could never keep the secret. Part of my joy and happiness is planning the trip and my children helping in the planning. They get so excited when we talk about what rides to go on first, what places we want to have dinner at. Well, you get the picture. If you tell them they will have a couple of months to be excited before they get there. If you really want to surprise them you could schedule something fun or unexpected to do while you are there. Good luck.

 

[my4kids]

i'm for spilling the beans. Only because i personally enjoy looking forward to something as much as being there. My husband prefers surprises - so this is a personal thing....even though I am for spilling the beans...I don't think you should hope that will ease any tension around your house. I don't think it will create tension, and definately can't hurt your situation, but don't count on it helping either.....if you spill the beans and it doesn't help out..you might feel like you wasted a great surprise for you son for no reason, and then you will have more angst toward your daughter. I think if the trip is for your son's birthday, your decision should be driven by what he would prefer..does he love surprises? does he love counting down the days to an event? The trip is for him and not your daughter - so don't let her issues drive your decision. this could cause resentment from your son. If you think he rather be surprised now and count down the days...then tell them now and cross your fingers that it helps with your daughter too...if you think that he would love to be surprised at the last moment...then you need to find a different way to deal with your daughters problem in all fairness to your son.

 

[my4kids]

I personally would not keep it a secret under any circumstances really. I mean, honestly, half of the fun of Disney is the excitement and the anticipation.

DH surprised me with a trip to Vegas, the day we left, and I was so upset, it took me over a day just to unwind from all the up n' down feelings and rushing.

I know some people would say keep the secret and watch their face when you tell them, but think about this. How would you feel if it were done to you and you had no chance to fantasize about the upcoming trip, nothing to look forward to and no part in the planning. I say tell them for sure. I hope everything works out for you!!

I agree with this too, I have a friend that surprised her kids by telling them they were going on vacation the day they left, and did not tell them until they arrived in Orlando where they were going....The kids were in such shock that they didn't really even enjoy their first day there, because it hadn't really sunken in yet...they were just "going throught the paces" for the first day like...."OK we're in Disney - this is great, what just happened?"

 

[WDWNicole]

Thank you to everyone for the input! DS had asked to celebrate his birthday at POP, so I dug out my old resort map and started talking about the pools and other things he'd said he liked. I had a copy of the confirmation in my hand and was going to reveal it with a flourish, when DD said suspiciously, "Are we going to Disney World?" DS just stared at the confirmation, while DD skipped around the room chanting, "I knew it! I knew it! Mom's been spending all that time on the DIS!"

Whoops. Busted!

Well, DS appears to be in a state of shock. DD demanded to know everything I've planned so far, so she's critiqued my ADR's and offered advice on park choices for the days I'd left blank. Nice mom-daughter bonding...

Sounds like things are working out well. Have a wonderful trip and enjoy planning together.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

Thanks. DD tends to fall asleep early, so after she went to bed DS cuddled with me on the couch for a while and checked out the itinerary. To my surprise, he produced the Birnbaum's "For Kids, By Kids" from his room somewhere (I'd forgotten I'd even bought it!) and rechecked the kids' ratings of each attraction. He disagrees with many of them, of course, and plans to "prove" he is right in August! How cute! I'm definitely glad that I didn't keep it a secret now.

 

[thelionqueen]

Thanks. DD tends to fall asleep early, so after she went to bed DS cuddled with me on the couch for a while and checked out the itinerary. To my surprise, he produced the Birnbaum's "For Kids, By Kids" from his room somewhere (I'd forgotten I'd even bought it!) and rechecked the kids' ratings of each attraction. He disagrees with many of them, of course, and plans to "prove" he is right in August! How cute! I'm definitely glad that I didn't keep it a secret now.

I'm glad you made the right decision. I think that no matter how great of a surprise it could be, the anticipation and planning are just as important as the trip. Enjoy your planning and anticipation!

 

[katy33]

I always like to keep things a surprise (it seems to be enjoyed more AND you don't end up with any whining/complaining because the day isn't coming quickly enough), but you have a tougher call. You may want to keep in mind, though, that kids catch on quickly and may 'threaten' or 'hold out' for your love thinking more surprises will come (not theor fault - just a natural thing many kids do)

 

[lorrainesy]

As I've posted elsewhere, I "owe" DS a birthday trip to WDW because DD had one when she turned 8. We had originally planned to go for his 8th this past January, but schedules and finances did not work out and DS was wonderful about understanding that we'd have to postpone his celebration. A few weeks ago I decided rather suddenly to take advantage of the Free Dining as I will be in Florida in August to pick the kids up from visiting their father and stepmother (who live there). So far Dad is on board with the idea of keeping this a surprise until I pick the kids up.

However, there has been some tension in the household lately. DD misses her dad (understandably) and has been fantasizing that life would be better if she lived with him. This can never happen (for all sorts of legal and personal reasons), but it has led to some painful mother-daughter angst. Yesterday was a rough Mother's Day and I considered letting the kids know of our plans in an attempt to inject some positive energy into the home. I'm torn between maintaining the surprise and letting the kids in on the excitement of looking forward to Disney. Thoughts?

(btw, fwiw, I've already started addressing the visitation issue by giving dad 6 weeks instead of 4 this summer, plus Christmas in addition to the Easter that he normally has)

I say spill the beans....looking forward to the trip is half the fun