Just want someone to help me...please

[SaveTonight]

This is a little odd me posting this, since I'm a psych grad student and I try to help people here as much as possible with psych issues when I'm on, now I'm making a post asking for help....

I guess this is me typing to help me deal with this myself more then asking for help but any comments I'll gladly read.

A while back I dated this girl for five years, found out she cheated on me with seven different guys and eventually I broke it off. Obviously it broke my heart. The following year I dated this girl who I liked a lot, again cheated on me and left me on Christmas. Last year, I dated this one for awhile (I don't remember how long) and she dated me just to get back at her ex and dumped me the day after valentines day.

Enough of the sob story, and more to the issue I have now, I was on these boards and someone said something about disdates or something, which I tried out and after like a week or two I got messaged from some girl. We chatted for like a week you know everything is great this and that so now we friended each other on facebook and I know for a fact she hasn't used the site since we moved to facebook (neither do I really). So we talk and everything but idk I feel like it just isn't gonna work? Like I feel like she was looking for a friend and not a romantic thing? Maybe I'm just overthinking it but like she never messages me first, but when I do message her she starts the convo and all her messages have some thought they are always super long. Am I over thinking this? I just cant tell if she's into me and honestly I don't want my hopes up so I crash again. I'm trying to avoid getting my heart broken again. And I'm young, I'm only 23, but between graduate school and work and family problems I'm not sure I can take another heartbreak. But I really love talking to her my friends say my eyes light up when I see her message me that they havent seen me like that in a while. What you all think?

/rantoff

 

[smitch425]

This is a little odd me posting this, since I'm a psych grad student and I try to help people here as much as possible with psych issues when I'm on, now I'm making a post asking for help....

I guess this is me typing to help me deal with this myself more then asking for help but any comments I'll gladly read.

A while back I dated this girl for five years, found out she cheated on me with seven different guys and eventually I broke it off. Obviously it broke my heart. The following year I dated this girl who I liked a lot, again cheated on me and left me on Christmas. Last year, I dated this one for awhile (I don't remember how long) and she dated me just to get back at her ex and dumped me the day after valentines day.

Enough of the sob story, and more to the issue I have now, I was on these boards and someone said something about disdates or something, which I tried out and after like a week or two I got messaged from some girl. We chatted for like a week you know everything is great this and that so now we friended each other on facebook and I know for a fact she hasn't used the site since we moved to facebook (neither do I really). So we talk and everything but idk I feel like it just isn't gonna work? Like I feel like she was looking for a friend and not a romantic thing? Maybe I'm just overthinking it but like she never messages me first, but when I do message her she starts the convo and all her messages have some thought they are always super long. Am I over thinking this? I just cant tell if she's into me and honestly I don't want my hopes up so I crash again. I'm trying to avoid getting my heart broken again. And I'm young, I'm only 23, but between graduate school and work and family problems I'm not sure I can take another heartbreak. But I really love talking to her my friends say my eyes light up when I see her message me that they havent seen me like that in a while. What you all think?

/rantoff

I think you need to become really good friends before you consider becoming a couple. There will always be a risk of getting hurt in any relationship, but you will never be in one unless you are willing to take a risk. The good news is that you are young, so there is no need to rush.

 

[mommasita]

I agree. I haven't ever used the modern way of dating, as I am married 19 years, so it is new to me..
But I do know many who have and have found happiness.

I would think she may want to get to know you more, and perhaps she is busy as well.... Becoming friends is so important, and "could" be the start of a nice foundation..

I'm sorry about your past experiences, but nothing educates us to find happiness like a little pain. in my opinion, it makes us realize what we really want. Better to have pain now, and happiness down the road.

 

[scottmel]

You really need to step back and look at it clearly. I remember being a 23 year old girl and dating several guys all at once. Just dating, getting to know, etc. Some of the guys I dated were pushier than others or needier than others and it turned me personally off. FOR ME getting to know someone on a friend's level was more important than anything else as I couldn't even consider a romantic relationship if I didn't find the guy likeable/funny/etc.

I think after all the romantic heartback you have had, you need a FRIEND. And if it goes further GREAT and if not...

 

[SaveTonight]

Thanks everyone! Appreciate everything. I kinda wish I knew if she was interested at all but I have no idea. Maybe since she added me on fb? (I wouldn't add someone on fb if I didn't like then, and less from a dating site)

I guess ill just play with it now and see how it's goes