Just needing to get things off my chest tonight.

[mommasita]

My mother spent 82 days in the hospital this year, she really is only out 3 weeks now. She had a hip replacement, and MANY things went wrong afterward.

Today was Mother's Day, and I am sorry for all those who lost their Mother's...This really makes me feel terribly guilty, but I must get it out..My mother has given up and it is killing me on the inside. She really has had lots go wrong, and I am trying SO hard to help her remain positive, upbeat, etc, etc, and I just have nothing left.. I love her so much it hurts me inside to see what she is doing. My sister a few years ago, decided she did not want anything to do with the family, and has not spoken, called, etc to any of us, my children included. As hard as my mother has fought, she really wants NOTHING to do with us, and we have no idea why. My mother says if she knew she could deal with it. I told her she has no choice, she must learn to except it, she has me her husband, my 2 children, and it does feel like we are just not enough for her. As a mother I can imagine her pain, but as her daughter it hurts me as well...

Tonight we had supper, and as she can not go out, and I worked till 6PM, we ordered out. Well, she would not get out of bed, so we ate without her. It really really was hard for me. I think I ate just to show my kids I did. My mother was in pain saying she was too sore, etc. My stepfather did let me know that it was not really her pain from her hip, but more the pain of my sister not calling. I am sure it hurts, but we are there, who are we? I did go see her and try to talk, but there was nothing getting through at all so I left. I came home and am so deeply deeply upset. I wish there was something I could do, but I can not.. She tells me she has all but given up, she has no strength left. My mother is only 64, and aside from her hip and the setbacks, her health is great.

Sorry to ramble on, I know there is no way to change her unless she wants to, it is just taking a piece of me down with her. I need to be strong for my children, and I am, and I can not desert my mother, as I am the only child left. I just wish that a miracle would happen, what I do not know.

Thanks for listening, if you got that far. Again, I am sorry for those who have lost, I do not mean to complain about my mother one bit. I love her to death, I just feel that I have already lost her, and I so do not want that..

 

[breezy1077]

I am so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. As children, we look to our parents to be our rock, as adults we begin to see their weaknesses, and as parents ourselves we begin to really understand that they're just people doing the best they can. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Mommasita... I do not know all the answers but to me it sounds like she is terribly depressed and needs to seek some professional help to get herself out of this..

I am not a doctor, but depression can affect us all at any time in our lives. Sounds like she went through a rough time during the broken hip and the complications from all that, and her other daughter separately herself from the family probably is needling her a bit. Yesterday was Mother's day and shame on your sister for not calling her Mother....

64 is way too young to give up from a broken hip....this is not her talking I would think but probably depression. Does she have a priest or clergy person that she would confide in or maybe her doctor about the way she is feeling? I would think, from what I am reading, you are doing all you can....this is out of your hands and needs to be placed in someone else's hands that can reach her on a less personal level....

Do not give up on her....even though I can imagine how hard this is.. she is your Mom and probably going through a very rough patch. Maybe she is in terrible pain and no one is addressing it... I am just trying to think of all the options..

Hugs to you... you did a great job going there, eating even though she would not.. you made the effort. Happy Mother's Day to you too, it was your day as well..

 

[breezy1077]

I was thinking the same thing about the pain too, Mackey Mouse. It may also be a side affect of any pain meds she may already be on if she's taking any.

I really hope she's able to work through this Mommasita.

 

[mommasita]

Hi everyone, and thank you for responding...

Today I did not work, so after my children left for school, I went back to bed and slept and slept, and boy did it feel great. I called it "my day"...

My mother is VERY depressed, on antidepressants that I believe do not work for her. I am far from a Dr, but see the signs. These were prescribed by a GP in the hospital, and I firmly believe, and try to get this across to her, she needs to be seen again. And very soon. It does seem to be having a adverse effect.

She sees her surgeon on Wednesday, and promised me today that she will call after that to see her regular Dr.. She is overwhelmed with everything, appts and all. It has been a hard road, and I pray she climbs this last hurdle to get better..

It is just hard to see someone you love so much, drastically change. This is the woman who LIVED AND BREATHED for anything my children did, literally..Now, she is totally different, and this is where I see it most. My kids are 12 and 9, and old enough to also see it. Try as I might to explain to them, they are saddened...I want her better for many reasons, and largely to see her enjoy life..

Sorry to babble on. I am just still praying and hoping for that miracle..Thanks again for listening...

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I can relate on many levels. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the answers yet, so I can only offer a sympathetic hug.

I agree, your mother sounds depressed. Understandably. Going through something like that, especially when there are ongoing problems (which are very common), bring up huge issues of morbitidy and mortality for people. I would guess that those, combined with your sister's rejection on Mother's Day, is enough to send her past the breaking point.

It's important to recognize that when people go through a catastrophic illness like this, it's very similar to going through a grieving process. They grieve the loss of their health, and other things. In this case, maybe a perceived loss of an "ideal family". The important points, though, are that there are stages and it takes time. It won't be easy, though, as the physical recovery can be as challenged as the emotional recovery. The best you can do is to try not to take it personally, and to offer support as best you can.

Best wishes.

 

[safetymom]

Hugs to you. It is so hard watching a loved one struggle. Don't forget to take care of yourself while you are trying to take care of everyone else. You are allowed a Me day.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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