Just need to vent

[luvsJack]

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. In regards to my eye, it is doing better now and I should be able to wear contacts again tomorrow. I understand the logic that if contacts cause issues, then I should use glasses. Unfortunately, I seem to have more issues with glasses as they don't fully correct my vision the way contacts do. I have astigmatism and photophobia and wearing contacts actually improves my vision over glasses and allows me to wear sunglasses when needed (which is anytime I walk out the door). I tried the photochromic glasses but found that they don't adjust at the level of light that I need them to. The goal is to eventually get lasik or PRK, I just have to wait for my prescription to stop changing. Ironically, my vision and prescription have both improved since switching from glasses to contacts.

In regards to my mom, I know I need to be more assertive with her. It's funny, because I'm actually very assertive with everyone/everything else in my life. My weakness is definitely when it directly concerns just her and I. I've had no reservations about putting my foot down when it came to her saying/doing things concerning the kids or DH, but I have a harder time being as forceful when standing up for myself to her. For the record, I didn't let her in, she let herself in. The door wasn't locked, but since she knew I was home, I just don't feel comfortable locking the door and refusing to answer. Normally, I would just hop in the car and take off, but since I couldn't see, driving was out of the question.

I do think as a PP mentioned that she does want attention and is afraid of being alone. She never remarried and my younger brother (the only one living at home) graduates next year. She and my older brother have a very strained relationship as he has taken the route of mostly cutting her out of his life. I don't want to do that. She is great with my kids and is always there when I do need and ask for it. She's just not understanding of personal space and never has been. I'll admit, I'm overly protective of my personal space. It's not like I'm trying to hide a meth lab in my basement or anything, I just don't like people invading my space or touching my stuff (even if it's to clean).

There is definitely a fine line you have to walk when dealing with my mom though. She has some... let's call them "issues" that she refuses to acknowledge or get help for that affect her mood and ability to see things rationally. She often perceives someone not agreeing with her as that person actually attacking her and her memory of how things occurred becomes twisted into some nefarious Lifetime movie-style encounter that is drastically different from reality. I know it's not her fault. It does make it difficult to set boundaries or explain differing opinions though when it's hard to know how she will react. I know I need to figure out a way to do so before it spirals out of control.

Again, thank you everyone for your opinions. It has given me a lot to think about.

Everyone here is going to have a different opinion of what you should do or how much you should put up with. But in the end, its YOUR mom and its really up to you.

She probably isn't going to change, so you may just have to decide what behaviors you can live with and what you have got to put your foot down about. The biggest thing is to not let her remarks about your house cleaning or your car bother you. Just agree with her and move on to another subject or say "if it bothers you so much, clean it, it doesn't bother me". If you don't want her touching it, then say (and you may have to say it again and again and again), "yeah, I know, I plan to get to that this afternoon" or something like that .

She may just need to be needed and that's why she does it. My mom definitely spent more time at my house after my Dad died. She didn't have anyone to cook for anymore so she took me, ds and dd as her project lol. It lasted a little while and then one day she said "I think you can handle supper tonight, can't you". Well, sure Mom and that was the end of that.

If you feel comfortable not answering the door when she comes over at least part of the time, do it. Just don't let her know you are at home when you do. I wouldn't be able to do that, but you are not me.

Even if you disagree with her and she changes the story of what happened, let her. You know the real story. You know what you did or didn't do or say.

Let her be who she be but don't let it affect you so much.

 

[Sadie22]

You can get sunglasses that fit over your prescription glasses.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have nice Rx sunglasses....

 

[ronandannette]

Your mother doesn't happen to post on this board, does she?

Maybe she should. She'd fit right in and it might take some of the pressure off the OP.