Just need to vent...

[Monykalyn]

I'm going to comment on weddings in general. This isn't directed at anyone so please no one take offense. This is simply my opinion. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of the love a couple has for one another that has led to the marriage ceremony. There is way too much time, energy and emotions going into all of the planning, engagement party, showers, other pre-parties, bachelor and bachelorette destination parties, expensive attire, matching shoes, hair, makeup, jewelry, ultra fancy receptions and now the expectation that after all of this people are still expected to give their time once again for another party, morning after brunch and who knows what. Perhaps all of the emphasis on all of this stuff is a reason why so many marriages end in divorce. Maybe we should go back to basics. Boy meets girl (or other combination). They date and get to know each other. Couple gets engaged. There is a bridal shower, maybe a potluck at someone's house, to help the couple get started in life with basic things rather than over the top registry items. Don't worry about having the most expensive, most elaborate wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, favors, etc. Get things that won't break the bank to reduce your stress but that still make you feel special. Most of your guests won't remember any of these. Understand that you and your bridal party have lives and jobs and other obligations before during and after the wedding. Flexibility and knowing that sometimes conflicts mean someone can't do something will also help reduce stress. Invite your closest friends and relatives rather than the whole neighborhood so you have time to really enjoy your guests. After the cake is cut and the last song is played, say thank you to your parents and slip away to begin your lives together. Thank God if that is your faith. Fall asleep exhausted in each others arms and dream of the future that you have started to build. Enjoy your honeymoon and get to know each other in new ways. If you want, have a backyard BBQ when you get back and re-live the memories of your wedding day. Above all, remember that the wedding is only a day. The trick is to working together to make the marriage last a lifetime.

You could be describing my wedding. My DH actually did more of the planning as I was still in school 3 hours away. He and his mom did a great job-I basically picked my dress . He wanted the big wedding because "I am only getting married once and it is going to be done right". Married 23 years this summer (together 28). We left for honeymoon immediately after reception-heard relatives partied longer at my parents and his parents houses though LOL. We did have a "thank you" BBQ for our bridal party and invited lots of friends-no obligation though-just a "hey if you can make it great - if not we will see you when we can" thing a week after we got back.

Weddings have gotten out of hand. So have pregnancy announcements, gender reveal parties etc. (Is that another hot topic?)

Wedding season on the DIS...It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm gonna push for a Vegas wedding for all my kids. Heck, I'll even throw in an after-party for them and their 14 friends!

The best wedding DH and I ever went to (besides our own of course) was a Vegas destination wedding for his uncle (aka "the black sheep"-as in he took off from his small Iowa town to roam the world before settling down as a bar owner in SoCal) 2 years ago. The bride rented her designer dress (she looked awesome), the resort handled the rest. Got to hang with her and her family couple days before the wedding - we hadn't met the bride before but turned out we went to same HS in St Louis (although different years). She was the most relaxed bride I've seen yet (think the poolside mojitos helped too)

OP Hope things go better for you with your friend.

 

[lifesavacation]

I have a negative association with wedding after parties.

When we got married, my MIL insisted on throwing her own after party. The very last thing I wanted to do after a long, exhausting day was attend her special party. She threw an absolute hissy fit when declined going. DH ended up giving in (grrrrr) and we did go, but I'm still a little bitter that my MIL took our wedding and made it about herself and her party.

 

[Rhie]

Yea I agree with the consensus that brides get stressed, and its taking over her life so it must take over yours. It's not the nicest thing to take out one's stress on someone else, but everyone does it sometimes. I'd just be calm, tell her you care, remind her that driving to and from is a thing, and you will be there and have fun no matter what. If she says something about not caring and just won't leave it alone, ask for specifics. If she can't give you any, tell her that and remind her that she is freaking out and you love her anyway

 

[leebee]

I've got to wonder about what kind of withdrawal symptoms these kinds of brides must go through after it's (FINALLY!) all over.

I wonder what kind of fun these brides can possibly have at their own wedding! All the plans, time lines, money, micromanaging. Talk about stressful! OF course, focusing on nothing but being a bride for a year must lead to some letdown and disappointment on the day after, when you realize you are no longer a bride, you are a wife (like a bazillion other women!).

 

[Mortlives]

Personally, I prefer being a wife; but then, we had a very small wedding.

 

[nephthys43]

So... Brief update. She's texting me and talking to me like normal. We were supposed to hang out on Saturday before she went to a show. She was running late and didn't have time to meet me. She sent out another group text about hotel rooms yesterday. Since all of the blocked rooms were booked, she talked to the hotel and asked them for more. She says there should be 5 more available on Wednesday. Since I was included in this group text, I'm assuming she expects me to get one of these.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

So... Brief update. She's texting me and talking to me like normal. We were supposed to hang out on Saturday before she went to a show. She was running late and didn't have time to meet me. She sent out another group text about hotel rooms yesterday. Since all of the blocked rooms were booked, she talked to the hotel and asked them for more. She says there should be 5 more available on Wednesday. Since I was included in this group text, I'm assuming she expects me to get one of these.

Thanks for the update. Good to hear that she is talking and texting like normal.

I don't know if her group text was a passive/aggressive move, or you were in a group where maybe several people asked about hotel rooms. Either way, I would ignore the text. It's not worth causing more waves. It doesn't matter if you don't want to stay at the hotel, or if it's not in your budget, you don't need to explain it to her. Hopefully, she chooses to focus on having a wonderful wedding day and life to follow, not worry about who is staying overnight at the hotel.

 

[cabanafrau]

I have a negative association with wedding after parties.

When we got married, my MIL insisted on throwing her own after party. The very last thing I wanted to do after a long, exhausting day was attend her special party. She threw an absolute hissy fit when declined going. DH ended up giving in (grrrrr) and we did go, but I'm still a little bitter that my MIL took our wedding and made it about herself and her party.

She sounds delightful.

 

[Bren's Mom]

It just amazes me how, when it comes to weddings, women corral their most loved and trusted friends and (in the name of love) abuse the heck out of them. @@ Fact is, the current tradition of bridesmaids comes from Ancient Rome when brides had attendants dressed identical to them, to ward off evil spirits so they couldn't know which was the bride. This idea that we have to have bridesmaids all be identically dressed, with identical hair and makeup, identical shoes and jewelry, none of which necessarily showcases those bridesmaids strengths and their own personal beauty, is rather cruel. Demanding showers, jack and jill parties, bachelorettes, rehearsal dinners, bridesmaids luncheons and post wedding parties is absurd. We need to start teaching our children to say no. No to being in a wedding party if their friends aren't acting like true friends and being reasonable, and no to being that sort of bride/groom themselves. It's gotten ridiculously out of hand!

 

[gemini2727]

It just amazes me how, when it comes to weddings, women corral their most loved and trusted friends and (in the name of love) abuse the heck out of them. @@ Fact is, the current tradition of bridesmaids comes from Ancient Rome when brides had attendants dressed identical to them, to ward off evil spirits so they couldn't know which was the bride. This idea that we have to have bridesmaids all be identically dressed, with identical hair and makeup, identical shoes and jewelry, none of which necessarily showcases those bridesmaids strengths and their own personal beauty, is rather cruel. Demanding showers, jack and jill parties, bachelorettes, rehearsal dinners, bridesmaids luncheons and post wedding parties is absurd. We need to start teaching our children to say no. No to being in a wedding party if their friends aren't acting like true friends and being reasonable, and no to being that sort of bride/groom themselves. It's gotten ridiculously out of hand!

One problem is that the bridesmaid often doesn't know how she will be taken advantage of (if that's the case) until after she's accepted the "honor".
Bridesmaids don't get a list of costs and expectations initially when they are asked to be in the wedding party, at least I didn't. And then it's difficult and/or uncomfortable to get out of, once she's said yes

 

[Bren's Mom]

One problem is that the bridesmaid often doesn't know how she will be taken advantage of (if that's the case) until after she's accepted the "honor".
Bridesmaids don't get a list of costs and expectations initially when they are asked to be in the wedding party, at least I didn't. And then it's difficult and/or uncomfortable to get out of, once she's said yes

Then we need to start teaching people it's ok to ASK! 'Oh, bride! I'm so honored you thought to ask me, that's so sweet. Tell me more, what kind of expectations will there be for the bridal party? [Insert pertinent details here: I'm new at my job so I have limited time off, I've just bought a new house so discretionary funds are very limited, my kids have a lot of activities that take up a significant amount of time and dh can't take time of work, etc etc]. What kinds of time commitment and costs will be involved? I'd love to be able to say yes if I can!'.

 

[gwynne]

Then we need to start teaching people it's ok to ASK! 'Oh, bride! I'm so honored you thought to ask me, that's so sweet. Tell me more, what kind of expectations will there be for the bridal party? [Insert pertinent details here: I'm new at my job so I have limited time off, I've just bought a new house so discretionary funds are very limited, my kids have a lot of activities that take up a significant amount of time and dh can't take time of work, etc etc]. What kinds of time commitment and costs will be involved? I'd love to be able to say yes if I can!'.

Certainly you can coach your kids to say whatever you think best. Practice, practice practice.
In reality, sometimes it's a bit tricky. Kaden and Madison get engaged during a party that involves lots of their friends. Maddy's best friend, Ava, is asked to be Maid of Honor about an hour after Kaden popped the question. Some girls could follow the script, some might find it very difficult. Lots of friends, special night...it's not easy for the potential bridesmaid to bring the attention back to her needs rather than the bride.

I'm not defending crazy weddings, I just see how kind, good friend bridesmaids get sucked into a whirlwind of events and costs.

 

[design_mom]

I'm not defending crazy weddings, I just see how kind, good friend bridesmaids get sucked into a whirlwind of events and costs.

I agree. And if it's one of your first friends to get married, it's hard to know what are reasonable expectations or how much it will cost.

When my best friend got married, I was still in college and had not been in a wedding before. The expectations were not nearly what are placed on today's bridesmaids (there was no destination bachelorette party, the shower was at home with homemade food, etc.). My friend specifically promised to keep things "reasonable." In retrospect, I'm sure she did by bridal industry standards, but everything was still very expensive. The bridesmaid dress (which really was one of the less expensive ones we saw), was still more than my "very expensive" prom dress.

By the time you've been in 4 or 5 weddings, sure, you know what questions to ask... but for that your first one, I think many people (not just now) get caught by surprise by the expense of it. And then you get into the whole "if I accepted when Mary asked me, I can't turn down Jane. Jane and I are better friends than Mary and I were."

 

[gemini2727]

Then we need to start teaching people it's ok to ASK! 'Oh, bride! I'm so honored you thought to ask me, that's so sweet. Tell me more, what kind of expectations will there be for the bridal party? [Insert pertinent details here: I'm new at my job so I have limited time off, I've just bought a new house so discretionary funds are very limited, my kids have a lot of activities that take up a significant amount of time and dh can't take time of work, etc etc]. What kinds of time commitment and costs will be involved? I'd love to be able to say yes if I can!'.

I'm sure some Bridezillas would have a very hard time putting into words and dollar signs what they will expect of their wedding party, it would be too gruesome, and no one would take the job!

 

[weeniecat2442]

Wedding Update!
My "bridezilla" had her wedding on Saturday. She had only one bridezilla moment...which she was just waking up. She took a ride alone to get coffee and she came back apologizing.
The rest of the day was pretty much perfect! Everything ran smoothly and pretty close to schedule. She looked amazing! Actually- by the time we all had professional makeup and hair done we ALL looked amazing! hehe. I now am looking at ways to fund my new addiction to fake eyelashes!
Everyone had a blast- especially the bride. I made everyone cry with my speech (MOH mic drop!) She said it was the best day of her life!
PHEW!
Im in the process of sending out engraved invitations for my Retirement as a Bridesmaid party. I'm registering at PetCo.

 

[AJ1983]

It just amazes me how, when it comes to weddings, women corral their most loved and trusted friends and (in the name of love) abuse the heck out of them. @@ Fact is, the current tradition of bridesmaids comes from Ancient Rome when brides had attendants dressed identical to them, to ward off evil spirits so they couldn't know which was the bride. This idea that we have to have bridesmaids all be identically dressed, with identical hair and makeup, identical shoes and jewelry, none of which necessarily showcases those bridesmaids strengths and their own personal beauty, is rather cruel. Demanding showers, jack and jill parties, bachelorettes, rehearsal dinners, bridesmaids luncheons and post wedding parties is absurd. We need to start teaching our children to say no. No to being in a wedding party if their friends aren't acting like true friends and being reasonable, and no to being that sort of bride/groom themselves. It's gotten ridiculously out of hand!

Exactly! When I got married I tried to be as easy going as possible. I told the girls to choose their own red dress, and same with shoes jewelry and hair. Theywere actually the ones who asked me what I wanted them to do in those areas, and amongst themselves they decided to wear nude color shoes. I also paid for their hair and makeup the day of the wedding. My mother hosted the bridal shower and the rehearsal party (which was just finger foods and drinks after the rehearsal). My MOH hosted the stagette at her house, as I didnt want people to incur the expense of cover charges, tickets to a show etc. We also decided to forgo a traditional gift opening the next day because it was just one more thing for someone to host and prepare for, plus I knew we would all be dead tired the next day. I dont know where people get these unrealistic expectations that people have so much time and money to devote to someone elses wedding.

 

[DopeyDame]

Wedding Update!
My "bridezilla" had her wedding on Saturday. She had only one bridezilla moment...which she was just waking up. She took a ride alone to get coffee and she came back apologizing.
The rest of the day was pretty much perfect! Everything ran smoothly and pretty close to schedule. She looked amazing! Actually- by the time we all had professional makeup and hair done we ALL looked amazing! hehe. I now am looking at ways to fund my new addiction to fake eyelashes!
Everyone had a blast- especially the bride. I made everyone cry with my speech (MOH mic drop!) She said it was the best day of her life!
PHEW!
Im in the process of sending out engraved invitations for my Retirement as a Bridesmaid party. I'm registering at PetCo.

So awesome! I'm glad it worked out and that everyone had a great day. And now hopefully she returns to being your normal friend who you liked in the first place!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Wedding Update!
My "bridezilla" had her wedding on Saturday. She had only one bridezilla moment...which she was just waking up. She took a ride alone to get coffee and she came back apologizing.
The rest of the day was pretty much perfect! Everything ran smoothly and pretty close to schedule. She looked amazing! Actually- by the time we all had professional makeup and hair done we ALL looked amazing! hehe. I now am looking at ways to fund my new addiction to fake eyelashes!
Everyone had a blast- especially the bride. I made everyone cry with my speech (MOH mic drop!) She said it was the best day of her life!
PHEW!
Im in the process of sending out engraved invitations for my Retirement as a Bridesmaid party. I'm registering at PetCo.

I like SocialEyes lashes. Lots of styles, affordable, 100% vegan, no animal testing throughout their entire supply chain. The lashes are made from human hair so they're more natural looking than synthetic. I've been able to get many uses out of each pair.

 

[weeniecat2442]

I like SocialEyes lashes. Lots of styles, affordable, 100% vegan, no animal testing throughout their entire supply chain. The lashes are made from human hair so they're more natural looking than synthetic. I've been able to get many uses out of each pair.

oh thank you for the tip! I'm going to check them out!