Just Call Me "The Incompetent Wife"...

[mhsjax]

There is a big difference in a MIL calling out of concern and a MIL calling because she thinks no one can take care of her baby. I know there are great MIL's and a lot of not so great MIL's. Some of them just refuse to let go at all.

I think my mom was a great MIL, at least that is what my DH says and also my DSIL says. I hope to follow in her footsteps.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I dunno. I'm always up for a good In-Law rant but this one is kind of funny since you made a post here yesterday asking for suggestions.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2584812


Maybe we can just get your MIL a DIS Log-in and she can join in that way.

Apples and oranges. I was asking because I wanted suggestions on comfort from those who had been there, not because I didn't know how to put his drops in. She doesn't think I am capable of that small task.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think that she is going to be a lucky woman, my sons both cook, clean, shop and do laundry. My younger son's DW told me that she thanks me silently every morning when she gets up and her laundry is washed, dried, folded and put away. The kitchen spotless and her canned goods rotated

OMG!!!!!!
Can I trade my husband in for one of your sons!!!!

Did anyone see Desperate Housewives on Sunday.

Tom Scavo's mom is introduced....
We now now EXACTLY why Tom is the perpetual 12 year old boy.

But also SOOOOOO true!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

My thirty something will always be my little boy

Little Boy

Sorry, but as adult wifes and mothers, we don't need a 'Little Boy'.
I already have one 12 year old son to raising....

I think the fact that some MIL's expect their son's to always be their little boy, and never let them grow up and leave the nest and become mature men is a huge, huge, factor when it comes to inlaw problems.

My MIL thinks my 45 year old husband is "HER little boy".
My MIL and Tom Scavo's mom have a lot in common.
Been there - Done that.

 

[scrapquitler]

I would really like to strangle my MIL.

I know I shouldn't take it personal, but I do.

I really can't tolerate how she feels the need to call CONSTANTLY every time something "medical" happens to my husband.

If he is sick, has a cold, a stomach ache, the flu, or in this instance, a corneal abrasion... She just HAS to call and make sure he is receiving the proper "attention" from me, as if I don't know how to do ANYTHING and only SHE does.

I get her concern, but does she have to undermine me?

Just needed to vent.

I feel your pain. My MIL does the same thing.

I always tell her "He's an adult, the Dayquil is in the cabinet. If he doesn't want to take it, that's his choice" and "No, I'm not going to call the doctor for him, unless he asks me to"

 

[Nancyg56]

OMG!!!!!!
Can I trade my husband in for one of your sons!!!!

Did anyone see Desperate Housewives on Sunday.

Tom Scavo's mom is introduced....
We now now EXACTLY why Tom is the perpetual 12 year old boy.

But also SOOOOOO true!!!!

Sometimes ERrca would give him back to me Seriously, both know how to manage a home and do it very well. I did not want men who were helpless.

 

[Iott Family]

Is he rich? Will you be coming into a sizable inheritance if he kicks off? Maybe you can tell your MIL that you are hoping to become a rich widow, and to please stop interfering.

 

[happygirl]

I would image myself doing this when my son is grown, I think it just part of being a mommy I can't image anyone getting upset for a mom showing concern for her son

 

[DMRick]

Doesn't matter what you need..he'll be my little boy until I die..as will my daughters be my little girls. I don't think his being my little boy makes him any less of a man. He's a fine man.

He left the nest right after college, bought his first home in NYC, took a great job in Ireland, (and is married to a wonderful person), a loving and caring husband, has a cool job where he gets to travel all over the world, is very self sufficient, helps around the house (and it's a beautiful new home), is an outstanding dad..but still my little boy. I'll always be his mom, and my daughter in law tells me we did a great job. When we go over to visit, I see first hand we have raised a wonderful man.
They'll be here next month for 3 weeks, and I can't wait. Yep, he'll always be my little boy...especially when he's ill.

Little Boy

Sorry, but as adult wifes and mothers, we don't need a 'Little Boy'.
I already have one 12 year old son to raising....

I think the fact that some MIL's expect their son's to always be their little boy, and never let them grow up and leave the nest and become mature men is a huge, huge, factor when it comes to inlaw problems.

My MIL thinks my 45 year old husband is "HER little boy".
My MIL and Tom Scavo's mom have a lot in common.
Been there - Done that.

 

[scbelleatheart]

Doesn't matter what you need..he'll be my little boy until I die..as will my daughters be my little girls. I don't think his being my little boy makes him any less of a man. He's a fine man.

He left the nest right after college, bought his first home in NYC, took a great job in Ireland, (and is married to a wonderful person), a loving and caring husband, has a cool job where he gets to travel all over the world, is very self sufficient, helps around the house (and it's a beautiful new home), is an outstanding dad..but still my little boy. I'll always be his mom, and my daughter in law tells me we did a great job. When we go over to visit, I see first hand we have raised a wonderful man.
They'll be here next month for 3 weeks, and I can't wait. Yep, he'll always be my little boy...especially when he's ill.

We need more people like you!!!!!!! A true Mom!!! Your son and DIL sound like wonderful people. You did a good job

 

[punkin]

Doesn't matter what you need..he'll be my little boy until I die..as will my daughters be my little girls. I don't think his being my little boy makes him any less of a man. He's a fine man.

This. Definitely.

 

[Tink888]

Little Boy

Sorry, but as adult wifes and mothers, we don't need a 'Little Boy'.
I already have one 12 year old son to raising....

Respectfully, I think you took that statement completely out of context.

Doesn't matter what you need..he'll be my little boy until I die..as will my daughters be my little girls. I don't think his being my little boy makes him any less of a man. He's a fine man.

I've yet to meet a parent who doesn't feel that way about their child/children, regardless of the child's age.

A father can think of his daughter as "his little girl" until she's 102 and it's endearing but a mother says that her son will always be her "little boy" and it gets twisted into a personality disorder?

 

[okeydokey]

Well, Megs, this could lead to a whole new DisBoards debate. Are you an incompetent wife for not being able to take care of him or is she an incompetent mother for not teaching him how to take care of himself??

oooh, good one.

 

[Abbie]

It's a good thing I've only been heard to comment how I plan to mourn in Tahiti. Nobody could ever use that as a statement of intent, could they?

Meg you could always threaten to give him back if she gets overbearing! We were only married four months when my DH ended up in the hospital with gastroenteritis. I called my mother in law to inquire as to the warranty but she told me I was stuck with him, no returns!

 

[DMRick]

I called my mother in law to inquire as to the warranty but she told me I was stuck with him, no returns!

 

[Buckalew11]

Apples and oranges. I was asking because I wanted suggestions on comfort from those who had been there, not because I didn't know how to put his drops in. She doesn't think I am capable of that small task.

Are his arms broken?


If my MIL called here and acted like DH could not take care of himself or I could not take care of him, there'd be words for sure. He'd never, ever stand for it.

Now, that said, she is very caring and I think in a sweet way, DH will always be "her little boy". After every elbow surgery and shoulder surgery he has had, she has come over and made soup for him. He welcomed it and so did I. I was too busy helping him to cook.

But she plays no favorites...when I had the flu, she came over and fixed dinner for us. She washed clothes and helped in anyway possible. She could have gotten sick being in our home but she didn't care, she wanted to help. I'll never forget that.
My mom is the type that will leave something on the stoop 'cause she doesn't want to near a sick germ.

There is a huge difference between a meddling MIL and a caring one. There is a nice way to say things and a nasty way. I know I'm lucky because my MIL is involved in our lives and she would drop everything and anything to be there if we had a need. I'm glad she and DH are close but I'm also glad he knows how to keep her from overstepping her boundaries.

 

[bumbershoot]

If he is sick, has a cold, a stomach ache, the flu, or in this instance, a corneal abrasion... She just HAS to call and make sure he is receiving the proper "attention" from me, as if I don't know how to do ANYTHING and only SHE does.

There is absolutely no need for her to know these things about him.

The only way MIL knows that any of us is under the weather is if she happens to call and we can't put the "hale and hearty" voice on really quick. Or if DS tells her. IF that doesn't happen, we don't tell her a thing about our health unless we absolutely positively 110% have to.

Little Boy

Sorry, but as adult wifes and mothers, we don't need a 'Little Boy'.
I already have one 12 year old son to raising....

No one is saying a spouse has to have the mother's little boy. The spouse can have the spouse. But the parent gets to have the little boy/girl, and it isn't necessarily an unhealthy thing.

Are his arms broken?

That's what I was thinking. And then I remembered that DH can't actually put eyedrops in by himself; he blinks. If MIL knew that I needed to put drops in hubby's eyes (and I have, two different times), I'm sure she would want to tell me all the tricks she used to do it to his eyes. And I'm sure I would resist, and then a few years later I would admit that she was right. Because she has been right waaaay too many times now, it's really getting annoying. And she basically likes me now, too. So it's getting hard to continue to dislike her. But I think I have a few more years of disliking her to go, really see if this good behavior continues...then I'll re-assess.


But yeah, just don't tell her about these things...

 

[bgirldeb]

There is a huge difference between checking on someone who is under the weather and checking on whether they are being 'taken care of' properly. I don't see this as MIL bashing.

 

[Nancyg56]

If my MIL called here and acted like DH could not take care of himself or I could not take care of him, there'd be words for sure. He'd never, ever stand for it.

But she plays no favorites...when I had the flu, she came over and fixed dinner for us. She washed clothes and helped in anyway possible. She could have gotten sick being in our home but she didn't care, she wanted to help. I'll never forget that.
My mom is the type that will leave something on the stoop 'cause she doesn't want to near a sick germ.

There is a huge difference between a meddling MIL and a caring one. There is a nice way to say things and a nasty way. I know I'm lucky because my MIL is involved in our lives and she would drop everything and anything to be there if we had a need. I'm glad she and DH are close but I'm also glad he knows how to keep her from overstepping her boundaries.

If I did that m sons would laugh As it is I take a lot of teasing but they both know I care about them.

It sounds to me like you have a great relationship with your DDIL and that is awesome. In my DH family I am the "INLAW" and not in a good way. His mother would ever have dreamed of taking care of me if I was sick nor would she have ever respected that we are a couple first, and that I am fully capable of running our home. I belive that this is where the squabbles are coming from. As you say, there is a difference between a caring mother adn a territorial woman who cannot let her son live his life. I believe that this can go two ways though. A territorial DIL who is threatened by a mother who loves her son and wants a relationship with him and his family.

I treat my DDIL and my DSIL the same way I treat my own children. They know that I love them for themselves adn not because my children married them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, just to clarify.....
Yes, I do know that for a parent, their son or daughter will always be their son or daughter...

But, when I hear the words "My Little Boy" used to refer to a grown man...
Yep, I think that there's something a little off there.

Some may disagree.
But, that is my opinion.
And, it's not one that I have formed lightly....