Just an Awful Day

[msteddom]

Today was supposed to be a great day. My aunts had a grand opening party for their second jewelry store in Los Angeles. It was supposed to be familly, friends and celebration. It was; but there were some serious downsides as well. Our normally two hour drive took four hours, so we were ridiculously late. I felt like I looked awful, and my mother commented that I would really look better once I lost a few more pounds. To add to these minor annoyances was this major family crisis; we found out today that my 12 yo cousin has been molested and is suffering serious psycological problems. She is recieving professional help, but I can't stand to see her suffer. Her mother is just beside herself. It was hard to stay cheerful after hearing such devestating news.

to top off this dismal day I totally blew my eating plan. I think I consumed about 50 points worth of food. I don't even know where to begin counting. It's 2:30 AM as I type this so I think I'm just going to go to bed and start over tomorrow.

I'll end with this question. Why does a comment made by our mother hurt so much more than if it was said by anyone else? It's a llittle scary just how much I resent her right now. I feel like gaining 50 pounds just to spite her. I don't like the fact that she seems more interested in my wieght loss than I am. Okay time for bed.

 

[wdwnutze]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you. Mother's comments can be very hurtful. You did have a very rough day. When you wake up, just start over! Do not dwell on yesterday and the extra points, just start today fresh and new. Keep your motivation. There is a reason you came to WISH and don't lose sight of that. You are doing this for yourself and no one else. You have a 5lb clippie and that is awesome. Keep up the work you have been doing. We all have days that push us to the edge but now we all must learn to deal with them without using food. The best part of WISH is that you can always come here for support. Keep your chin up.

 

[TigH]

Originally posted by msteddom
I'll end with this question. Why does a comment made by our mother hurt so much more than if it was said by anyone else? It's a llittle scary just how much I resent her right now. I feel like gaining 50 pounds just to spite her. I don't like the fact that she seems more interested in my wieght loss than I am. Okay time for bed.

Sending you a thousand hugs!!!

I hope that sleeping on it helped you. It hurts when our Moms behave like that because in a perfect world our Moms would be the TV Moms from Leave it to Beaver. They would give us hugs and support and love at the right time, always offer a shoulder to lean on when we are feeling blue, and say the right thing to help us feel wonderful about ourselves.

Unfortunately I have learned that Moms are people too, and that maybe they didn't have the kind of Mother we are longing for either. They learn from their peers, they are from a different generation and they might have all the same self-esteem hang ups that we do. My mother suffers from depression and I have learned the hard way that she will NEVER ever be the mother I wish I had. So I just don't go to her for hugs or congratulations or pats on the back or support. Someone told me that I had to grieve for the loss of the relationship and that really helped me over the "why is my mom like this" hurdle.

So take some time to cry and hug your pillow if that will make you feel better. I felt guilty for wishing I had a mom who could love me the way I wanted to be loved, but once I realized she wasn't emotionally or mentall capabale of doing so (she can't even love herself) I was able to move on.

Don't place so much importance on feedback from your mom. YOU are the most important person in your life, YOU need to be there for YOU! YOU have done a great job with your weight loss program, YOU need to feel GREAT about it and YOU need to pat yourself on the back! YOU can count those points today and YOU can drink your water and YOU can exercise and move around and burn calories. And YOU can be proud of your accomplishments! Never let anyone else have that type of control over your emotional well being, YOU are a very worthy and wonderful person.

Here's some feel better because you are worth it pixie dust!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

[Mai Ku Tiki]

Aloha, msteddom!

The sting of a parent's comment goes right to the heart, doesn't it! In my case, it was my dad who often got to me. Even when I was 40, I was amazed at his power over me...I was reduced to being a little girl again with every comment. Dad is gone now, and surprisingly, I can only remember the good stuff most of the time.

Yesterday, you were dumped on ! You had one lousy day!

Today, focus on you! As hard as it is, think happy thoughts. It isn't selfish- it's survival! When you feel stronger, you'll be better able to support your cousin and aunt.

It is OK to have weak moments. You WILL get back on track!

Here's some PIXIEDUST to help you along
***```**~~**"""~~***,,,...***~~~****``''~~**~~...,,~~**

 

[mum4jenn]

Family members are not supposed to hurt us are they??

My own daughter who is almost 6 has made many comments to me and my dh about being fat and it hurts. Even yesterday my dh was trying to pay me a compliment about the weight I have lost and dd had to jump in there and say things to just erase all the happiness I was feeling. Most of the time in the past when she said something it would cause me to go eat something but yesterday even though I wanted to pig out I did not. Later that day I had a good mother-to-daughter talk on compassion. I hope it works this time.

 

[Rajah]

*hugs* Melissa. I think sometimes our parents (or other family members) don't realize how much something they say to us will hurt us.

In my case, I have overall a fantastic relationship with my parents. They're usually super supportive of me and fantastic friends and parents. But every once in a while, like today, my mom says something that cuts me to the quick. I don't think she realizes or means to affect me that way, but she does. Maybe yours is the same?

Try not to let her get to you. Easier said than done, I understand.

Sending you lots of hugs and PD, and some P&PD for your cousin and family as well.

 

[nativetxn]

Melissa, forget about what you ate yesterday. It's over and done--it's history. You can't go back and change it so don't beat yourself up, feel guilty or unhappy about it.

The only thing that counts is that you are here on WISH <i>today</i> and you are newly determined and focused on goal.

I'm sorry your mother hurt your feelings. I think that mothers don't think before they speak sometimes. I know I'm guilty of it but my son reminds me and I realize that I have been thoughtless.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[CathyCanada]

Wow, Melissa, that WAS an awful day!! But the good thing is, it is over and you can move on. Today is another day. Don't let feeling bad for one day, make for another bad day. Hang in there and use us for support when you need to!!

As for Moms.... you know she probably meant well and thought that she was "helping" you. You have lost 5 lbs and that is nothing to sneeze at. AND you are still working at it. You're to be congratulated!!!!

Hugs to you and today is another day! Make it a good one!
CC

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

I totally agree with you that a mother's comments usually sting more than if someone else said it.
I also can understand having a mother that makes those comments or ones like it.... me too.

I'm so sorry you had such a bad day.

 

[perfectmatch300]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

to you, msteddom. Sounds like yesterday was a very difficult day for you. I know what you mean about comments by your mother. I was in my late 40's & my step-mom's comments still really hurt. Hang in there with your plan & do it for you. The more you get yourself healthy, the less that stuff will bother you.

 

[Luvinit]

{{{hugs}}}}...I am sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes reading your post. I know how bad it can be when it feels like MOM is not in your corner.

Listen to Tigh...she has helped me through some rough spots with my mom..I just remember what she says...mourn the loss that your mom is not the mom you want her to be and accept her for who she really is. ( I know it is easier said than done).

I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone in your anquish. {{{{Hugs}}}

Please do not get in a "self destructive" mode...that isn't going to change your mom, and it definietly won't help you...It will make you feel worse though. {{{hugs}}}

Tracy

 

[Harambe]

I just want to say thanks for sharing your awful day. I know I am really hard on both my kids, and sometimes things fly out of my mouth that are hurtful to them. I hate my big mouth sometimes - and have used food to stuff in there to help me shut up! I have a big magnet that is right near the door handle of my fridge that says "Kind Words Conquer". I try to live by that. You've reminded me I need to try harder.

As far as your bad eating day - go for an extra long walk today. That will help you get motivated again, because it will be a nice accomplishment! You can do this!!!!

 

[Pooh93]

Yes, you had an awful day. {{HUGSS}} You have received great comments and support here. I echo what they have said. I wish I had someone around like TigH when my mother was alive. I don't ever want to make my kids feel the way my mother made me feel. I know I am hard on my kids too, but I also let them know how supportive I am of them and how much they are loved everyday.

Please don't self-destruct. Been there done that and it does nothing but make you feel worse. Stay your course on weight loss.

 

[Jomrog]

{{{{{msteddom}}}}} Gosh what a terrible day you had & it figures that some that were said hurt you the most.

Some PD for you & your cousin, how awful ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I think you have gotten lots of wonderful advice & support. I'm glad that you turned to WISH for it. The people here really mean what they say, they are all heart.

I hope you have many better days ahead. Don't give up on your eating plan, look ahead, not behind.

 

[ILOVEDVC]

Hello! I'm new here and for some reason when I was starting to read all of the posts, I focused on yours cause you sounded so upset and because I probably had one of the worst days of my life yesterday too. (Financial stuff)

Hugs to you! Y'know what? People honestly don't understand about being overweight. They just don't get it, and can't relate to how it feels. They think they're doing a favor by making mention of the fact we can lose a few pounds, as if we're not aware. I finally after all of these years have come to realize it's just because they've never been in our shoes.

So, ignore, smile, and keep on truckin' as they say. Have a fantastic day.