Just a VENT...

[Lisa Simpson]

I am going to VENT big time!!! So leave now if you don't want to hear it!!!

I am a regular poster here, but feel like posting this somewhat anonymously.

Anyway, last night DH (who isn't very 'D' to me at the moment) calls me to ask if I'd pick him up from work..this is about 6pm. He usually drives himself, but I was off that day and I just took him since we were out.

I get there, and something has gone wrong at work, he has to stay about another half hour. He apologizes, says he'll be getting a ride from his boss. No problem at that moment, we only live about ten minutes away. So I go home. Keep in mind this was at about 6pm. Half hour means he should be home about 6:30 or so, right???

Well, it gets to be 7:30, no word from him. So I call, he says he's sorry, he's on his way home now.

By nine, he is still not home and no word. So I call him. No answer.

I call again at about 9:30. Still noanswer, but I'm very angry by now so I leave this message saying how this was horribly disrespectful and how I felt very upset to be treated like this.

I call again at 10pm. He finally picks up! He says he will explain to me why he's so late when he gets home.

He finally arrives home at 10:30.

His excuse? He knew I would be mad that he was as late as he was, so he decided not to call. I said sure, I'd be mad, I'd be mad if you called me at 7:30, I'd be mad, and I can be mad, that's up to me, but I still deserve a phone call to know how late he will be and where my husband is!!! Because let me tell you, my gut is telling me he was not at the office all that time...I'm not saying he's out cheating, but I'm sure he and his boss (who is more like his buddy) were out doing something. Why not tell your wife? Is it that awful to let me know where he might be?? I feel like he doesn't want to be around me. I'd rather he just be honest about it, rather than be deceitful.

I'm not asking if I am right or wrong to be angry...I know I am not off base on this one. To top it off, this is not the first time this has happened!!! In our nearly eight year marriage, this is not the first time!!! To quote Debra Barrone, I just want to smack him!!!

Okay, vent over. I feel a little better now. You can give me advice or just a hug, but thanks for reading/listening.

 

[makinorlando]

Vent away - I feel your pain.

I lived with this type of situation for my entire (although short because of it) marriage. My DH (and not dear) would do the same thing to me, and several times not return for a couple days. His excuse - I KNEW YOU WOULD BE MAD. - Well heck YEAH.

It was the most awful thing to live with. I will be home in 1/2 hour - and 2 days later I would hear from him to come pick him up somewhere........ who knows what he was doing. I never had definitive proof - he was a sly fox - of what he was or was not doing, but once DD was born, I could no longer live like that!

Not saying by any means it is that serious for you, but I just wanted to share that to let you know I do understand!!!


He needs a SMACK!!!!

I am going to VENT big time!!! So leave now if you don't want to hear it!!!

I am a regular poster here, but feel like posting this somewhat anonymously.

Anyway, last night DH (who isn't very 'D' to me at the moment) calls me to ask if I'd pick him up from work..this is about 6pm. He usually drives himself, but I was off that day and I just took him since we were out.

I get there, and something has gone wrong at work, he has to stay about another half hour. He apologizes, says he'll be getting a ride from his boss. No problem at that moment, we only live about ten minutes away. So I go home. Keep in mind this was at about 6pm. Half hour means he should be home about 6:30 or so, right???

Well, it gets to be 7:30, no word from him. So I call, he says he's sorry, he's on his way home now.

By nine, he is still not home and no word. So I call him. No answer.

I call again at about 9:30. Still noanswer, but I'm very angry by now so I leave this message saying how this was horribly disrespectful and how I felt very upset to be treated like this.

I call again at 10pm. He finally picks up! He says he will explain to me why he's so late when he gets home.

He finally arrives home at 10:30.

His excuse? He knew I would be mad that he was as late as he was, so he decided not to call. I said sure, I'd be mad, I'd be mad if you called me at 7:30, I'd be mad, and I can be mad, that's up to me, but I still deserve a phone call to know how late he will be and where my husband is!!! Because let me tell you, my gut is telling me he was not at the office all that time...I'm not saying he's out cheating, but I'm sure he and his boss (who is more like his buddy) were out doing something. Why not tell your wife? Is it that awful to let me know where he might be?? I feel like he doesn't want to be around me. I'd rather he just be honest about it, rather than be deceitful.

I'm not asking if I am right or wrong to be angry...I know I am not off base on this one. To top it off, this is not the first time this has happened!!! In our nearly eight year marriage, this is not the first time!!! To quote Debra Barrone, I just want to smack him!!!

Okay, vent over. I feel a little better now. You can give me advice or just a hug, but thanks for reading/listening.

 

[Lisa Simpson]

Thanks Mak. I appreciate it.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Ok. Been there! A long time ago I was there.
This is how I finally got through with my DH, I explained that he does not have to answer to me about his where abouts, but my mind wanders and I would get to the point that I would think he was in danger and alone. He understood that and now we check in and give each other heads up.
Can you present it to him like that?

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

HUGS!! i hope it gets better!!

DH did this to me ONCE, and he ended up going golfing with his father and brother, no biggie BUT he stood me up waiting and waiting for him to come get me so we could go and look at halls for our home reception (we got married in WDW). He claimed he forgot and BOY was he in trouble! it has never happened and will never happen again.

HUGS to you, but lay down the law!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm not understanding why you had to use a pseudonym.


Hubby gets in big trouble if he does this. He doesn't do it so much as it upsets me. But usually as long as I know where to find him, it isn't a big deal. (had a scary moment where we didn't know where he was and I last spoke to him en route to work (he was in a different state). After that scary incident--he understands the importance and consideration of checking in every now and then if he is on an unusual schedule).

 

[chager]

I completely understand!!! Been there, done it. Dh still has times when he forgets what time it is and doesn't call even though he just said he would be home at 6 and it is now 8 and he won't answer his phone issues!!! Of course if I do something like that he gets all worried and what not. I just look at him and ask him how it feels. Works for a little bit. Although now he has a coworker that doesn't get the whole "my family is waiting me" thing!
Good luck!

 

[Lisa Simpson]

I'm not understanding why you had to use a pseudonym.

I know I really didn't have to. I jusy felt better doing it this way.

As far as the danger part, I have presented it that way before. It sinks in for about a week. Then he forgets. I hate it.

 

[lookingforward]

I totally understand how you feel. I just don't get how my husband thinks and his reasoning is so bizarre to me.

 

[hlbtimes2]

I know I really didn't have to. I jusy felt better doing it this way.

As far as the danger part, I have presented it that way before. It sinks in for about a week. Then he forgets. I hate it.

So, does he do this often or was this a rare thing? I know you said he's done it before, in the last 8 years- but before like once a week or before like one 5 years ago? If its now and then, once a year type thing, dont be so hard on him. Have you never stopped at the mall on the way home and stayed longer then you expected? Have you never went out with my mom or friends and stayed a little long?

If its happening all the time, then yes, be mad and hold him accountable.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I know I really didn't have to. I jusy felt better doing it this way.

As far as the danger part, I have presented it that way before. It sinks in for about a week. Then he forgets. I hate it.

The day of our scare--when I finally got a hold of my husband--those tears were tears he would never forget.

It was all made worse--b/c that day the piano tuner was in...and at the time of the panic while I was calling police about car accidents...the Piano Tuner was playing John Lennon's "Imagine" on the Piano as he finished up the tuning.

 

[EthansMom]

DH had a day about 6 years ago where he actually worked 24 hours in the day. He's an engineer and a typical day for him is 8-10 hours of work. Well, he was preparing for a design review, which is a pretty big deal. BUT, DH had forgotten to tell me that he was going to work late, then he forgot to call me AND he turned off his cell phone. By the time I finally got ahold of him, I was livid! I was starting to worry about which hospitals I should call first.

DH got a little better after that, but still has his moments. He's still occasionally late by up to two hours without calling if he's in a meeting that runs late.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

The day of our scare--when I finally got a hold of my husband--those tears were tears he would never forget.

It was all made worse--b/c that day the piano tuner was in...and at the time of the panic while I was calling police about car accidents...the Piano Tuner was playing John Lennon's "Imagine" on the Piano as he finished up the tuning.

 

[figment52]

Tell him when you don't hear from him you don't know if you should be worried or po'd. Tell him you will be royally po'd if you got that worried for nothing.

I so got my DH trained over that idea that when he went hiking alone early one moring when we were in the mountains he did leave me a note, told me where he was going, when he would be back and when to start worrying.

A hour after I was instructed to start worrying I contacted the park ranger for help (I was stranded in a national park with no car and walked to the ranger station scared to death). My hubby saw then just how distraught I could get over not knowing where he was that he NEVER did that again ... and now you know the rest of the story.

The poor ranger tried so hard not to laugh when he saw the note and asked if he could keep it once we found my missing husband.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Tell him when you don't hear from him you don't know if you should be worried or po'd. Tell him you will be royally po'd if you got that worried for nothing.

I so got my DH trained over that idea that when he went hiking alone early one moring when we were in the mountains he did leave me a note, told me where he was going, when he would be back and when to start worrying.

A hour after I was instructed to start worrying I contacted the park ranger for help (I was stranded in a national park with no car and walked to the ranger station scared to death). The poor ranger tried so hard not to laugh when he saw the note and asked if he could keep it once we "found my missing husband." My hubby saw then just how distraught I could get over not knowing where he was that he NEVER did that again ... and now you know the rest of the story.

I am sorry OP but this story has me laughing!!!

 

[Tink9748]

My DBF does this to me about 2-3 times a week. He just gets busy doing something or finishing up something at work and forgets that he told me he would be home 2 hours before hand. I've pretty much given up worrying now because it happens so often. What cracks me up though, is if I am out shopping and not home 5 minutes after I said I would be home he is calling wanting to know where I am. I think I would go into shock if he actually came home when he said he would. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Since I know he is working I don't worry. I'm not sure what I would do if I thought he wasn't at work though.

 

[chell]

 

[figment52]

Originally Posted by figment52
Tell him when you don't hear from him you don't know if you should be worried or po'd. Tell him you will be royally po'd if you got that worried for nothing.

I so got my DH trained over that idea that when he went hiking alone early one moring when we were in the mountains he did leave me a note, told me where he was going, when he would be back and when to start worrying.

A hour after I was instructed to start worrying I contacted the park ranger for help (I was stranded in a national park with no car and walked to the ranger station scared to death). The poor ranger tried so hard not to laugh when he saw the note and asked if he could keep it once we "found my missing husband." My hubby saw then just how distraught I could get over not knowing where he was that he NEVER did that again ... and now you know the rest of the story:

I am sorry OP but this story has me laughing!!!

I can laugh about it now - almost 30 years later. My husband (yes ex now) was not at all experienced hiking in the mountains and he knew I didn't want him to go. That's why he left before I woke up.

At the time though if I hadn't had that note I don't think I could have explained my presence in the ranger station that night. I was a wreck I was so worried.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I can laugh about it now - almost 30 years later. My husband (yes ex now) was not at all experienced hiking in the mountains and he knew I didn't want him to go. That's why he left before I woke up.

At the time though if I hadn't had that note I don't think I could have explained my presence in the ranger station that night. I was a wreck I was so worried.

I am sorry!

 

[DVC Sadie]

My DBF does this to me about 2-3 times a week. He just gets busy doing something or finishing up something at work and forgets that he told me he would be home 2 hours before hand. I've pretty much given up worrying now because it happens so often. What cracks me up though, is if I am out shopping and not home 5 minutes after I said I would be home he is calling wanting to know where I am. I think I would go into shock if he actually came home when he said he would. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Since I know he is working I don't worry. I'm not sure what I would do if I thought he wasn't at work though.

Same here! Before my dh retired he was always running late coming home from work but I didn't worry because I knew he was working.