Just a little sad today

[Rustysmom]

I'm a little sad because we put my mom's house on the market the other day. I just realized that soon we'll never be able to go there again. Someone is going to probably demolish her kitchen and bathroom. They are outdated, but I always thought they were cute.

Mom only died 2 months ago and I didn't want to sell it so soon, but my husband is insisting. He says we can't afford to pay the taxes, insurance, and utilities for 2 houses. He has a point, because I'm a SAHM right now and he doesn't make much, but I'm not ready to sell. He's being very mean about it and said "Well, if you can come up with the money to pay the taxes etc., you can keep it as long as you want, but I can't afford it". "I can't afford it" should be his middle name because it's all he knows how to say. He knows I can't go back to work as long as my daughter is in pre-K, because she only goes for 2 1/2 hours a day. Maybe in September I can go back, if they are hiring, but not right now.

Then he gave the real estate people a set of keys so they can show it whenever they want. I didn't tell him to do that! My mom's cat is still over there and do you think they are going to care if the cat runs out or not? So yesterday I took a LONG walk after I dropped my daughter off at pre-K and put the slide lock thing on the front door, so they can't get in. They don't have the garage key. Today I'm going to go and ask for the keys back. If they want to show it, they can arrange it with us so one of us will be there. My husband doesn't want that though, because he said it's "too much" for him to drive back and forth over there. It's only 10 minutes by car and he goes after work anyway to feed the cat. I don't drive. Well, darn it, then I'll walk there or take the bus then! And it's not even so much about that cat, but I feel funny about strangers walking around the house when nobody is there.

Then the price that they gave for the house wasn't quite what I was expecting. I thought it would be a little more. I don't want to be greedy, but I did have to put out $113K out of my bank accounts to pay off her reverse mortgage. I wanted to paint and pull up the carpeting, but once again DH didn't want to bother. Sheesh, the reason I paid off the reverse mortgage now was so that I wouldn't have to rush to sell it, and he's making me rush anyway. I probably could have gotten more.

Then I don't know what to do with Mom's cat. I guess I'm going to have to take her home soon, but will she get along with my 2 cats? She is a sweetheart with people, but when she used to see stray cats outside the window, she would go nuts. She has claws and my cats don't. She old, half blind with glaucoma and might be partially deaf too now, but I can just see her attacking my cats. What if she dies of fright? She has a bad habit of peeing on the floor, which is another reason why Mom's house is priced low. It stinks! The carpet in my old room has to be pulled up. Yesterday she walked to the litterbox in the bathroom, gave it a look, walked out, and then went to the litterbox in my old room (where she poops) and was about to pee on the wall like a male. I pushed her rear end to stop her and she's so frail she almost fell over. I picked her up and carried her to the correct litter box and she went like a good girl. What is she going to do in my house then? I don't know what I'm going to do. Mom wanted her put to sleep when she died because she knew I would have to sell the house and was afraid she would run away, but I just can't do that.

 

[Jcricket Fan]

You have so much going on right now I'm so sorry that it all seems to be spinning so fast.

There are raw emotions involved as well as finances which always makes for a difficult situation.

I will continue to pray for you.

Peace to you.

Colleen

 

[breezy1077]

 

[LittleBlue22]

s to you during this difficult time

 

[Mackey Mouse]

OH gosh, Mary, you were having a bad day and I was not around..

I am always one to tell you what I think but you have to make your own decisions here.. First, was the house left to you? in your name alone or to you and your husband? If to you, I would think it would be your decision on how to handle the sale etc. Now I do not want to get between husband and wife here, but seems you are upset with the handling of this by your DH. You need to talk this out.. the two of you and discuss how you should approach the sale.. as is, or try to spruce it up and get more money.. I think you might be having an issue with letting go of the one thing that was your Mom's.... I am not sure why he would allow you to pay off the reverse mortgage....if not to make more time to clean the house up for sale. Why else, would you do that? Could that not be handled at the time of the sale, paying back the bank?? I do not understand that reverse mortgage thing and to tell you the truth, I do not like the way it sounds.

As far as the cat is concerned, poor kitty must be missing your Mom, I would respect your Mom's wishes.. If she is old, not using the kitty litter properly, etc. and you bring her into your house., well it would not be a good idea for your other cats to see her habits and also if she does not get along with other cats, just not good and more added stress for you.

You should discuss this whole thing again with your DH, putting the chain on the door to keep out the realtors, is only going to cause more issues......Try to work it out... if you want to be available for all showings, and it would fall to you, then so be it. But that means, they call you and you need to show up for the appt. You could ask for 24 hour notice for an appt though, I believe that is what I did when we sold our last house.

Anyway, hugs to you.. try to work this out with DH.. we are here for you..

 

[LeahA]

My mom passed away around the same time as yours, my dad put their home on the market also a couple weeks ago. I went over there last week and removed all her clothes and shoes. I had a garage sale over the weekend and sold most of it. The rest I'm donating to a womens shelter. It's a weird thing haggling with a stranger over a pair of my mom's pants.

I'm going to create a Family wall in my living room. I'm going to buy those letters that spell out Family and put them on the wall with a collage of pictures underneath.

My neighbors all pitched in and bought me a gift card for a nursery, in my backyard I planted a tree in my mom's honor.

So, when I can't go to her home no more, I have other places that I have created to remember her. Maybe you could do the same.

Peace and Strength to you.

 

[aurora23]

I am sending you lots of prayers.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[alstroemeria]

Sorry, we're with you.

 

[Rustysmom]

The house was left only to me. As a matter of fact, it's been my house technically for the past 10 years. When Dad died and mom went to get her will drawn up to make sure I would get the house someday, the lawyer did a life estate in case God forbid Mom ever had to go into a nursing home. The house was transferred to me and she had the right to live there the rest of her life.

The problem with my husband is that he can't sit down and discuss things. Right away he'll start yelling, in this case that we have to hurry up because he can't afford to pay the taxes, utilities, etc. He wants it sold before summer is out because he doesn't want to pay a high gas bill for the heat. I see his point, but he doesn't listen to anything I say, he just yells. He's a very high strung person and can't deal with stress, and I think this is going to be the straw that broke the camel's back. We had a huge fight over the weekend and again last night, and at this point, I wish he would leave. I sure am not feeling any love for him lately and I think the feelings are mutual. I told him that I have had a very, very bad year and he could have a little sympathy for me, but he has none. He also resents that I'm a SAHM. He's mad that we have to pay bills for her house and that he has to worry about where to get the money to pay for them. He was a better person when I was working. Now we constantly fight about money and I'm so tired of it. The funny thing is that I'm pretty careful with our money and it's not like we have any huge debts. The only thing we owe is our mortgage. Any credit card bills get paid off every month in full or I don't use them. So it's not like we are getting deeper and deeper into debt, but he seems to think that we are. I know I'll get that money back when the house it sold, but he doesn't seem to realize that. I also might go back to work at least part-time in September when my daughter starts full day Kindergarten, but he can't see that there is a light in the tunnel.

About the reverse mortgage, yes it could have been paid back when the house was sold, but it was accruing over $11 in interest every day, but a $35 servicing fee,$50 fee for something else every month, and if it takes me months to sell it, it would keep adding up. It was crazy. Also, I would have had them on my back wanting to know if it was listed, what real estate, etc. They could forclose on me any time they wanted and I would have to sell it for whatever or let them sell it. Reverse mortgages are very, very bad. Good for the elderly person who gets a monthly income or lump sum, but bad for the people left behind who have to deal with it. My FIL was the first one in the family to get a reverse mortgage and give my Mom the idea. So my DH will have to deal with it when he goes too, and he'll have to argue with his brother about it. They don't get along.

I just can't put Penny to sleep without giving it a chance at my house. Even if she can't get along with my cats, if I have to keep her in the basement, it's a nice finished basment with a couch and she would like it. It would be a pain to have to put a door up and make sure nobody opened it. She's so sweet (to us anyway, not sure about other cats), I just can't do it. With her medical problems she probably doesn't have a lot of time left anyway, but I have to give her a chance. The day before Mom died she told my DH that she was dying and to "take care of Penny", so hopefully that was her last wish and not to put her to sleep.

I guess I didn't have to rush over to put the lock on to keep the real estate people out, because they haven't attempted to show it yet. If they did, they would have called us to say they can't get in I would think. It's not even on their website yet and they told me it would be in 48 hours. It's ok though, because I still have stuff to get out.

Oh, and to top it all off, while going through Mom's stuff, I found letters that lead me to believe that I'm adopted. Two years before I was born,she wrote to an adoption agency with Catholic Charities saying that the doctor's told her she can't have a child and would like to adopt one. Unless a miracle happened, then I'm adopted. Nice way to find out, huh? A few things never added up, but I never really thought I was. I'm really sad that my Mom never thought she could tell me this.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Oh Mary.. I do not know what to say with your last sentence... but you know you can pursue that and find out if it is true and if true, who the birth mother was.. But before you go thinking that, make sure you find out if there are adoption papers anywhere... maybe she was thinking it and then got pregnant..

As far as you and your DH....deep breathing here, maybe you need to get some counseling? I do not know, seems like there is a lot going on and then add in the death of your Mom, right now might be a good time to consider that.

I do think that reverse mortgages are not that way to go for the families left......but for the elderly who need the money, it is the way for them to get that extra monthly money. Just that the bank gets to call the shots at the end, and truly I hate that myself.

You know best what to do with Penny and if you want to give it a try and see how she does, then do so. It is your choice. As far as the house selling, not a great market, and if it is as is, you may have to clean it up a bit. Will DH help you with that? I just feel sad that you have all this on your plate just after losing your Mom..

Know we are here for you... do take care of yourself and try to get some help...we have to do the best we can with the hand life deals us... just do that, the best you can.