Because he was so stoic and strong, and I was hopeful that the medication was holding the cancer in check, we thought he had a longer time with us. Those of you who had been through this before knew that wasn't the case, and you did tell me a couple of days ago. I was not ready to act, but please don't think that I didn't "hear" you. We did. Yesterday, it was clear that there was no good way for this to end. There was just a better alternative. "C" pointed out to me, that what we thought was a distended bladder, was actually a solid tumor. TCC is an awful disease.
Anyway, today isn't easier. Its harder. I was careful how I turned in bed, as usual, so I wouldn't disturb him, he wasn't there. This morning I emptied out the food that I cooked for him, packed away his dishes, hung his picture over my kitchen desk but yet as DH and I had breakfast, we half expected him to come to the table and ask to go out.