Jokes and riddles!!

[dancer4life22]

say your best ones... or stupidest...

okay? here it goes...

what is beethovens favortie fruit?

banananaaaaaaaa


why did the elephant paint his toenails green?

to hide on pool tables...

i dont get that one.... heheh

 

[MickeyisBeast]

This one isn't funny at all... it's stupid and offending. It's what these two kids say to each other in class...

person 1: Wanna hear a joke?

Person 2: Yeah!

Person 1: Womens Rights!

*BURST OF LAUGHTER FROM THEM*

Haha, not funny.

 

[beautynotbeast]

This was on a laffy taffy

When was meat the highest?




When the cow jumped over the moon!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

 

[::Snow_White::]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting--MOOOO!

 

[life of the party]

Will you remember me in an hour?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a day?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a month?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
I think you won't.
Yes, I will.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
See? You've forgotten me already!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting--MOOOO!

say your best ones... or stupidest...

okay? here it goes...

what is beethovens favortie fruit?

banananaaaaaaaa


why did the elephant paint his toenails green?

to hide on pool tables...

i dont get that one.... heheh

OMG i laughed so hard !
lmaoo !

 

[cindys_castle2011]

I didn't get any of those except the highest meat one lol.

A pony goes up to a bear & asks him to yell at a beaver than was being mean to him.
The bear says, "Sure, but why can't you?"
The pony says "Because I'm a little hoarse"

A bear walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender, and says:
"Can I get some peanuts and ........................... a beer"
The bartender says:
"Yes, but why the big pause?"

ahahahahaha.

 

[K-Shong99]

a man walks into a bar.
ouch.


hahaha.
i love that, but no one ever gets it.

 

[MuskratSusie]

Why did the math book go to the doctor?


Because he had problems.


lolz.

 

[Princess victoria]

Wanna hear a dirty joke?



A horse fell in the mud.

LOL i love that one. xD

 

[Disney Princess Elli]

at these jokes xD



what's brown and sticky?



a stick xD

 

[life of the party]

a man walks into a bar.
ouch.


hahaha.
i love that, but no one ever gets it.

hahah that one was on the morning announcements at my school for joke of the day. i got it like ten minutes later and i was like OHMYGOD HAHAHAHA ! then explained it to all the other people who still didn't get it xD

 

[Disney Princess Elli]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

[I Am What I Am]

a man walks into a bar.
ouch.


hahaha.
i love that, but no one ever gets it.

I get it! LOL

say your best ones... or stupidest...

okay? here it goes...

what is beethovens favortie fruit?

banananaaaaaaaa


why did the elephant paint his toenails green?

to hide on pool tables...

i dont get that one.... heheh

I don't get it.

 

[Princess victoria]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

That ones Greattt.

 

[Disney Princess Elli]

That ones Greattt.

I know ahaha, one of my favourites xD

 

[MuskratSusie]

Lol, I found one of my all time favorites!

Basically, this guy breaks into a house. He has a pillow case, and heads toward the entertainment center. Hes stuffing in all the dvds, dvd player, etc.. And he hears this voice... "Jesus is watching you..." he turns around out of instinct, and quickly scans the dark room... nothing. So he went back to stealing more items.. then he hears it again.. "Jesus is watching you..." he grabs his flashlight and shines it across the room. He sees a bird in a cage, and he aims the light at him. The bird talks... "Jesus is watching you.." The robber stands up and walks over to the bird, he says "Oh your cute birdie, whats your name?" The bird replies, "Moses". The robber laughs, and says "Moses?!? What kind of people name their pet bird Moses?!?"
Then the bird giggled a bit.... then replied-
"The same people who name their rottweiler Jesus."

 

[Stitch4Prez]

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

 

[life of the party]

Lol, I found one of my all time favorites!

Basically, this guy breaks into a house. He has a pillow case, and heads toward the entertainment center. Hes stuffing in all the dvds, dvd player, etc.. And he hears this voice... "Jesus is watching you..." he turns around out of instinct, and quickly scans the dark room... nothing. So he went back to stealing more items.. then he hears it again.. "Jesus is watching you..." he grabs his flashlight and shines it across the room. He sees a bird in a cage, and he aims the light at him. The bird talks... "Jesus is watching you.." The robber stands up and walks over to the bird, he says "Oh your cute birdie, whats your name?" The bird replies, "Moses". The robber laughs, and says "Moses?!? What kind of people name their pet bird Moses?!?"
Then the bird giggled a bit.... then replied-
"The same people who name their rottweiler Jesus."

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

omg i love this thread

 

[MickeyisBeast]

Lol, I found one of my all time favorites!

Basically, this guy breaks into a house. He has a pillow case, and heads toward the entertainment center. Hes stuffing in all the dvds, dvd player, etc.. And he hears this voice... "Jesus is watching you..." he turns around out of instinct, and quickly scans the dark room... nothing. So he went back to stealing more items.. then he hears it again.. "Jesus is watching you..." he grabs his flashlight and shines it across the room. He sees a bird in a cage, and he aims the light at him. The bird talks... "Jesus is watching you.." The robber stands up and walks over to the bird, he says "Oh your cute birdie, whats your name?" The bird replies, "Moses". The robber laughs, and says "Moses?!? What kind of people name their pet bird Moses?!?"
Then the bird giggled a bit.... then replied-
"The same people who name their rottweiler Jesus."

LMAO
Love it!

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

OMG, I JUST got it! Hahaha :]


Here's one of my favorites:
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly James, deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call.

Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly James is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.

Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"

Kelly: "This is my mother."

 

[Stitch4Prez]

I just remembered another one.

A kid was going to his grandfathers house for a week. The first morning he was there they had eggs for breakfast. When they finished eating the kid noticed sauce on his plate and said to his grandfather "Were these plates clean when you put the eggs on them?". The grandfather answered "They are as clean as cold water can get them". So at lunch they had hamburgers and the kid noticed pieces of egg from breakfast and said to his grandfather "These plates aren't clean". The grandfather responded "I told you they are as clean as cold water can get them". So after they finished eating the grandfather still had some hamburger on his plate, so he put his plate on the ground for his dog and said "Here you go Cold Water".