It's going to be a long week (a long vent)

[Belle0101]

I'll throw in my disclaimer first: I'm sure there are some women who would enjoy their spouse being home and I'm truly happy for you and your spouse but as for me ....

DH gets 4 weeks vacation every year and he took this
week for one of those weeks.

The kids (11 & 7), except for President's Day, are in school all week and he won't consider taking them out for us to go anywhere, not even for a day.

I've been at home for 9 years now and I will admit that I am fairly set in my ways - getting the kids ready for school, feeding the dogs, laundry, dishes, etc. I have a way of doing my housework that works for me, I can get done and feel good about having a clean house.

He is messing me all up! He cleaned the dining room table off by putting everything on the kitchen island. The kids had played outside yesterday so I had them put all their wet stuff in the tub. When he took a shower this morning he just tossed it all on the bathroom floor - boots, gloves, coats - all in the same pile. Even the kids had sense enough to not put their boots on their coats.

Other than aggravating me by that little bit of "cleaning" he's been parked in front of the TV now for 3 days! We can't watch what we normally like to watch because he won't give up the remote. Once when he wasn't watching TV I turned it on to watch the news, he came in picked up the remote and changed channels. I asked him why he did that and he said because he wanted to see if there was something on he wanted to watch. Um, hello! That's a little rude.

I don't know but I think by Monday we'll either be divorced or one of us will be dead.

I wish I could have 7 days where I didn't have to be accountable for anything, could sit on my butt and watch TV.

 

[N&B'smom]

Why don't you go out? If he doesn't want to leave the place where his butt has now left a lasting impression (in front of the TV) then you should just go! Meet a friend or something, go to a movie, window shop, have lunch...just get yourself out of the house.

I hope he's not near the age of retirement!

Shelby

 

[mickeyboat]

Don't feel bad. We get into a routine, and it's tough when something disrupts it, including people we love.

I would recommend the two of you plan something to do a couple of days during the week. You can both have a little fun, and you both get out of the house so you aren't undeneath each other's feet. Is there a movie you would like to see? Go out to lunch, bowling or to the mall.

Just think, it will all be over soon.

Denae

 

[luvwinnie]

Invest in a 2nd TV!
Why don't the two of you go out for lunch or something while the kids are in school? Do something fun.

 

[believe]

That would not sit right with me. The rare times DH takes a vacation day to just stay home he fits to our schedule, we work opposite shifts. He will even try to choose days where he knows our usual schedule and if he would enjoy going with us or not. He would also be helping me around the house. DH would see this as giving me more free time to sit and be with him...the sooner it is done the sooner I can spend time with him.

I would be just a steamed as you.

 

[themarquis]

hmmm..... sorry you're feeling unhappy.

The whole thing is weird to me -- why does he take vacation time just to sit around and watch tv? why not take vacation time when the whole family can go do something fun together? Also ... why does he get to sit around while you work? does he help out with the kids and/or cleaning now that he's off work for a week? He may be on "vacation", but *you* never get a vacation -- seems like things should be more 50/50 if he's home. Instead he just adds to your workload by messing up the house. Seems very unfair.

Re: him messing up the house, on the one hand, since he normally works all day, it could be he just doesn't know how things are done around the house. You could try explaining to him how things work to ensure the house stays clean and everyone stays in their routine. On the other hand, I have to wonder how exactly he could "not know" how things are done, since he's presumably around weekends, vacation days, sick days, etc. Is he just acting like "I'm on vacation I can do whatever I want"? In that case, it's that attitude that is the problem ... and also is probably why he isn't helping out with the kids like I mentioned above.

good luck...! If it were me, I'd be livid....

 

[Belle0101]

themarquis - you win the prize! It is most definitely his attitude. He's in "I'm on vacation" mode.

And either he really doesn't know how things are done or he doesn't care.

One example, he decided to pack DS7 lunch for school a couple weeks ago (He works Mon, Tue, Thu, Fri & Sat. Wed & Sun are his days off). DS came home and said that he didn't pack his lunch right. DS7 said that he didn't put in a spoon with the pudding, didn't give him gummies, didn't cut his sandwich and didn't put in a surprise (I always put in a little piece of candy).

DH has seen me pack the lunch before and I know he's been told how exactly what DS likes and how he likes it. All he said to DS was "Well, that's not how I do it." Real nice. It's not about you it's about how your son likes his lunch. Ever since then DS has been very clear about not letting him pack lunch.

And I could understand about taking a vacation and having plans to paint the house or a home improvement project but to take a week when the kids are school, not even any plans for the weekend, and just leave a "lasting impression (in front of the TV)" lmao: N&B'smom)?

5 more days

 

[jbthi]

Just wait several years. My DH and I both took early retirement 8 years ago and yes, all those jokes about putting up with husband during retirement are true.

 

[Belle0101]

Just wait several years. My DH and I both took early retirement 8 years ago and yes, all those jokes about putting up with husband during retirement are true.

Hey there fellow Hoosier!
And if this is what his retirement is going to be like ... kill me now, put me out of my future misery.

I do have to say though that I went downstairs to get some lunch and he had moved! He moved from the chair to the couch, with a comforter, TV blasting away and he's sleeping.

5 more days

 

[Todd&Copper]

I don't know - I work full-time and I would love a week's vacation of nothing but lounging around the house. I think if my husband gave me a hard time about being lazy, I'd tell him to go . . . well, something I won't actually write out on a family board.
If he works hard, what is the harm in him vegging-out for a week? If you are sick of it, then maybe it is a good idea for you to go out by yourself for a while.

 

[Tantor]

I hear ya Michelle. That's exactly what I go through when my DH is home.on holiday's. And he questions everything I do.
My DH retires in 3 years. Shoot me now....................

 

[JR6ooo4]

themarquis - you win the prize! It is most definitely his attitude. He's in "I'm on vacation" mode.

And either he really doesn't know how things are done or he doesn't care.

One example, he decided to pack DS7 lunch for school a couple weeks ago (He works Mon, Tue, Thu, Fri & Sat. Wed & Sun are his days off). DS came home and said that he didn't pack his lunch right. DS7 said that he didn't put in a spoon with the pudding, didn't give him gummies, didn't cut his sandwich and didn't put in a surprise (I always put in a little piece of candy).

DH has seen me pack the lunch before and I know he's been told how exactly what DS likes and how he likes it. All he said to DS was "Well, that's not how I do it." Real nice. It's not about you it's about how your son likes his lunch. Ever since then DS has been very clear about not letting him pack lunch.

And I could understand about taking a vacation and having plans to paint the house or a home improvement project but to take a week when the kids are school, not even any plans for the weekend, and just leave a "lasting impression (in front of the TV)" lmao: N&B'smom)?

5 more days

sorry but, Chicks dig jerks! Until they are fed up with them...

Mikeeee

 

[mickeyfan2]

Why don't you stop the normal daily grind and do fun stuff together? He is on vacation and was trying to have a vacation but you did not take a vacation with him. Just because you did not go somewhere does not mean you cannot still be on vacation. Go out to lunch, movies, shopping, take a walk together etc.

 

[Belle0101]

I don't know - I work full-time and I would love a week's vacation of nothing but lounging around the house. I think if my husband gave me a hard time about being lazy, I'd tell him to go . . . well, something I won't actually write out on a family board.
If he works hard, what is the harm in him vegging-out for a week? If you are sick of it, then maybe it is a good idea for you to go out by yourself for a while.

I haven't said anything to him about being lazy. And I don't dispute that he works hard and probably is enjoying a week of doing nothing. I would enjoy a day of doing nothing but most likely it will never happen.

And he does work hard at work but he also comes home and if need be, he helps with homework, letting the dogs out, setting the table, etc .... things that because he is "on vacation" he is not doing at all this week. He's taking a vacation from work and family.

He is quite literally getting up and going to his chair, and yes it's his because if we sit in it he tells us to "get out of my spot". No please or thank-you.

He normally goes to bed at 8pm every evening but he stayed up last night because he's on vacation. That's fine, but he wouldn't let me watch what I normally watch on Monday nights after he goes to bed. You know, he's normally in bed but since he's on vacation he gets to pick the TV shows. He didn't ask, I was told.

That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. I don't begrudge anyone a break from the daily grind but it doesn't give anyone the right to be rude to their family.

I know that in about an hour I'll have supper ready. I also know that he will only get out of the chair once it's on the table and not a second sooner. As soon as he's done eating his plate will be on the counter and he'll be back in his chair until he decides to go to bed. If you think about it he's having a 7 day stay at a bed and breakfast plus lunch and supper.

 

[mickeyfan2]

He normally goes to bed at 8pm every evening but he stayed up last night because he's on vacation. That's fine, but he wouldn't let me watch what I normally watch on Monday nights after he goes to bed. You know, he's normally in bed but since he's on vacation he gets to pick the TV shows. He didn't ask, I was told.

I think it is rude of him to pick what you and he will watch but it is rude for you to think you get to dictate what is watched. The two of you need to open a line of communication.

 

[lesroi]

One word... HOTEL.

Go to one.

Call him when you get there and tell him to have a nice rest of the week because you are on vacation!




Tracy

 

[CEDmom]

Vent all you want. I love my DH with all my heart but I also love having my time. Last week we had a storm and DH decided to work from home. It was a very long day - I can't imagine an entire week. I'd get out of the house as much as possible and also maybe do a few things together while the kids are in school.

 

[hentob]

The kids (11 & 7), except for President's Day, are in school all week and he won't consider taking them out for us to go anywhere, not even for a day.

Why?

 

[minniecarousel]

sheesh - you two need to compromise. He should know that he needs to share the TV. But, you should let some of your regular chores slide this week. Any chance you two could go out to lunch....do some "retail therapy?....go to a matinee?....anything?

I must be really odd, I like it when DH has time off.

 

[JikoMarie]

I think it is rude of him to pick what you and he will watch but it is rude for you to think you get to dictate what is watched. The two of you need to open a line of communication.

I would assume you would have had a conversation with him. What did he say to you when you talked to him about your concerns?

I must be really odd, I like it when DH has time off.

Me too. Personally, I do have trouble finding sympathy for you. My SO and I barely get to see each other in the run of a week because of the hours he has to work. I would give anything to have us both at home for a week or for a day! Doing the dishes or taking outdoor clothes out of the tub and piling them in a specific manner would be the last thing on my mind.

His being rude is certainly not excusable. However, do you think that you are being a tad bit controlling? You seem to have "your" routine and the way that things are done in the household are "your" way, like with your son's lunch. Maybe he doesn't help you because he's not down with having to do everything the way you want/expect it to be done.

I don't know - I work full-time and I would love a week's vacation of nothing but lounging around the house. I think if my husband gave me a hard time about being lazy, I'd tell him to go . . . well, something I won't actually write out on a family board.
If he works hard, what is the harm in him vegging-out for a week? If you are sick of it, then maybe it is a good idea for you to go out by yourself for a while.

I agree with this poster. Do you not take days off ever when the kids are at school to just veg out? I would die without relaxation time. Why don't you take a mini-vacation this week with him, as others have suggested?