Was cleaning again this afternoon and came across this book from my "younger" days.. It's called, "You Were Born On A Rotten Day".. 
It's a spoof on astrology/horoscopes and I thought I would share..
Let me know if you like this first one and if you do I'll post them all as time allows........
Enjoy!
SAGITTARIUS - November 22 - December 21
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Sagittarians are represented by the Centaur - half man and half horse. This makes it extremely difficult to decide where to sleep: Lying down on a soft bed or standing up in a stall. It also creates problems at most of the better hotels..
Naturally enough this half-and-half symbol produces a dual personality problem, both parts equally unpleasant. This constant conflict keeps coming to the surface and prodding people who are impossible to get along with. A Sagittarius even has trouble making friends with a rubber tree. The nicest person born under this sign was Scrooge..
Sagittarians are ruled by Jupiter, the planet of expansion, which explains their love of eating. They will eat just about anything, and too much of it. Let's face it, Saggitarius, you are a fat person. But you are not without hope. You sit around hoping a lot, wear wishing rings and spend hours throwing pennies into wells..
By the way, your Compatible Sign is "No Left Turn", your birthstone is fake, your Lucky Number is missing, and your Lucky Star is having a thing with her agent..
This conflict also brings about another problem---the inability to make decisions. Ninety percent of all Old Maids are Sagittarius-born..
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YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY - NOVEMBER 26th
Good time to take a long look at self. (But don't undress in public to do it.....)
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****Disclaimer: This is all in good fun - not meant to offend anyone..
It's a spoof on astrology/horoscopes and I thought I would share..Let me know if you like this first one and if you do I'll post them all as time allows........
Enjoy!
SAGITTARIUS - November 22 - December 21
------------------------------------------------
Sagittarians are represented by the Centaur - half man and half horse. This makes it extremely difficult to decide where to sleep: Lying down on a soft bed or standing up in a stall. It also creates problems at most of the better hotels..
Naturally enough this half-and-half symbol produces a dual personality problem, both parts equally unpleasant. This constant conflict keeps coming to the surface and prodding people who are impossible to get along with. A Sagittarius even has trouble making friends with a rubber tree. The nicest person born under this sign was Scrooge..
Sagittarians are ruled by Jupiter, the planet of expansion, which explains their love of eating. They will eat just about anything, and too much of it. Let's face it, Saggitarius, you are a fat person. But you are not without hope. You sit around hoping a lot, wear wishing rings and spend hours throwing pennies into wells..
By the way, your Compatible Sign is "No Left Turn", your birthstone is fake, your Lucky Number is missing, and your Lucky Star is having a thing with her agent..
This conflict also brings about another problem---the inability to make decisions. Ninety percent of all Old Maids are Sagittarius-born..
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YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY - NOVEMBER 26th
Good time to take a long look at self. (But don't undress in public to do it.....)
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****Disclaimer: This is all in good fun - not meant to offend anyone..
My B-day is Dec. 2nd! Although I have to say I don't like to sleep standing up, I'm very fussy about what I eat and my birthstone is awful, blue topaz! But it's right on the money about no luck number!!
