Is tipping generously ever a faux pas?

[All American]

When I was pregnant, my family went to eat at Olive Garden. Our waitress must have been 8 months pregnant herself. My husband left her a $20.00 tip. He said it was because he had seen me struggle during my pregnancy and couldn't imagine how much harder it would be to be on my feet, carrying a heavy tray, and being cheerful in addition to pregnancy. I appreciated his thoughtfulness and can only hope that she did too. So, no. I don't think it is ever a faux pas to tip generously unless your a cheapskate.

 

[shortbun]

I would have left the same tip as well. I think your friend was being cheap.

Your friend is a brat and a cheapskate. She should have kept her mouth closed but if she hadn't said anything, she would have stiffed the waitperson.
Good thing she asked you!!!

 

[MarilIncredible]

Did you and your friend both have similar totals, meaning the amount for the table was $32? Then, yes, $8 is over-tipping. Not verboten, of course, but it is a very generous tip. I wouldn't leave that much unless service was quite exceptional.

But $5 would have been under-tipping, unless the service was medicore.

 

[gr8leg8]

I put myself through college waiting tables at Marie Calenders.

SO...

a big thank you from me.
part of my tips went to the wonderful bus boy who made it possible for me to make $$$.

Sometimes servers tip the bartender, the food runner, or the hostess. Your tips help keep families afloat.

 

[roadtripper]

Former server here--usually tip at least 20%, and have been criticized for it on numerous occasions when I am the designated "check splitter upper." I think the issue may have occurred when you threw down another 3 dollars for the tip--she may have felt cheap (though the separate check thing leads me to believe that she IS cheap). But if her check was about 16 too, the bill would have been 32 dollars, and 5 dollars would not have been enough, IMHO. So you did the right thing. Waitressing is hard work, and a few extra dollars can make a server's day, and maybe put a little bit in your karma bank

 

[DISdreamin']

Having waited tables for quite a few years, I tend to be on the generous side when tipping. I've tipped over 50% for small meals where I am taking up a four-top by myself. Honestly, the $5 difference between and 20% and 40% on a small check isn't a big deal to me, but it can be a big deal to the waitstaff. Thus, why not tip big if the service warrants and you can afford it?

When I was in college, I used to go home and nearly kill myself waiting table trying to save up for the semester for books and such over Christmas break. I'll never forget my last night of work one break when another person and I split a big party - it took up both our sections for hours. And the bill? About $500, which might sound like a lot but when you split it two ways that was $250 for my entire section for the night. If the person had tipped 15%, I would have walked with less than $40. I was SO upset, as I really needed that $100 or $120 a big weekend night could bring (back then, that was a lot of money!). Well, the gentleman who was paying the bill tipped the two of us almost as much as the bill! Each of us ended up making almost $200, which was unheard of in that restaurant at that time. I was so happy and SO grateful to him - what probably didn't mean much $-wise to him meant the world to me. He personally paid for nearly half my books that semester.

So IMO, tip and tip BIG if you can afford it and your waiter deserves it!

 

[Leader of the Club]

My sister tips $1 per person on her check--so if we all go out and she pays for her, her DH and our Mama, she tips $3--no matter where we are. Its embarrassing and I budget for the extra tip when we go out. Although, I have to sneak it onto the table to keep the peace.

You tipped fine.

 

[peyjax]

One of the many things I have learned being on these boards a few years is People here love to brag about what a great tipper they are??? To say anything would be faux pa! LOL

I myself was a server for many years. While appreciated the big tips on occasion they were not necessary. I just wonder if any of you think that by over tipping and in this case by 30% that you are contributing to servers expecting others to increase thier tip as well. I was a server less than 10 years ago. At that time an expected tip for good service was 15%and for exceptional 20%. It is now 18% for just ok service and in my opinion will one day be at 25%. I do not think that is right. Food prices have gone up so don't argue with me about the cost of living increase justifying that.


Was it right for your friend to mention something. NO, but if your good friends maybe she felt she could speak her piece. Perhaps she was worried that you were going to think she was being cheap by leaving the standard 18%. People here certainly did!!

 

[ilovejack02]

I tip well percentage wise, especially on small checks. I would have left the same tip as you did. I don't miss the money and it might make a real difference to the server.

 

[MrsPete]

Yes, tipping generously can be a faux pas . . . if it's done to make someone else feel bad, or to make someone else feel that they should be expected to do the same, or if it's done to be show-offy.

 

[Planogirl]

I tip whatever I want to when I eat with my friends and no one has ever said a word. I don't know what they tip because they pay with Visas and I use cash. I think that it would be annoying if someone commented on my tips.

 

[Cdn Gal]

Because I used to waitress I tip more. My lawyer friend is a cheapo and hardly tips at all. Her DH always slips the waitress a few more bills when she isn't looking.

 

[lila]

Did you and your friend both have similar totals, meaning the amount for the table was $32? Then, yes, $8 is over-tipping. Not verboten, of course, but it is a very generous tip. I wouldn't leave that much unless service was quite exceptional.

Disagree. As a fellow New Yorker, $8 on the $32 check is not over tipping. My friends and I would definitely have left a $20 each. If one of us happened to have exact, maybe we would have each taken back a $1, but doubtful.

That said, I remember when I was 22 and didn't want to even split someone else's $1 soda cost if I had had water - it really depends on the individual how they approach things. I try to follow the cues of my fellow diners. but usually we are on the same page.

I usually find splitting tips at restaurants is pretty straight forward. Splitting cabs/delivery tips is where I find most New Yorkers have most squabbles over.

 

[MrsPete]

Disagree. As a fellow New Yorker, $8 on the $32 check is not over tipping. My friends and I would definitely have left a $20 each. If one of us happened to have exact, maybe we would have each taken back a $1, but doubtful.

There's a reason I don't live in New York: I couldn't afford it.

Are you saying you'd EACH tip $20 (for a total of $40) if the bill were $32 for the table? That's a 125% tip! Or did you mean each individual spent $32 and tipped $20? If so, that's over a 60% tip. Wow. I'm not stingy with tips, but I couldn't afford that.

 

[goodeats]

No, I think she means for a $15 tab they would leave a twenty. Since there would be two separate tabs that means the waitress would get $40 on a $30 tab or a 33% tip.

 

[jgates]

In reference to the $3 to $4 per hour - in Wisconsin and many other states it is $2.33 per hour for waitresses. Other states (I believe Minnesota) have higher minimums. The restaurant owner is supposed to make up the difference if you do not at least meet standard minimum wage between the $2.33 per hour & the tips.

In our restaurant we keep all our tips - however we have no busperson - we are pre-bussing, delivering all our own food & beverages and bussing all our own tables. (My weekend job).

In my son's & his fiance's restaurants they 'tip-out' about 20% of their tips. I think about 10% goes to the bartender & 10% goes to either the gauchos or buspeople depending on which of the two restaurants it is. However, in reality, with that add'l help, you could realistically wait a larger section of tables - bussing & cleaning etc on your own tables takes up a lot of your time.

I also saw in Memphis signs (made me wonder if it were a new ruling) at many of the bars downtown that said the bartenders were only being paid $2.33 per hour & they appreciated any tips they received.

I have a tendency to tip 20% min. Have gone as high as 30 - 35% when it's somewhere that the total bill is low or the waitress is just awesome. Example - Waffle House. Super waitress. Our bill was about $12. I left $5 for 2 of us. I was thinking I might be undertipping even, but she just beamed & even made us wait so she could get us a couple coffees to go. Her smile made the day for us. My husband said 'I really don't think that poor girl gets very many $5 tips'. I'm afraid he was right. If I can get us back to Tunica this year on vacation & I get back there, I'm dropping that girl a $20.

I will tell you that a super nice tip just makes our day.

And my daughter works fast-food. Every so often someone will give her a $2 tip or a buck for running the food outside to them. (Culvers - where you pull ahead & they bring it out). The kids always tell them they don't need to tip, but sometimes the people will just tell them that they deserve it for coming out in the awful weather when they as the customer doesn't want to go out in it, LOL. That buck or two just makes the kids day - because in that situation it is so unexpected.

 

[simba20]

When I am just out by myself eating (bill is anywhere from $6-$10), I generally start at $3 and go up from there.

I frequent a local diner/Waffle House/Huddle House type place nearly 2x week. Eggs and bacon, a BLT, a grilled cheese, plsu drink...usually a $5 tab. I always leave $3. However, the "old timers"/locals who eat there daily, leave fifty cents to a dolla ront he table. Now I realize that for their cup of coffee and egg over medium their bill is only $2/$3 dollars, but I just feel that leaving fifty cents or a dollar is an insult. It may be correct and sometimes over percentage wise, but I feel really cheap in doing so.

I no longer have to tell the waitress at the register to add $3 to my check...they now ask me if I am adding it.

When out to dinner with DH and DD, I am a generous tipper because of the mess that DD creates (she's 2.5). ALthough her messes have gone down as she has gotten older. Also if you acknowledge my child in some way (talk to her, give her an unexpected surprise, ask her want she wants or if her food is good), then you have made my day and your tip goes up. I'd rather have her acknowledged rather than grumbled about.

My husband is a horrible tipper and can never figure out the tip -- it's always too low. Thank goodness for the tip calculator that is available on cell phones nowadays.

Funny story, when DH and I were dating and in college, we'd eat out in our college town where most of the waitstaff was -- COLLEGE STUDENTS. So funny, the female waitresses would flirt with him and I could tell they were trying to get a higher tip. Funny how they never realized he had no clue how to calculate the tip and it was ME who decided upon the tip. ::::evil laugh::::: I played nice......most of the time.

 

[robinb]

Hmm ... is your friend a regular at that restaurant? Maybe she felt that you were "showing her up" by tipping generously (a 33% tip!) at one of her favorite places so she looks like a cheapskate the next time she dines there.

 

[janey99]

Hmm ... is your friend a regular at that restaurant? Maybe she felt that you were "showing her up" by tipping generously (a 33% tip!) at one of her favorite places so she looks like a cheapskate the next time she dines there.

It was Burger Heaven in midtown - not a regular place for either of us.

I wasn't showing her up - I was really operating in a vacuum, since she wanted separate checks to begin with - my plan, from my original post, was to leave $5 on my $16 tab, then I rounded up by all the remaining singles I had when the discussion of whether it was her tip too came up.

But, I think you restate my original question - in this situation, do you do what you want/what you think is right, or do you consider the other person's "feelings" on the matter (which might result in a lower tip for a deserving server).

I'm still coming out on the side of the server!

Jane

 

[MrsPete]

No, I think she means for a $15 tab they would leave a twenty. Since there would be two separate tabs that means the waitress would get $40 on a $30 tab or a 33% tip.

Oh, now I see. I intepreted that completely wrong!