Is this too... tacky?

[CK1]

Caught in a moral / points dilemma!

Family has suddenly decided they want to "join us" on our next DVC vacation. They want to join our crew, bringing total count to 9. I don't want to put all of us in a BWV 2 br (even though one child will be very much an infant, so technically permissable.) My question -- would it be tacky to offer them 5 days in a studio (while our fam of 5 keeps an extended vacation in the 2br for 10 days?) We just don't have the points to do a 2 br and a studio for all 10 days this trip. And honestly, we love having family come with us, but there's also something special about some time just for us 5. And it is just not worth it to load up our van and drive 15 hrs for a few days -- we intentionally plan our trips so we can grow some roots down there! I'm also afraid they will commit now, and bail later. The baby isn't here yet, and they may have underestimated how life changes with 2 kids versus 1! If I book them a separate studio, I can just cancel that, or let my someone in my fam use it.

I think they are unfamiliar with how this whole DVC thing works (I know I was, and yet enjoyed my sister's membership for 3 trips before we joined, and only THEN realized the gift she'd been giving us, and why she was so worked up about how many points it cost to stay for a Friday night, xmas day.)

Whaddya think -- is this a reasonable offer, or tacky?

 

[mapny]

IMHO, your offer is more than generous. Remember, you're the ones who have purchased the DVC membership and should get the most enjoyment out of it - you shouldn't have to sacrifice your vacation. Good luck!!!

 

[JimC]

What about a grand villa at BWV or switching to a 2 br or GV at OKW where there is more room and fewer points required?

You might also pay cash for weekend and use points only Sunday - Thursday to stretch the points. Would they cover the cash portion if you covered the points? Would that be fair to all?

I am not sure which is better if there is a chance that they might cancel.

It sounds as if you might be cramped there in one 2 br. Invitations to extended family and friends are nice, but given the circumstances, asking them to contribute so that you all can be comfortable seems reasonable to me.

 

[kathleena]

I totally agree with the prior poster. This is your membership, your points etc, they should be happy with what you are offering. And they can always pay for additional rooms if they want.

Just a question, can't decide based on your wording - did you invite them or did they invite themselves? If the latter, than I'm especially behind the studio - just tacky from them to ask if they can go - and would be no moral dilemna there for me. If you invited them, did you tell them the arrangements when you invited them?

 

[lat]

I feel funny about this too. What I ended up doing is NO ONE stays at the DVC resort. We all go to a hotel that everyone agrees on.

That is what happened for our Xmas/New Year trip. Actually, my brother thinks the "timeshare" is not as good as a hotel so we are all going to stay at Swan. I don't want to risk using tons of points and at the end they feel that they don't even get maid service.

I will save our pts for our own trips in the future.

 

[married@wdw]

My friends and family are very good about understanding our DVC situation. We don't have a lot of points (275, but 125 of them are technically my parents'). Anyway, we usually work things out so that we pay the five weekdays with points and the friends/family pay cash for the two weekend nights. We've done this twice now, once with my best friend and once with family and it worked great!

Just tell them you're short on points and five nights is what you can do. Don't forget that you can also offer to try to get them a discount for more night if they want to pay cash. You might be able to get the member discount or find a code on mousesavers.com.

But no matter what, five free night in any room on Disney property is a VERY generous offer, and if they don't think so, then let them pay cash for the whole trip!!!

 

[JVL1018]

You are giving someone a free vacation, they should be happy with the studio for the 5 days..and if they're not, well then they're the ones who are tacky.

 

[Dean]

So you want to give them points? If so they take what they get and if they fuss, to heck with them. You could also give them to opportunity to rent points or make a cash reservation.

 

[CK1]

THanks for the input. SOme extra info on the matter:

We invited them on our last trip and we all really did have a great time. They know we go regularly, thanks to DVC. At some point, I know they said, "Anytime you guys do this, we'll be ready to join you!" We just had no idea they would jump on that so soon....Our next vacation sort of came up in a conversation as I jokingly remarked amongst them that, obsessive planner that I am, I'm already "deep into planning our 2004 trip. To be honest, my dh had planned that if anyone went with us, it would be "my side's turn"... We're sort of puzzled how this whole thing happened w/ dh's family. I know if it came to a cash ressie, they would likely bail. That was one reason we bought DVC -- folks don't get that you "paid" for DVC, it's all a big points mystery, and they agree to come with you where they would refuse the gift of a cash hotel room. I have tried before to explain this whole points thing to them, but I don't think they get it. ANd I have to say that despite having a sister in DVC for 8 yrs prior to our membership, I didn't get it either until I was the one paying for it.

A GV is too pricey -- I could get two 2 brs for less at BWV. And at least with the 2 room situation, if they do bail, I can let someone else have it, rent it, or reuse the points some other way. They are probably thinking the room deal is no big issue. I absolutely do not like unfolding any sleeper sofas -- ugh. I hate to have my living space compromised by a bed sucking up the center room! And now that our kids are older / bigger, having an active 4 yr old share your bed is just not a vacation! And for a 10 day stay, I'm not especially keen on having a kid sleep on the floor the whole time, air matress or otherwise. THat's why we bought DVC -- to have a real bed and "home" accommodations!

Oh the humanity... my brain hurts.

 

[Dean]

We've discussed this situation several times before. Time to clear the air and ask exactly what they expectations are and provide some rules and structure. If they plan to mouch of you, at least you need to know then decide how to proceed. If you want to give them points or even have them come, that's up to you. Sounds like you don't really want them to come and definitely don't want them to have the idea that can just invite themselves along.

I have a rule that says anyone that invites themselves in our family is univited, likely permanently.

 

[COACHSTING]

Here is how I'd handle it. "I'm so excited you can come to Disney again. Since the kids are getting older I can't really sleep with them anymore. They are pretty active. You are going to have a new baby and need a quiet place to unwind and let the baby sleep. I think for this trip we will get you your own separate studio. It'll be great. We can hang together in the living room but have a little privacy when we need it. I have enough points for 5 nights. If you want to stay longer, I can get you additional nights at a cash discount. Let me know and I'll make the arrangements."

I think its a very fair and generous arrangement. I love traveling with friends and family but too many in a bedroom takes the relax out of vacations. This also sets the stage for the future.

 

[eva]

Well it seems to me that they invited themselves along for this trip. We've owned for 6 years now and haven't had to deal with that yet. But I think that I would nip it in the bud right away unless you think that you would enjoy paying for their rooms whenever they decide to tag along. Maybe you could say that DVC only allows 8 in a 2-bedroom (you don't have to mention the infant allowance). So they are welcome to come along, but will have to procure their own room this trip. Maybe that will give the hint that they should wait to be specifically invited. I don't think that inviting parents along then opens the invitation to anyone if they decline.

Now I don't want anyone to think that we don't take anyone else with us on our trips and that we are stingy with our points (Well maybe we are a little.) We've taken a number of people with us on our trips. As a matter of fact we are planning a trip with my husband's family for 2005 that will require a GV and 2 studios. But they definitely were invited!

 

[SlyHubby]

be right up front and honest with them. maybe they aren't aware of exactly how much it costs (point or $ wise). if after being advised of how much it really costs they don't uninvite themselves or aren't willing to pay a share of the real expense, I'd come right out and say "it's actually costing us $X for your room, we'd appreciate if you could pay at least a portion of it". they've already gotten one free vacation off of you, I'd be thinking they don't know that just because you're a member that it's not like you get unlimited stays for as many rooms as you like. if they can't handle it and it causes some bad vibes as a result, then better that it happens sooner than later.

we have this problem with my sister where she'll always invite herself along - and she never ends out going no matter what it is (DVC or otherwise).

 

[kathleena]

Wow, you are in a tough situation. Sounds like they (or she anyway) is asking for an invite into your 2br. You do need to have the conversation on expectations. I would tell them you would love the vacation with them, that you can afford to put them in a studio for 5 days and if they want to stay longer the room rate is $$$$$. I wouldn't even get into the points thing. They will never understand - I know that only one of our kids does, the others have no clue.

This family thing gets so sticky. We have a few situations of "expectations" ourselves and with one child who is very self-involved, it has resulted in a rift.

 

[donald@home]

Sit alone for a few minutes and listen to that little voice inside of you and try to decide what YOU want. Do YOU want them to join you on this trip or would you rather spend time alone with your family? Do YOU want to spend points for their vacation or would you rather save them for you to use? If you decide that you would rather not have them join you I would nip this trend in the bud and say "I am so glad that you had a great time on our last vacation. We had a great time too. We have planned this vacation as a special get away for the 4 of us. Why don't we make plans for all of us to go to WDW again in 20??, when the little one will be a little older."

If you decide that you would like them to join you and don't mind spending your points, I think the offer of 5 nights in a studio is very generous. I would simply tell them this is what you can afford.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I would explain that you don't have enough room in the 2 bedroom for all of you, and you can't afford (they don't have to understand the points system for this) more than 5 nights in a studio for them this trip. Offer to have them share the living room/ kitchen for breakfast and evenings. Tell them it will give them better privacy with the baby if they have their own studio too. Because they are family, I wouldn't be too harsh, but a calm explaination should be all that is needed.

 

[CK1]

Originally posted by donald@home
Sit alone for a few minutes and listen to that little voice inside of you and try to decide what YOU want. Do YOU want them to join you on this trip or would you rather spend time alone with your family? Do YOU want to spend points for their vacation or would you rather save them for you to use?

You know, that's really what it all boils down to, in the end -- what do we want? We wanted to stay at BWV, we wanted to stay for no less than 10 days. Sure we would have more room for less pts at OKW... but that's not where we wanted to stay this time. And BCV may have 2 queen beds, but it's more pts. We want my sister and her fam to come (we are also very close to them -- her eldest child leaves for college next fall and we had agreed this trip would be a great "send-off"). Plus, my dh depends heavily on eldest niece to ride all the "thrill rides" with him!! And dh thought we should be inviting my brother and his fam (4 total), but brother is in military, as I mentioned -- makes planning more difficult. So many people, so few pts... and not enough moolah to afford more!!

If you decide that you would rather not have them join you I would nip this trend in the bud and say "I am so glad that you had a great time on our last vacation. We had a great time too. We have planned this vacation as a special get away for the 4 of us. Why don't we make plans for all of us to go to WDW again in 20??, when the little one will be a little older."

Ironically, I did that -- my mil overheard my sil talking about this and noted that WDW with a baby might not be too "fun", especially in the summer heat/humidity. If these fam members would simply wait til 2006, their kids would be 3 and 7 -- great ages! (And a bit more heat resistant). I could at least then plan ahead to have the necessary pts banked. I just think they think "hey, they have the room, let's go again too!", not perhaps understanding (a) how much different it will be with a baby in tow, and (2) how this whole "points thing" works.

I told dh last night that we'll ask them in a few weeks if they were planning to come as ressie time gets near. If they decline, ok... 'nuf said. And if they say, "Yeah, count us in!" I will then enter into the matter of what we can afford to offer.

(THanks for all the input , folks!)

 

[mrsdon]

I have almost the same situation. My sister smokes. I cant stand the thought of being in a smoking unit for even 1 hour, let alone 5 days. I told her she could not and would not smoke on the porch. I asked her if a studio would be ok for her family.
That way we all could have private time. In my opion, a free room at Disney is a treat.

 

[mikesmom]

I think you've got it handled. Definitely do NOT get a GV to make enough room. We had 2 situations this year when family members backed out of plans where we were going to share and it was one long (actually two!) hassle trying to re-organize, re-book, and rearrange points so our personal vacation plans were not trashed. Some of this involved borrowed points, so we actually disrupted vacations well into 2004. It's not that anybody in the family meant to be a problem. They just don't understand the point system thing and figure it's no trouble if they un-commit.

 

[Deb & Bill]

I'd say "Great, it will be fun. Here is the number to WDW Reservations 407-WDISNEY. We'll be going from x to x and staying at OKW. Maybe you can get a room there, too." They should pay for their own lodging since you have already sprung for a free stay for them already. Use your points the way you want to, not the way these family members want you to. It seems they don't have a clue as to what it costs to stay at WDW. By them securing their own reservations, maybe they will have a little more respect for you.

When we want family members to join us, we invite them. Some of our family have strongly hinted at going with us, but we haven't let them control our vacations.