Is this strange or is it just me?

[ZephyrHawk]

It is a bit weird they didn't ask the OP directly, however, my bet is they did ask. They asked the kids, and they asked the OPs daughter if she had asked the OP, and the answers were all yes. Like the kids were gonna say no. Call me jaded, but when miss-communication and teenagers are involved, I always assume there's lying.

 

[mm1971]

It is a bit weird they didn't ask the OP directly, however, my bet is they did ask. They asked the kids, and they asked the OPs daughter if she had asked the OP, and the answers were all yes. Like the kids were gonna say no. Call me jaded, but when miss-communication and teenagers are involved, I always assume there's lying.

OP already cleared it up that DD did not lie to anyone and they did not communicate in any way with OP. When DD was at the boyfriends home, they booked the flights and the daughter told OP that evening. That is what OP stated.

I am sorry you assume teens are lying. Mine were raised that the punishment for lying goes well beyond the punishment for the act so I assume that I did a good job raising them and they are telling the truth. And yes, they have told me when they did something deemed to be unacceptable.

Still not letting DD go on vacation with a BF at 15, whether someone asks or not.

 

[shepd]

My guess as to factors that led to the family just booking it out of the blue:

- Cost of cancellation is low enough (for them) if you say no they don't mind
- They might have a tight schedule to work around, and this was the only time they could make it work, and they didn't want to risk losing the opportunity should you have taken some time to think about it
- If there's a difference between your incomes, perhaps they felt you'd say no simply because you felt greedy saying yes. By booking it first, now you will choose based on if your child is allowed to participate or not, rather than based on guilt.
- Their child got confused and said that you'd already agreed

Just a few ideas.

 

[boltfan]

Okay...I just got off the phone with BF's mom. They did book the flights with travel insurance in case someone cancelled, and as for the rooms, the mom has one room with the girls and the dad is with the boys. And as for money, they said that they were paying for everything and not to worry about sending any with her (but of course we will send something). She apologized for not asking permission, but said they are so used to DD being there that they feel like she's part of the family. I feel so much better about this now and I'm sure she'll have a great time.

 

[already]

Well, my DD (15) has been with the same boyfriend for almost 18 months and his family loves Disney. She's also been friends with his younger sister even longer. The family is quite well off (they own some national chain restaurants) and travel to Disney a couple of times a year. Unbeknownst to us, they invited our daughter to go to Disney December 31st-January 7th. They have already booked the flights and the rooms at the Contemporary. Now, we like this family and have no problem with her going (she'll get to go twice in 2 months as we're going in November!), but wouldn't you think they should have asked us prior to buying her an airline ticket? And we thought that once they knew she told us that they would call, but still no word. Would you call them or just continue waiting for them to call you?

I don't think it that strange.

I have a teen that travels with a good friend all the time. They are uber rich, so booking a last minute trip to them is like going to the Motel 6 for a night.

Mom also travels for business every week, so literally has over a million miles in her account.

They will be shooting the breeze and decide they need to go to Disney. Since my child is like one of theirs, they go ahead and book an extra ticket. Since it is miles, if I say no, they just put the miles back in the account.

My child will come home and ask if they can go, I will agree, and my child will relay the info back to the other parents. We have a long enough relationship, like you do with the BF's family, that I completely trust them and they trust our child to be telling the truth that they asked us. It sounds like the other family also knows what a great young adult your daughter is and knew that the she would ask and let them know.

We eventually get together and talk about it, but it would not phase me one bit if they booked and then we talked about it. I always have the power to say no.

But since our kids have traveled together and had sleepovers, just like yours, it is a more relaxed atmosphere. We do things and are not offended if the other parent then says no. We know we wouldn't do things to each other for spite.

I also would have absolutely no problem with the girlfriend/boyfriend pairings. Sounds like the parents are responsible and have the sleeping situation under control.

Your daughter sounds wonderful and you sound like a wonderful mom for letting her go. You have a very lucky daughter to have friends like that and a wonderful family that allows her to enjoy the opportunities that come her way.

 

[already]

Okay...I just got off the phone with BF's mom. They did book the flights with travel insurance in case someone cancelled, and as for the rooms, the mom has one room with the girls and the dad is with the boys. And as for money, they said that they were paying for everything and not to worry about sending any with her (but of course we will send something). She apologized for not asking permission, but said they are so used to DD being there that they feel like she's part of the family. I feel so much better about this now and I'm sure she'll have a great time.

wonderful! How exciting for your daughter!

 

[NewRVLady]

Just the idea that a young girl has been going steady since 13 is sad to me

The trip insures that she will stay with him (what if she meets a cute boy when school starts???)and continue to feel a sort of debt to parents, like a pressure never to date others. I don't find it to be a good experience at all

I also get a vibe from the Moms bragging about rich friends that take them anywhere that they let things slide that other parents wouldnt

 

[already]

I don't even allow my DS 14 to have a friend have a simple sleepover unless I speak with the parents first.

I clearly remember being 15 and telling my mom I was going to stay at this persons house and really be somewhere else.

I don't ever want a kid using my house as his cover and being in the middle of anywhere.

Just because you lied to your parents as a teen does not make every teen a liar.

Did you have strict parents growing up where you felt it necessary to lie to be able do have a bit of freedom to go where you wanted to go?

 

[NashBridges]

Okay...I just got off the phone with BF's mom. They did book the flights with travel insurance in case someone cancelled, and as for the rooms, the mom has one room with the girls and the dad is with the boys. And as for money, they said that they were paying for everything and not to worry about sending any with her (but of course we will send something). She apologized for not asking permission, but said they are so used to DD being there that they feel like she's part of the family. I feel so much better about this now and I'm sure she'll have a great time.

Sounds like a great time. Had a good chuckle at some of the replies, people assuming that they are sexually active etc. jeez people, settle down. And so what if she is 15. Maybe she's 16 next week, and started dating him at 14.5. What rules you have are not rules for everyone else .

Hope they gave a great trip. We are taking our teenage sons girlfriend in December 2, same sleeping arrangements. We can't wait.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Just because you lied to your parents as a teen does not make every teen a liar. Did you have strict parents growing up where you felt it necessary to lie to be able do have a bit of freedom to go where you wanted to go?

Who said every teen had to be a liar?? I clearly stated I didn't want to be that parent caught in the middle of something.

My mother was very lienant. But I still lied about things like any normal teenager lies once in a while. There was no reason for me to lie on a regular basis but I had my moments.

My few lies were cutting school to go to the beach once or twice a year.

 

[fbb]

like going to the Motel 6 for a night.

If I have to stop doing this, what's the point of striving to get rich?

 

[Baptist]

Everyone has told a lie. If you say you have not, you're a liar!

 

[OurBigTrip]

Just the idea that a young girl has been going steady since 13 is sad to me

The trip insures that she will stay with him (what if she meets a cute boy when school starts???)and continue to feel a sort of debt to parents, like a pressure never to date others. I don't find it to be a good experience at all

I also get a vibe from the Moms bragging about rich friends that take them anywhere that they let things slide that other parents wouldnt

First, the idea of actually feeling sad about how a stranger on the internet is raising her daughter simply amazes me.

Second, the idea that the trip ensures that the DD will stay with him is ludicrous, IMO. It's a trip, not a kidney transplant.

Third, I don't believe that letting an obviously mature 15 year old go on a trip with her BF and family, whom the OP knows, is letting anything "slide". I wouldn't think twice before allowing this with my DD.

 

[NavyDad]

That's how it would have been for me too. All these people worrying that all this unbridled teenage sex will be happening on vacation, that can happen at home too, and probably far easier. Among my group of friends,the one who got pregnant in her teens was the one with the strictest parents. She never got to go anywhere, so boyfriend came to her. When there's a will, there's a way.

This was my thought as well.

As someone who clearly remembers teenage life and has a teen and a pre-teen I sometimes LOL at the parents who believe they control their teens hearts and bodies.....

Sounds like a fun trip. My parents would have been just fine with this as long as mature responsible adults were going and I would feel the same way with my kids.

As a kid I would probably have been the "go-between" in arrainging something like this and then the parents would probably have spoken just prior to leaving to make sure of emergency contact info and such.

If you have any reservations at all you should call the parents and chat. I'm sure it will work out fine

 

[NavyDad]

It's strange & inappropriate. As a father of 3 teenaged daughters, it's an easy one. The answer is no. The way it was handled, combined with the fact that she's only 15 and will be traveling away with her boyfriend makes my spine twist.

 

[NavyDad]

They've been together 18 months and are 15. They most likely are already having sex so that's besides the point. It's probably easier for them to have sex at home than on vacation with crowded hotel space. Unless they're getting a grand villa.

You are

 

[NavyDad]

Just the idea that a young girl has been going steady since 13 is sad to me

The trip insures that she will stay with him (what if she meets a cute boy when school starts???)and continue to feel a sort of debt to parents, like a pressure never to date others. I don't find it to be a good experience at all

I also get a vibe from the Moms bragging about rich friends that take them anywhere that they let things slide that other parents wouldnt

I can't tell if this is serious or TIC.

If serious - WOW....... I really feel bad for you....

 

[PolynesianDreaming]

I have been reading all of the responses. I felt compelled to answer as I have dd15. I realize both parents finally talked about this, but I still think it's strange, and while I don't know them, it sounds controlling. I would be offended if someone did this to me, no matter how good of friends they are, in a situation that involves a week long trip. IMO, it's disrespectful, even if it wasn't intended to be. (although the OP doesn't seem offended at all) I completely get that it's nice to provide such a lavish trip, but there are potential implications.

What if this daughter decides next week, she doesn't like this boy anymore? Is she going to feel like she has to stay together with him because of this trip? That would seem like a lot of unnecessary pressure on a 15 year old.

I've seen some post that this is no big deal. I happen to think it is.

 

[dae3dae3]

I think a few people getting stuck on the idea of spending the money without knowing in advance if she could go are not thinking about this from the viewpoint of someone who has the money to do this sort of thing. I had the same problem when I had a job in college selling electronics. I couldn't imagine somebody actually spending $4000 on a TV so I didn't bother to show people that. I probably lost a lot of commission before it finally clicked in my brain that some people didn't think of that as a lot of money. After that I would at least point it out to people and a few bought it.

To a lot of people the risk of losing $1000 doesn't even phase them. This would be like buying an extra pizza in case an extra person shows up at your Superbowl party and then they don't show up. You aren't going to lose any sleep over it. I'm certainly not where I can blow the money on an airline ticket for someone who might not show up but I can understand that other people are. This is also related to the questions about if they feel like they will owe them something. If I gift a person something I certainly don't feel that implies any obligation to them. If you give a gift and feel it obligates someone to you then it wasn't a gift. I've met some people however that absolutely think giving a gift puts that person in debt to them which I think is ridiculous. Of course, I've also had someone come to a party at my house and bring a bag of chips and eat all the food multiple people brought and then come back into the house after they went out the door and take their 1/3 full bag of chips home with them. People do a lot of things it wouldn't occur to me to do but I stopped being too surprised a while ago.

 

[NewRVLady]

What if this daughter decides next week, she doesn't like this boy anymore? Is she going to feel like she has to stay together with him because of this trip? That would seem like a lot of unnecessary pressure on a 15 year old.

I've seen some post that this is no big deal. I happen to think it is.

EXACTLY what I was trying to convey