Is this punishment too harsh?

[LisaR]

Long story as short as possible:
While DH and I were gone for part of the day on Saturday, DS (13) took it upon himself to move our 32" flat screen TV from our bedroom into his room to play PS3 on.

We moved it in there 2 weeks ago for one day so we could see if it was a good size for his room since we will be buying him one for his birthday. We made it clear that it was a one time/one day thing.

We weren't happy when we returned home and saw what he did. He is lucky he didn't drop it since it sits pretty high up. We did not punish him. We made it clear that he better not do it again.

Unfortunately, when we went to hook it back up, we realized he did break it. He YANKED the cable out from the back of the TV instead of unscrewing it. He tore out the back and it is likely broken beyond repair. We will try a repair shop just to make sure but we doubt it can be fixed.

As a punishment, DS has to pay us back for the TV. I just bought it over the holidays for $300. We will use the money to buy ourselves a new TV and he will get this one to use for gaming (probably on his birthday but maybe sooner). We have made up a list of chores and he will not be able to spend any of his money on anything else until we are paid back. He has enough saved for a PS3 game and a DS game that were coming out next week but that money is ours now.

DS is bummed but has accepted his punishment well. He is very remorseful and it was truly an accident. However, not only didn't listen to us in the first place but he broke an expensive, almost new item.

The reason I am asking about the punishment is because my 81 y/o mom, who lives with us in the winter, is freaking out! She thinks we are being way too hard on him. In her eyes, it was a simple accident. She thinks we should ground him from his PS3 for a week and call it even.

If I would have done this as a kid, my parents would have paddled me, grounded me AND made me pay them back. Who is this woman that is living with me now?

So, are we being too hard on him?

 

[Jennasis]

YOU are his parents. Not grandma. not any of us. If you think the punishment is fitting, then it is.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I kind of think it's too harsh, but I don't think it's horribly overly harsh. That is, I would probably give a less harsh punishment, but I don't think your's is over the top.

 

[worm761]

This was not an accident. He KNEW he wasn't supposed to move the TV and did so anyway. He broke it in the process because he didn't know what he was doing. I would probably be harsher as I would do the same things you are doing only I would own his console too. And he would NOT be getting a new TV for his birthday.

 

[minkydog]

I agree with you. The punishment is reasonable. He's not a 5 year old. He willfully did something you told him not to do AND he broke an expensive item doing it. OF COURSE he has to pay for it! Grandma is coming from a completely different plane--she's 81yrs old and she just wants her kids and
grandkids to have everything they want. I can almost guarantee you that she would have had a different opinion if she were the mother, rather than the grandmother.

Hold your ground, mom. It's not going to kill your son to work off the debt and i bet he will think twice before he does something like this in the future.

 

[Cinderella94]

This was not an accident. He KNEW he wasn't supposed to move the TV and did so anyway. He broke it in the process because he didn't know what he was doing. I would probably be harsher as I would do the same things you are doing only I would own his console too. And he would NOT be getting a new TV for his birthday.

I agree with the bolded part---he broke it, he pays. If you broke your own TV, you'd have to pay for it. Done. Why would he get a pass because he's 13?

 

[robinb]

Long story as short as possible:
While DH and I were gone for part of the day on Saturday, DS (13) took it upon himself to move our 32" flat screen TV from our bedroom into his room to play PS3 on.

We moved it in there 2 weeks ago for one day so we could see if it was a good size for his room since we will be buying him one for his birthday. We made it clear that it was a one time/one day thing.

We weren't happy when we returned home and saw what he did. He is lucky he didn't drop it since it sits pretty high up. We did not punish him. We made it clear that he better not do it again.

Unfortunately, when we went to hook it back up, we realized he did break it. He YANKED the cable out from the back of the TV instead of unscrewing it. He tore out the back and it is likely broken beyond repair. We will try a repair shop just to make sure but we doubt it can be fixed.

As a punishment, DS has to pay us back for the TV. I just bought it over the holidays for $300. We will use the money to buy ourselves a new TV and he will get this one to use for gaming (probably on his birthday but maybe sooner). We have made up a list of chores and he will not be able to spend any of his money on anything else until we are paid back. He has enough saved for a PS3 game and a DS game that were coming out next week but that money is ours now.

DS is bummed but has accepted his punishment well. He is very remorseful and it was truly an accident. However, not only didn't listen to us in the first place but he broke an expensive, almost new item.

The reason I am asking about the punishment is because my 81 y/o mom, who lives with us in the winter, is freaking out! She thinks we are being way too hard on him. In her eyes, it was a simple accident. She thinks we should ground him from his PS3 for a week and call it even.

If I would have done this as a kid, my parents would have paddled me, grounded me AND made me pay them back. Who is this woman that is living with me now?

So, are we being too hard on him?

Hmmm .... Before I read your story I thought "yes, too harsh." and then I read it and thought "no, not too harsh." but then after re-reading it I'm thinking "too harsh" again. He's only 13 and he didn't know to unscrew the cable. Yes, he ruined your TV. I know that he shouldn't have touched it ... but I think he just made a mistake. $300 is A LOT of money for a 13 year old to make up. I know that I am going to be in the minority, but I think expecting a young teen to replace the TV that he accidentally ruined is a bit too much. There should be SOME consequence, but paying for the whole TV just seems to me to be too much. Maybe 1/2 of it and he gets the TV for gaming? You were thinking of buying him a TV for gaming anyway.

 

[sparks19]

No most definitely not too harsh. When you break something you pay for it especiallymif he broke it doing something he knew he wasnt supposed to. You said you made it clear that it was a onetime only deal.

He is old enough to learn this lesson the hard way and old enough to work to pay for it

I think the punishment is very fitting for the "crime"

Ya he didnt knowmto unscrew it... But he did know that he wasnt supposed to move it anyway. So if he had followed the rules it shouldnt matter if he knew to unscrew it or not.

 

[Disney Doll]

I agree with you. The punishment is reasonable. He's not a 5 year old. He willfully did something you told him not to do AND he broke an expensive item doing it. OF COURSE he has to pay for it! Grandma is coming from a completely different plane--she's 81yrs old and she just wants her kids and
grandkids to have everything they want. I can almost guarantee you that she would have had a different opinion if she were the mother, rather than the grandmother.

Hold your ground, mom. It's not going to kill your son to work off the debt and i bet he will think twice before he does something like this in the future.

This.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

He should pay to repair or to replace it.

If it can be repaired and he is using this tv and you would have bought him his own one anyway, he should only pay for the repair.

He should pay for what he did. If the tv can function, I don't think he should be paying you back what you paid for it.

So--kinda harsh, yes in terms that he may be paying more than he should.

I hope that makes sense.

($300 tv can be repaired for $100 as an example...he should pay $100, not $300...since you planned on getting him a gaming tv anyway.)

Now--this is provided he has the means to pay you. But at his age, he can get resourceful and find a way to pay you.

 

[Cinderella94]

... He's only 13 and he didn't know to unscrew the cable. Yes, he ruined your TV. ...

...which is probably one of the reasons why he was told not to move it (can a 13 year old really be trusted to move a TV?). The punishment fits the crime perfectly in this situation.

 

[melissapealo]

I think he should have to pay you back for the tv. With that being said, why should that stop you from getting him a new tv for his birthday. He's buying you a new one and then your not buying him anything, just giving him a broken one. That's not fair either, and doesn't really make sense to me. Your getting something, he's getting nothing.

One other question. Was grandma in charge while you were gone? Is she defending him because maybe she gave him permission to move the tv?

I agree with you punishing him by making him pay you back. That however is his punishment and he shouldn't lose his birthday gifts too. That's punishing him twice for the same thing.

 

[laurafergie]

This was not an accident. He KNEW he wasn't supposed to move the TV and did so anyway. He broke it in the process because he didn't know what he was doing. I would probably be harsher as I would do the same things you are doing only I would own his console too. And he would NOT be getting a new TV for his birthday.

I agree with you. The punishment is reasonable. He's not a 5 year old. He willfully did something you told him not to do AND he broke an expensive item doing it. OF COURSE he has to pay for it! Grandma is coming from a completely different plane--she's 81yrs old and she just wants her kids and
grandkids to have everything they want. I can almost guarantee you that she would have had a different opinion if she were the mother, rather than the grandmother.

Hold your ground, mom. It's not going to kill your son to work off the debt and i bet he will think twice before he does something like this in the future.

I totally agree. I also agree that the PS3 would belong to me until said TV is paid for. Also I would think seriously about the TV for his birthday.

13 is more than old enough to know that he needs to follow your rules and he can not just pick and choose which rules to follow.

Your punishment is not too harsh. It was right on target.

 

[Cinderella94]

I agree with you punishing him by making him pay you back. That however is his punishment and he shouldn't lose his birthday gifts too. That's punishing him twice for the same thing.

Very good point.

 

[kirbsam]

definately not too harsh. a 13 year old with the kind of jack to buy a ps3 and games, can pay for a tv. i would also make him buy half the new tv that you are going to be putting in his room.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I think it's too harsh, but it's your child not mine.

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

WOW- I'm surprised at all that say it's too harsh. I have a 13 yr old and 15 yr old.. I believe that the punishment that would be doled out here would be
1. Yes, he would pay to repair or replace
2. There would be NO Tv for his room for his xbox- not for this birthday..

He's 13- not 5. IMO, this is a rather serious offense...

 

[laurafergie]

I think he should have to pay you back for the tv. With that being said, why should that stop you from getting him a new tv for his birthday. He's buying you a new one and then your not buying him anything, just giving him a broken one. That's not fair either, and doesn't really make sense to me. Your getting something, he's getting nothing.

One other question. Was grandma in charge while you were gone? Is she defending him because maybe she gave him permission to move the tv?

I agree with you punishing him by making him pay you back. That however is his punishment and he shouldn't lose his birthday gifts too. That's punishing him twice for the same thing.

Very good point.

Bolding mine.

OP didn't say she wasn't going to give him any birthday presents, just not the brand new TV. I wouldn't either. His actions speak that his maturity level may not ready for more expensive items in his room.

Like I said before, the PP punishment is right on and fits the crime. The crime involves her DS "want" for a TV in his room.

He was told not to move their TV and went against their specific instructions. Disregarding instructions in our house is a major crime and has no tolerance.

 

[robinb]

...which is probably one of the reasons why he was told not to move it (can a 13 year old really be trusted to move a TV?). The punishment fits the crime perfectly in this situation.

But he's just an 8th grader which is why I don't think he should be held to the same level as an adult. Then again, I said that I was probably in the minority since the parents on the DIS seem to be a vindictive lot .

 

[sparks19]

Lol i asked my hubby what he would do in this scenario and he just said "i hope he likes mowing the lawn" lol

He broke the tv doing something when he knew better, he broke it, he made he decision to move it, his decision has consequences and i always think the punishment should fit the crime and this does