Is this punishment too harsh?

[scrapquitler]

He should pay to repair or to replace it.

If it can be repaired and he is using this tv and you would have bought him his own one anyway, he should only pay for the repair.

He should pay for what he did. If the tv can function, I don't think he should be paying you back what you paid for it.

So--kinda harsh, yes in terms that he may be paying more than he should.

I agree with this.

 

[Liberty Belle]

But he's just an 8th grader which is why I don't think he should be held to the same level as an adult. Then again, I said that I was probably in the minority since the parents on the DIS seem to be a vindictive lot .

I'm with you.

I'd probably make him work to pay to get it repaired then give it and a few other gifts to him for his birthday. I wouldn't berate him about it, just tell him the consequences for what he did. If it's worked right, it will give him a good lesson about working hard for something he can own, too.

 

[shortbun]

I think it's a tough punishment but not torture. Why do you think he'll be able to use the broken television for gaming in his room? He'll need an online hook up, no?

 

[Jex]

While he was not supposed to move it I still think the punishment is unfitting, if not harsh. Why make him pay for a new tv? Give him the one he broke for his birthday, you were going to be buying one soon any way, so instead of buying him a new one just buy your replacement. I would however maybe ground him from his video games for a couple of weeks.

 

[melissapealo]

Bolding mine.

OP didn't say she wasn't going to give him any birthday presents, just not the brand new TV. I wouldn't either. His actions speak that his maturity level may not ready for more expensive items in his room.

Like I said before, the PP punishment is right on and fits the crime. The crime involves her DS "want" for a TV in his room.

He was told not to move their TV and went against their specific instructions. Disregarding instructions in our house is a major crime and has no tolerance.

He may have went against what they said, but he is being punished by paying them back. That is punishment. He was already going to get a new tv for his birthday, now she isn't doing that. That's punishing him twice, and certainly is taking away his presents.
What 13 year old do you think is mature? They are still learning and growing at that age. So yes immature, but also normal for the age.

 

[sparks19]

But he's just an 8th grader which is why I don't think he should be held to the same level as an adult. Then again, I said that I was probably in the minority since the parents on the DIS seem to be a vindictive lot .

Vindictive? Really?

I dented my mothers car when i was 16 and when i wasnt supposed to be driving it. You bet i paid the $1500 for the damage.

Thats not holding someone to an adult level... Thats being held responsible for your actions. Its not the end of the world. Its $300. Big deal. He does some chores, mows some lawns, learns some responsibility.

If he thought he was old enough to move a tv all by himself (against the rules) then he is old enough to pay for it too

 

[robinb]

Vindictive? Really?

Yes. Welcome to the DIS. You'll fit right in .

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i don't think your punishment is too harsh, especially since your DS knew better. had he asked you before you left and allowed you or your DH to help him get the TV to his room, it would've been different. i know others don't agree with me, but i think you're right on. you break my tv, you buy me a new one and you get the old one for your birthday, instead of the new one. much more effective than no video games for a week, IMHO.
he's your child, grandma needs to stay out of it.

 

[sparks19]

I'm with you.

I'd probably make him work to pay to get it repaired then give it and a few other gifts to him for his birthday. I wouldn't berate him about it, just tell him the consequences for what he did. If it's worked right, it will give him a good lesson about working hard for something he can own, too.

No one said anything about berating him for it. He just has to pay for something he broke

 

[Liberty Belle]

No one said anything about berating him for it. He just has to pay for something he broke

I'm just saying what I would do. I didn't mean to imply OP would berate him, though I think a lot of people are too emotionally harsh on kids when they're doling out their punishments.

 

[sparks19]

He may have went against what they said, but he is being punished by paying them back. That is punishment. He was already going to get a new tv for his birthday, now she isn't doing that. That's punishing him twice, and certainly is taking away his presents.
What 13 year old do you think is mature? They are still learning and growing at that age. So yes immature, but also normal for the age.

Thats a cop out. At 13 i was babysitting for multiple families and had stayed home alone overnight.

It doesnt take a whole lot of maturity to follow the sime rule "dont move the tv"

I bet he wont move the tv again

 

[LisaR]

Hmmm .... Before I read your story I thought "yes, too harsh." and then I read it and thought "no, not too harsh." but then after re-reading it I'm thinking "too harsh" again. He's only 13 and he didn't know to unscrew the cable. Yes, he ruined your TV. I know that he shouldn't have touched it ... but I think he just made a mistake. $300 is A LOT of money for a 13 year old to make up. I know that I am going to be in the minority, but I think expecting a young teen to replace the TV that he accidentally ruined is a bit too much. There should be SOME consequence, but paying for the whole TV just seems to me to be too much. Maybe 1/2 of it and he gets the TV for gaming? You were thinking of buying him a TV for gaming anyway.

Actually, he absolutely knew that he needed to unscrew the cable. He unscrewed it from the wall without any problem. The TV we bought is perfect for the little use it gets. It was the right price but if I had one complaint, it would be the position of the cable jack. You have to lay the TV on the bed to reach underneath it to screw the cable in. In his rush and lack of patience, he attempted to unscrew it but when it didn't budge from the angle he was attempting it at, he yanked it out instead. How it didn't tip over and shatter is beyond me.

Again, in fairness, it was an accident. He wasn't trying to be destructive. He is an impulsive 13 y/o but he did know that he shouldn't have used the TV in the first place and he knew to unscrew the cable.

He should pay to repair or to replace it.

If it can be repaired and he is using this tv and you would have bought him his own one anyway, he should only pay for the repair.

He should pay for what he did. If the tv can function, I don't think he should be paying you back what you paid for it.

So--kinda harsh, yes in terms that he may be paying more than he should.

I hope that makes sense.

($300 tv can be repaired for $100 as an example...he should pay $100, not $300...since you planned on getting him a gaming tv anyway.)

Now--this is provided he has the means to pay you. But at his age, he can get resourceful and find a way to pay you.

I agree. We told him that if the repair shop can fix it, he will only have to pay the repair bill. I would never make him pay me $300 if it can be fixed for less. I am taking it in to the one place I found on Wednesday.

I think he should have to pay you back for the tv. With that being said, why should that stop you from getting him a new tv for his birthday. He's buying you a new one and then your not buying him anything, just giving him a broken one. That's not fair either, and doesn't really make sense to me. Your getting something, he's getting nothing.

One other question. Was grandma in charge while you were gone? Is she defending him because maybe she gave him permission to move the tv?

I agree with you punishing him by making him pay you back. That however is his punishment and he shouldn't lose his birthday gifts too. That's punishing him twice for the same thing.

He doesn't "need" a new TV. He will not be watching TV in his room. It is strictly a gaming TV. If this TV can not be repaired, it would be a huge waste to throw it out when he can use it for the only thing he wants it for anyway.

Grandma was not in charge and she was not home at the time he moved it. He was basically in charge of himself. His older sister was in the shower at the time so she never even knew that he moved it.

Lol i asked my hubby what he would do in this scenario and he just said "i hope he likes mowing the lawn" lol

He broke the tv doing something when he knew better, he broke it, he made he decision to move it, his decision has consequences and i always think the punishment should fit the crime and this does

He mows our lawn every week already and we pay him for that. That is the only chore we normally pay him for. I wish he could mow some lawns in our neighborhood but almost every house uses a lawn service. The ones that don't have their own teens that mow their own lawns.

I should add that DH came up with some chores they will be doing together this weekend and he is paying DS rather well for his services. He does have to give up hanging out with friends because the chores will take up most of the weekend. He plans on working him hard but paying him better than I would!

 

[sparks19]

I'm just saying what I would do. I didn't mean to imply OP would berate him, though I think a lot of people are too emotionally harsh on kids when they're doling out their punishments.

Ahhh gotcha. I was gonna say if anyone got the impression that while making the child pay for it that i would also be lording it over his head and berating him about it then i gave the wrong impression (when i said the punishment wasnt harsh, i mean)

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thats a cop out. At 13 i was babysitting for multiple families and had stayed home alone overnight.

It doesnt take a whole lot of maturity to follow the sime rule "dont move the tv"

I bet he wont move the tv again

That may have worked for you and your parents, but I don't feel like many would leave a 13 year old home alone over night. In fact, in some places it may be illegal.

Impulse control comes with maturity and boys take longer than girls, on average to gain that impulse control.

 

[melissapealo]

Thats a cop out. At 13 i was babysitting for multiple families and had stayed home alone overnight.

It doesnt take a whole lot of maturity to follow the sime rule "dont move the tv"

I bet he wont move the tv again

That is certainly not a cop out. Have you ever taken a child psychology course? Children aren't mature at 13 and that's a fact you can look up. Also I'm assuming your female, and it's also a proven fact that girls mature much quicker than boys. I never said he didn't go against what they had told him. I also never said that he shouldn't be punished. Just not punished twice for the same offense. His punishment of paying them back should be punishment enough. He will certainly learn from the experience and doesn't need to be punished further for it.
I've never heard of any parent leaving their 13 year old child home alone overnight either. IMO that's just asking for trouble and should never occur.

 

[hereyago]

I don't think you are being too harsh. The tv wouldn't have gotten messed up had he not put his kid paws on it to move it.


And to other posters, really you don't think a 13 year old would know how to unscrew the cable? Kids are tech savy, heck even my dd 10 at the time had to show me how to text.

It's called personal accountability, which now a days people seem to lack.

 

[sparks19]

That may have worked for you and your parents, but I don't feel like many would leave a 13 year old home alone over night. In fact, in some places it may be illegal.

Impulse control comes with maturity and boys take longer than girls, on average to gain that impulse control.

Back then ( i wont say how long lol) the age was 12. It was such a non issue that i had a friend over to stay with me and her parents knew that my parents would not be home. But it wasnt quite so nanny state back then

Yes kids can be impulsive but i dont think it takes too much control to not rip the tv off the wall and if it is then he is about to learn a very valuable lesson in controlling his impulses

 

[LisaR]

I'm with you.

I'd probably make him work to pay to get it repaired then give it and a few other gifts to him for his birthday. I wouldn't berate him about it, just tell him the consequences for what he did. If it's worked right, it will give him a good lesson about working hard for something he can own, too.

I promise there isn't any berating going on. This has actually shown us how much he has grown up, believe it or not. While he messed up, he is taking it really well. He tends to be on the emotionally immature side and we have really made it a point to tell him how proud we are of him for accepting responsibility and not having a melt down. A year ago this would have been a major thing for him.

I think it's a tough punishment but not torture. Why do you think he'll be able to use the broken television for gaming in his room? He'll need an online hook up, no?

The cable is just to get our antenna connected for TV reception (we don't have cable). He did not connect the cable up once he got it into his room and he was able to get online and play without any problems. The TV will serve his needs for gaming. He would be thrilled to get that TV. It is bigger than he was hoping for.

 

[telephoneman66]

As Barney would say: Nip it, Nip it in the bud.

He's 13, he's going to be driving soon. I don't know how you've handled punishments in the past, but I think you really need to drive home the trust factor.

You told him that he was not to move the TV back to his room, and I assume that you were perfectly clear on this point, and that he was perfectly clear on this point. He knew he is getting a similar TV for his birthday. Yet for whatever reason in his hormone addled brain he decides to move the TV you told him not to move back to his room.

That is a breach of trust. When you toss him the keys in a few years and he says he's going to the store and then he decides to pick-up a few friends and do some joy riding instead, what are you going to do?

If you don't punish him harshly, but fairly now for a breach of trust and failure to follow instructions, it's only going to get worse and potentially life threatening. Think of raising teenagers as training independent adults. You don't just toss the kid the car keys when he turns 16 and say "Good Luck", you teach him to drive and to follow the rules of the road. You let them take small trips and earn the right to have more freedom when they exhibit responsible behavior. This is no different.

If you don't teach him now that there are consequences to one's actions, and that privleges are earned, not entitlements, then you'll end up in 20 years wondering when this kid is going to move out of your basement.

He did something irresponsible, selfish, and disobedient. If it were me, I'd not only make him earn the money to get the TV repaired or replaced, but I'd let him know that there won't be any TV in his room for at least the rest of the year, maybe Christmas or his next birthday, if ever. It will all depend on how well he demonstrates to me that he is responsible enough for that privledge. I would make clear that his actions don't change how much I love him, but that because I love him, I am requiring that he earn the privledge of having a TV in his room. I'd give him a specific action plan of the types of behaviors and timetables that I require of him for chores to be done. I'd make sure he knew how to perform those chores adequately, and I'd inspect those chores once he'd done them to be sure they were done adequately.

Further, I'd insist that rather than paying him for chores around my house, which I'd expect him to do anyway as part of the family, he come up with some outside sources of income to make reparations for the TV, such as washing neighbor's cars, baby sitting, etc.

As for Grandma, if she wants to hire your son to help her out, God bless her and she can pay him to walk the dog, or whatever. I'd also let her know that I love her and appreciate her input, but make it clear that she raised me to be repsonsible for my own actions and expect that others are just as responsible. All you're trying to do is to raise a responsible young adult, who understands that actions have consequences, just as you were raised.

I agree that his damaging the TV was an accident, but it was the same thing as if he had agreed to run to the store to get milk and instead took a detour by his buddy's house and hit the light pole in the buddy's front yard by accident turning into the driveway, then got caught in a lie because he had to explain the damage to the car when he got home. Not that that ever happened to me or anyone I even know, ever. Really.

 

[ferris198]

I sure as hell would not be buying him a tv for his birthday.