Is this everyone's family or just mine?

[leahgoogle]

My DH doesn't do that, but he has plenty of other annoying habits. One of my bugaboos is, we have a family calendar. There are 6 of us--one launched, so 5 of us live here. I keep telling people (until I'm blue in the face...) WRITE IT ON THE CALNEDAR, OR IT'S NOT HAPPENING! I even like the kids to write work hours, if they're not consistent--this is important because we sometimes have to juggle cars. Everyone has their own highlighter color, but even that's optional--the important thing is, write your recitals, dental appointments, camping trips, whatever, on the calendar. I'll do the recurring ones (Scouts every Monday), but the rest is on you guys.

You would not believe how many times a week I hear, "Oh, did I tell you I have bloodwork tomorrow?" or some such.

My calendar is essential! If it is not on there, I will forget it is happening!!

 

[china mom]

My DH doesn't do that, but he has plenty of other annoying habits. One of my bugaboos is, we have a family calendar. There are 6 of us--one launched, so 5 of us live here. I keep telling people (until I'm blue in the face...) WRITE IT ON THE CALNEDAR, OR IT'S NOT HAPPENING! I even like the kids to write work hours, if they're not consistent--this is important because we sometimes have to juggle cars. Everyone has their own highlighter color, but even that's optional--the important thing is, write your recitals, dental appointments, camping trips, whatever, on the calendar. I'll do the recurring ones (Scouts every Monday), but the rest is on you guys.

You would not believe how many times a week I hear, "Oh, did I tell you I have bloodwork tomorrow?" or some such.

Ugh, the calendar battle. We use Cozi online calendar the free version). It will notify affected family members of new entries and send reminders etc. Now, if only I could get everyone else to use it consistently.

 

[mylilnikita]

I have squashed that down as I am working on having less responsibility.
once in awhile I’ll message my dd boyfriend or vice versa to relay a message to dd if we know the other is around my dd and her phone isn’t near her..

My dd hates talking on the phone and I’m not doing cartwheels for me to do it but you fake it til you make it, so she would text me asking me to call or google something I’m like you literally have a communication device that can do marvelous things like call or text or look stiff up.
She has gotten better .

 

[Pea-n-Me]

We have a family group text, so we’re all on the same page. It has a funny name, too, so it brings a smile to my face when it comes up. Nobody can say they weren’t told or asked something. And we know they see it, lol. Mainly we share funny videos or stories of interest, though.

 

[Praying Colonel]

IMHO he probably does it because it's worked for him in the past. Stop being his speech-to-text translator and it'll stop.

Do you want it to stop? In a lot of marriages you have one person who's generally the "nerd" and the other's generally a "free spirit." If the "nerd" starts leaving things to the "free spirit," those things might start dropping through the cracks, annoying everyone.

 

[DLgal]

No, your husband is just being lazy.

 

[Micca]

There are times though when my husband and son will text back-and-forth while they’re both home, instead of walking up or down the stairs to talk to each other.

I do that with both my husband and son if they're playing video games. They can't hear me yell "dinner's ready" or "time to go" (or whatever) with those headsets on, but they see the phone light up next to them.

DW and I do this too. I'm usually in the basement, she's usually on the main level or upstairs, no need for either of us to trek up or down the stairs for a conversation about which toppings do you want on the pizza.

Can't think of a time when either of us has asked the other to text a family member.

 

[slo]

We have a family group text, so we’re all on the same page. It has a funny name, too, so it brings a smile to my face when it comes up. Nobody can say they weren’t told or asked something. And we know they see it, lol. Mainly we share funny videos or stories of interest, though.

Same for us

Ours is called Top Dogs - I have no idea why . DD19 set it up and that’s what she named it - LOL!

 

[luv2cheer92]

I will often text my mom to tell my dad something. But that is because he never has his phone on him lol

 

[mjkacmom]

My husband use to do that until I kept telling him he was capable of doing that himself. He still has me look stuff up on his phone though. I have to keep telling him to Google it himself. His twin brother is the same way. He’ll be over at our house and both of them will ask me to do it. I have to remind both of them that they have smartphones and can do it themselves.

I am always telling my husband to look up answers on phone instead of me googling. I am the family manager, I keep the family calendar and I do sometimes act as a go between, and my husband is a very involved dad (like a Saint). Sometimes I’ll suggest having others communicate directly.

 

[mjkacmom]

Same for us

Ours is called Top Dogs - I have no idea why . DD19 set it up and that’s what she named it - LOL!

Ours is a horse, which is a family joke about my dad (one of the kids started it many years ago).

 

[mjkacmom]

My DH doesn't do that, but he has plenty of other annoying habits. One of my bugaboos is, we have a family calendar. There are 6 of us--one launched, so 5 of us live here. I keep telling people (until I'm blue in the face...) WRITE IT ON THE CALNEDAR, OR IT'S NOT HAPPENING! I even like the kids to write work hours, if they're not consistent--this is important because we sometimes have to juggle cars. Everyone has their own highlighter color, but even that's optional--the important thing is, write your recitals, dental appointments, camping trips, whatever, on the calendar. I'll do the recurring ones (Scouts every Monday), but the rest is on you guys.

You would not believe how many times a week I hear, "Oh, did I tell you I have bloodwork tomorrow?" or some such.

There are 7 of us, dd26 moved out last month, ds25 in November, ds20 is here full time, dd20 and dd22 are home for the summer. I’ve had a large desk calendar on my kitchen wall forever and I’m still reminding them to use it, especially since 5 of us are down to 3 cars, dd20 and ds20 have 2 jobs, dd22 has clinicals and DH has to go into the office at least 3 days a week. I honestly don’t know if we will manage.

 

[Kestryl]

Strangely, that coordinator is almost always Mom. It's almost never Dad. I don't think Boynton has a "Dad's Family Calendar," for example. (Though in fairness she does now have a generic "My Family Calendar.")

See: Emotional labor. Then tell him, "Gosh, I just don't have time for that, but you can do it."

Also see: weaponized incompetence.

 

[Brian Noble]

Yeah, we used to call that "strategic incompetence."

 

[brockash]

Let me start by saying that we are a family of four and we all love each other and have no problem communicating in person. The kids are DS 20 and DD 18, both live at home. Everyone has a cell phone and we all know each other's numbers.

Whenever DH has a message to pass on to one of the kids, he asks me to do it. "Tell DS that his tires are ready to be picked up" Or, this morning..."Tell DD, I will pick her up in front of the school" This happens ALL THE TIME. And sometimes it is a message that may need follow-up discussion.

I have started refusing and just telling DH to call or text the kid(s) directly. Why does he do this and does anyone else experience this?

OMG, yes my dh does this to me constantly and then acts like I'm being rude when I explain he can tell them just as easily as I can. It's so obnoxious and exhausting. I think it's because he doesn't want to have an actual conversation or hear the back and forth (you know thats what I can waste my time doing). It's really infuriating at times and I try to not.

It's the emotional load...My dh seems to think he's too above having to coordinate or manage anything outside of his regular work job.

 

[brockash]

If he's doing the actual work and he's asking you to send a text I'm not sure that would bother me. Honestly I wouldn't want to be picking out tires if I didn't have to.

What actual work? Do you think the OP tells him to text their kid when she's picking them up? It takes the same amount of time for him to communicate with her as it would the actual person he needs to communicate with.

 

[china mom]

I am glad to see that I am not alone in this. In this morning's case, I was i the bathroom drying my hair getting ready to leave the house. My morning routine is tied to the minute and I had to walk back into my bedroom to answer the phone just to have him tell me a message that he could have just as easily told her himself. This happens with important messages, coordinating messages but also with the simplest of things. For example, DD is upstairs and DH asks me to call her down for dinner So, I yell up the stairs "Diinneerr". The irony, he and I are just as close to the stairs so he could have called out just as easily.

DS was home, downstairs, with DH and when I came down, DH asked me if DS was going to work today. Didn't you just walk by him? It is so weird sometimes.

 

[Sacahara]

I'm the main caretaker of my 84yo grandmother and she'll call me to tell me to call my mom to tell her something.....Make it make sense?

 

[mjkacmom]

This is something I actually struggle with, especially as a SAHM to 5. I feel I have to remember for everyone. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load
im so thankful for Amazon, I forgot about Mother’s Day and ordered nice cookies on Amazon for MIL and they arrived Sunday. I have lists for myself and my husband (he is very laid back and a bit ADD). I just texted reminders to two of my kids about a car inspection and ordering an ez pass (the last one is important because dd26 still has ours and is racking up a lot of tolls). I always said I wish I had a sister wife.

 

[tvguy]

No, but because when my kids were about he age OP is talking about, texting was not included in cell phone plans and I refused to pay for a texting plan, so we never texted. We always called, and yes, if I needed to tell one of the kids something, I was the one who called them.