Is there something wrong with me?

[monkey68]

Don't worry, it's not a medical question I am normally the type of girl that does things for myself, I'm independent, I've traveled on my own, drive to all sorts of places on my own, etc. I've been taking the subway in NY by myself since I was 12. Basically, I have no problem doing things for myself and I actually normally enjoy doing things for myself on my own.

Now here's where my confusion happens. I've been dating this guy, and I really like him a lot. And he does everything for me. He lives about a 40 minute drive without traffic away from me, but always insists on coming out to me to pick me up. Even when I suggested meeting him somewhere in Manhattan, since it's kind of in the middle for us and I could take a train and meet him there, he still said he would prefer to come and pick me up. He wouldn't feel comfortable for us going on a date, and I taking the train there by myself, regardless of the fact that I've been taking the train by myself for oh.... 11, 12 years? And he insists on paying for everything. He will grab the check before I even have a chance to see it. I try to give him money, but he won't take it. Says he's the dude, he's supposed to pay. Granted, he has a well paying job (he's a pharmacist) and I'm still in school, so he could probably afford to pay much more easily than I could, but still... I'm used to paying for myself. When we go for a walk and come to an intersection, he will actually put his arm out to stop me and then will check if there are any cars coming before letting me cross.

I was talking to my friend last night, and she was shocked that none of this was bothering me. Normally, I feel like it should bother me. I am perfectly capable of crossing the street by myself I don't know if it's the manner he does it in, in that he doesn't do it in a condescending way, more of a "let me do this because I don't want anything to happen to you" way. Or maybe it's because I've become so jaded by the guys I've dated in the past who would let the door slam in my face before holding it open for me that I've convinced myself that I don't actually mind doing these things? It's weird, I would normally think I would hate a guy constantly doing these things, but I really don't. It's actually kind of nice. Maybe I just never realized how bad my old relationships were and I got used to being treated that way, so I'm actually enjoying being treated with respect, and letting him do those "traditional" type of things. It's kind of nice to have someone besides your mother look out for you.

Sorry this is so long, but should stuff like this bother me? If you asked me before I met him if I would want somebody always picking me up, always paying for things, stopping me before we cross the street, I would probably say no way, that it would be too stifling. But now, I'm finding out that I actually quite enjoy it. Maybe it's because I really like him, or maybe he's just spoiling me, or maybe I'm not that independent as I thought I was? I'm so confused, but whatever, I'm really happy with him. My friend is worried that he won't let me do anything, but it's really not like that. She hasn't met him yet, so I don't know if she can judge. I have a vacation planned without him, and he didn't say anything about me going, just told me to have fun and bring him back a postcard. I still do plenty of things on my own when he's not around, but when we have a date planned, I don't mind letting him do the "traditional man" stuff in picking me up and paying for me. So yea, something wrong with me, or am I just crazy?

 

[NY Disney fan]

He lives about a 40 minute drive without traffic away from me, but always insists on coming out to me to pick me up. Even when I suggested meeting him somewhere in Manhattan, since it's kind of in the middle for us and I could take a train and meet him there, he still said he would prefer to come and pick me up.

He's not married right?

 

[laurie31]

It sounds like he really cares about you and respects you.

A man opening a door for a woman (as an example) doesn't mean he thinks she's incapable of independently opening it for herself. A 3 year old is capable of opening a door. It's a sign of respect. You don't see President Obama or Queen Elizabeth opening doors for themselves.

It sounds like you have a prize. You could do a whole lot worse than to spend your life with a man who puts his respect for you at the top of his priority list.

 

[Robinrs]

Does he have a brother???

If it's a control issue YOU'RE in control of that. From what I see he's being a man, LET HIM.

BTW, have you been to his home? Make sure he's not HIDING anything ... or anyone.

 

[Crystal0608]

I don't think anything is wrong with you. I like having doors opened for me (..and I usually pause for dh to do it for me at stores, habit) and I think he's being a gentleman paying for the tab and picking you up. Sounds like he's trying to whooo you .

 

[monkey68]

Yea, I've been to his house, met his parents already. Don't worry, he's not hiding anyone. He's actually a friend of my sister's, and my sister kind of set us up, so I'm not worried about him hiding anything or anyone. His family is really sweet, after I met his parents, he told me his mom wants to adopt me

 

[Angelhalo]

Does he have a brother???

If it's a control issue YOU'RE in control of that. From what I see he's being a man, LET HIM.

BTW, have you been to his home? Make sure he's not HIDING anything ... or anyone.

Agreed. Sounds like he could be AWESOME, but just make sure that he's not too good to be true. Make sure he's not hiding anyone from you and it sounds like you might have found a winner!

 

[monkey68]

So maybe my friend is just jealous since her fiance doesn't do that kind of stuff? They end up splitting the tab usually, and he only sometimes remembers to open doors. She also spends quite a bit of time driving to his house, and he only sometimes comes out to her. They also live about 40 minutes apart. Maybe that's an option I didn't consider, that she's jealous. I immediately jumped to "I must be crazy". :lol:

 

[bballmom56]

ummm, does he have a twin brother? DD could certainly use a man like that in her life! She, too, makes the excuses you mentioned - "I'm perfectly capable of doing these things." "I don't mind doing these things." And that's just what they are - excuses. Even the other day she said to me "Oh, it didn't bother me when xxxx would tell me to wear more makeup, dress differently, I wasn't the body type he really liked." Well, it sure as heck bothered me! They have since broken up.

If this guy has any friends like him ......

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

When I first met my DH he always did that - opened doors for me, paid the check (still does these things), but it never fased me since I've always had that. I don't think I've ever walked through a door that my own father hadn't opened for me.
And I'm with the - Have you ever been to his house question. The way your saying it, it almost sounds like he could be a married man!!

 

[Robinrs]

Yea, I've been to his house, met his parents already. Don't worry, he's not hiding anyone. He's actually a friend of my sister's, and my sister kind of set us up, so I'm not worried about him hiding anything or anyone. His family is really sweet, after I met his parents, he told me his mom wants to adopt me

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!!!

 

[bballmom56]

Yea, I've been to his house, met his parents already. Don't worry, he's not hiding anyone. He's actually a friend of my sister's, and my sister kind of set us up, so I'm not worried about him hiding anything or anyone. His family is really sweet, after I met his parents, he told me his mom wants to adopt me

Ok, it's really good to know these guys still do exist! I was really beginning to wonder after the ones DD has met!

 

[ReneeA]

Sounds similar to my DH when we met. I had been on my own sice I was 17, I am very independent, and he likes to take care of me. It seemed odd to me for about 3.4 seconds, but it's easy to get used to.

I was a smart one and latched onto him right away...we were engaged 5 weeks after our first date.

He sounds like a big winner!!!

 

[Robmom]

He's being a gentleman. Actually a lot of guys are like this in the beginning of a relationship. My DH was certainly like this. He still is, but not as much anymore. I joke with him saying, how come you don't open the car door anymore? And he says, because we're married. Also, he wouldn't want me to take the subway to meet him either. He would rather drive and get me. And I also have been riding the subway for many years. Men have a protective gene in them. Well, at least some of them do!

 

[Robinrs]

And might I add it's a shame that women don't expect this from men and think it's strange when they're being chivalrous. It's the way my Dad treated my Mom and I expect the same from my suitors. As long as you expect it, you'll get it.

It's wonderful that he was raised right. I hope it's not just a ruse and he remains that way. Hang in there and ask is "something wrong with your friend" not YOU!

 

[ragdoll]

Sounds like a keeper to me!

 

[okeydokey]

He sounds like a great guy that is polite and respectful. As long as you feel that you still have equal footing in the relationship (example, does he always decide where to eat because he's paying, or do you decide things as a team?) then he sounds like a dream. You deserve to be treated nicely as does he.

 

[Kit'smommy]

Chivalry is almost dead, but occassionally you meet a man who was brought up to be a gentleman. Enjoy it! There is nothing wrong with you.

 

[NMAmy]

DH has always done this kind of thing for me and for dd. In fact, his parents instilled a lot of chivalrous behaviors that I hadn't even heard of (walking on the outside of the street, walking behind me going up stairs and in front of me going down stairs so if I should fall, I could use him as a cushion.) He's always said that one reason he loves me is because I'm very independent and he knows that I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along. A man doing the gentlemanly thing doesn't take anything away from my power to do it myself.

In fact, we just got back from England and neither DH nor his brothers or grown nephews will let me cross the street there without holding my hand. That's mainly because I've stepped out in traffic one too many times due to looking the wrong way. That's a little embarassing but still humorous to hear them say, "Oops--who is helping Amy?" when we'd approach a crosswalk.

As long as a man isn't trying to make you feel inferior, enjoy having someone watching out for you.

 

[java]

Nothing wrong with you. Your friend might have some issues - but I digress.

Sounds like you have a thoughtful man that really cares about you. On my first date with my husband he dropped me off at the train(I took it daily so no big deal) and then chased after me insisting he had to drive me home.

We dated for 3 years and then got married. It's been almost 20 years on the marriage! It's nice living with someone that shows how much he cares. (most of the time he's not perfect)