Is There a Doctor in the House? How old is too old to change careers? (long)

[Boo]

Here's the background:
My husband and I are almost 33. We have two beautiful, healthy children DD is 4 and DS will be 2 this summer. DH works full time as a buyer for a large corporation. He makes a nice salary that enables me to stay home with the kids and not really work- I work part time from home as a research analyst for a little extra "fun" money each month. We have a small starter house that we bought almost eight years ago when we got married that we have pretty much outgrown. The kids share a room and we wage the never ending battle to fight back the toys from burying us alive each day.
We are a very happy, secure family that feels blessed with what we have.

Here's the problem:
DH absolutely hates his job. There's no joy there. He doesn't feel like he contributing anything (to society) he says he's there strictly for the paycheck. He finished his MBA last year and has been searching for a new position at other companies- but nothing really excites him. He says the first thing he looks at is- how much does it pay. We've had some long, thoughtful conversations about what he wants to do. He even agreed to go to our church's seminar on "The Purpose Driven Life" to help sort things out.

Here's a possible solution:
DH is seriously considering going to medical school. He was pre-med in college but after a couple summers working at a hospital and talking to disgruntled interns who said they hated their jobs as doctors- he got spooked and quit. Now he's thinking about heading in that direction again- this time only 10 years later. He says when he thinks about being a doctor, money is the absolute LAST thing on his mind. In fact, he wouldn't mind working in a clinic or in low-income areas of the city.

Here's our concerns:
Obviously this would be a sacrifice not just for DH, but for the whole family. I would have to go to work so we'd have to juggle the kids. Building our new house would have to be put on hold. There are questions of time commitments, his time away from the family (although I guess it wouldn't be much different that say if he was on business trips) and of course the issue of the debt of medical school. DH and I have a tremendously strong marriage and we would be in this together but are we crazy for even considering this? Should I be encouraging my husband to just stick it out at work or find something else that wouldn't disrupt the whole family? I feel like maybe I'm missing something for NOT trying to talk him out of it.

Has anyone been in a similar situation where one partner decided to make such a drastic career change? How did it affect the family? How did it affect your relationship?
I'd love to hear from you guys- MD's especially!!!!

Thanks!
Laurie

 

[Bob Slydell]

I couldn't imagine going to Med school at that age, especially with two small children! I mean, I went to MBA school in my early 30's not long after DS was born and that was tough enough as it is. Aside from the strain and stress of school itself, going through internship and all that would be a killer.

Do you have daycare/preschool or any sort of help for your kids? Because with you having to work full time, your DH won't be able to help at all with kids. There simply wouldn't be any free time.

 

[Magix]

Bob has some valid points.

On the other hand, though, I can't imagine keeping someone from pursuing the work that will make them happy. It will surely mean major sacrifices on everyone's part, but if your marriage is as strong as you indicate, why not give it a try? If you try to get your husband to stick it out in his current job, or pursue something else that doesn't suit him well, he'll be miserable, which will make you and your kids miserable. No way to live. It's never too late to make a change in life - take a chance and see what happens. You'll never regret pursuing happiness. Just be sure you talk it out fully first and decide that it's an idea all of you can stand behind. Best of luck to all of you!

 

[Hillbeans]

First of all, having two children that small, it'll be tough for everyone. My neighbor has kids your same age and her husband is in his last year of residency as an Anestheseologist (SP?) in a NYC hospital. He's never home, works nights, weekends, holidays.

She's about our age (33) and she works FT. Her kids go to the daycare at her work but she's got them pretty much all of the time. I'm sure he'll be making good money because of where he's working, and i'm sure he loves his job.

When you said your DH was going to go into serious debt and then maybe work in a clinic, I just don't know how you'll ever pay the bills. Med school will probably put you back a good $200,000.00 and if he's only thinking about clinic work, I do admire him, however you'll have a SERIOUS strain on your marriage carrying the financial burdon.

I always encourage people go follow their heart, and I must admit i've also looked into careers in the medical field which would put me into 2 + years of school. I have a young child and just can't do that to him. My DH went back to school when my son was 4 months old while we both worked FT and it was tough. He got his Master's degree and was busy all the time with homework, classes, etc.

Ultimately, you have to make the choice yourselves. When things got tough at home, I did throw it back in DH's face how busy, tired and crabby I was and at times it was a strain on our relationship. I wish you all the best of luck. Perhaps someone here with a MD can give you more info. Take care.

 

[Boo]

thanks for the replies. We need to hear all sides of the argument. Univ. IL med school (while highly acredited) is actually one of the least expensive options for us at only about. $15,000 a year- so the debt we incur would probably be closer to 75-100K when all said and done. Still, it's 75K of debt we don't have now!!!! And the kids while probably being in school for part of the time would need some kind of daycare too- if I was working full-time, unless I'm able to telecommute.

 

[crz4mm2]

Boo,
U of I has many financial aid options for med school. There is also loan repayment for folks that go to underserved areas when they are out of med school. I think you need to look into these things.
Certainly, age 33 is NOT too old to change careers, even as far as going to med school.
If he feels the strong pull to go (it may just be his 'calling') then I say look into it. Doesn't cost a thing to look into it.
I went back to school (50k worth) at age 35. It was well worth it and worth paying back the student loans. I always encourage people to look at where they will be in 10 years (or pick a year) if they DON'T go back to school.....

It sounds like you are both ready to make some sacrifice for the good of your family (and you WILL make some heavy sacrifices!).
I say go for it if it will make him happy. Nothing worse than being miserable in your job and being 'stuck' there the rest of your life.

 

[battricia]

I personally think your husband should go for it. It would be a shame to not be able to fulfill your dreams, if you ask me. First, you need to examine some options, though. Look into as much financial aid as possible. See if your husband can't get a job in a hospital that will pay for some of his schooling. Search for scholarships. There are TONS out there, and since you have access to the internet it makes it much much easier to do.

I feel like it would be worse to sit at a job you hate every day for the rest of your life than it would be to run up some debt in persuit of a job you would love every day for the rest of your life. Just my opinion.

tricia.

 

[Boo]

thanks cr4mm2,
we have actually started looking into the loan repayment idea you suggested- hence, my writing about hubby working in a clinic, etc. as it really isn't about the money. It's not a bad idea and it might even be possible to fulfill the requirements within the Chicago area.
thanks for the encouragement about going back to school. Kudos to you for having the courage to do it!

 

[TigerBear]

I admire your husband for wanting a career that is meaningful to him. How long would the entire process take? MCAT, med school, residency/fellowship, boards....I'm sure you know it is a long and stressful process.

I'm dating a resident who recently took (and passed! ) step 3. It was such a draining experience - for both him and me! I'll be taking my psychology licensure exam soon but I know it is nothing in comparison.

I think you are doing the right thing by gathering as much info as possible before he makes his decision. Hopefully one of the MDs on the board will chime in. Good luck!

 

[crz4mm2]

Boo,
Yep, there are repayment sites in and around Chicago. Works out to be a year for a year (and that is not too shabby if you ask me). He would also get a small salary at the same time. Give them a call and ask about it all. There is also a web site that has some info. http://nhsc.bhpr.hrsa.gov/ I would have done the repayment if there had been a site close to where I live.....
THere is also Indian Health Services which I was very interested in.Talk about underserved!!! Here is their website. http://www.ihs.gov/
I have a friend who is in her mid - late 40s who is just finishing her first year of med school
After being a RN for the past 17 years! (can you imagine???)
Good luck to your hubby!!

 

[Boo]

cr4mm2,
thank you so much for the link- I'll pass it on to DH. The more info we have, the better decision we can make. Thank you so much for taking the time to post it!!!

 

[ZachnElli]

Dh's brother went back to school at 28. He and his wife had 2 younger kids than you do (they were 2 1/2 and 1). He went for software engineering, so different than med school. And they had another child (an accident) while he was going to school. It was very hard, but very worth it in the end. She worked full time and shuttled the kids to family/daycare (plus being pg). But once he graduated, she stayed home with the kids. They ended up with student loan debt and they are just now looking to buy their first house, but they had other really bad credit, which it sounds like you don't have. It can work out and he LOVES his work.

BTW, my dh just quit his job of 7 years and we are moving 1200 miles away from home because he absolutely hated his job. He became depressed over it and I had a hard time just getting him out of bed every morning. It is worth it to me to get my dh back! He is very excited about his new job (he's there now). And it was definitely meant to be as we sold our house before it went on the market, sold "as is" with no home inspection and this house has problems! (I really hate this house!) Good luck with whatever you decide!! We close on our new house in 1 month! And it's beautiful!