Is it your responsibility to seek help?

[FergieTCat]

[Note: In the interest of privacy, I'm going to make this as vague as possible.] [And no, it's not me. I'm on medication, thank you very much! )

If you were told that you were "acting out" irrationally on a consistent basis, and that your behavior was affecting the well-being of your child and/or your marriage, do you think it's your responsibility to seek help? Or is it your family's responsibility to "deal with it"?

Just wanted some opinions ...

 

[Arielle22]

It is your responsibility to seek help. If you are so irrational that you cannot then your closest family should get you help.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It depends (doesn't everything always depend ). It's easy to say that it's their job to get help, however, if we're talking about a mental health or substance abuse issue, getting help is easier said than done. It also depends on the way that the situation is detrimental to the child and the marriage. What would you (or whoever) hope for the outcome to be? If it's something very detrimental to the child and the parent won't or can't get help, a professional intervention is a possibility. If we're talking more of a personality quirk or something fairly benign, it's possible that the answer could be for the family to learn to live with it. But something very harmful, that keeps reoccurring....not so much. And if we're talking abuse and/or neglect, action needs to be taken now.

 

[FergieTCat]

It depends (doesn't everything always depend ). It's easy to say that it's their job to get help, however, if we're talking about a mental health or substance abuse issue, getting help is easier said than done. It also depends on the way that the situation is detrimental to the child and the marriage. What would you (or whoever) hope for the outcome to be? If it's something very detrimental to the child and the parent won't or can't get help, a professional intervention is a possibility. If we're talking more of a personality quirk or something fairly benign, it's possible that the answer could be for the family to learn to live with it. But something very harmful, that keeps reoccurring....not so much. And if we're talking abuse and/or neglect, action needs to be taken now.

It's not child abuse and the child isn't in physical harm. It's more of a bullying behavior because the child is an easy target.

Also, it isn't me. I'm not married nor do I have kids.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Seeking Help is easier said than done IMHO, usually those afflicted with either substance abuse, mental issues are the last ones to recognize they "need" help, so it falls to those around them, the (hopefully) loving caring family and friends that surround them.

When and if a child is a "target" of this person, then an adult, even if it is an outsider needs to step it up to be sure that the child is protected. If someone "knows" it/something is happening, ignoring it is tantamount to "allowing/condoning" the behavior.
I mean, if the person were his/her "real" self would they ever do this (whatever it is, verbal abuse, etc?) ?????
Kids need adults as advocates.

I hope this works out for whoever this involves.
Loving a family/friend can sometimes be difficult but if they need support and help, one has to "step up" and see that they get it, especially in the case of children................

 

[Jennasis]

First the afflicted individual has to recognize that they need help and that they want help. Then I could assist them in seeking it. But I cannot force a family member to get help.

 

[Carly_Roach]

First the afflicted individual has to recognize that they need help and that they want help. Then I could assist them in seeking it. But I cannot force a family member to get help.

Bingo. I absolutely agree.

 

[FredinFL]

It depends.

If you are still rational, it's up to you, someone forcing it down your throat (so to speak) isn't going to help you.

If you are delusional and past recognizing you have a problem, it's time for the family to step in and put you where you can get some help.

 

[leight]

I would think that it is the person's responsibility to seek help but as other posters said, if the person is an addict or mentally ill they very often won't. If a friend or family member sees this and how it is affecting the child- then they should talk to the spouse. Bullying is a form of child abuse- even if it is verbal. The spouse is leaving the bully with the child and needs to protect the child both physically and emotionally.

 

[FergieTCat]

My own feeling is that if you are consistently told that you are being irrational, and you can't control your behavior (such as manic behavior), you need to get some help. I don't think it's fair to subject other family members to your behavior, and I don't think it's fair to constantly lash out and/or bully the child.

It is a complicated issue.

 

[Rora]

I believe it's your (general "your") responsibility.

 

[Belle0101]

My own feeling is that if you are consistently told that you are being irrational, and you can't control your behavior (such as manic behavior), you need to get some help. I don't think it's fair to subject other family members to your behavior, and I don't think it's fair to constantly lash out and/or bully the child.

It is a complicated issue.

I would tend to agree with this. However, those with a mental illness are often the last to recognize that they are ill. In that case the person(s) being affected have to take resposiblilty for themselves. They might ask themselves if they are able to accept or continue to live with these behaviors. If they are not, or a child is being mistreated, then they have the responsibility to remove or protect themselves, and the child(ren), from the situation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

[Note: In the interest of privacy, I'm going to make this as vague as possible.] [And no, it's not me. I'm on medication, thank you very much! )

If you were told that you were "acting out" irrationally on a consistent basis, and that your behavior was affecting the well-being of your child and/or your marriage, do you think it's your responsibility to seek help? Or is it your family's responsibility to "deal with it"?

Just wanted some opinions ...

Both.

You owe it to your family to seek help and your family has no choice but to "deal with it".

Now family could "deal with it" in a healthy way by going to individual and family counseling, al-anon (if drugs or alcohol are involved), speaking with your religious person, someone you trust, etc...

 

[happygirl]

It depends if the person is able to make those kind of decision, if not then there family needs to step up

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

IMO it is the persons responsibility to get help if they are being told these kind of things are going on. If they are not willing to get the help, it is not going to work anyways.

However, it is the families responsibility to make sure everyone else (especially the child) are safe if the person does not take on their responsibility. No one should have to deal with abuse, even emotional abuse.

 

[JessicaR]

Sometimes the person is too far gone to recognize the problem. Numerous people on a consistent basis feel there is an issue. In that case, family members should step up to the plate.

I hope this person gets the help they obviously need.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's not child abuse and the child isn't in physical harm. It's more of a bullying behavior because the child is an easy target.

Bullying is a form of mental and/or emotional abuse. Period. Not acceptable whether it's from a classmate or parent. Not acceptable whether the parent is of "sound mind" (and therefore a probably buttwipe) or has some form of mental illness. The methods used to deal with it may be different depending on the situation, but it's not acceptable regardless.

First the afflicted individual has to recognize that they need help and that they want help. Then I could assist them in seeking it. But I cannot force a family member to get help.

Bingo. I absolutely agree.

Not if criminal activity is taking place. Do we ask for the cooperation of a burglar before arresting them? Do we need to have a pedophile see that he/she has a problem before acting on it?

No, we can't force someone to get healthy, however we can minimize harm done to a child. The Serenity Prayer, often said in recovery meetings, sums it up.... God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference

Accept the things we cannot change.....the willingness for a friend/family member to change.....we can't will someone to get better, but instead it is their responsibility

Courage to change the things we can.....take action if an especially harmful and/or illegal act is taking place that jeopardizes an individuals emotional or physical safety

 

[Tink888]

I don't think there is a clear cut answer to that question.

I'd hope the person would take the initiative to get help. If I cared about them, I'd do everything in my power to get them help.

They have to be willing to accept the help.

Because I cared for them, I would deal with it to a certain extent.

But a person who is unwilling to seek or accept help and just expects those around them to deal with it also needs to understand that eventually, one of the ways to "deal" with it might just be to walk away.

 

[Jennasis]

Not if criminal activity is taking place. Do we ask for the cooperation of a burglar before arresting them? Do we need to have a pedophile see that he/she has a problem before acting on it?

No, we can't force someone to get healthy, however we can minimize harm done to a child. The Serenity Prayer, often said in recovery meetings, sums it up.... God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference

Accept the things we cannot change.....the willingness for a friend/family member to change.....we can't will someone to get better, but instead it is their responsibility

Courage to change the things we can.....take action if an especially harmful and/or illegal act is taking place that jeopardizes an individuals emotional or physical safety

Were we talking about criminal activity?? I didn't see the OP mention anything criminal or illegal.

My MIL is behaving in an irrational fashion that is affecting my emotional well being and my DH's. So we cut her out of our lives since she refuses to get help.

However, of course I would involve the authorities (Police/CPS etc) if I found out someone was doing something criminal. Then the courts could decide to enforce psychological help. Still I cannot force anyone to get help, but I can offer help to the people affected by the lunacy.

 

[FergieTCat]

Were we talking about criminal activity?? I didn't see the OP mention anything criminal or illegal.

No, there is no criminal activity.

Bullying is a form of mental and/or emotional abuse. Period. Not acceptable whether it's from a classmate or parent. Not acceptable whether the parent is of "sound mind" (and therefore a probably buttwipe) or has some form of mental illness. The methods used to deal with it may be different depending on the situation, but it's not acceptable regardless.

True. My mother was had an undiagnosed bipolar disorder when I was a kid, and she did verbally abuse me. It certainly can cause psychological damage (I never claimed to be perfect!)

I think that men are less likely to seek help because they see it as weakness. And, also, there's the "my house, my rules" mentality.

I really was looking for other opinions. To a certain extent, I think that it is very controlling and manipulative behavior. Especially to the child.