Is it WRONG to Feel Happy...Advice please...

[ThreeMusketeers]

Casual conversation today with my hubby who is in his final year of school getting his MBA..he is an Accountant. And it had been the plan that after he graduated and my dd went to Kindergarden I would go to school and "make something of myself". So anywho...We got to talking about casual stuff and I said that I was very satisfied and HAPPY being a wife and a mother, that I love the fact that I can take care of my husband full time and my daughter (trying for #2 next year) full time. And the home..ect..ect.. He made me feel like I should want more in life. He actually kept saying.."don't you want something personally fufilling?" UGH..yeah..i am doing it. But for some reason..i feel that society and now my husband..EXPECTS me to want more.
Whats wrong with me..? I know he worries about what would happen to me if anything were to happen to him. But we could take out a bigger life insurance policy. And I have a feeling that alot if it is about having extra money now. And I am not saying that I would not want to have a part time job. But nothing that was going to run my days as I want to be available 24/7 for my kids and husband. I am just not the carreer gal that I think he wishes I was. I have no real interest in any one thing, except my family. I mean I have hobbies..but they are not really money making hobbies. I just don't want to spend my life doing something that I hate. When there is somethign that I like staring me in the face. Is this selfish? DH loves his job, it is something he has always wanted to do and he is happy with it. We make plenty of money to live in a nice home and take nice vacations..ect..ect.. What is your OP?

 

[Caradana]

Are you worried that college would take up too much time?
How about going part-time?
I think it'd set a terrific example for your daughter ...
I understand your point, though ... it's wonderful that you feel personally fulfilled doing exactly what you're currently doing ...

 

[Abbie]

You'll get plenty of opinions here, but there is nothing "wrong" with you at all. If you're doing what makes you happy, then you are fulfilled. It's senseless to chase after something someone else thinks you want/need. I'm sorry your husband isn't as supportive as you'd like.

You might want to continue on with your plan for college, just for your personal enrichment if nothing else! You also might find, some years down the road, that you aren't completely fulfilled anymore and it's always good to have options available.

 

[MELSMICE]

It sounds like you 2 should have a real heart to heart about what you both feel is best.

Maybe he is feeling too much pressure being the only financial support. Maybe your DH doesn't think you're happy enough being a SAHM. Obviously, you are.

I personally think the decision for both parents to work or one to stay home is a combined husband/wife decision & one that should be thoroughly discussed.

It's OK that you have changed your mind & don't want to "follow the plan" but it's something that you really need to discuss with your DH.

Good luck.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Thank you both for responding! As bad as this probobly sounds I had not thought of the good example I would be setting for my daughter by going to college. I was just thinking of the example's I would be telling her about while I was here. HMM..you may have something here..Actions speak louder than words. I mean she is only 4 and she already knows how important we think it is for her to go to college. But if I were to go. I have no clue as to what I would even go for.....any other mom's out there that went back to school...after years and years and years?????

 

[mrsv98]

I am struggling with these same things. I have a Masters degree, worked for years, and now I am a SAHM. I like being home! I take very good care of DH and DD and I enjoy doing it. I am taking paralegal courses so I can - at least in theory - go back to work, but I find I am in no rush.

Luckily for me, DH doesn't have a problem with me being home. My pressure somes more from myself. There are times I feel I am "wasting" my degrees but then, if I am happy and my family is happy what does it matter?

At least by having a degree and now this certificate I have options and as DD grows up, perhaps I will feel the urge to work at least part-time.

 

[singingpixie]

I don't think you're "wrong" to feel that way at all. Having just graduated college myself, and DBF finishing up this year, we were talking about plans for the future and he wondered why I wasn't more passionate about any certain job, but that I was more concerned with having something steady and reliable so we could pay the bills and start saving. I said that for me there's not a career I'm passionate about- it's that I want a life and a family someday (this freaked him out, but I explained that I did NOT want to get married and have kids any time soon, lol). The family part is my passion- the job is just a tool to make that possible.

Some people's life calling is their career, but for others that calling is their family. For many people it's both. I don't think any of these things are wrong!

If I were you, I'd have a heart-to-heart with your DH and try to figure out if his concerns are for your happiness, financial pressure, or whatever else it is. If he's just concerned for your happiness, than it's simple. If it's a money concern too, maybe a job with flexible hours may make things easier. Just do what's right for you! Good luck!

 

[Caradana]

Hi Nicole, part of the beauty of college is that you won't have to decide right away. You can just go back for a class or two, feel things out, meet new people ... I promise that it really is quite fun and not terribly difficult, generally. I think you'll do great, whatever you decide to do.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I think that if you want to go to school, you should. If you don't, you shouldn't.

 

[All American]

I think it is time to go beyond casual conversation and have a serious one with your husband. I don't have much to offer beyond that, but I do want to say that I think it is great that you love what you do.

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with the way that you feel. What we want today, may not be what we want 10 yrs. from now. Just keep that in mind.

If you really want to go to college, then do it. Don't do it to please your husband, do it for yourself. If college or a career aren't for you, then that's fine, too.

 

[JennaTX]

any other mom's out there that went back to school...after years and years and years?????

I am reaching this decision myself. I have one DD (7) and a DS (4). I have been thinking about going back to college when DS starts Kindergarten.

I have almost two years of college credits from when I was first married before I had kids.

Like you, I am not sure what I would want to get a degree in. I am very happy being a SAHM, and my DH has his own business that I help out in. But I also think it would be great to get my degree, even if I don't "use" it by getting a job/career. And it would be a great for my children to see that I did finish college.

If you want to get a degree for yourself than you should.

Definately talk to your DH about what both of your worries/concerns are.

Whenever I have talked about working FT, my DH always says, but who will do everything around the house?

 

[robinb]

You asked my opinion, so here goes: your husband is right.

I believe that every woman has the responsibility to herself and her children to be self sufficient. You just never know what curve ball life will throw you. Your husband may die or become disabled or you may get divorced. If any of those things happen you need to step up to the plate and become the breadwinner for your family. You need to become that "career gal" and a career gal with a college degree usually makes more than one with only a HS diploma.

Just because you attend and graduate from college does not mean you need to give up being a 24/7 mom and wife. As long as you and your husband agree on what is best for your family. The college degree is your safety net. I admire your husband for thinking of you and your future.

 

[diznygirl]

You go Girl!!! If you are happy, then just BE HAPPY!

 

[RitaZ.]

Thank you both for responding! As bad as this probobly sounds I had not thought of the good example I would be setting for my daughter by going to college. I was just thinking of the example's I would be telling her about while I was here. HMM..you may have something here..Actions speak louder than words. I mean she is only 4 and she already knows how important we think it is for her to go to college. But if I were to go. I have no clue as to what I would even go for.....any other mom's out there that went back to school...after years and years and years?????

I did! I've been a SAHM for 14 years and I went back to college last fall. At first, I was worried that I wouldn't have the time and energy to go to classes, study AND do everything else that I have to do. I did have to let some things go and relax my standards. My DH is really supportive, so that really helps. It has been an awesome experience, better than the first time. I'm really tired now, so I'm going to bed. Just pm me whenever you want, I'll drop one tomorrow.

Good night!

 

[Buckalew11]

I think that you should go back to school if that is what you desire. I would go back to school but I think I'd have to go back to HS at this point to catch up to where I would need to be to even go to college! (I'm old!) Plus $ is an issue or least an excuse.

But, if you are happy, than that is terrific and Contentment is a wonderful blessing. Being a SAHM is a great job in MHO. (And I'm not one)

 

[noodleknitter]

My SIL launched her kids a couple of years ago, and she went back to school part-time, and graduated with her BS in Education. FWIW, it didn't decrease her children's interest in college by waiting until they were grown. Nobody would have a college degree if they only followed the example of their parents.

But, should your husband be injured or unable to work, it is very nice to have some way of caring for all of you. And a degree, or license is a huge step in procurring employment. Good luck. You don't have to decide today...

 

[OK!]

Thank you both for responding! As bad as this probobly sounds I had not thought of the good example I would be setting for my daughter by going to college. I was just thinking of the example's I would be telling her about while I was here. HMM..you may have something here..Actions speak louder than words. I mean she is only 4 and she already knows how important we think it is for her to go to college. But if I were to go. I have no clue as to what I would even go for.....any other mom's out there that went back to school...after years and years and years?????

I'm not a mom, but I did go back to school last summer after being out for 10 years, and a thought I had was that maybe you could start off slowly, with something like correspondence courses or possibly even video classes (some of our local community colleges have classes that air on PBS at weird times that you can watch. Then you read the book, fill out some scantron-type forms for "homework" and mail 'em in, and that's the bulk of what makes up your grade. You only have to go on campus to take a couple of exams, like 2-3 times a semester.) That way you'd be working toward something but still would be at home practically as much as you were before. Or, shoot, for that matter, a lot of schools offer online classes now that probably only require you to show up on campus for exams, too.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[mickeyboat]

I think you should go back to college if you want to. Taking it a little at a time is a great idea. I know it seems distant in the future, but time will sneak up on you, and suddenly, your children will be grown and gone. College will give you more options later on. Besides the fact it will give you a safety net in case "something" should happen. And it is a great example to your daughter.

My SIL and her DH have been married almost 20 years and have a 16 year old and a 13 year old. They have moved all over the country for her DH's job, and she has been a SAHM. She never went to college. For many years they were happy. Now they aren't, and I am not sure what she is going to do. I don't think she ever imagined a chance that her marriage might end, they were the most in love couple I know. I bet she wishes she had a safety net now, because it would give her many more choices.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Denae

 

[Cinderellafifi]

It's all about personal choices and personal happiness. What your DH is probably worried about is you losing your own goals - sacrificing for the family if you will - and he is probably just trying to be sure you have your own self-fulfillment.

Loving your roll as a SAHM and wife is a fabulous thing! Just reassure DH that this is what you WANT to be doing and that if you decide to make a chance, you'll let him know. Good luck.