Is it REALLY too much to ask?

[Jake & Crew]

Last Feb 14 of us went "together" to WDW. The party had one set of grandparents, 2 sets of parents with 2 kids each, a married couple and an engaged couple.......and we were family.....can not tell family what to do. When it became evident ( 4 months before) no one was concerned with ADRS I planned them myself. 2 meals were required by my parents we all go ( Hoop dee doo and Mama Melrose Fantasmic package) otherwise everyone was on their own.

I planned park days according to TGM and meals according to least crowded days and the preferences I knew my group would have. Then I made the ADRS, some for 10, some for 8 etc.......

Once we checked in I gave everyone the following and said they were welcome to join us just let us know the night before if they were interested. By the end of the week, after some had 2 hour waits for dinners or roamed the MK looking for a romantic meal and ended up with noodles I had a strong following. If you build it they will come. Do not wait for anyone else, plan your trip your way......no way a large group can move through 4 parks in 7 days and still be talking to each other.

Good luck!

Monday 2/1
8:10am Crystal Palace (MK) Poppa, Grandma, Jay, Tanya, Kate, Jim & all 4 kids held as planned

12:20pm – Le Cellier (EP) ~ 4 (2/2) #43325572 cancelled they did not get it yet

5:40pm Biergarten (EP) ~ 8 (4/4) #42946146 held as planned

Tuesday 2/20
11:10am ~ Prime Time Diner (MGM) 6 (4/2) # 42946321 cancelled~ had to switch parks that day......don't ask

1:00pm ~ Kate Massage Saratoga Springs ( thanks Amy!)

8:20pm ~ Tony’s (MK) 8(6/2) #43325943
downsized to 4 ( 2 adults/2 kids)

Wednesday 2/21
7:30am ~ Whispering Canyon Café ~(WL) 10 ( 8/2) #43325699 cancelled too early for this group
8:30am ~ Keys to the Kingdom Tour ~ Dad, Kate, Kelly & Casey #42634164 held

1:30pm ~ Alice’s Tea Party (GF) T and A #41915887 held

7:50pm ~ O’Hana’s ( Poly) 6 ( 4/2) # 42946258 Characters held, sister and husband decided to joiin us

Thursday 2/22
2:10pm ~ Garden Grill (EP) 8 (5/3) # 42946169 characters by now they were all on my program, upped this ressie

8pm ~ Artist Point (WL) 6 adults # 42946295 upped this one also and all the adults of my generation had a nice night while grandparents watched the kids in our WL, who would of thought of such a great idea

Friday 2/23
3:40pm Mama Melroses (MGM) 14 / Fantasmic at 7pm held

Saturday 2/24
8:55am Cinderellas Royal Table (MK) Poppa/Grandma/ E/A/T held

4:45pm Hoop Dee Doo (FTW) 14 held

Make your ressies.....give out handouts and then go off and tour in peace, once they see you are not doing lines for rides or waiting 2 hours for a meal they will come to you like bees on honey!!!

 

[Reginak]

One of the problems that we had was that my DS and her family was worried about money too. The park tickets, airline tickets and food cost really worried my DS. She kept on wavering about whether to go; and, as a result, didn't really want to talk about planning the trip or any ADRs.
In the end, they decided that they really wanted to go; that it was a once in a liftime trip. So they bit the bullet and came anyway.
They loved it; and are saving for their return trip.
Maybe your family is hesitating because they are concerned that they can't afford it or ever give you anything equal in return.
Now I don't know what I would do about your problems with your DM; I would probably give her a big hug and thank her for "her generous offer" to take all of the girls to tea.
Regina

 

[3DisneyKids]

We have learned to plan one "event" a day for the whole group.

I really agree here. I'll take it one step further and say that whatever your "whole group event" is for the day, you may want to schedule it at the end of your day (like a dinner), so that your who schedule for the day (and all that planning that you have done!) is not thrown off. Make the plan a dinner or to watch Wishes together, maybe even time by the pool when you get back from a park one afternoon, etc.

Based on what you have said, I definitely recommend NOT park touring with them! That would be a total nightmare. I would give the other family a list of the attractions they are most likely to find interesting at each park your are going to...then say, "Have fun! We'll meet up with you at dinner and we'll have such a great time telling each other about what we saw and did all day!" And your parents can choose to park tour with whichever family they choose...yours or your sib's family.

The other choice--if you HAVE to park tour with them--give them your schedule for the day and say, "This is what we are doing today. You are welcome to join us. If you don't think these are the things you would like to do, that's totally fine with me...I want you to do what YOU want on your vacation. You can just meet up with us at ______________" (and then turn off your cell! ok, just kidding about that part! )

Good luck! And no matter what--don't let them spoil YOUR vacation or lessen the magic for YOU!

 

[BroganMc]

DSIL and DB are narcissist and expect my parents to pay for everything and I think there is a strugle between her and DM. DM gets the kids all excited then they cannot back out! DSIL already tried to find out what my parents pay on our trip (which saddened her to find out they don'e even pay for part of the room)

I have a DB & DSIL like that. Strapped for cash and completely self-absorbed. The whole family knows they are cash-strapped (they never were great with money and have the most number of kids of all the siblings), so we've obeyed the unwritten rule of "giving them a break" for years. But their self-absorption has led to some problems of late. A few less instances of graciousness and few more instances of expecting things.

To top it off their infirmed FIL came to live with them recently so they've grown from a busy family of 6 to an overburdened family of 7. Lately my DSIL and I can't seem to have a conversation without getting into a disagreement.

We took a cruise with them last year. It was great, as long as I bit my tongue and practiced the high road of ignoring things. We also split up a lot, which worked as long as my DSIL allowed everyone the flexibility of deciding what they wanted to do and with whom. She has a habit of ordering people about and getting mad when they rebel.

We haven't taken a group trip with them to Disney since '04. And that's partially because they think it's too expensive and part because we left a day early to avoid the fallout of an evening meltdown. (Blamed on the kids when it was actually the parents' fault.)

Another brother talks about missing the group plans but even when he's invited he always finds an excuse not to show.

The one sibling who gets an automatic invite is my sister. Her group of 4 are most like us in temperament and style. It's busier when they are around, but they are always gracious, never demanding, and understand when people need space. After years of vacationing in Williamsburg with them, we're taking them to Disney for Halloween next month. They'll be there 6 days in the middle of our trip. Wisely we booked time before and after their visit so we can vacation our way and not get too disturbed if we have to curtail our activities to fit in with them.

I wouldn't make too much out of the lack of excitement and feedback. I vacation regularly with my dad, but I'm the planner. I'll spend hours on message forums, reading books and running possible scenarios through my brain. I'll tell him my ideas and he rebuffs me. Information overload he says and he prefers "winging it". But when we get to our trips he wakes up every morning and goes to bed every night asking me what's on the agenda for tomorrow. I started making a trip calendar for the fridge in the unit... all color coded with ADR's, park hours and suggested activities for the day with cute little Disney clipart throughout. He treats it as our bible and saves them for posterity. After the trip he tells everyone what a fantastic time we had and all the great planning I did. You'd think the grumbling man who chided me for "planning too much" was his evil twin.

I miss being able to kick around possible ideas with someone, but that's what happens when you're the only planner.

 

[edk35]

We don't tell our immediate families anymore about our trips. We have learned and learned from many past trips that THIS DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK EASILY. So for now.....we are being selfish and no one has even asked ABOUT WDW AND going. Therefore.....they must NOT MISS IT. WE absolutely LOVE IT....so we go and we have a great time and eventually we will plan another trip and then afterwards we will look at each other (or maybe during the FAMILY trip LOL) and say "never again".

 

[edk35]

Also, we just recently went to WDW in Aug. and some good friends of ours also went. They have 4 boys and their oldest is our youngest age so we are at two different points in our lives as far as the kids go. Well we were able to eat at Cape May's character meal, hang out a while at BWV afterwards, met one morning at MK for a few hours, did the P & P party together on another night and saw each other briefly to say hi at AK another morning. IT was a nice trip.....they had their plans and we had ours and we found some time to get together. I think that when people go with large groups.....it is nice to do SOME things together but it is nice to be off and alone too with just your family.

 

[crisi]

The other choice--if you HAVE to park tour with them--give them your schedule for the day and say, "This is what we are doing today. You are welcome to join us. If you don't think these are the things you would like to do, that's totally fine with me...I want you to do what YOU want on your vacation. You can just meet up with us at ______________" (and then turn off your cell! ok, just kidding about that part! )

Good luck! And no matter what--don't let them spoil YOUR vacation or lessen the magic for YOU!

When they grumble following you the response is not "oh, we will all change our plans for you, what do you want to do" but "oh, I'm sorry you aren't enjoying yourself. Why don't you go do something you are more interested in and we will meet up later?" (If its a kid, shift the burden to Mom or Dad - Austin seems to think this is too babyish - why don't you guys go take him on some bigger kid rides and we'll see you at dinner? Surprisingly, these stories generally aren't about kids - its generally another adult who stands there watching his kids ride Dumbo with huge smiles on their faces griping about how this isn't any fun at all.)

 

[vwlvette]

Wow, after reading this thread I really appreciate my family!! Last year I treated everyone for a Disney Vacation, at the time we were a family of 4.5, DW, Two boys 9 & 11, and one on the way. My DB and DSil and their two boys 7 & 12, My Parents, and Inlaws. We had booked the Poly Club Level for us, all others had rooms at WL. Was a great trip, came home and purchased DVC. Got enought points to do this every year.

This year we are going home for the first time to VWL, Booked a two Bedroom for our family and Bro's family, And studios for both sets of grandparents. This is my parents 50th wedding anv, so we are doing everything to make it special. Just being with all their grandkids will do that.

We have ADRs for 13 (8 adults, 4 boys & our little Princess (Her first trip to the World)) throughtout the trip.
Liberty Square Tavern - D
Ohana's - B & D
Le Cellier - D
1900 Park Fare - D
Whispering Canyon - D

Best of luck to all of you having issues with family & friends, I do think sometimes they don't realize what it takes to plan.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Having done big family groups more than a few times, I've found the secret is to plan a vacation "within" your vacation. For this upcoming trip, we've got four disparate groups:

Us: Veteran Disney Freaks who get up at the crack of dawn Me, Dh DD8 DD7

SPX: Our best friends, also Disney Freaks and punctual, although not necessarily as early or as mobile as we are with a 2 yo and a 9 yo

DOO: Other set of friends, never vacationed in Disney with us but have been several times on their own. Can't remember the right names of any of the parks or rides, never EVER get anywhere on time, never EVER return emails. 2 kids, 2 and 5.

FAM: My inlaws; they stepped in when my parents dropped out. This is their first trip to Disney in nearly 30 years! They don't want to be overwhelmed or shaken up or overscheduled. After watching one disney planning DvD they were totally freaked out by how much there was there now. Declared non-disney fans but have a good attitude about the upcoming trip. We don't burden them with questions, just plan with them in mind and build in the ability to bow out of most things gracefully.

FAM2: BFF's inlaws. Big disney fans, mid 70's, enjoy disney at their own pace.

16 total people.

Sooo, the "core" of my trip is built around what we, as a family of four, want to see and do. Then we extend that core to accomodate my inlaws and what they'd like to do. Then the core extends further to the best friends, then at the fringe is the slacker friends.

I don't think linearly when I create the itinerary; I think in layers and overlapping circles. Who do I need to please the most when I create? Us. Then folks, then BF, then friends.

If you keep that in mind when you're doing the itinerary and planning contacts, then you'll feel a lot less angry at the level of feedback, I think. Although in this case it's me and my BF that are doing the daily pow wow sessions, since her itinerary also involves her inlaws and very little overlap with our slacker friends since she doesn't know them, and ours also overlaps with her inlaws since we do know them.

If you KNOW people are going to complain about a dinner or something else, we just don't schedule them in for that part of the intinerary. For the slacker friends, we give them the itinerary and say, you know where we're going to be, if we see you, great, if not, no problem.

Never, ever, schedule something for people where if they don't show up it will impact your pocketbook. Been there, done that, never again. You give them the opportunity to cough up the money ahead of time, and if it doesn't happen, they don't participate. I get the money BEFORE I buy the MVMCP.

Deadlines are good too: When you send email, say, I'm booking this on this date. If you want in, then send money by this date.

The downside is some people think we're cold or inflexible or deadline driven and don't like that I give deadlines for stuff. I have made great strides in my life with letting those people vacation without us.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Thank you everyone - your stories make me feel better - it is just not ME!

DSIL and DB are narcissist and expect my parents to pay for everything and I think there is a strugle between her and DM. DM gets the kids all excited then they cannot back out! DSIL already tried to find out what my parents pay on our trip (which saddened her to find out they don'e even pay for part of the room)

This is exactly why I did not get a GV - now I can dump the studio for when/if they back out and be done with it.

I guess the saddest thing is I am not surprised. I am not too close to my DB and his family - they never put any effort into anything that is not about them so it is not just me but in some ways this is great - for one year's points I can get it over and be done with them all.

I have decided that they can do what they want, how they want and when they want but I will make decisions and they can suck it up and smile.

Ok, I understand your anger, but you need to do what your brother is doing-putting himself first. Put YOURSELF first!!!

Sit down with a fresh piece of paper and make an itinerary that makes YOU happy! THEN add on everyone else, as you see fit. The sooner you decide you're doing this trip for YOU, not THEM, then the happier you'll be. They'll just get to share in the peripheral awesomeness of your trip, or not, as they choose. It's all good for you, because you've put yourself in the center of your awesome itinerary.


The "I will make decisions and they can suck it up and smile"-man, you are carrying a lot of resentment that's going to mess up your vacation! Make one set of ressies for you where you want to, then book your family a separate table at the same time under their name. That way, if they don't show, who cares!! You can let it go (imagine a balloon you fill with anger and then let it fly away....).

You can neutralize the mother by not giving her any information that you don't want her to meddle with ahead of time. If you have something that you're really excited about, keep it close to your heart, and plan it so that other people's influence is minimized. If your mother tells your kids something that's not wrong, just say, "oh, no, honey, grandma was mistaken, that's not on our plans for this time but we can talk about it for next time."

I became much better at handling situations by acknowleging that my reaction is as much of a contributing factor to how people act as their behavior.

 

[Detailor]

I agree that there no reason for relatives to be so self-absorbed that they think what you're giving them is just their birth-right. They should show their appreciation to you. I applaud you for taking the stand that this is the last time - though you probably should have done that earlier (less building frustration, etc.).
I come from having the opposite experience. Though I've not been fortunate enough to be able to share our Disney trips with either my parents or my wife's (all of our parents were gone before we started regularly visiting) we have regularly invited my wife's oldest sister (middle sister won't travel) and our own adult daughters with their various husbands and boyfriends. We routinely extend an open invitation to our various family members to join us on any of our vacations - Disney or otherwise - and I can't remember anybody complaining or not thanking us. Maybe they've all heard me liberally criticize others for their rudeness in not saying 'thank you' or maybe they all really appreciate the nearly free vacation. Either way they keep coming back and I can't imagine not have at least some of them join us when we're vacationing.

Dick Taylor

 

[eliza61]

Aahh,
DVC points and families. I think almost every single dvc member on these boards have some type of war wounds resulting from these two. Chalk it up to being in very good company.

 

[Anthony1971]

Rude or not I have learned to go seperate ways. This year (next week) we have my wifes parenst and brother. We will be staying in the same room but for the most part they have dinner resrevations and we do not We have a young child so it is hard to commit to anything right now for us. HOWEVER we did make the reservations for them and they did complian about a few after asking where they were eating on a given night and when asked where they wnated to eat there was silence... The best example was a reservation at the Hollwood Brown Derby-- Oh your Father does not like MGM-- Well you are not going there to see the park... and the reservation sticks....
Past was worse... but all was fine in the end as it always was family and I am happy to do this for them..
Now as I said we go our way if you want to come then you are welcome and we would be happy to have you with us if not you have a key.

 

[crisi]

Aahh,
DVC points and families. I think almost every single dvc member on these boards have some type of war wounds resulting from these two. Chalk it up to being in very good company.

I always cringe when people want to rent points for these things. Its one thing for a member who controls their points and takes the risk - I think at least we sort of have a clue about the risks - and have some control over the points - limited though that control may be when your sister says she can't go and lets you know with two weeks notice. I can't imagine making reservations through an owner at $12 a point and then having people dink around.

 

[edk35]

Of course we just bought into DVC and have only gone once so far as a member...but to be honest....I don't even want to take an extended family member. LOL I know that is selfish and don't get me wrong...I love my parents and we are VERY CLOSE but we have been on every trip together pretty much but three and those were in the past few years. I guess it comes down to doing things OUR WAY...vs. their way, and every trip ends usually with my dad wishing they had left after day 4 or 5 and my mom driving my kids nuts pointing every cute thing out and stuff like that. SO...now that we are DVC members..... I really don't want to share that at least not right now. Is that wrong??

 

[Muushka]

I always cringe when people want to rent points for these things. Its one thing for a member who controls their points and takes the risk - I think at least we sort of have a clue about the risks - and have some control over the points - limited though that control may be when your sister says she can't go and lets you know with two weeks notice. I can't imagine making reservations through an owner at $12 a point and then having people dink around.

Poor Crisi. I remember how you were trying (unsuccessfully ) to help a renter understand how difficult it is to plan for family get-togethers. You were right on!

 

[Cee]

....take the 2br for your family, cancel the studio and leave 'em out in the "cold".

 

[crisi]

Poor Crisi. I remember how you were trying (unsuccessfully ) to help a renter understand how difficult it is to plan for family get-togethers. You were right on!

I've done that a few times and been punished every time for my good deed. I expect it now. And I'm going to keep being the voice of doom on rentals for multi family vacations.

"My family would NEVER back out, how dare you imply...." Yeah, cause no one loses their job, gets pregnant or gets ill and cancels a vacation. No one has EVER ended up with one less person because of divorce or one more when "surprise, we got engaged." And because only DVC members have relatives that don't understand timeshares and change their mind and their party size and their travel dates four times over eleven months.

If my warnings prevent ONE person from holding the bag on an extra room they paid for, I figure I'll get into heaven on that alone. And if I keep one member from having to deal with that renter calling them with a sob story about family canceling, its bonus points.

And if people don't listen and think I'm a huge meanie for raining on their parade - then they deserve finding out that their son and his new girlfriend decided to go to Cancun instead.

 

[JimMIA]

I always cringe when people want to rent points for these things. Its one thing for a member who controls their points and takes the risk - I think at least we sort of have a clue about the risks - and have some control over the points - limited though that control may be when your sister says she can't go and lets you know with two weeks notice. I can't imagine making reservations through an owner at $12 a point and then having people dink around.

From one "Voice of Doom" to another, I'm not sure what scares me more -- the potential guest trying to rent a ressie for a family reunion, or the DVC owner who is silly enough to even consider accepting the rental.

My hierarchy for No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Award candidates with DVC is:

#3 - the guest who rents points and has people back out on them. They just don't know any better, and you really can't expect them to.
#2 - the owner who uses their own points and has people back out on them. We should know the risks, but as you say, we often don't think the rules of human nature apply to our family.
#1 and all time champ - the owner who rents a ressie to a family reunion and gets stuck or has to go through endless aggravation that could have been avoided by simply saying "no."

 

[Muushka]

I've done that a few times and been punished every time for my good deed. I expect it now. And I'm going to keep being the voice of doom on rentals for multi family vacations.

"My family would NEVER back out, how dare you imply...." Yeah, cause no one loses their job, gets pregnant or gets ill and cancels a vacation. No one has EVER ended up with one less person because of divorce or one more when "surprise, we got engaged." And because only DVC members have relatives that don't understand timeshares and change their mind and their party size and their travel dates four times over eleven months.

If my warnings prevent ONE person from holding the bag on an extra room they paid for, I figure I'll get into heaven on that alone. And if I keep one member from having to deal with that renter calling them with a sob story about family canceling, its bonus points.

And if people don't listen and think I'm a huge meanie for raining on their parade - then they deserve finding out that their son and his new girlfriend decided to go to Cancun instead.

I hope it gets you into heaven! It's funny (sad actually ). I read most posts and really don't want to get into it with some of those questions they ask. I am always grateful for people like you and many others who are willing to try to help.

PS Jim, I agree with your top 3!