Is it REALLY too much to ask?

[Slakk]

For some stupid reason I invited my family to WDW. Family consists of parents and DB and his family - all together 9 people, 6 adults and 3 children. We are staying in a 2BR and a studio at AKV (SV). I have made ADRs (not easy to get 9 in restraunts I am learning) including CRT.

I guess I am just irritated that none of them seem grateful at all. I am doing a ton of work and getting ZERO back. My SIL was complaining about how they have no idea of the costs or how to budget (it is true the phone lines only come from my house to theirs LOL) so I put together a document on AKV, the room layout, DDP costs (we are doing it for simplicity sake), the restaurants and their menus basically a WDW Primer plus. I sent it to them vie e-mail...not even an acknowledgement.

Had those custom WDW maps made and sent to the kids - no response.

My mother proceeds to tell my DN about my surprise (not anymore) appointment at Bippity Boppity Boutique for her and now has promised her a dress (blowing my makeup hair and nails away) and also told her I was taking her to Cinderellas Tea at Grand Floridian - uh not at those prices for the 4 girls it would cost me about 300 dollars, I had planned to do the Afternoon Tea for me and the DN but as usual my DM has to one up me. grrrrrr

So now I have two ADRs for our first night 1900 Park Fare or Kona Cafe and I wanted some input (frankly I just want someone other than me to make a decision) and I was talking to DM about it and she said ask DB or DSIL - DM was going over to there house (they live in the same town I am 2000 miles away) and said they would call...yep you got it no call. (I hate holding two large ADRs because I know someone else can use it and a table for 9 is hard to get.)

I am just tired of all the work I am doing and getting nothing back from my family of ingrates. Is it too much to get an e-mail response even if it just said thank you? Is it too much to get a thank you that they are getting a FREE FREAKING SUITE for there trip.

My parents have been mooching off our points for three years and I hope they enjoy this trip because this is the last time. All my DB and DSIL talk about is the expense (my parents are paying for the kid's airfare) and I just want to scream that they are getting a deluxe vacation at a great deal.

No one will lift a finger to plan but watch them complain if they don't like something (my mother still whines about the crime against humanity aka a trip to Boma's)

I am just done with it - I am not asking them one more thing - I am not bringing up the trip. In fact I am thinking my family will take the studio and I will dump all of them in the 2 BR and hope we get assigned on opposite sides of the resort.

Sorry just venting....

 

[DVC Grammy]

Deep breaths, deep breaths...................

First, I hope things work out easier for your trip. It's unfortunate that your generosity isn't appreciated, and it's a painful lesson that you weren't prepared for. No matter how things eventually do turn out, there will be this "aftertaste" (sorta' like the old TAB soda).

I think many of us DVCers have had some form of this treatment, if not with family, then with friends.

The upside of that kind of experience is that vacations afterwards tend to be easier: points don't have to be "hoarded" as much, ADR's are for where you want to eat, you don't need to be "Official Tour Guide", and you're more able to make it a "customized" trip for just your immediate family.

Good luck for this upcoming trip, and may the ones afterwards be exactly the way YOU want them!

 

[Dean]

My experience, both personally and from these boards, is that people who do these sort of things are predictable. That you may have known they were this way prior and just hoping it would be different this time. If this is your first time finding out they're like this, it's a shame or maybe there are extenuating circumstances, which I hope for your sake. Regardless, I feel for you as many of us have had similar experiences over the years.

We plan a family trip about every 3 years. I get as much room as I can under the circumstances and invite family until I have our space essentially full. I provide the accommodations at my expense and not only do I not ask for payment, I wouldn't accept it. The rules have involved a little over the years but here's where the currently stand.

• I decide the dates. I may look for input and info a year or more out but once I've decided when, the time for input is gone. If you can't go then, sorry, we'll miss you.
• You don't wait on me and I don't wait on you.
• There will be an occasional alcoholic beverage, if that's a problem, not problem just DON'T GO. But we're talking maybe a 6 pack for the entire week, not any real partying. This rule was put in place for my mom and my brother the minister but has never been an issue since we dealt with it up front.
• You pay your expenses and an appropriate portion of the groceries.
• I get the best room, like our Ocean Front unit at HH.
• Every family has to plan and prepare at least one full evening meal.
• We go out to dinner as a group one night so plan accordingly.
• If you don't follow these rules, you won't be invited again. Which my brother is already on the verge of having happen. He's had a couple of bends in these rules and is down to the last strike so to speak.

This coming summer we're going to Gatlinburg in the summer. I currently have 3 two BR units plus a 1 BR reserved. I hope to get 1 or 2 more 2 BR units on exchange so I can extend invitations to some extended family, a couple of high school friends and my daughters in-laws.

 

[Inkmahm]

I can relate, yup. I'm organizing a vacation for 12 in December for us and DH's entire immediate family. We have sent lots of emails with information about buying tickets (there's been two price increases since we started to plan this trip and I STILL don't think they have all theirs purchased.) We've sent emails about making ADRs, car rentals, things to do at WDW, etc. All seem to fall on deaf ears. We never get a response at all. I even bought each family the "Unofficial Guide to WDW" books and sent them to them about a year and a half in advance of the trip. My dear MIL says not to give up on sending the info, even though it seems not of them are paying attention. Yeah, right.

We are definitely taking the studio portion of one of the two bedrooms just because I want my own bathroom (we're all in Boardwalk view at BWV) and some privacy. I"d like to spend some time with the niece and nephew on this trip because they've never been to WDW (even though their mom goes without them quite often when she tags along with a friend of hers for free) But the family will be the kind that can't decide until mid morning which park they want to go to that day. No, thanks. I made ADRs for DH and me for all lunches and dinners. We're doing 5 ADRS for the rest of the family as a group(where we are even paying for the meals, including CRT/Jikos/Cali Grill, Liberty Tree tavern) and other than that, they are on their own. I'm sure not a single one of them has listened to me and made ADRS in advance so they will all be whining about how the restaurants are full and they can't get in.

Hang in there. I love the family dearly, but they just aren't Disney people. We'll see how this trip goes. If it really drives me crazy, they won't be invited back either. I'm hoping the actual trip runs more smoothly than the planning for it has gone.

 

[MrsNick]

to the OP. We DIS'ers know what hard work you've done, and I appreciate it vicariously I hope your trip goes better than the lead up has been so far.

Since DH and I only have a 150 point contract, we don't have the luxury for family and friends who waffle. We tell people when we plan to go, and that if they'd like to come along, let us know. If they don't let us know, I do not play "mommy" to them and keep following up. I just make our ressies and plans.

My DSis already has one "strike" against her (I like that terminology Dean!) and she hasn't even gone with us yet. Two and a half years ago, I said I'd like to take DNephew, and that I thought January 07 would be a great time to go. Dsis said that would work for her as well.

I put together a huge WDW primer and e-mailed it to her personal e-mail and work e-mail. I never got any kind of acknowledgment that she even received it. Suffice to say I was miffed, and won't be going to that kind of trouble again. She just had twins and moved a thousand miles away, so at some point in the future (maybe a couple of years), I'd love to do a family vacay with her family, our DM and my family. I think we could try to spring for a 2BR and studio at OKW or maybe an OKW GV, depending on season (and luck at 7 mos). I will bring it up once. If she doesn't follow up, well then no reunion. I refuse for everything to always be a one way street. If it isn't important to her to spend quality time together, I'm not going to twist her arm.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Just remember that for all the "issues" you are having now BEFORE the trip, you will have multiplied 10 fold when you are ON the trip. People who don't wish to plan will also not follow the plan once you get there, and you will spend all your time "waiting for them". That will turn your large ADRs into a shambles too, not to mention your schedule.

We have learned to plan one "event" a day for the whole group. If they don't want to help plan it, I do, and they are "stuck" with what I plan. If we are not doing a dining plan and are feeding the whole pack, we usually put each family group in charge of one meal per day. That family decides WHICH meal WHAT the meal will be and informs the group. THey then are responsible for providing that meal at the time they want. IF someone in the group doesn't want to participate in that meal, they inform the planners so they know how many to plan for. It has worked very well for us with 3 and 4 family groups and as many as 13 people. Of course, with that size group, we weren't planning on big restaurant meals all together at any one time.

 

[VrBchJ]

Last Dec. I took my niece, her husband and their two children for an all expense paid trip to WDW. I got a 2 bedroom at OKW which was wonderful. Then it started..."You mean there's no elevator? We have to carry our bags up a flight of stairs." Comments like that culminated with my neice's husband saying that after this he would only stay in monorail resorts. Guess what? As Dean says, three strikes and you're out.

 

[Peggy Sue]

Nice to know we're not alone....

We have a reunion for 16 coming up next month. We have reserved a grand villa and 3 studios at OKW to ensure everyone has a bedroom and bath they can call their own and we won't have anyone camping in the living room of he GV .. I've tried to explain to people how our timeshare works and that they need to commit to this vacation or let us know by a certain date so we can release their rooms ...well, everyone told us they were coming and now one of nephews family is telling me a couple of their kids may not get to come because of sports .... they are a family of 5 and I reseved 2 studios for them ....I'm not a happy camper....... I'm tempted to send them a bill!!

I too have sent details about the resort, parks, etc., and I don't think anyone has done anything with it. I've shipped guide books to their homes, and sent the kids pin lanyards and starter pin sets ...nothing ...

Thank you for sharing your "rules" ...we will have some for sure ..I've let them all know that during the day we will all do our own thing..free to get together with others, or not ..but I'm certainly not anticpating dragging 15 people tied together 24 hours a day!!

I have reserved a disney photographer to come to OKW the first day for a family photo, we have tickets to MNSSHP one night, and I've booked an illuminations cruise .. I've got CRT for the girls one morning and 2 character breakfasts for the group (but only reserved for 12 ..not 16) other than that ..they are on their own. We'll go to Costco the first day and stock up on breakfast provisions and snacks .. I really like the idea of assigning a meal to every family ..think I will try that!!

Good luck with your reunions .. despite the fact I'm a bit disappointed with their response to date, I am looking forward to being there with everyone. Many have never been to disney, so it will be fun to see it through fresh eyes again. And, it's F&W festival time ..if they drive us nuts, just look for us at Epcot ...we'll be the ones sampling all the wine!!


In their defense, I think we DVC members know the drill and how improtant it is to plan. I remember our first WDW vacation ...I didn't plan anything, didn't know I really had too..and we had so much fun. I think the planning starts to come in when you learn the secrets of the other events you can plan to enjoy ..plus, we're WDW junkies ...they haven't arrived there yet!! But, that doesn't excuse any of them for a simple thank you ...or displaying some excitement!!

 

[TenThousandVolts]

Hey Slakk I can sort of relate- I was the prime planner for our GG last year (22 people) We had many little princesses ages 3,4,4,5,&6 and I was so thrilled that I scored CRT for the gang. Nobody seemed as excited as I was- and a few didn't want to go. At 1st I felt unappreciated, then I realized that as a certified Disney freak, my values are just different and I accepted that and stepped back from the planning a bit. I made sure everyone knew how to plan for themselves. We didn't get to do any meals as a whole group since people were unwilling to sync their plans. I thought that was unfortunate but overall it was a great trip.

 

[RLRDA]

We invited my immediate family (4 adults + 3 kids + my family of 5) to WDW for our Aug '07 trip. It was actually my DH's idea to invite them all! He thought it would be fun! We asked back in March '07 and everyone said it sounded great!! After I had booked two 2BR villas for 5 nights and started sending them info (e-mails, phone calls) one DB & DSIL backed out b/c they were in limbo selling/buying a house (which was in the works when I asked them). The other DB & DSIL backed out as well not long after claiming their youngest was a handful and they'd be stressed out having to deal with that! We were also going in August and DSIL#2 thought it would be too hot. She said they only plan on taking 1 Disney trip so they wanted to wait until their kids are a little older (wasn't she aware of these things when she agreed to the trip in the first place?).

In the end, we changed our trip to a 9 night stay and were able to enjoy 2 different DVC resorts. While we like to share DVC with others, we're glad they didn't come. We are definitely Disney people and like to plan. After reading the other (horror) stories I'm glad it worked out for us as it did.

 

[DVCJones]

We had a similar experience last April. So bad in fact, that my DH and I said "NEVER AGAIN" I didn't think that after that trip my DM and her DH would ever want to join us again either. It was bad. DM hubby was a grump the whole time. He was complaining about everything. This was hard for me to deal with because I had put so much time and effort into planning every detail to make it as easy as possible for a 78yo man. I selected the resort that best fit his needs, request a room close to everything on the first floor, based our dining around what he likes....etc.

Now, imagine my horror when they told me that they wanted to come again next April!!!! Wha wha what!!!! My DH said "no #$@^%&* way"!!! I tried to change their minds but it didn't work. It is hard because my DM is not the problem and I feel bad that she will miss out on time with my kids at the "happiest place on earth"

I did lay down some rules though. No shared room (2br) on this trip. in fact, they will be at a whole different resort.(BWV/BCV) We will not eat every meal together either. We will have one planned meal and show together.(Fantasmic) We will also be in different parks on any given day. We will also have one pool day together too. We may meet up to watch some fireworks or walk the BW if we feel like it.

I will still make their ADR's per my DM request. It helps her out and I know where they will be on any given day

I think it is important to have alone time. It will make the time you are together more special. At least that is what I am telling myself.

Good luck to all who plan extended family vacations!!!

 

[kikiq]

Last Dec. I took my niece, her husband and their two children for an all expense paid trip to WDW. I got a 2 bedroom at OKW which was wonderful. Then it started..."You mean there's no elevator? We have to carry our bags up a flight of stairs." Comments like that culminated with my neice's husband saying that after this he would only stay in monorail resorts. Guess what? As Dean says, three strikes and you're out.

Good, then your DN's DH can pay the prices of the deluxw resorts out of HIS pocket.

Love Dean's rules. I too am planning a family vacation with my family next summer with our points. The good news is my family are all Disney fiends.
And those rules will be good. Don't know that I would attempt this with my DH's family. This is definitely helping in prepping me in how much NOT to do for everyone.

 

[mjy]

Slakk:

What you need to do is print out your original post.

Give it to your SIL and say, "Look what I found in Ann Landers' column. Gosh, I'm glad that we don't have a family like that!"

And then wait for the response.

 

[Inkmahm]

Slakk:

What you need to do is print out your original post.

Give it to your SIL and say, "Look what I found in Ann Landers' column. Gosh, I'm glad that we don't have a family like that!"

And then wait for the response.

Perfect!

As for getting large groups to show up for ADRs, we'll see. We have the meals for 12 scheduled and I will kill them if they don't show up for the prepaid breakfast at CRT. For the others, if they are late and don't show, we will eat without them. That will be cheaper for us as we won't be paying for their meals if they aren't there. I think only fools would give up free dinners at Jiko's, Cali Grill, etc.

As for other meals where I didn't do ADRS for the other 10 people, my guess is that they will try to save money by cooking some meals in the villas. Of course, they don't plan to rent cars and I doubt they'll plan ahead of time what they want to cook. Wonder how they'll get to the grocery store for the food? I'm stocking up breakfast items for them only. Anything else besides that and the meals out that we're paying for comes under the "good luck with that" category.

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

Just remember that for all the "issues" you are having now BEFORE the trip, you will have multiplied 10 fold when you are ON the trip. People who don't wish to plan will also not follow the plan once you get there, and you will spend all your time "waiting for them". That will turn your large ADRs into a shambles too, not to mention your schedule.

OMG! Truer words were never spoken!! That is exactly right! I feel the pain of everyone here. Several years ago, I was the "designated planner" for DH's family of 29!! Got us all reservations to Cinderella's breakfast at the castle -- but did they care? Noooooooo. One family didn't "feel" like getting up that morning, then they forgot their tickets, had to go back to resort, couldn't get into MK, then this, then that - meanwhile, all the rest of us are waiting, because, as we know, they won't seat you until your whole party is there. I was furious. We must have waited an hour or more for them. Almost weren't let in to breakfast because we were so late.

Next night - MVMCP - and dinner at Crystal Palace. Same deal. They couldn't even show up on time. This happened at EVERY ADR we had.

I had worked my fingers to the bones for months for these people. Then I asked for them all to pose for ONE group picture in front of the castle. The only thing I had asked in return. That's ALL I wanted out of the whole trip! OMG - you'd have thought I asked them to cut off a limb. Moan, @Q#$%, gripe. Some people weren't even in this group picture of 29 - because they wanted to go ride a ride. And when there was a camera failure and they had to stand there 10 extra seconds -- you'd have thought I'd have asked them to cut off their OTHER limb.

Oh -- DH and I got DDE cards on everyone's behalf (20% off meals) and made them available to MIL who flipped the bill on some meals. Did we even get a "oh, gee, thanks for the (huge) savings?". That would be a noooo (again). MIL spent hundreds of dollars on "stuff" for the other grandkids. My kids - she gave a $8 mini stuffed animal. Funny, but I think mine were more grateful for the $8 thing than the rest were with their mega-boatloads. She bought BIL's and SIL's huge amounts of Christmas ornaments, Disney household items, and more (to remember the trip by). Anything for DH and I? noooooooo! ("oh, I figured you already had some of those". But did she ask? nooooo.

Despite all this, they wanted to vacation together again - and after a Carnival cruise, declared that the next cruise would be Disney. Oh boy! I made plans on top of plans. Of the 29 people, can you guess how many actually went? Yep, just the 4 of us (me, DH, and 2 DS). We had planned that cruise for 18 months. I was heartbroken. Our little family went even though all the rest backed out and we had a fabulous time - but still .......

Ahh, yes, I've bought & sent them all travel books. Found articles and emailed them. Any response? Noooooooo (you're catching on, aren' t you?)

I'm a slow learner -- but never again!

 

[Inkmahm]

Wait an hour for someone to show up to eat? Not in this lifetime. I'll wait 1/2 hour max at home for someone who is late for a restaurant date. I doubt I'll be even that understanding at Disney. If they aren't there for the ADRs they will have to fend for themselves as I'm not waiting for them. We'll just be seated with a smaller group and eat without them.

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

As for other meals where I didn't do ADRS for the other 10 people, my guess is that they will try to save money by cooking some meals in the villas. Of course, they don't plan to rent cars and I doubt they'll plan ahead of time what they want to cook. Wonder how they'll get to the grocery store for the food? I'm stocking up breakfast items for them only. Anything else besides that and the meals out that we're paying for comes under the "good luck with that" category.

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

Wait an hour for someone to show up to eat? Not in this lifetime.

Got that right! I'm so much older and wiser now. My favorite quote is "I'm 40 now and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"

I think we tried having CRT seat the rest of us and forget about them, but if I recall they wouldn't split up the party or something like that. I don't know. I was distraught and can't remember. It's been a few years.

 

[poohmomof5]

As I was reading through this today, I was so sad for everyone!

It kind of reminds me of issues that families' have with Christmas etc.

So I will share with you what we do and agree with alot of what Dean said. (We have done several trips with extended family.)

First of all, I don't let people's ignorance ruin my trip. IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

So what we do (and we do the same for Holidays and it works great) is this:

We give the dates etc. We have never paid airfare, so we say here is when and where we are going to be. We are going to pay for the hotel and whatever else (ie park passes or dining plan).

Then I give them an idea of what airfare etc is currently and/or how much the tickets would cost etc. Then I ask them if they would like any help booking or anything. Once I do that, I get their commitment. I try to somehow book something on their behalf and have them pay me so I have some financial commitment, once you have that, people don't typically back out!

Then I will send some books etc along with some tips.

If I make an ADR, I will let others know what I have done so they can join us if they choose. (Some times I make reservations for all of us, knowing that it is easier to downsize the group in the future.)

About a month before the trip, I will send all the final details about what me and my family are doing so they all know where to find us if they so choose.

And that is it! I will not have someone else make me miserable. They will figure it all out on their own and they won't be able to come back to me and say "why didn't you tell me...?"

Also, we don't choose to share a room. It is nice to have somewhere to go to get away if things aren't going as well as we expect.

Also, I totally agree with Dean on the "we won't wait for you and you shouldn't wait for us" rule. This is key with my family because there are so many of us (7), we never know what may come up that can delay us. I hate to ruin anyone's plans, so I am very upfront...if we aren't there, go on, we will be fine!

My husband asked me to let you know that most likely your family is not being malicious. Most likely they don't even realize how miserable you are. They are simply being clueless and possibly thoughtless.

He also mentioned that sometimes clueless people just truly may be caught up in their own lives and just not realize how much misery they are causing you. So he suggested that you consider telling them that you are really putting alot of work into this and you are super excited and you are feeling underappreciated. Don't be afraid to let them know that they can always not come, that way it won't be such an issue for them. Hopefully they will change their attitude, if not, just let them know when and where you will be and that you look forward to seeing them if they so choose and have a great time with your own family!

I am sure it is hard being so far away from the others too! It seems that they are together alot and you are far away. I really hope it works out and if you take my advice, you should be able to have a nice time regardless of your SIL.

Good luck!

Poohmom

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

The rules have involved a little over the years but here's where the currently stand.

BTW, love the rules! If I ever were to plan another trip for a large group (which I'm not ) I would surely be implementing all of them! Way to go!!