Is it ok to bash your spouse on the DIS?

[shortbun]

I feel very strongly about not bringing personal things about my spouse to any website or message board. He doesn't talk about me behind my back either. Even my friends know I don't gossip about my marriage but they are free to do it if they want to. The exception to me would be abuse and abandonment-requesting help in those issues. I am aware that I may be in a minority here. What do you think? I'm just going to read and watch the poll numbers. Thanks for your interest!!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I don't know. One person's vent is another person's bash I guess. I think it depends on the topic and delivery. I do think there is a difference. I can't tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it.

Are you posting a poll?

 

[IdesOmarch]

Apparently only if you're a woman.

And how does someone requesting someone to dress up and look nice "Bashing"??

 

[wvjules]

If by bash you actually mean complain about your spouse then sure, why not? It is an anonmyous message board that some use to vent. I don't see it as a big deal.

If by bash you actually mean bash, well I have not seen that on the dis.

ETA: I voted other because one person's bash is another person's annoyance/vent/complaint.

 

[mjkacmom]

I bash my spouse, as do my friends. However, just petty annoyances, and we share a lot of the same annoyances. DH knows I do this, and all the other guys know, as well, and will make fun of us when we're all together.

If I had a serious issue, it would be between DH and myself, and maybe someone very close, who I could get an objective opinion from. I'd never discuss something with someone else and not discuss it with DH.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't have an issue doing it, but I don't see it as gossiping about my marriage (is it possible to gossip about oneself ?) Sometimes its just about venting.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

One person's vent is another person's bash I guess. I think it depends on the topic and delivery. I do think there is a difference. I can't tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it.

I think most of the time people don't necessarily bring things up to bash people I think the posters are looking for an outside opinion of things in case there is a misunderstanding on their part or reaction. It seems when people are bashing they tend to change their username to remain unknown.

 

[imthatgirl]

If someone is posting their spouses name and picture then "bashing" them...yeah I might find issue with that.

But if someone is just aggravated with something their spouse has done and wants to vent it here...who cares? I just don't see the big deal...or apparently the poll.

 

[Sugardimples]

I don't think you should be bashing your spouse, period. Any issues should be dealt with privately, between you and him/her.

This is hugely disrespectful, IMO.

 

[NikitaZee]

I personally wouldn't do it. I feel that it's throwing my husband under the bus, so to speak. But, I don't think it's necessarily wrong for others to do it. We have friends that share things with other people that I would never dream of sharing about my marriage. But, neither one of them minds, so no problem with me. As far as on a message board - it's anonymous, and as long as you don't put enough out there that can identify you, no harm in my book.

 

[Scurvy]

I don't know. One person's vent is another person's bash I guess. I think it depends on the topic and delivery. I do think there is a difference. I can't tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it.

My thoughts exactly. Personally, I think it's fine to occasionally vent about things or to try to get someone else's take on something that is upsetting you. On the other hand, if you're posting about how much you hate your spouse and what a horrible person they are then you need to be in a counselor's office or visiting a lawyer, not posting on the Dis.

Judging from the other thread that I assume prompted this thread, the answer "Yes, as long as your spouse is a man" probably should have been included in the poll.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I think it is slimy to talk about the people you supposedly love behind their back. If you have an issue with someone you talk to them. I figure that if it would bug me I shouldn't do it to someone else.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

When I got married at age 17) I remember one thing specifically that the minister told us in our premarital counseling. He said when you have an issue go to the person who can fix it. Don't go to your mom, your MIL, your friends cause they can't fix it and it will only cause bad blood. Basically you will forgive and they won't forget. We have taken that advise and it has worked for us . I don't call friends and family to talk about our problems, I go right to him.

Having said that it works for us. If others need a different outlet and it works for them it isn't my place to say. I personally wouldn't like my DH coming online to talk about me in a negative way and I wouldn't do it to him, but that is just what works for us.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Apparently only if you're a woman.

And how does someone requesting someone to dress up and look nice "Bashing"??

Isn't that what you titled your thread?

 

[happygirl]

I think I wish my hubby would help around the house more, Is fine.

I think my hubby is a lazy good for nothing, I think that is wrong.

 

[MissUndastood]

Even my friends know I don't gossip about my marriage!

I don't get that quote. If I have an issue with my husband and I am speaking,venting, bouncing off or whatever to my girlfriends how is that gossiping? Don't you ever feel the need to just bounce little things off your friends?

 

[indimom]

I don't know. One person's vent is another person's bash I guess. I think it depends on the topic and delivery. I do think there is a difference. I can't tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it.

Agreed.

I don't have an issue doing it, but I don't see it as gossiping about my marriage (is it possible to gossip about oneself ?) Sometimes its just about venting.

Yep.

I think most of the time people don't necessarily bring things up to bash people I think the posters are looking for an outside opinion of things in case there is a misunderstanding on their part or reaction. It seems when people are bashing they tend to change their username to remain unknown.

I agree. Sometimes you need someone else to tell you that you're wrong or at least not looking at the situation from every possible angle.

I don't think you should be basing your spouse, period. Any issues should be dealt with privately, between you and him/her.

This is hugely disrespectful, IMO.

I know what you and the others are saying. But sometimes it's not a situation that can be "fixed" so you just let off steam.

When I got married at age 17) I remember one thing specifically that the minister told us in our premarital counseling. He said when you have an issue go to the person who can fix it. Don't go to your mom, your MIL, your friends cause they can't fix it and it will only cause bad blood. Basically you will forgive and they won't forget. We have taken that advise and it has worked for us . I don't call friends and family to talk about our problems, I go right to him.

Having said that it works for us. If others need a different outlet and it works for them it isn't my place to say. I personally wouldn't like my DH coming online to talk about me in a negative way and I wouldn't do it to him, but that is just what works for us.

Again, I agree when it is a situation that needs to be fixed or even can be fixed. But, when you are just venting over the fact that your husband is being... well.... a "man." Sometimes you just complain about it or laugh about it and that's it.
I do agree 100% with the bolded statement. Going to your parents or best friends with information that could color their opinion of your spouse is asking for trouble. I KNOW that my mother would hold a grudge against my hubby a lot longer than I would.

 

[figaromeetsmarie]

Apparently only if you're a woman.

And how does someone requesting someone to dress up and look nice "Bashing"??

Because your title was "the woman BASHING thread"......

 

[LuvOrlando]

If I had a spouse who gave me so much grief I'd actually be moved to bash, publicly or privately, that person would not be my spouse for too long. Life is too short, marriage is a choice, why choose someone who ticks you off?

FWIW, I see some venting, some griping but real actual bashing is abusive, believe me I grew up watching it and I know the difference.... THAT I don't see too much.

For example, a gripe is: I wish my SO would dress up more.
Subtext: I'd feel more appreciated if the other person would go out of his/her way to be attractive to me.

A bashing is: My SO is an ugly slob and I can't stand him/her, I'd be gone if I didn't have to pay alimony and child support, my secret girlfriend/boyfriend is sooo much better at EVERYTING. Too bad its cheaper to keep 'er
Subtext: no need for it

 

[sbell111]

I think it is slimy to talk about the people you supposedly love behind their back. If you have an issue with someone you talk to them. I figure that if it would bug me I shouldn't do it to someone else.

Agreed