Is it me or do people/families not eat dinner anymore?? VENT

[Leajess99]

We eat dinner together every night. I love to plan, prepare, cook and my husband makes sure he's home by dinner time, which is around 6 pm. Call us old fashioned, but that's very important to us. Playdates and activities are planned and scheduled before or after dinner, or mostly on the weekends. The kids never complain, it's just something that we do. Our oldest is 8 and is already asking when she can learn to cook real meals.

Since parents choose to be overworked, and to overshedule their kids with activities, there's no real quality time. As a result family members are forgetting how to relate to each other and eventually the family falls apart.

Really?? Families are falling apart because the kids participate in activities?? What a joke!!!!

I guess in your world the families do NOT attend the children's activities and the children are just left to be on their own?? We do things as a family and just because we don't sit down at a table at the same time does not mean a thing. We are all at the soccer games supporting whichever child is playing.

Just because a family chooses for their children to participate in activities does NOT mean they don't know how to relate to each other. Honestly, that is the most absurd thing I have read.

Oh and my 8 year old also wants to cook so just because you sit around the table and all does not make what your child any different than other kids that don't sit around a table.

 

[ToddyLu]

I could care less about when and how people eat....but I sure would like for people under the age of 25 to look at me instead of a cell phone when they are talking to me. I mean lots of people on the clock these days are constantly looking at their phones. Luckily I work in a job where you are unable to hold a phone and physically do the job.

BTW, DH and I do not have kids and we ate at 5 p.m.--Subway.

 

[mhsjax]

WE just got back from dinner, all 5 of us went. We sat there and I noticed a family of 4 across form us.

My family sat there talked about what was going on in our lives, our up coming vacation and weather or not DS would play football and DD cheer schedule. We laughed had fun and ate.

The other family, the mom, never looked up from her phone, don't know weather she was playing a game or texting, the son maybe 9 years old, sat there in a restaurant with his sun glasses on and wrote on the kids menu the whole time. The Daughter just sat and stared. The father would occasionally speak to the mother. This is the problem. Not families that don't eat every meal together. It is the disconnect that so many have even when they are eating together.

 

[Leajess99]

BTW, there is a HUGE difference between quality and quantity. Again, just because you all are sitting together doesn't mean it is quality time. I talk to my DD every day on the phone when she gets home from school. I sit down with her and really talk about her day and see if she has any questions about anything that happened throughout the day. I still pack her lunch and make her breakfast in the morning. This morning when I left to drop my DD off at school and for work my DS was still asleep. My DD and myself ate breakfast together. My DH leaves at 6:30am for work. I am certainly not going to wake up the whole family so we can eat breakfast together. My DH has a late meeting tonight so I will be eating with the kids. Technically, we are not eating together as a family.

I am not really seeing an issue here (other than people being judgemental). I haven't read any posts where parents weren't feeding their children.

Great post and so true.

 

[LisaTC]

Well, I hate to even comment considering the tenor...but I will tell experiences...when growing up on a farm we always had at the table meal times. It was the way it was. Now it isn't like that, per se. I've had the kids friends come over and when we sit down to supper they wonder what we're doing! If only the excuse was that they were involved in sports or other curricular or extracurricular activities. Valid reasons for delaying or modifying meal times if you ask me. I think maybe manners in dining might be more the issue. I did feel for the kids friends because they thought it was AWESOME we sat down together, it is foreign to some kids and not because they are with their parents doing sports activities, but because they are just not with their parents doing anything for whatever reason. I don't think I could judge somebody else, but I will say going out to eat and seeing families together not talking, but texting or Nintendo DS-ing seems just as bad? I don't know. I don't think you have to eat together to talk, but you definitely should be talking wherever and whenever it is done!

 

[tinkarooni]

I have read the whole thread, yup today I stole 15 minutes for myself and this is how I relaxed .

To OP: I can see why some folks took offense to your original post. It was pretty judgemental, I'm not really sure why it bothers you what other people do. I think that there are a lot of things that contribute to the lack of family values these days but I don't know that not eating dinner together is the reason, we all know it's a good thing to do, but so is exercising 30 minutes a day every day and many of us don't get to that either.

Now that being said, my family is struggling with scheduling life these days. I also did activities as a child and we would practice soccer after school and have a game on Saturday. Nowadays it's two hours, two nights a week and soccer double headers. DD10 wanted to be in cheerleading when she was 8 and they had practice 4 days a week and than games on Saturday. I thought that was a crazy schedule for an 8 year old and our family choose not to participate in this. I do sort of resent the crazy schedules that are imposed on kids by others. Unfortunately you either accept it or your kid doesn't get to play. Personally, I think that a lot of this stuff is over the top, like the cheerleading I mentioned above. But that doesn't mean somebody else shouldn't choose to do it, it's just not for us.

We try to pick and choose based on what the kids really want to do. I use a lot of menu plans, crockpots and cook ahead meals. Just to complicate our lives DD10 has severe reflux and can't eat things like pizza or McDonalds. We haven't seen the inside of the golden arches in 5 years. I bought pyrex portables and have been known to tote a healthy entree with me everywhere I go. Two weeks ago I ate dinner with DD in the hallway, on the floor of the school in between musical rehearsals. We laughed a lot.

So, my vent would be the frustration of trying to schedule these activities and everyone's life along with healthy meals, laundry, homework and feeding the dog. Sometimes we eat at the table, sometimes not, but I think we instill our family values to our kids in a lot of other ways.

I just think that the activities are a lot more intense than when we were kids....so much more competition and time involved. I am also sick and tired of fundraisers but I won't go there here.

 

[Leajess99]

And that is great, but where did you see anyone forcing their kids into something, and I am assuming that since you brought it up, that you may be assuming that some of us force our kids into it. As I have stated, it is my kids choice. I was like you growing up. But not my kids. they are going and doing.

I was only in a couple of things growing up but my kids choose to play soccer and other sports throughout the year. They do not play sports in the summer as we travel alot during the summer.

I decided a long time ago that whatever sport they wanted to do they could do as long as no 2 sports overlap.

 

[Vijoge]

I haven't read any posts where parents weren't feeding their children.

I'm going to stop feeding mine. Keeps them weak so they can't fight back!

 

[Leajess99]

hopefully everyone sticks around the DIS for a few more years...it will be interesting to see how the ozzie and harriet kids turn out compared to the kids who belong to the "overworked, and to overshedule their kids with activities, there's no real quality time. As a result family members are forgetting how to relate to each other and eventually the family falls apart."


let's see who's family falls apart.....

We've been doing the overworked (I was a full time Soldier, full time college student, single parent, and soccer coach for my son) and my son played soccerstarting at 4. Through the years some of the dynamics have changed but 14 years later, our family has not fallen apart and we all know how to communicate.

My son is getting ready to graduate and after graduation we are all heading to Florida to include their dad, my ex.

Oh yeah and while I was in the service there were a few times when I was not even in this country or in the same state as my children. Quality time can be spent in many places and does not just need to be at a dinner table. My kids are very important to me (not saying anyone else feels differently about their kids) and what they are involved in is just as important. I choose not to leave my kids alone at practice unless there is no other alternative. If I am not there for one of the kids I have someone else there for them that I trust and they like, generally their grandma.

We've been an on the go type family for many years and we still communicate well.

 

[mhsjax]

I was only in a couple of things growing up but my kids choose to play soccer and other sports throughout the year. They do not play sports in the summer as we travel alot during the summer.

I decided a long time ago that whatever sport they wanted to do they could do as long as no 2 sports overlap.

We did that overlap one time. I thought someone was going to die, most likely me.

Anyway, our summers are over I think. DS is entering HS and will start football, but I have been told it isn't mandatory, it is just conditioning.

DD will start heavy comp cheer. They have intense practices during the summer and you can't miss. But we have thought long and hard about this, and we can do things on the weekends and we do have 2 weeks off. Oh well people told me that as they got older they got busier.

 

[EKW]

I have friends who tell me they have never cooked dinner for their families. Everyone just finds whatever they want whenever they want it. This includes families with multiple children ranging in age from 5 to 16.

Yes, it stymies me.

 

[EKW]

To OP: I can see why some folks took offense to your original post. It was pretty judgemental, I'm not really sure why it bothers you what other people do.

I can understand why it bothers her...she wants to have family dinner time, which is about impossible if your children want to participate in after-school activities. I've questioned why a church where we used to live scheduled children's religious ed classes that lasted until 9 p.m. on school nights. I've questioned why another activity started at 6 on Wednesday nights...instead of earlier or later.

BTW...people have rights to their own opinions, even if you feel their opinion is judgemental. I think it takes a pretty stupid person to only believe in things that everyone else agrees with. I've also seen more than one person whose kids are a total mess fume about other people passing judgement on them...and insisting their kids are fine.

If you are doing what you are sure is best for your family there's no need to get upset when someone questions your lifestyle.

 

[Leajess99]

WE just got back from dinner, all 5 of us went. We sat there and I noticed a family of 4 across form us.

My family sat there talked about what was going on in our lives, our up coming vacation and weather or not DS would play football and DD cheer schedule. We laughed had fun and ate.

The other family, the mom, never looked up from her phone, don't know weather she was playing a game or texting, the son maybe 9 years old, sat there in a restaurant with his sun glasses on and wrote on the kids menu the whole time. The Daughter just sat and stared. The father would occasionally speak to the mother. This is the problem. Not families that don't eat every meal together. It is the disconnect that so many have even when they are eating together.

Thank you for posting this!!! I have seen this all too often as well. The other issue I have seen is parents that just yell at their kids the whole time through their dinner or the ones that let their kids do whatever and not say a word to them.

 

[Leajess99]

We did that overlap one time. I thought someone was going to die, most likely me.

Anyway, our summers are over I think. DS is entering HS and will start football, but I have been told it isn't mandatory, it is just conditioning.

DD will start heavy comp cheer. They have intense practices during the summer and you can't miss. But we have thought long and hard about this, and we can do things on the weekends and we do have 2 weeks off. Oh well people told me that as they got older they got busier.

I forgot that my oldest DD can go out for the high school soccer team this next year so we may lose some summer as well . My son never went on to play high school soccer as he chose ROTC and a competition team with them. That only causes me to have him at school at 6:45 for practice but it is what he likes.

 

[bluesaturn]

It's you.

If I work late my husband and daughter make their own dinner (and a plate for me for when I get home). And even if I don't work late they usually get most of it done because they are home before I am. Sounds like you need to give some cooking lessons.

Why does dinner have to be served between 6 and 7:30? I never realized there was some standard everyone must adhere to. (In other words, who died and made you boss?)

And why in the world would you ask someone who is calling you if they are eating??? Hello, they are calling you. Seems pretty obvious that they aren't eating. And if YOU are eating when they call don't answer. I don't interrupt MY family time to take phone calls whether it's dinner time or some other activity.

And why is dinner the be all and all? I've known some families that always had dinner together and were still a mess and dinner was the only time they spent together.

Thanks! I was really annoyed by your presumptions but I feel so superior now!

LOVE this response.

I think if my mother tried to establish family weekday breakfasts it would have actually damaged the quality of our relationship. In high school I didn't want to talk to anyone first thing in the morning.

 

[MAH4546]

Does it not occur to you that not everybody eats dinner so early? I couldn't imagine eating dinner as early as 6 or 7. We serve dinner at my house never before 8.

 

[lmgaddis]

While I agree that none of us can do EVERYTHING that's good for us, the majority of us DO manage to do what matters to us most -- at least most of the time.

For example, when my kids were little, I read with them every single day -- and now I have kids who love to read and are good students; on the other hand, I should probably just give up my gym membership because we just aren't using it. The point: We've done what matters most to us.We all have crazy weeks on occasion when our normal routines just don't work -- but if that's your ALL THE TIME LIFE, I'd suggest that something needs to give. Baseball is -- what? -- a two month sport? Kids aren't sick all the time. Most spouses don't travel constantly.

Just because we can't manage dinner as a family EVERY NIGHT doesn't mean it shouldn't be a priority when it's possible. So during baseball season you eat early -- or you take a picnic to the ball park. When Dad's out of town, it's just you and the kids. As I said previously, it's not about eating. It's about family time. How do you manage? It's always interesting to hear how other people work around difficulties.

I'm thinking about a friend at church who told me about a dinner conflict that she had: She's a working single mother of four boys, and one night a week they had a major conflict. They had a church commitment and their family was wild about watching American Idol together. In between those things and homework, she couldn't get dinner on the table, so she asked her boys what they could do about it. Eating out wasn't in the budget. One of her youngest came up with the plan: They now have cereal night. She doesn't allow sugary cereals as a rule, but on that one night they get a box of something horribly sweet and they have a no-stress dinner together. It's a win-win-win situation. The boys felt that they came up with a good plan, and it hits all their priorities: Time together, cheap meal, still time for homewrok and church.

Part of this was directed at me and I just got back on to reply. Why did it take so long? Because we were eating together as a family and planning our next Disney trip together (me and the boys). Yes, baseball only lasts 3 months here and for that time I suck it up and drive all over the place. My oldest who was at baseball the other night until 9:30, doesn't get home from school until 4:45 everyday. Don't get me started on the school board changing the schedule around. We have to leave for practice at 5:15. He has to get changed and have a large snack before then. There is no way we could do dinner in this amount of time nor does he want too. Once again, he doesn't like to play on a full stomach. Like another poster said it is too hot to eat at the fields and way too many bugs. We live in GA and not even north GA. Unfortunetly, yes, my husband does travel 4-5 days a week and yes this is all of the time now. We spend our time together as a family on the weekends. Once baseball season is over things will calm down and we will go back to a more "normal" routine for us. That doesn't necessarily mean eating together every night though. We will have 4 months of no sports and then will be back at it with Fall Ball.

 

[Disney-Chick]

Thank you for posting this!!! I have seen this all too often as well. The other issue I have seen is parents that just yell at their kids the whole time through their dinner or the ones that let their kids do whatever and not say a word to them.

This is what I think is the issue. No communication. As I mentioned a while back. I do not sit at the table but my DD & I sit on the coach, watch TV and talk while my DH is in the den (and able to be involved in the convo) and eats his supper. Yet I know so much about my daughter and her life.

Actually, I made her make supper last night (yummy Taco's). I was tired and she knows how to cook. So I figured she can make us supper. They were great, and at first she didn't want to since she was on the computer and kept saying she didn't feel like it. I told her there are times I don't feel like doing things but they have to get done. Off she went.

So in the end, whether we eat supper at a table or on a coach I still have great conversations with my family. And I love the way our family is. I wouldn't change my life.

 

[mhsjax]

I forgot that my oldest DD can go out for the high school soccer team this next year so we may lose some summer as well . My son never went on to play high school soccer as he chose ROTC and a competition team with them. That only causes me to have him at school at 6:45 for practice but it is what he likes.

Cool, my son just got into the Air Force ROTC at school. They tell me that it won't interfere with football if he wants to play, however I am assuming that if he wanted to join the competition team it would. That is something he may be interested in also, and in that case football may not last, if he even makes the team

 

[weeluvdisney]

To the OP:
We eat a home cooked meal together as a family at the dinner table as often as possible, usually 7 days a week. During kids activities we eat earlier or later. Almost every Sunday we have a big dinner with extended family also. I love this and hope it never changes. This is tradition for us as this is how my husband and I both grew up. I would miss a great homecooked healthy meal if I didn't cook, along with that family time that comes with it. To each their own though.

I like to learn something everyday and what I learned today is:
Ask a question on the budget board for advice but DO NOT make such an observation about ANYTHING because you will possibly get RIPPED to shreds for it. So entirely unnecessary in my opinion. Note to self: When you see an innocent thread that you could attack by listening to the little devil on the left shoulder, do the right thing by listening to the little angel on the right shoulder and be kind or say nothing. Kindness, pass it on.