Is it a man's world?

[Marseeya]

Poll coming.

I had posted something similar in a thread about my new car needing repairs. There have been several experiences in my life where I feel that people won't take me seriously just because I'm a woman and I'm wondering if any of you have found this to be true as well.

Just to give you one example that I'll never forget, I used to work as a manager in a college bookstore and we had hired my soon-to-be DH as temporary help. I loved that job and was really good at it. This one time, I had to call and order something for the nursing department and the vendor was giving me a really hard time and refusing to send what I needed, saying they didn't work with bookstores. I knew they did, because we'd done business with them numerous times. Finally, out of frustration, I coached my DH on what to say and had him call and speak to the exact same woman and she totally changed her tune with him and came through!

Another example: my son has learning disabilities and a ton of difficulties in school. I'm in education myself and I've done a lot of research on his particular problems, so I know my stuff. Any time I'd go in for his IEP meetings, I'd feel like I was getting a brush off. Just to see what would happen, I coached my DH in all this and took very detailed notes of what I wanted him to say. Oh, and DH is his step-father, not his biological dad. As soon as the meeting started, when the administrators started talking, they looked at him and not me. They directed all their questions and answers to him (even when I asked them). I was amazed! The only people there who gave me the time of day was the special ed director (a woman), and the guidance counselor (also a woman). They were able to see through the BS and realize who they should be talking to.

I just don't get it! I'm a reasonably intelligent, well-spoken woman. I have a deeper voice, don't sound like a child or anything, don't speak in slang, so it can't be any of that. I'm very polite without being too familiar or friendly. So, what gives?



Anybody else?

 

[AllyandJack]

I said YES for one reason. At every job interview I've had, the interviewer always tries to make small talk along the lines of, "Yeah, we took the kids up to NH last weekend.....so, do your kids like skiing?" I say, "I don't have any kids." They say, "Oh....when you have kids, I'm sure they'll ski being up in NH." I say, "Well, I don't ski." I was always told that they could NOT ask questions about familial status, but they manage to drag it in there somehow.

I wonder how many men have been pestered about whether they have kids or plan to have kids. None I've spoken to.

 

[Marseeya]

I said YES for one reason. At every job interview I've had, the interviewer always tries to make small talk along the lines of, "Yeah, we took the kids up to NH last weekend.....so, do your kids like skiing?" I say, "I don't have any kids." They say, "Oh....when you have kids, I'm sure they'll ski being up in NH." I say, "Well, I don't ski." I was always told that they could NOT ask questions about familial status, but they manage to drag it in there somehow.

I wonder how many men have been pestered about whether they have kids or plan to have kids. None I've spoken to.

Oh right, that's totally wrong! I haven't been in a position to interview anyone in years, but my DH has to be very very careful about things like that and he doesn't try to sneak anything in like that!

I bet you're right that they don't bother men like that.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

Yes. I have to get my DH to take my car to the dealership because they tell me it is my imagination and they jump on it right away for him. I am due in small claims court tomorrow because I am suing our air conditioning company for screwing me over while DH was recovering from surgery. I was passed up for a promotion because I was pregnant and therefore would have a lot of absences coming up. I was told that being an assistant principal would not be a good thing for me to do now since my kids are so young and that I should wait and try again in a few years. We were planning on me getting that promotion so we could afford to have DH stay at home. No one cared about that - they laughed me off. So yes, at this point, I feel like it is a man's world.

 

[Christine]

I have my DH deal with all the "customer service" type stuff that is going on. If it is a man, they listen to him much better, if it is a woman, she will be nicer to him than to me. It's not ALWAYS the case, but it is more often than not.

 

[Pooh67_68]

I see it every Friday at my friends business, someone will come in looking for her husband, but he is out doing installs or repairs. When she ask can she help, they say they will wait for her husband or if they do let her explain things they never believe her and will ask her husband latter on. The thing is he tells them the same thing she just did.

 

[Maleficent13]

Eh. I don't know. I find that the way to get people to respond to me is to know what I'm talking about and confront them if they are less than helpful. I wouldn't have chosen to coach a guy on the bookstore order (but that's just me). I'd have just made them understand that they had no option but to do what I wanted if they wanted to continue doing business with me. Then I would have asked for a supervisor, manager, etc. and kept working it up the chain.

I think sometimes people take advantage of women because they know a lot of women will do anything to avoid confrontation (ie, cave). Once I show them I won't, I tend to find I get a whole lot more respect very quickly.

 

[Marseeya]

Yes. I have to get my DH to take my car to the dealership because they tell me it is my imagination and they jump on it right away for him. I am due in small claims court tomorrow because I am suing our air conditioning company for screwing me over while DH was recovering from surgery. I was passed up for a promotion because I was pregnant and therefore would have a lot of absences coming up. I was told that being an assistant principal would not be a good thing for me to do now since my kids are so young and that I should wait and try again in a few years. We were planning on me getting that promotion so we could afford to have DH stay at home. No one cared about that - they laughed me off. So yes, at this point, I feel like it is a man's world.

Wow! Was that a public school? Regardless whether it was or wasn't, that sure sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

 

[AllyandJack]

Yes. I have to get my DH to take my car to the dealership because they tell me it is my imagination and they jump on it right away for him. I am due in small claims court tomorrow because I am suing our air conditioning company for screwing me over while DH was recovering from surgery. I was passed up for a promotion because I was pregnant and therefore would have a lot of absences coming up. I was told that being an assistant principal would not be a good thing for me to do now since my kids are so young and that I should wait and try again in a few years. We were planning on me getting that promotion so we could afford to have DH stay at home. No one cared about that - they laughed me off. So yes, at this point, I feel like it is a man's world.

That stinks. They would never do that to a man....never assume a father would do a less than adequate job.

Have you ever gone to buy a car? I was buying a new car and DH was coming along with me. The guy walks up to us, completely ignores me and starts talking to DH. Uh, hello....person with money here.....buying a new car.....you want the commission or not? DH told him he already bought a new car and I was the one looking. He tried to sell me a car with a feature I KNEW added $1,500 onto the price of the vehicle. I didn't want the feature. He told me it didn't add money, it was less money. Really? So, the website lied when I built this car online? Maybe I'm just a moron who didn't understand more and less??

 

[mainewmn]

Over my life time there has been MANY times when they I been made to feel as a woman I did not belong! Just yesterday on my way home I decided to stop by a store that I was told by a friend carries “Air Soft” guns, it’s a kind of a BB gun that DS wants for his B-day. The store in question was a gun/archery type of store; I was passed on by 3 different sales reps before finally one of them took pity on me to answer a few questions. This past summer while on a business trip one of my fuses in my car went out causing my radio to die, I knew it was a fuse as it happened before but I had no idea which one. I pulled into a car part store (VIP) and asked for assistance in locating the blown fuse. I was told by the rep that it was a much more serious issue and that I should have it immediately have the car serviced in there for a low, low fee of $75.00 an hour to locate the problem. I told them no thanks and went down the road to another car part store (Pep Boys) where a helpful rep showed me the blown fuse and help me locate the new one in the store, he then proceeded to replace the blown one at the same time . Here are just 2 that are on my mind but if I was to sit and try to remember it all there would be many more!

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

Yes it was a public school, but those kinds of promotions are more political than based on skill or leadership abilities, so I didn't think it was worth fighting. I ended up changing districts.

My mother makes stuff out of wood all the time. She and my dad went to Home Depot to get her a new table saw and the guy kept talking to my dad even after they said it was for her. My dad got upset and told him that the saw was for her and eventually walked off so he would pay attention to my mother. Pretty frustrating!

 

[NMAmy]

Eh. I don't know. I find that the way to get people to respond to me is to know what I'm talking about and confront them if they are less than helpful. I wouldn't have chosen to coach a guy on the bookstore order (but that's just me). I'd have just made them understand that they had no option but to do what I wanted if they wanted to continue doing business with me. Then I would have asked for a supervisor, manager, etc. and kept working it up the chain.

I think sometimes people take advantage of women because they know a lot of women will do anything to avoid confrontation (ie, cave). Once I show them I won't, I tend to find I get a whole lot more respect very quickly.

I agree with you, Mal, I handle things the same way. I haven't noticed anyone giving me a hard time because I was a woman. I think in most situations, if you show confidence in your abilities, others won't doubt them. And if they do, then I speak to their supervisor.

I used to work in a car dealership as a service advisor. While I never had any problems with the mechanics or other advisors--I did have problems with male CUSTOMERS from time to time wanting to only speak to a man, particularly on the phone. When this happened, one of the guys I'd work with would leave that person on terminal hold. He'd say, "You know just as much as the rest of us do--if he doesn't want to talk to you because you don't possess certain male equipment, then he'll sit on hold forever."

When I go to buy a car or take the car in for repairs, DH lets me handle it because I know more about it than he does. And I've never had any male mechanic or service advisor act like I'm stupid because I'm a woman. Most dealerships work really hard to overcome this particular perception--mainly by hiring women.

 

[Hercules10]

If it is a man's world, then why are women so 'spensive?

 

[Buckalew11]

Yes, i think it is and at the ripe old age of 40 I am just learning this. I somehow was brought up thinking girls were "better" and "smarter" etc. and as time goes on, I learn that the world thinks men are better and smarter. I am painting all this with a wide brush, of course, but I do believe there is much prejudice shown to women. I think having a DD makes me even more aware of it. We have been very successful of surrounding her with people who takes women, girls, children seriously.

 

[Crankyshank]

I used to work in a very male dominated field - network tech support and I can tell you for certain it's a man's world there. They seldom hired women for the technical positions, women were never promoted to management, and when locations called in for support more times than not I got "Honey can I talk to a man? I need serious help here". This was every tech support job I had too - not just one company.

I refuse to deal with anything car related because I'm fed up with dealing with chauvanistic salesmen.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Yes, but I think it can go both ways. I handle most major purchasing - I negotiate and research for appliances, cars, heck even our new house! I did it all. I am the personality that fits that role best and have yet to have a real issue with it. At least that I can remember. We work together on it but when it comes time to negotiate and make a deal, I'm the person to do it. If we have a return or an issue with a store, I do it. He is in silent support =) I don't remember ever being completely ignored, but I think it becomes fairly obvious who is doing the talking and the salesperson adjusts to the situation.

In the same manner, why are men the ones expected to mow the lawn? I'm perfectly capable of mowing the lawn and have done it. Why can't other women do it? Why is it a man's job? Why should the man take care of car maintenance? Again, woman are perfectly capable of doing that themselves. I think if more women realized that it goes both ways and began to think outside the box of the stereotypical roles than things might change some. But if we continue to expect our husband to do the "manly" things and we do the "womanly" things then people who work at the "manly" places will continue to talk to the man about things. I was so surprised when I read that thread about splitting household chores! Maybe DH and I are just odd? Or maybe we're just of a different generation than many of those that posted. I can honestly say that most of our couple friends share things equally as we do. Even those with children. So we can't be that odd!

All that to say, I think it goes both ways.

 

[Crankyshank]

There is no man's work vs woman's work in my house.
I'm actually the one that does the lawn care. Although DH does do anything that I could hurt myself doing. Not because I'm the woman but because I'm clumsy and liable to hurt myself

 

[jonestavern]

With most men the assertive thing works. I too, can have a forthright demeanor, good diction, & do my research. But it does not work with all people--& I make that non gender specific becuase you can certainly run into the women who will only address the DH--
I find most men that are diehard immoveable are either pretty unselfconfident themselves & need that 'lower in the pecking order' bs; these, after giving them 3 tries to reform, I feel free to light into-quietly, calmly & firmly. For those that feel they are above the common human realm & will not give man nor woman the time of day when they feel that person is socially or economically 'beneath' them, these I enjoy a brief, very controlled but acid-filled comment or three --
Basically, I don't do business with you-know-whats & if I must--in the school scenario-I would politely suggest to the offending participants that they take advantage of social awareness workshops, which are so plentiful nowadays & follow that up by sending the pips , the school board--their bosses--a few brochures for such helpful classes-All done with in a sincere attitude of service
DH & I divide our research for projects, & it is not along typical gender lines--usually when a salesperson or craftsman realizes I am the one with that particular knowledge, they will adjust their manner. There are times when a man's voice or presence may be necessary, but once DH has their attention he hands it over to me.
I am the enforcer in public but DH is the disciplinarian at home!
so I voted it's a man's world. I am betting we sure have it easy in comparison with women in other lands! I just don't know how they manage!
Jean

 

[Chicago526]

I've never noticed any problems caused by my gender, but maybe I'm just not paying attention?

DFi and I do split duties along traditional male/female gender lines, but then, he could build a car from the ground up where as I can't change a tire, and he couldn't cook to keep from starving and I know my way around the kitchen with my eyes closed. In our case, we do what we're good at!

 

[jrydberg]

If you take the attitude that it's a "man's world," then it will be.