Is communication clear with our children?

[HappyLawyer]

What made me think of this, ok i was watching CSI and i little boy saw a murder, the killer told him if he said anything, he would kill his father. So the little boy did not talk or pick the guy out of a line up.

Now this made me wonder, does my child know that there is nothing she can't tell me, no matter what threats people make to her, do i communicate this enough?

Do children know that people will use this tatic just to keep kids quiet?

 

[Microcell]

I always tell my kids that they can tell me anything, no matter what someone tells them. I repeat it often so they are reminded.

I also tell them that heaven help someone who crosses a mom. Size does not matter at all. There is no one stronger than me when my children are hurt.

I tell them that because I fear they will think that the person threatening is meaner than me or stronger than me, so they better comply and I want them to understand I have strength, not always in size but mind.

 

[HappyLawyer]

I always tell my kids that they can tell me anything, no matter what someone tells them. I repeat it often so they are reminded.

I also tell them that heaven help someone who crosses a mom. Size does not matter at all. There is no one stronger than me when my children are hurt.

I tell them that because I fear they will think that the person threatening is meaner than me or stronger than me, so they better comply and I want them to understand I have strength, not always in size but mind.

I agree with you here, i let my dtr know, mommy can hold her own, no one will mess with me so do not be afraid

 

[We_Love_Disney]

This type of scenario (CSI) has always bothered me. I think that the people that can do that to children, seem to know the 'right' thing to say to illicit fear and silence into the children and adults for that matter.

I talk candidly to my daughter, using scenarios we see on TV sometimes, to let her know that silence is the worst thing and telling a parent is the best.

I have told her repeatedly that no matter what it is, I will always love you, I may be angry at what you did, but I will never stop loving you. I try to use scenarios such as you describe as an example. We talk about the different ways the character could have handled it. We have discussed many scenarios.

I am not sure if most parents do this, but, I use the television as a teaching tool. I watch the shows with her, and we talk about what is going on, how to handle the situation, what we would do differently, what not to wear and what looks good, behaviors that we like, and dislike, etc.

I get very frustrated when I hear about her school mates watching some shows-not those listed below- without their parents with them (to guide them and talk to them). Shows like Friends have some pretty explicit content, and young kids don't instinctually know that those things should not be repeated or done. Some teens watch shows like Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City, and other truly adult shows, and they get the wrong idea about what is reality. Have you seen the way they dress???

Okay, time to hop off my soap box.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do children know that people will use this tatic just to keep kids quiet?

Yes my children know, however I think whether your children "tell" will depend on many factors.
Trust with parent, confidence in you, themselves, & society, being able to determine that "telling" is safer than keeping the "secret".
Molestation makes the children "part of it" so they feel guilt to tell which is why it goes on silently.
Witnessing a murder and telling under pain of death right away is a leap of faith for a kid. A fearful child will tend to keep quiet and then "act out" whereas a "confident kid" will tell and participate in nailing the evil person.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it is definitely important to stress to children that it is important for them to trust their parents to be able to handle any truth.

But, in reality, there is no preparation to guarantee that they will feel comfortable doing so if/when the time comes. Some situations place children in a position they are not emotionally mature enough to handle. I think all we really can do is our best to make sure our relationship with them is a safe haven.

 

[poohandwendy]

Do children know that people will use this tatic just to keep kids quiet?

They can only know this if they exposed to the idea. Which is a tough one, because you do not want them to be overly fearful...just informed. I think it's important to let them know that sometimes people use tactics like this to get away with bad things. In an age appropriate way.