Is anyone familiar with surrogancy or adoption???

[k_null81]

I went to my new cardiologist today & had discussed if I could have a child. Of course if you read my title you can figure the answer. He told me it would be in my best interest if I didn't b/c the stress it would put on my heart. I was born with Transposition of the great vessels. Anyways, my husband and I were talking about having a child and were hoping of trying late this summer which apparently is not a option now. I was always told it would be considered high risk but I was never told it wasn't a good idea at all until today. I'm a little upset but trying not to let it bother me to much. My husband and I have thought about adoption but almost all the foreign adoptions are 20-30k and adopting a infant in the US is extremely hard and a long wait or so I have been told. I'm now trying to look into all my options now b/c some processes can take several years and my husband and I had are hearts set to have one by spring summer of 2009 if I was able to carry. I was just hoping to talk to someone that has had personal experience as being a surrogant or someone who used a surrogant. I also wouldn't mind hearing from anyone that has adopted an american infant (under 1). Apparently I'm new to adoption & surrogancy so please keep this in mind that I'm trying to educate myself!

Thanks!

Kristin

 

[safetymom]

I wish you well with adopting a baby. Hopefully someone here will be able to help with your questions.

 

[POB14]

US adoptions can be expensive and difficult, also. After looking into it, we decided domestic adoption wasn't the way to go for us, and now we have two beautiful Chinese girls.

I can't help much with surrogacy or domestic adoption. If you're interested in any info on adoption from China, I'm your guy. But I completely understand if it's not for you.

Best wishes to you in whatever you decide to do!

 

[k_null81]

Actaully we had talked about adopting from China but I'm only 26 and we both have to be 29.5 before we can even apply and then it's another 2+ year wait before you get a child. That would put me a little over 32. I was really hoping to have my own by summer 2009 which apparently can't happen so the thought of waiting 5 years is really hard. The other countries are almost double to triple the price of China. It's also looking that we won't be able to do surrogacy either b/c between paying the surrogate and medical bills it will be 30k+. Didn't think it would be that steep but most surrogates get 13-20k.

US adoptions can be expensive and difficult, also. After looking into it, we decided domestic adoption wasn't the way to go for us, and now we have two beautiful Chinese girls.

I can't help much with surrogacy or domestic adoption. If you're interested in any info on adoption from China, I'm your guy. But I completely understand if it's not for you.

Best wishes to you in whatever you decide to do!

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Hello. I have 3 wonderful adopted children, two from China and one from Russia. If you are interested in international adoption I would be happy to talk/email you.

Just pm

 

[bushdianee]

I know of several cases where US adoptions went smoothly and quickly because the parents were willing to adopt minority or bi-racial babies. One friend of mine has adopted 2 biracial children very quickly- within a few months of starting the process. She got both children at birth. Another person close to me who is single started the process less thatn a year ago is waiting for the birth of her baby any day. These adoptions have taken place in different parts of the country. If you are open to minority or multi race children the wait may not be too long.

 

[dee47]

I have a wonderful son (now 11), whom we adopted domestically through independent adoption. We were approved in Feb 1996, and our baby came home in Sept. 1996 (shorter than a pregnancy ) . The night he was born I slept at the hospital with him. It was an amazing experience, definitely an emotional roller-coaster, but worth it at the end. This was not a minority adoption -- I'm only mentioning it because I'm tired of hearing the myth that you can't adopt domestically without waiting forever. We were actually open to any race.

Independent adoption requires a REALLY GOOD lawyer, who really knows and loves adoption law and is strict about dotting the i's and crossing the t's. However, it's not really expensive, and some employers offer adoption bonuses (Microsoft gave us $5000 AFTER taxes towards our adoption expenses, think of that the next time someone bad-mouths them).

PM me if you want more information. I LOVE talking about our experience.

 

[Twende]

I am very familiar with surrogacy. Done properly, and with love and respect; it can be a beautiful way to build a family.

Look to this site for information: http://www.surromomsonline.com/

Here is the link to the message boards: http://www.surromomsonline.com/support/

Keep trying, stay strong and you can have that family you desire.

 

[k_null81]

Thanks for the surrogacy information. But from what I have researched surrogacy will be to expensive for us unless we find someone within are family & friends. We do have a long time family friend that maybe willing to do it but I'm not going to count on that so I have been in contact with a Catholic adoption agency in the STL area.

Thanks,
Kristin

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

Hi! I have adopted domestically 2 times (2003 & 2004) and my third is due on March 12. My first I waited for 6 months (caucasian), my 2nd I wasn't even planning for another yet and received a call asking me if I was ready for another (caucasian) and this last one we waited for 7 months (hispanic). I mention specifics because you will encounter alot of preconcieved ideas regarding adoption, don't buy into it. I have been asked more than once where I "bought" my kids because it happened very quickly and many told me it is impossible to adopt healthy white babies! We were at the hospital when each was born and they came directly home with us. Each situation is different but I would suggest finding a large agency because your time will go by faster. Our agency is the largest in Michigan and they place 120 babies each year domestically. Their average wait time is 12 months.

I know money is always a factor, as it was for us, but keep in mind that there is a federal tax credit, and in MI at least, a state one. Both of our previous adoptions were approx $18,000 but we recieved close to $13,000 back in taxes. Just make sure you do your own research before listening to too much rumor. Everyone "thinks" they know because what they see on tv, but the reality is often much different.

Not everyones experiences are the same as mine, I just don't want you to get discouraged before you even start. I wouldn't be a mom if it weren't for adoption and it is the best thing I ever did! Good luck!

 

[rangermom]

An employee of mine adopted a little girl last Feb at birth. They were on a fixed income so they went through the state foster to adopt program in Texas. The state had determined that the biological mother as unfit and they were taking the baby away from her. They were approved months before the baby was born and she was in the delivery room. Her DD is precious and completely healthy. They are so happy with the process that they are planning to adopt another this year. I think it was about $5-6000, but not completely sure. She did mention that they would not have been able to afford to adopt if they had went through private agencies. Maybe your state has a similar program.

 

[zalansky]

A friend of mine from high school just was a surrogate mother to triplets. Here is a link to her blog:

http://a-surrogate-moms-journey.blogspot.com/

She might be able to direct you to a place where surrogacy is not so expensive or out of reach. Good luck, whatever you choose.

 

[Prose]

Kristin,

We adopted our DD domestically and the entire process, including the home study, took less than a year. We had counseling and the homestudy with our agency in February and March, our "book" was shown to prospective birthmothers starting in April, we first met with DD's birthmother in August, and she was placed in my arms in December.

I would say do your research - talk to as many adoption agencies and lawyers in your area as you can. Listen to your gut - if something with them doesn't feel right, or you feel pressured or ignored, move on. Keep an open mind about possibly adopting a biracial baby or one from a different race than you. Spend as much time reading about adoption as you would have reading about being pregnant -- don't let anyone scare you with stories about how long it takes or how expensive it is.

If you are worried about the cost, keep in mind that you get money back on your taxes in the year that the adoption is finalized -- I think it is $10,000 now? that should offset most of the cost associated with adoption.

Adoption has been a blessing for us. As much as I would have loved the experience of announcing that I was pregnant, or of breastfeeding, none of that mattered when I rocked her to sleep, or she gives me kisses, or calls me the best mommy.

Take care, and feel free to ask anything!

 

[rie'smom]

Hi Kristin,
We adopted our daughter almost 14 years ago! We went through an attorney and the adoption was private. The first meeting was in August we had a birth mother in October, and our daughter was born February 17th. The costs were about 18,000.
As Laura posted, DON'T listen to adoption horror stories. People used to call me all the time. I must have explained our state's(Louisiana) adoption laws a bazillion times.
Rie is the light of our lives and even when she has her teenage moodiness she's a blessing.
Best wishes and my heart and prayers are with you.

 

[hoosiergirl7]

Kristin -

You and I so need to talk. I too have transposition of the great vessels as well as single ventricle, single atria, pulmonary atresia...

I was allowed to get pregnant once and did so successfully, however I do have to say that unfortunately my pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks and the doctors determined at that point that it was probably going to be more difficult than they thought on me, but it was going to be very difficult to carry a baby to term.

I had know for a very long time that children of my own were most likely out of the question. So I wasn't shocked when I found out that I wasn't going to be able to try again.

Nearly 4 yrs after I miscarried we adopted our DS, now 4. It was not an easy road as we waited almost 3 yrs to adopt him. This was mostly due to the fact that we picked a bad agency and they did virtually nothing for us for 2 1/2 yrs. We decided to go search on our own and found an attorney who placed our son with us. He is bi-racial but we were always open to that. The adoption for our son including our travel expenses because we lived in CA at the time and he was born in OK was about $25K. Yes it's a lot of money but every time I look at him, even when he gets into trouble, I wouldn't change it for the world.

We are now in the process of adopting from China. Our paperwork has been there for 13 months and I had to wait until I was 30 to adopt from there too (I'm 32 now - almost 33). It's not been easy and I kind of wished that I had started my paperwork before I turned 30, but our son was only 18 months when I turned 30 and we weren't sure we were ready just yet.

Surrogacy is VERY expensive. I was never serious about it, but I did look into it and decided it was not for us. I couldn't put myself through the hormone shots and egg harvesting, etc. Then on top if that you have to pay the surrogate. Having family and friends carry a child for you is very difficult because you'll be jealous of the experiences they'll have while carrying your child.

Domestic adoption doesn't have to be difficult. Going through the state can be hard especially if you live in a state with a foster system that is messed up.

One of the best things you can do is just start telling people at your church, your workplace, etc that you are interested in adopting. You'd be surprised at who knows someone who is looking to place a child for adoption or knows someone else who knows...

I have an adoption blog you can look at if you want:

http://journey2emilija.blogspot.com

You can also see photos of me, DH and DS on the blog. Plus I have a link to my email address on my blog if you want to email me and talk about heart conditions, etc.

I noticed you were in STL and my husband is active duty military. One of the bases we are hoping to move to at the end of this year is Scott (just outside of STL).