Is an early diagnosis really going to help?

[brymolmom]

Hi there.

I was just reading the getting Asperger's diagnosis as an adult thread and it brought me to my question but didn't want to hijack that thread.

I have a wonderful, amazing ds who is 8 and in 3rd grade. Back when he was 4 we recognized a lot of characteristics and I am reasonably sure that he is borderline Asperger's. He flaps, recites things back, is socially awkward, extremely literal, and happens to have a photographic memory. We struggled a bit around that time with tantrums (when I asked him to clean up toys he "had" to do it a certain way and in certain order and 30 minutes later he would be extremely upset when I made him leave before we were done or helped him finish up).

We had him assessed at that time and basically got a 'Do you think you need a diagnosis for him to be successful at school?' and when I replied no (he does great at school, he thrives on the routine, but the kids do bug him sometimes). Anyway, when we said no, they did not give him an official diagnosis.

Now, I go back and forth all the time about whether or not I'm missing out on valuable time he could be learning things. When he is 'good' (plays with the next door neighbor, talks to kids on his soccer team) I think that he is so borderline that he is fine. But on his 'bad' days (gets upset when things don't go according to 'plan', doesn't want to participate in anything or even leave the house, when kids have been bugging him or he is afraid to look like a 'dork' in school) - I wonder if there's something that can be done to help.

He IS somewhat social (thus the very borderline distinction in my mind) - when my friends come over with kids - he will talk to them and play with them. He has a few friends - next door neighbor and his cousins mostly...but he has played on VERY RARE occassion with a couple kids from school.

Kids do annoy him easily and it often leads to a quick ending of the fun especially if they other kids don't follow the 'rules' of the games or are seen as 'cheating' as kids this age USUALLY do.

Overall, I think he is doing OK as an 8 year old boy. He is NOT (nor will ever be) Mr. Popular, but as long as he could have a friend or two I would be happy. When I try to encourage it (by asking if we could have Joe or Bob over after school one day) - he gets very insistent against it.

Of course, doesn't help that his lil sis who is 7 and is having TEN girlfriends from school over for a party on Saturday IS Miss Social.

Just not sure where the line is between having an awkward child and fighting to get him a potential diagnosis and assistance in getting less awkward....

Any thoughts?

 

[mbb]

It's so hard being a parent.

You have a terrific little guy, who has a terrific mom, concerned with her child's development, and wanting the best for him in his life.

Will a diagnosis get "better" support for him?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
It may get "different" support tools for him, and that may help him in feeling less awkward...and more understood.

You can always choose to use the tool of a diagnosis.
Or you can choose not to.

An "official" diagnosis back then was not an option your child back then, and that's ok.
Perhaps you've been using the tools of the "unofficial" diagnosis all along, and know now that it's time to ask for another tool for your child.

Ask, not fight
Sometimes, we gotta pull out the MamaBear, and there is a time and place for that, but always start with an ask

I hope this reads in the gentleness I'm intending...and hope it helps a little too...

I would ask.
Another tool - diagnosis, or not - can only help.

 

[bookwormde]

I guess it is a matter of what you and the school consider succeeding at school. Lots of our kids succeed (or excel) academically, but struggle due to having to create social skills intellectually, which is exhausting and creates anxiety and associated meltdowns (tantrums). Either the school is grossly uneducated about Aspergers or they wanted to let you make the decision so that they would not have to provide the extra supports for a functional curriculum.

Without these functional supports (social skills , TOM, EF, bullying prevention and sensory adaptations) our kids end up book smart but functionally disabled to varying degrees which limits their ability to share there gifts with the world and often results in clinically damaging co morbidities like anxiety disorder, OCD, ODD, bi-polar and so forth at some time in their lives.

If you do not need clinical support then a diagnosis is not necessary, but and educational (IDEA) classification is essential for our kids so they can get the functional curriculum that I mentioned above.

If you have not read it already get a copy of Tony Attwood's "The complete guide to Aspergers" which is available on Amazon for $17.

By your description, even with his self adaptation skills, any competent clinical group would recognize him as being on the spectrum.

bookwormde

 

[clanmcculloch]

It depends. My 12yo has Asperger Syndrome. She's always done very well academically. That doesn't mean she "did well" in school. She struggled a lot in the classroom environment, with peers and would get in her own way in many areas. She could finish the classwork in record time but she'd refuse to complete art assignments because she'd make a mistake and that would cause her to revert inside herself to a degree. The sounds in gym would result in meltdowns that resulted in her lashing out at kids and teachers. There were just lots of little things that were getting in her way, though she had straight As in academic areas. She needed help.

As she's gotten older, the academics are getting more difficult because of all the other things that get in her way. Thanks to the therapies that started in 2nd grade, she's better coping. No way could she still be maintaining straight As if it wasn't for that. The language of the material requires a lot more pragmatic language understanding as well as executive functioning while in lower grades these didn't matter much. This year's IEP really focusses on executive functioning issues plus the group of Aspies in her grade area all taking a pragmatic literature class that is helping them to not only see various different social situations in a variety of ways but also they're learning more about differentiating between significant details vs support details (in the minds of many Aspies, every single detail is equally significant; this has been a HUGE problem for her in subjects like social studies/history as well as language arts).

It may seem right now as though there's nothing that he needs but as he gets older, having a foundation of coping skills really can make a huge difference.

 

[kstugan]

Your son sounds a lot like my son who just turned 10 last month and is in 4th grade. We went through the testing when he was around 5 to 6 and he was diagnosed with Asperger's. He has been on an IEP since preschool. For the past couple of years, he probably could have survived without it, but I wanted it just for his protection and to have a formal way that the teachers and staff are all aware of his asperger's and his struggles.
He was diagnosed with complex seizures at 4, he also did the hand flapping for a little while, has trouble socially, is very literal, and has a photographic memory or close to it. He also had many tantrums when he was younger.
He would be in the nurses office several times a month with migraines, which we thought was from anxiety. So, he was in speech therapy that he was discharged from at the end of last year, to help with the social issues, to help him understand anxiety, and to help with his literalness (teach him about phrases that are not what they sound like, ex. It's raining cats and dogs.)
He is extremely bright and has always had straight A's without much work from him.
He qualified this year for the Gifted and Talented program at our school district and is currently in the program. He has had more trouble adjusting academically this year, because he actually has to work and study due to the harder material and is required to be more responsible. But he has done much better socially and has had very few migraines this year. He has only been to the nurse once this year and has not had to picked up yet.
I believe that having him diagnosed at an earlier age and setting up supports have really helped him. He understands himself better and can self correct many things that made it harder for him socially by himself. He has several friends and is getting along well with his classmates. His friends tend to be kids that are like him that could be diagnosed with Asperger's. He does get along with other kids without Asperger's most of the time. Several of his classmates also have Asperger's, probably due to it being a gifted and talented program. His teacher has had several students with Asperger's so he has been a big help for Braden and for us.
I would also recommend the Complete Guide to Asperger's. It was a big help when we were having him evaluated and described Braden very well when I read it.

 

[amyy]

http://www.socialthinking.com/

It sounds like this site would be of interest to you.