Is $800/month worth the stress?

[mommymeg]

I hope that I can get some opinions and insight on my situation. I am terrible at making decisions and am hoping some objective points of view might help.

Long story short...I've only worked part time for the past 13 years while raising my children. My longtime employer went out of business early last year. We lost valuable "monthly spending money" as a result, plus preschool tuition money.

After not having much luck with part time employment, I took a full time position over the summer and put my youngest in full time day care, where he is flourishing. For the past 6 months my full time work schedule has been a bit overwhelming. With a husband that works swing shift, I'm often left dealing with household chores, running children to activities and everything else, on my own. I have had to cancel dental appointments for the children because I've felt obligated to my job. I have not had time to reschedule these appointments, let alone find time to take myself to the doctor or excercise like I should. I am feeling just a bit worn out and also feel like I'm not keeping up with things at home.

Once the school year is over, I will not have to pay for full time day care. My son will start Kindergarden in the fall. I have been seriously considering decreasing my hours at work down to part time. Of course it will mean that Iwill be making less money, but I have justified the loss as a wash since I won't be paying for day care.

On the flip side to this is the fact that if I continue to work full time, since I won't have day care expenses, I will be adding almost $800 a month to our bank account... but I will have to continue with the hectic schedules, lack of time, and general frazzled feeling that I've been dealing with for the past 6 months. This $800 is not a "need"... but of course, we would find a good use for it...

What is your opinion? Is $800 really worth it?

 

[ajk912]

I was in a similiar situation, working for $600 a month after daycare and all the expenses came out...and missing time with my kids and all that. I decided for me it wasn't worth it, so I quit my job and did the SAHM thing for a while and now I am going to go back to school during the day when the kids are in school. In my mind, they are only young once, so I have all the time in the world to work myself into the ground once they are older.

 

[Danemom]

It's hard to say without knowing every detail, but I can say that I have personally chosen to have a part-time job over more money. Our family just seems to work better that way.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

I work two part-time jobs (but both for the same school system), and I make $800 a month at one of them. Is $800 your monthly salary or is it what's left over after this and that? If it's your total monthly pay, I would go part-time and bring in a little less.

 

[KKB]

I have been a working mother for most years since we began having children. Sometimes it is chaotic!
You mention that since your husband works swing shift the household chores fall on you. If you are both working full time, this really should be a shared deal. Sit down with him on the weekend (when you are both a little less frazzled)...tell him how frazzled you are and how much it would help if he could contribute to the household chores. Make a list of all that needs to be done each week, and let him choose the chores he wants. Perhaps he could run errands while the kids are at school.
Why couldn't DH take the kids to the dentist? Otherwise, don't fret; a few months delay in dentist appts won't be a big deal. Do you need to go to the doctor? Other than my annual w/ the OB/GYN I go only on an as needed basis. (don't skip that one!)
Exercise...I have several friends that walk for 30 min. during their lunch hour, then brown bag it and eat it during the other 30 min.
No matter whether we work outside the home or not, there are sacrifices for most of us. When I didn't work, the finances made me nuts. We could pay the bills, but if something extra came up it was a scramble--and extras were non-existance. Part-time was a nice balance of time/money, but I hated that every year it was up for negotiation again. Now with both of us working fulltime, and 3 very active kids, I have made a renewed commitment to working out. DH helps ALOT. But I have a friend who decided 5:15AM workouts were worth it as her DH couldn't (or wouldn't...) help later in the day.
I find, too, that it is OK for the house to be "good enough". I don't HAVE to wash the sheets or clean house EVERY week. We rather clean as we go...tidy daily...and my friends still think my house is quite clean! (that tidying is BIG) The house can get more chaotic during the week, then we get everything back where it belongs on the weekend. The world hasn't come to an end since I relaxed my housekeeping skills, BUT I think we are ALL more relaxed for it.
Good luck to you, whatever your decision. Make sure it is truly what is best for your family--and YOU!

 

[StephMK]

So if I'm reading this correctly, you will lose $800 of your salary if you go PT, right, $9600 a year? I would guess you'd still bring home a significant chunk even if that is missing or it wouldn't be an issue of FT vs PT. Some of that might be offset if it changes your taxes. Is it really saving the full $800 if you stay FT? What happens on off school days, summer & winter vacation, etc.? Do you lose any benefits or vacation pay if you go PT?

I have chosen PT over salary & that is usually my first choice. However, at one job, when I went PT, they added flexibility to my schedule but also cut my vacation time. Just something to think about. There is no price tag on sanity as long as bills are getting paid! Good luck! I have done FT but definitely prefer PT when possible.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

So if I'm reading this correctly, you will lose $800 of your salary if you go PT, right, $9600 a year? I would guess you'd still bring home a significant chunk even if that is missing or it wouldn't be an issue of FT vs PT. Some of that might be offset if it changes your taxes. Is it really saving the full $800 if you stay FT? What happens on off school days, summer & winter vacation, etc.? Do you lose any benefits or vacation pay if you go PT?

I have chosen PT over salary & that is usually my first choice. However, at one job, when I went PT, they added flexibility to my schedule but also cut my vacation time. Just something to think about. There is no price tag on sanity as long as bills are getting paid! Good luck! I have done FT but definitely prefer PT when possible.

That makes more sense than the way I read it. I thought, if I was working 40 hours a week and only bringing home $800, it would soooo not be worth it. Yes, makes much more sense.

 

[runwad]

No I don't think it's worth it. I have 3 very active kids and I work part time and I'm still very busy. DD14 will start hs next year and wants to take gym this summer to free up a study hall for during the year. I wish I didn't even need to work at all because everything in the summer is an 8-12 and I work 3 days 8-4. I say save the sanity if you don't "need" the money and wait till the kids can drive themselves then go back full time. That's my take anyway. Who'd of thought it'd be so much harder working when your kids were older then when they were babies, geez those were the days.ha

 

[eliza61]

I loved being a working mom so for me it's more than a money issue. I tried the sahm thing for 2 years and hated it. Sorry ladies, every time I say that I get the "you must hate your kids comments".

Anyway, some things I did do to make my life less stressful.

1) Became less obsessed with having a spotless house.
2) Great lines of communications with my boss. I can make doctors and dentist appts weeks in advance, so immediately after making the appointment I made sure I let my boss know what my schedule would be for that particular day. Also made it a point to make the appointments at the end of the day. this way I wasn't frazzled by trying to run back to work.
3) Hubby kicked in. My dh is also a shift worker. If he is on night shift he's perfectly capable of throwing a load of laundry in or running a kid to soccer.
4) financial stress makes me way more crazy. especially in this day and age, I would be way more worried about the loss of 10K a year than a missed dentist appointment.

 

[Samar]

It really depends on if you can live without the $800. For me, I was only able to earn minimum wage since I got married right out of high school and once my son was born, I decided it wasn't worth it to shell out for huge day care costs if I wasn't going to even come close to making that much money while at work. We live in NJ and the sticker shock of pre-k's here are .

 

[Cheshire Figment]

If you husband works on a swing shift he probably gets home around Midnight or 1:00am and should be ready to ge to bed.

Why can't he do some of the errands and cleaning and taking kids to appointments?

When we both worked, my wife enjoyed doing the cooking, we grocery shopped together, but I was the one who did the laundry, most of the cleaning, and most of the errands.

 

[edk35]

How much is your time worth??? Everyone is different as far as what they can handle in regards to work and being a mom. I have friends that say they are a better mom because they work. I have some friends that wish so badly they didn't have to work. Some people can juggle it all and I respect those types.Some people have to work to make ends meet. I understand/respect that too. Being a mom and working is just an emotional rollercoaster. However I personally hit the wall when I am running all the time, working a lot, husband is traveling and our family lives 1000 miles away and there is no extra help. I spent most of my 30's/early 40's doing it all because of my husband's job. It was more important for us....for me to NOT work full time.

I have ONLY worked part time since having my first baby......... who is 19 now. Our oldest son is 16 and our youngest is 11. I have a teaching degree, but never went back to teaching full time. I have always done something in the education field, but I do not have my own classroom anymore. I looked at it this way.....I could work full time and feel STRESSED ALL OF THE TIME because my husband was in the military and deployed a lot and then went into a gov't job which he continued to travel in, OR work part time and not have the biggest, best house, and decor. I chose to work part time.

I have been lucky in that my earnings are more for "spending money" taking care of the kid's extra stuff like sports/dance and such over the years. I have been subbing for the past 7 years. I work at my youngest son's school. I am on his schedule which is perfect. I am off in the summers and holidays/days off that they have. Which makes it nice. I can always say NO and it is a job that is flexible. I sometimes work more and then sometimes I take breaks and pick and choose my sub jobs. This past April I took another part time part time job. That is what I call it. It is a work from home job and I love it. There is an entire thread on this board about work at home jobs. I love it because I can do it when I am off, summers, holidays. It is my DISNEY FUND MONEY.

I guess you have to decide what your time/sanity is worth???? That is the big question. If you can budget and cut back on certain stuff....maybe working part time would be best. You might discover that you don't miss the money that much. In return you will have more time with your kids, time to get stuff done, maybe actually get to spend more time on YOU!!! We all know that when MOM IS HAPPY EVERYONE IS HAPPY.

Good luck with your decision....maybe you could hold off until your youngest is in school and then decide.

 

[greens_in_WA]

I loved being a working mom so for me it's more than a money issue. I tried the sahm thing for 2 years and hated it. Sorry ladies, every time I say that I get the "you must hate your kids comments".

ITA - I was a sahm for 9months and in tears praying for God to help me get through it. I love working part time. The house is clean-ish. I have time for my preschooler, and we eat at home (healthier) more than I was full time, but I'd rather work full time than do the sahm thing... though yes, especially around certain people I feel a bit judged for wanting to work.

 

[Heidijs]

If it were me, I might consider cutting hours...I'm amazed how much busier I am just having my DD4 in pre-school a few hours a week! Lots of running...I wonder what full time will be like!

 

[Planogirl]

I reverted to part-time when my job went down the tubes but it's still stressful. Luckily I don't have daycare to deal but I do have a balky car and have to pay for gas and so on.

If you do so, work part-time! Maybe you can supplement with something else or cut expenses elsewhere.

 

[MrsPete]

No answers, but several things to consider in making this decision:

In addition to the $800 you're making each money, are you earning any benefits? If so, how valuable are they? When my kids were small and I was paying day care, I wasn't bringing home all that much, BUT I was building my was up towards a pension, which I value very much. Remember that a job isn't JUST a paycheck each week; those benefits are not so visible, but they matter just as much.

How secure is your husband's job? We all know that times are rough. If he has ANY concerns about his job, this would be a poor time for you to leave yours. $800 isn't much, but if he was to suddenly go to zero, you'd be awfully glad to have it.

If you leave now, how easy would it be for you to get back into the working world when/if you need/want to do so? Some jobs are easier than others to return to.

If you leave now, what "moving up the ladder" opportunities will you lose? When/if you need/want to return to work, you'd probably return somewhere between an entry level salary and your current salary -- would that put you in an okay financial position once your kids are teens (and you're payingi for braces, car insurance, etc.)? Or do you anticipate that you need to be a few years "up the ladder" by the time you hit those large expenses?

You say your son is starting kindergarten, and you'll be done with day care expenses. If you continue working, will you need to pay for any before/after care? For me -- and your situation may differ -- that was about 50% the cost of full-time day care, which was outrageous . . . but whatcha gonna do? The point: When you're doing the math, don't automatically enter zero on the day care expenses line.

Things are chaotic at your house. What options do you have? Could you hire a high school girl as a mother's helper in the afternoons to give you some downtime? Or could you hire her as cleaning help? Is your husband doing a fair amount of child care/house work?

Does your husband have to work swing shift? If he could opt for a different schedule, that could make the difference in the chaos.

If you stay home, what financial cut-backs could you make? Could you become a one-car family? (That saves SOOOOO much money.) Could you save on groceries by cooking from scratch more often? Wash your own car? Spend less on clothing and hair? The real question is, IF you had more time on your hands, how much of that $800 could you "earn" by spending less? Of course, the secondary question is, "Are you willing to actually do these things?"

Is the about-to-start kindergarten boy the oldest? Are the kids doing chores around the house? That's so important to them -- partially because it's right that everyone in the house helps out, partially because it helps them develop into productive adults. Without knowing the kids' ages, I don't have a feel for what they might be able to do -- and if the kindergarten boy is the oldest, then it may take more effort for you to supervise than to do it yourself, but the effort's worth it in the long run.

Finally, what do you WANT to do?
What does your husband WANT you to do?
It sounds like you can make either decision work for your family. I'd suggest that you talk with your husband about what your life will be like in 5/10 years if you go back to work and what it will be like in 5/10 years if you don't go back. Talk about finances, talk about raising the children, talk about each of your careers.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[disneymarie]

The way the economy is now, I would keep the job, store away the $800 in an account. The just in case.

We are in that area now. I worked two jobs, a full time, and part time, then after the 4th baby, I was still doing police work full time, droped the pt time department.

I ended up injured at work 10 years ago. I am on disability working pt time, dh lost his job of 42 years a year ago.
That just in case money was long gone over the years of my disability. With the employment same job all those years, we never expected the employer to file bankruptsy and the doors to close.

So anytime there is health and income, grab it up. In a blink it can be gone. The house cleaning will always be there. THings are never like they were years ago around here, we make do.

At least today or tomorrow you do not need to decide. Work it until a decision happens.

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't totally understand what money exactly would be coming to your account with the various working situations...but if the 800 isn't needed, I wouldn't make my life harder just to get it.

I am frazzled enough with one kid, not dealing with schools and teachers (we homeschool) and being at home. My mom *had to* work no matter how she felt about it, and I have NO idea how she did it all. I know she relied on neighbors for help quite a bit! Wish she were here to talk as adults about the whole thing.

Anyway, only you and your DH can figure out what the money means to your lives. If it's *extra* money vs your sanity, I hope sanity wins.

 

[dd50]

I guess you have to decide what your time/sanity is worth???? That is the big question. If you can budget and cut back on certain stuff....maybe working part time would be best. You might discover that you don't miss the money that much. In return you will have more time with your kids, time to get stuff done, maybe actually get to spend more time on YOU!!! We all know that when MOM IS HAPPY EVERYONE IS HAPPY.

Good luck with your decision....maybe you could hold off until your youngest is in school and then decide.

I totally agree with this. Every one has different opinions on this and every one is right with their situation. I loved to work and my husband wanted me to stay home for awhile. I agreed and 20 years later I am still sitting here. The kids are almost grown but he became disabled years ago. I would be a much happier person working.

 

[MrsMork]

If you husband works on a swing shift he probably gets home around Midnight or 1:00am and should be ready to ge to bed.

Why can't he do some of the errands and cleaning and taking kids to appointments?

While DH can help out, it is not realistic that he come home from work and go right to bed. Having worked swing shift, I can tell you that you need to unwind after working that shift just the same that you do working days. It always took me at least an hour or two to unwind before I could sleep, making it 2:00 or sometimes 3 am. Still there is a bit of time for tasks or errands between 10am and mid afternoon.