Inviting friends

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[DisneyBamaFan]

I take it your DS wants to invite a different friend?

 

[Piglets Mommy]

If he isn't the friend that DS was thinking of inviting, just tell her that DS had already mentioned the trip to another friend before all this came up (because he probably has) Family vacations are special, and at 16, there are probably only a few more years he will want/be able to go with you anyway...definately make this one the way YOUR family wants it.

 

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[DisneyBamaFan]

DS hasn't mentioned anyone else, but he also hasn't mentioned that friend. His older brother is going so they may just want to hang together. I guess I want my son to invite the friend that HE wants to invite if he invites someone, instead of being pressured to invite the person the Mom wants us to invite.

Thanks for the replies. We have been turning this around in our heads for a couple of weeks now and I knew that the Dis would have a great perspective.

Did you change your dates to coincide with theirs? If not, you are off the hook. Book at a different time and forget the drama.

 

[MushyMushy]

How incredibly rude and presumptuous, even if you have been friends for a long time!

Personally, I'd just give her a straightforward answer (No, we aren't interested in doing it this way), and not bring it up again. Don't apologize or waffle, but just get it out in the open and close the door on it as soon as possible.

 

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[Piglets Mommy]

Did you change your dates to coincide with theirs? If not, you are off the hook. Book at a different time and forget the drama.

That's a good idea...if they haven't already changed the dates, they can just say that they were unable to change the dates, and leave the trip as originally planned.

 

[krcit]

Wow. I cannot believe the nerve of that woman. I would not be 'bullied' into taking a child that is not even your son's friend Ridiculous. I agree with Mushy...just say no.

 

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[Piglets Mommy]

Actually that is how it felt to me too. Interestingly enough, I never said the word "no", just pointed out that we really hadn't considered it and would have to look at the logistics, like transportation, meals and such. Plus, I have never met his parents, and if he was with us, I would want to know them since we would be responsibille for him, not the other Mom. Once I didn't readily agree, she got huffy with the comment about us not wanting our DS to hang out with the other kids and the "family trip" comment.

Ok...I just saw this...sounds like she will be a to spend your vacation with. I'd either just say NO, or tell her that you looked into changing your dates, and it won't work out. I'm sure it is difficult to get a 2 br at certain resorts, so between that and the fact that you are working around schedules of a family of 4, that is perfectly true.

The only reasons I MIGHT take the other boy is if your son really wants to, and really wants to go at the same time as the girl, OR you NEED the income from the other family renting points for you. Otherwis, from what you have said, you will have a much less stressful trip if you leave it as planned.

 

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[Piglets Mommy]

We never intended to change ours, we chose them with all of our other summer plans in mind. The crazy thing was that she was thinking of getting enough points to reserve either a 2 bdrm or 2 studios. So.. she had room for the other boy. He could have been on the sofa bed, which is where we would have put him

I can see her not wanting a teenage boy in a villa full of teenage girls. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. And If I was one of the parents of the girls friends, I wouldn't bee too happy to find out there is a teenage boy staying in the villa with them. But it should not be your responsibility to make this work. She can just tell the other boy's parents that she is not comfortable with a boy in the villa...that is understandable.

Bullied is a very appropriate word for how I felt. They are "friends", but my DS just has never mentioned taking him. The boy is very close with her daughter since he stays with them during the week. I think she just wanted to make the gesture(invite him), but she wasn't willing to have him in their villa if she could maybe get by with 5 in a studio and him with us.

She does sound like a bully. It also sounds like she is trying to be the "good guy" by taking him, but the burden will be on YOU, both financially and responsibility wise, yet SHE is the one who knows him better.

Hmmm...my kids want to go to Disney, but we just can't afford it right now. Would you like to take them for me?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

My wife asked how much you value the friendship with this woman. Reason - she clearly doesn't value it.

Her advice - call her up and be very frank with her - tell her how this made you feel. If she isn't immediately apologetic - stop counting her as a friend and forget bending over backward to accommodate her wishes.

 

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[The Mystery Machine]

Just looking for opinions on a situation that has happened with our family.
My DS (16) has a friend that he has known since elementary school. We are
friends with her family also, and both families are DVC members. The friend's
family wants to take 3 other girls to WDW. They have approached us about
buying/transferring points so that she will have enough to take them. They have a friend who is in school with their DD. His family has had some financial setbacks, and the friend stays with our friends for a week, and with another family the next so he can go to the same school. The kids have hung out about 1/2 dozen times in the last year.

Long story short, on one of their get togethers Disney came up. The Mom asked some very direct questions of my son about when we were going/how large was our villa. The DD said wouldn't it be fun if we are there at the same time, and we could take the other "friend" and he could stay with us. Her mom even said maybe we could change our dates to when they were thinking about going.
My DS never committed to anything, just said he didn't think we could change our dates.
Well, we knew what would come next.
I got a call from the mom, initially to discuss the points, then to give a different version of the kids talking about Disney, then to say that she couldn't take the other boy because she will have a villa full of teenage girls, but we could have him stay with us.

I tried to get by with saying that we hadn't really discussed it, that we would have to think about the logistics of bringing him along, where he would sleep IF we even were to consider it. She kept pushing, and then fired off with..Well, if you don't want the kids to hang out together, if you are not comfortable with that and want it to just be a family trip then that's fine. She wasn't very nice..

So here are the facts..

We do have a 2 bdrm for the 4 of us, and have told our DSs that thy can each invite a friend if they want. Our DS has never mentioned this friend as a potential person to take. They don't know each other that well. He likes him ok, just doesn't seek him out, only sees him if he is hanging with the group.

I really felt like the mom was pushing this on us. I asked her to keep our conversation between just the two of us, because I didn't want the other boy's feelings hurt, but I told her that I felt like she had put our family, and especially my DS in a very awkward and uncomfortable position.

Essentially she extended an invitation to someone to go to WDW, and we were put in the position of saying No if we didn't feel like it was something that we wanted to do.

Of course the sad part to me is that at the beginning of her phone call she told me that the kids were planning to get together during the upcoming weekend and that my DS would be hearing from them. Of course he didn't, which makes me believe that she did discuss this with her DD & the boy.

We haven't rented the points to her yet, my DH and she have been playing phone tag.
Just a frustrating & upsetting situation. I really can't imagine extending an invitation to someone and then calling someone else to put that kid up.

She already made you sad and you did not even make any plans with her.

Do not rent her points and do not put this kid up for her on your vacation.

Tell her that you just want it a family trip and then let go.....

This is certainly a situation where..."No good deed goes unpunished".

 

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[Piglets Mommy]

Wow! Are you sure you don't know her
It really is like that, the whole "good guy" part. I really don't like someone
making me the "bad guy" because they spoke out of turn and also because
they don't want to get a large enough villa to take everyone themselves. She
mentioned a 2bdrm or 2 studios since there would be 5, but when she left a message
for my DH about the points, she was only asking for enough to get 1 studio (VWL) for 5.

I have a "friend" just like her. I am slowly learning how to say NO.

I think you are right about the part. We have been at WDW at the same time over the years, and it made for some stressful moments. My DS hasn't said that he would like to take the boy. He would love to be down there at the same time as the girl, since they have been friends for 9 years. We wouldn't even be at the same resort. It's not like they would be down the hall as far as the boys getting together with the girls. I have a strong feeling that if we were to do it we (our family) would be completely on their schedule because of having the boy with us and so then our DS would want to be with the girls all the time since the boy would.
Someone mentioned family vacations. I will say that I do treasure these. We have taken friend, Ours & our kids with us before. The difference? We asked them, we chose them to vacation with.As of now, we aren't on the hook for anything, but I'm sure this will come backi to bite in some way. She's not shy about saying things. I mostly think that she has said negative things about this to her DD & the boys, so it may be a problem for our DS.

That is the key here...you have included others in the past on YOUR terms. It sounds like you need to keep this trip on your terms too. She just seems like a real piece of work, and I can't imagine vacationing with her, esp. if your trip will end up revolving around hers.