Inviting a friend

[dznyacct]

We have done the "bringing a friend along" a few different ways. For three WDW/DCL trips my son (an only child) brought his best friend along. I knew there was no way that his parents could afford to pay his "fair share", so I made sure that we could cover everything (except for spending $$ for souvenirs) before I asked his mom. Of course she was thrilled that he could go and we had a wonderful time with him along (he really is like my other child) . On another WDW trip, we invited another friend and asked him to pay for his plane ticket, park ticket and spending $$. DS was later invited to join his family on a post HS graduation cruise to Alaska. We paid for everything for DS (cruise,air, food, tours, spending $$). Although not quite "fair", I had no problem paying his share, knowing that he would love the opportunity. On our last cruise, DS's other friend came and I asked if he could pay for his plane ticket and spending money. No problem and another great time . On our WDW trip last May a different friend joined us (his FIRST time to WDW and he turned 20 on the trip ). He paid for his plane ticket and park ticket. Next May we are doing a WDW/DCL/WDW trip (2 weeks ) and DS's GF will be joining us for her first cruise, first trip to WDW and first commercial plane ride . A lot of "firsts" for her . We are paying for everything except for her spending money. I think each case is situational and you need to do what feels "right" for you and your family .

 

[PatMcDuck]

The BIG problem I have had with teen friends, has been making the commitment to the trip, and keeping it! We had one kid back out a week before, and I could not get a refund on her plane ticket. She decided to play in a soccer tournament instead. Other friends hem and haw, say it depends, etc etc. One reason I would prefer they pay for the plane ticket, it then I am fairly sure they will actually COME. For that kid that backed out at the last minute, we actually tried to chose the trip DATES around HER schedule.

I have had better luck with bringing cousins, for my daughter. I find it easier to ask my brother or sister for the plane ticket $$. (not everyone has this option of course). When my niece came, we paid for everything except the plane ticket, and she brought pocket $$ of course.

 

[PrincessMom4]

We are planning on taking a friend of mine's daughter and only asked for her to pay for souveniers and park ticket. We are DVC members so she will be staying in a really great resort, meals are covered and travel expenses.

 

[Cruise]

I'm a little conflicted about this. I feel a double standard:

If I were inviting someone to go with us, I would plan to pay for the child's expenses (though I would expect she/he would have some spending money)

On the other hand, if someone invited my child, I would insist on paying, at least SOME of the expense.

I don't feel like it's a double standard... I feel like it's doing "the right thing" in both cases. I would do the same - pay for my own child if invited, and pay for someone else's if I were doing the inviting. If the parent's offer to pay, then fine, but I just feel like I should be prepared for them to not offer and be willing to pay myself. I don't feel like an invitation should be "conditional" - I feel like a sincere invitation means placing no undue hardship on the invitee in order to accept the invitation.

It's the same thing as I'm sure many of us feel here - we don't expect a gift when we invite someone to a birthday gathering. It's the person's presence that is the present.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

DD just went with a friend this past week for Spring Break. I do feel as though I have to point out that they took 4 extra kids though, not just DD. While there are certain things I might cover for one, I certainly would never expect someone to cover for 4.

They drove, and covered the gas money and the lodging. We (parents of extra kids) covered the tickets, and sent along money for food and souveniers- the Mom estimated $275 for food which I feel was a bit conservative. Not including the ticket prices, I sent DD along with $700 for 12 days. I knew they had an on-site sit down meal scheduled for every day, and none of them were breakfasts. They were also going commando style, so that meant the other meals were also going to be eaten in the parks.

Today is Day 11 and they are headed home tomorrow, and DD tells me she still has "hundreds" left, so I'm thinking some of her meals must have gotten covered by the parents.

Now, OTOH, my BFF in high school was an only child, and her parents took me along one year. The tourism industry is built around families of four, so I see it a little differently in this situation because it really isn't a hardship to add a fourth person to an existing reservation. We drove, and they covered everything except my park tickets.

 

[disneymotherof3]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but any child who we would consider bringing along, we would know their parents well enough to discuss the financial aspect of the trip. I don't think it's out of line to talk to the parents and say, Hey, we're going to Disney World for a week in summer. DS asked if you're DS could come. We would be happy for him to come along and would cover (hotel, food, etc) if you could pay for or provide (airfare, park tix, etc.) for him. We've priced it out and the total would be about $x,xxx. If your family has other summer plans or you just don't want him to be gone for that long, then we completely understand.

Personally I would never accept an invitation for my son to go on a vacation without expecting to pay for his share of it. So I don't think having a conversation about the financials is out of line....

No way would I pay for another kid. Talk to the parents, before talking to the girls and see if they can pay for the child's tickets and food and spending money. You are offering to take the child with your family not pay for another person on the trip. If someone asked me if my child could go to keep their daughter company, I would certainly be of the thought that I would be paying. It wouldn't even occur to me that they would be inviting her and paying for the whole thing.

I guess I run with the wrong crowd.

I'm in the minority here too - I would be discussing with the parents & saying it will cost $XX. If it goes over - that is my fault.

Prime example is DDs boyfriend. He is going with us for her graduation trip. I flat out said I cannot afford more than myself & you (to DD). If she wants him to come with it will have to be paid for by him. I told him I would pay the extra person fee in the room & I would pay for 2 TS meals as he would be happy with CS (or skipping meals entirely LOL).

I have worked hard on keeping the cost down for both him and us. I changed by one day on flights which saved him $100 on airfare & us $400 on airfare (using a voucher) and actually got us one more full day of vacation (it did cost me one more hotel night).

Our family does not have the cash to take another whole body with - however there are friends that would like to go but the rest of the family has no interest, etc. In that case those families might be happy to pay.

I agree with these responses. We are going back and forth now with the issue of letting DD17 extend the offer to a friend or 2 for our trip Summer 2012. We're going to celebrate DH coming home from deployment and DD's graduation. One of the girl's will be graduating with DD and the other is graduating this year, but they are all BFF's. We just thought it would be a fun way for the girls to celebrate. Plus, oldest DD isn't going to want to stay with her little brother and sister the whole trip. We are DVC members so we would cover the room, but we can't afford to pay for everything else. We could get the tickets at a discount because we are military and they would have to pay for food (DDP) and airfare. We definitely can't afford to pay for 1or 2 extra plane tickets from Los Angeles to Orlando.

We would definitely talk to the parents before and lay out the cost. It's not something we HAVE to do, but we thought it would be fun for the girls.

 

[sam_gordon]

For all those who say "if you invite, you pay"...

If you invite someone out to dinner (not a "date", but just friends getting together), do you pay for their dinner? What about their gas? Taxi fare? What if you and your SO invite another couple out for dinner?

As far as 'you're inviting the child to make your child happy'... while that's true, the friend's parents are also benefitting... 'babysitting'/'someone responsible to watch their child'/etc. It's not just a one way street.

If we ever invite our kids' friends on vacation, I'd let the parents know 'plane tickets are $x, park tickets are $y'. We'd buy hotel (because we'd do that anyway), rental car, and probably meals. Souveniers are their responsibility.

 

[iX.]

Thanks for all the spirited discussion.

I do understand the "you invite you pay" sentiment. As parents of the only child, I've done this lots. I've paid for between 1 and 4 friends to go along on all sorts of outings from beach days to amusement parks, paid the admission, the food, the gas, the everything, that's just been the way of it. We're the only ones with a van, so we're always the drivers (too many kids for a car), the sleepovers are always at our house, we rent the movies and buy the pizza, etc etc, heck even the surprise parties are always at our house. So fine, we're ok with that.

We did pay the entire shot for the first kid that came along, without ever thinking of asking the other parent, because we knew very well she couldn't come up with the money and that's fine, that's how we structured it.

So when we were looking at going back... paying another kid's complete way was just going to break the budget and stop the trip. So this other friend we know her parents would never get her to Disney anyway -- they're very travel phobic. So we approached them about just covering airfare and park tickets. Food (via DDP via rack rate room), car rental, hotel, upgrades, changes, some souveniers, various snacks we all paid for by us. I looked at it this way... the kid got to go to Disneyworld for $500, when they probably never would have gone otherwise. (Total bill was just under $4k). They agreed, and paid that amount, and we never though of asking for more when the numbers changed.


The other thing, if my daughter was ever invited on a similar trip, I would certainly insist on paying a fair share of the cost, at very least the total incremental cost of adding the extra guest, and provide her with more than enough spending money so that the people taking her were not out of pocket.


And to the guy who said "just go to the beach instead", well we've done that lots. But we wanted to go back to Disneyworld because we had to abort our first trip when my daughter had a medical issue and then continual panic attacks. Going back a few years later was part of her progression in overcoming the subsequently diagnosed panic disorder she had. We *had* to go back to Disney, and it had to work out, even though frankly we could only barely afford it. Taking another kid along was part of making sure that worked, as it was a trusted friend that understood DD's disorder.

If I had enough money I'd take all her friends along and put them up in a Treehouse for free every year, they're great kids. Reality is tough sometimes though.

Thanks again for all your thoughts on this folks.

I think next time we'll try it just the three of us.

 

[starry_solo]

Can all you generous people be my friend and invite me to WDW too? *lol*

 

[fakereadhed]

I agree with you invite you pay. If they offer to pay great, but you should be prepared to pay if they don't. That's what we did with DD's friend we took to Wisconsin Dells- paid for everything including meals.

On the other hand, my DD is invited on trips with other families and they tell me it is her obligation to pay for half the gas and half of their vacation condo in FL or hotel at Cedar Point and any other costs.Mind you, this is a family of four, including both parents. 1/2??? I told her no, not because it is tacky, because they are clearly nuts and can't be trusted to take care of my child.

 

[Cruise]

I told her no, not because it is tacky, because they are clearly nuts and can't be trusted to take care of my child.

 

[LSchrow]

imho, you made a good decision
that said, we have done it both ways: paying for another child in full (except souvies), and other times asking the parents to pay for for airfare and passes only. (for local and/or low cost vacations, we always paid for the other child in full).
the key is that the situations were different; when we paid in full, it was b/c we were financially able and/or the other family was not, the other child was company for ours, and importantly, we were very close with the family.
when we asked the parents to pay for air and passes, often it was that the other children had asked ours if they could come and/or the parents had expressed interest in our trip (e.g., "oh, you're going to WDW? we always wanted to bring johnny/janie there, but haven't gotten to it....."), the families were doing well financially.

in all situations, it was an experience that the child might have never had, except for this trip. and, like many, we are the type of parents that would insist on paying part of the trip when ours was invited (and if our offer was refused, our child was given a gift card to treat the family to a nice dinner, gave them a gift of appreciation - often a framed photo of the 2 kids together on vaca, and a heartfelt thank you note).
have a wonderful vacation!!!

 

[ryem's mom]

We are taking my daughter and one of her friends next April, the friend's mother offered to pay so we are letting her. I know she would be offended if we didn't let her, but we were going to pay for this friend. I know everyone's situation is different. If you can, I would talk to the friend's parents to see if they could help. I always know the topic of money is a sensitive one. Good luck!!

 

[Teacher03]

My DD always invites the same friend, and we always pay for everything. They are now both 21, and we are planning a trip for next summer, which we will pay. It will probably be our last trip together as they are both graduating from college. She is like a daughter to us, and her family feels the same way about our daughter. When she vacations with them, they pay. I'm not sure if I would pay for everything with a different friend, but it has never been an issue.

 

[MissUndastood]

I agree with you invite you pay. If they offer to pay great, but you should be prepared to pay if they don't. That's what we did with DD's friend we took to Wisconsin Dells- paid for everything including meals.

On the other hand, m DD is invited on trips with other families and they tell me it is her obligation to pay for half the gas and half of their vacation condo in FL or hotel at Cedar Point and any other costs.Mind you, this is a family of four, including both parents. 1/2??? I told her no, not because it is tacky, because they are clearly nuts and can't be trusted to take care of my child.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

If you ask someone to go then you should pay for them.... that is what my family always did...

 

[Lear]

Talk to the parents, before you invite the child is my vote. Saying we would like to invite your child, but we can not afford to pay for (fill in the blank). Is a good way to approach this. If they are offended by your honesty it looks poorly on them not you.

 

[mjkacmom]

As far as 'you're inviting the child to make your child happy'... while that's true, the friend's parents are also benefitting... 'babysitting'/'someone responsible to watch their child'/etc. It's not just a one way street.
.

Actually, this is not always true! When dd14 travels with my SIL, it's a hardship to me. When she's home, she is no extra work, but when she's gone, it can be a hassle for me. Over vacations and summer, I have the freedom, a lot of the time, to run out to the store (alone) when she's hanging around the house. If I need a sitter, I have one (we do pay her).

She participates in a summer music program where she's gone from 7:30 - 4. I consider it my sacrifice!

 

[robinb]

We have an only child, DD14.

We have gone twice to Disney and taken a friend along.

My question is, what should the friend ('s parents) be expected to pay?

Seems like the kids we want to take the most, have no hope of contributing, and the ones with money... well...

But we can't afford to pay somebody else's way, really, it's already such a stretch.

Thoughts?

First time we paid it all, because the kid had no hope of probably ever going any other way, given her situation. Felt good, but hurt the pocketbook hard.

Second time we had free DDP, so we just asked (different) DDF to pay the flight and park ticket ($550). We ended up paying for flight change, Park hopper upgrade, water park ticket, and various other random things that came up. I think the $550 was a big deal for her parents as it was though, although they were very happy we were taking their kid to Disney.

So, we hope to go in October 2012... maybe bring a friend? What do you think... what's fair to ask for in terms of dollars? I was looking buying or renting DVC for it so we wouldn't have free DDP so food is back on the table... makes it more complex than DDP "order watever you like" that worked so well with a guest friend... maybe we should get DDP for that reason?

This question comes up a lot and I am answering without reading other people's responses.

We brought my DD's friend with us last August and had a combination of DVC & Free Dining. We started out at Port Orleans - Riverside and had 6 days of free dining (we bought 10 park hoppers) and then we ended up in a 1 Bedroom at Animal Kingdom Villas for the remaining 4 days on our passes. This worked out really well for us because we ate our heads off for the first part of the trip and then scaled back on the last few days.

Like you, we could not afford to pay for everything for DD's friend. We asked for her parents to pay for her airfare and send some spending money. We paid for the room (the same for 4 as it was for 3), park passes and meals.

I think that kids will go along with whatever your family does by way of meals. If you are on a budget, then don't go to many TS places. Stick to the CS restaurants or eat offsite if you have a car. Cook back in the DVC villa if you can. Even the studios have a microwave and toaster.

Whatever you decide, talk to the parents FIRST before you talk to the friend.

 

[ilovemk76]

For all those who say "if you invite, you pay"...

If you invite someone out to dinner (not a "date", but just friends getting together), do you pay for their dinner? What about their gas? Taxi fare? What if you and your SO invite another couple out for dinner?

As far as 'you're inviting the child to make your child happy'... while that's true, the friend's parents are also benefitting... 'babysitting'/'someone responsible to watch their child'/etc. It's not just a one way street.

If we ever invite our kids' friends on vacation, I'd let the parents know 'plane tickets are $x, park tickets are $y'. We'd buy hotel (because we'd do that anyway), rental car, and probably meals. Souveniers are their responsibility.

If we were with out friends and we all starting talking about going to a new place and then set a date we all know we are paying our own way.

If we say to our friends we want to try a new restaurant and ask them to join us then we pay.

See the difference.

When inviting a kid to entertain our kid we pay.

If we were talking about a trip and the friend asked if they could join and then had to back out and only the kid could go then they pay.

I always pay if I ask but I never assume they are paying if they ask. I am always prepared to pay my own way.

When we have taken kids with us we paid everyting and usually their parents gave them spending money.