Introvert's dilemma: How to stem anxiety in the parks?

[Asc341]

Hello all,

My husband and I are going to Disney next week for 5 days, two of which will be spent with my husband's cousin, and his cousin's girlfriend. We love them, but I'm starting to get anxious about spending two full days with them because I'm an introvert, and there's only so much time I can spend with people before I need alone time. They are both CMs and are very enthusiastic to spend as much time with us as possible, which (I know it's silly) only makes me feel more socially claustrophobic. Disney can be sensory overload as it is, and I'm afraid of getting psychologically burned-out.

Any tips on how to maintain psychological balance with park-partners that you may not be entirely comfortable with?

Thanks in advance for your tips!

 

[Altoqueenkelly]

Why not have a conversation with them prior to the trip? Explain that while you are excited and looking forward to spending time with them, you hope they will be understanding if you "need a break"... Just keep the focus positive and assure them that you are looking forward to spending time with them but you also will desire some "alone time".

 

[crisi]

Be honest - "I'm an introvert - I want to see you but I'll need some time to myself." Also, get up early or stay up late (I get up early) and go for a walk, sit on the deck (if you have one), go to the lounge.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

Declaring yourself an introvert is not an excuse to be rude to others. Make an effort at conversation. Otherwise, just grab a bench and people watch while the others ride rides.

 

[ChanFO]

Declaring yourself an introvert is not an excuse to be rude to others. Make an effort at conversation. Otherwise, just grab a bench and people watch while the others ride rides.

Considering that the OP is posting this in a effort to learn how to graciously handle their anxiety and their husband's cousin/gf, I do not think rudeness is likely. I think you may have a different impression of what "introvert" means. Introvertedness is not the same as being shy; introverts can be very talkative people, but high levels of interaction wear them out and then they need time alone to recharge their social batteries before another go. Compare this to an extrovert, who is energized by groups of people and gets a social 'high' from that kind of interaction, and suffers from alone time.

To the OP:

I agree with other posters - managing expectations up-front will help head off any potential problems. Make it clear that you will need a "break" every day to to mentally recharge before heading back out. Your husband should back you up on this and make sure you get your break. If your husband is willing, let him keep on going with the others while you take your break, so as to minimize any disappointment. If you are staying on-site, slipping back to the room alone shouldn't be too bad. If not, I'm sure you can find an out-of-the-way spot in the shade to take a deep breath from constant interaction.

And don't feel bad about saying you need space! My husband is the introvert in my case and I did have to work the schedule out for our vacation with my family members so that they knew he would probably not join us on every outing or ride. We have days with the family, and days without them, and I promised him that I would not be upset if he decided to head back to the room if it all became too much on any given day.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

in·tro·vert
ˈintrəˌvərt/Submit
noun
1.
a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.

Now, I wouldn't agree with that definition, but telling someone upfront that you are an introvert and will need time alone is not something I've ever heard. Feign a tummy ache or sore feet to get a break. No one will ask questions.

Now if you have Social Anxiety Disorder and/or panic attacks, that goes beyond being "shy."

 

[MichaelaF]

Good gracious, I'm constantly amazed at the new levels of judgement I seem to find on here sometimes. If you're concerned about rudeness, I suggest looking in the mirror first. You're suggesting the OP lie to her family in order to solve the problem, which is generally pretty crap advice.

OP, do you have any scheduled "alone time"? I am not super introverted, but I also get pretty worn out if I don't get any quiet/alone time myself. Do you think that you could come up with a schedule that just allows for some down time and communicate that with them? I agree with (some of) the other posters about expectations, but nailing down what those times may be in advance could ward off potential issues (like, say, if they planned for a fireworks viewing and you had that time in mind to be back at the room for some down time).

 

[ChanFO]

in·tro·vert
ˈintrəˌvərt/Submit
noun
1.
a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.

Now, I wouldn't agree with that definition, but telling someone upfront that you are an introvert and will need time alone is not something I've ever heard.

Here's a really good graphic to explain how introverts socialize:

http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/11420132250159.jpg

Not embedding it, because it's one big image! It is very educational to how introverted people work, though.

Most introverts can handle a number of hours with people they don't know well, but at some point they will hit their personal limit and feel overwhelmed and want to crawl back into their hamster ball to get some space.

Introverts do tend to handle people they know well far longer than they handle folks that they don't know well, which is why its often conflated with shyness. Truthfully, introverts just tend not to be big on small talk; they have rich inner lives and are perfectly happy with quietness, and in fact enjoy quiet.

And that's where the misunderstandings come in. Quietness and a difficulty engaging others after prolonged social outings doesn't make someone rude or snobbish, it's just how they work, but extroverts see that silence as an affront. Given that there are more extroverts in the world than introverts (though, really, it's a spectrum, not an either-or) there can be a lot of miscommunication between what an introvert is doing and what an extrovert thinks is happening.

I highly encourage doing a little Googling about introverts to see that there's a lot more going on beyond the dictionary definition.

 

[msmama]

Do you mind missing out on things? Seems the easiest thing to do would be to sit out a ride of two every couple of hours. Maybe wander through some gift shops or sit and people watch.

If you don't want to admit to being an introvert (or my suggestion would be to have your DH tell them since it's his family) maybe just have to take a bathroom break during certain rides or something (though you risk girlfriend coming with you).

Alternately, you can try to keep it together all day, but be honest with DH and tell him you really need quiet time at night.

I'm hugely introverted, too and I've never had a problem at Disney. I can manage to hold it together long enough - but I'm a single parent and don't really have any other choice.

 

[scoutie]

Now, I wouldn't agree with that definition, but telling someone upfront that you are an introvert and will need time alone is not something I've ever heard. Feign a tummy ache or sore feet to get a break. No one will ask questions.

The fact that you had to google an outdated definition of introvert means that you haven't the slightest clue what it means to be an introvert. The updated definition of introvert isn't shy at all. Plenty of outgoing people can be introverted. It means that you might need more time to recharge after the stimulus of being around lots of people. Introverted people are very kind, empathetic, thoughtful people.

OP--I'm an introvert as well and need some time alone to recharge. Being around crowds of people and noise is exhausting for me after awhile. I just make sure to schedule in some quiet time in the evenings for myself. I would give yourself permission to take a break in the middle of the day or plan something quiet in the afternoon.

 

[sarahtar]

I have never told family, "hey, I'm a big introvert, so..." because I don't expect that would get me anything but ridicule and judgement from them (similar to some folks here...). That's them, though, if you have nicer family, a conversation would be nice.

When I'm in a situation where I'm running out of "dealing with people" energy, I just find a reason to step away. Or no reason. "Hey, I'm going to go for a walk." "Hey, you guys go on, I just saw something back at that shop I wanted to see a bit closer. I'll meet up with you in a few minutes." "You know what? I'd love to just have a half hour to wander around a bit by myself and have some quiet time. You guys go on and do whatever it is you were planning to do." "All this noise and sensory input is starting to really get to me. I need a half hour/hour to just get myself a cold drink and sit somewhere quiet by myself - do you have any suggestions on a good spot? Then I can hook back up with you guys in a little while." I also find that getting up early or staying up late help me a LOT - being awake when nobody else is is actually restful, mentally.

 

[sarahtar]

Having DH on board in advance of "just slipping away" would help - that way, he can help you if needed by discouraging anyone in your party from accompanying you.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

The fact that you had to google an outdated definition of introvert means that you haven't the slightest clue what it means to be an introvert. The updated definition of introvert isn't shy at all. Plenty of outgoing people can be introverted. It means that you might need more time to recharge after the stimulus of being around lots of people. Introverted people are very kind, empathetic, thoughtful people.

Yeah, I'm not a "psych" major. The definition popped up at the top of the google page.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

My first suggestion is to space the shows out every couple hours so you get a break from having to interact. Sit on the end of your group, with your husband in the middle and the other couple on the other side of him, so any interaction they might try to have will be difficult for them. We didn't see a lot of shows when we went, but the ones we did see were a nice break from all the mental stimulation. Mickey's Philharmagic in particular was a nice relaxing time. I took off my glasses and closed my eyes and just zoned out for a bit. Or you could concentrate on the show and block out everyone around you.

My other suggestion is to be honest. When you feel you've had too much, simply tell your companions "I'm getting a little overwhelmed by the crowds and need a moment to collect myself." Then head off to one of the many beautifully landscaped areas, and walk or sit for 5-10 minutes and just breathe and refresh your mind. Maybe download some hypnotherapy tracks on your phone and listen to them during your break. It really helps.

A third thing you can do, if you are stuck in a line or somewhere you can't get away, is to focus on the immediate things around you. Pick an interesting decoration or something and really focus on the details. Tell yourself "That Mickey statue is really interesting. His ears a large ad black and circular and connected to his head. His head is too big for his neck and body, he has large white eyes with black pupils, and a round black nose. His shorts are red, his gloves are white." Count his fingers, mentally trace him with your finger, whatever you have to do. It keeps you from thinking about your anxiety and over stimulation and helps bring you back to normalcy.

I'm not and introvert, but I do suffer from anxiety/panic attacks, and these are some of the strategies I use. Hope that helps

 

[BAMLuvMickey]

It isn't easy to be introverted. I do find myself explaining to people why I am the way I am(it's not you, it's me, LOL)
I feel that if I don't explain the TRUTHFUL reason why I don't go to many parties makes me seem rude, so those that I frequently visit understand why I avoid them sometimes.

That said, even on vacation with those closest to me can get overwhelming and I get agitated.
I am usually an early riser. This is what I do:
I go grab a coffee and just enjoy some alone time before I start the daily grind.
At night, after the kids are tucked in, I do the same, but with decaf tea.
My hubby understands it completely and leaves me to myself for a half hour or so every day.

As For Vacations:
I always schedule an "OFF" day that we do not spend at any park, it just helps re-charge not just me but I have a son who has sensory issues. We spend it just checking out our resort, swimming, maybe even resort hopping during the day when most people are at the parks.

Be honest with your friends. You don't need a complete breakdown of what an introvert is, just keep it simple. Also, suggest explaining that you would like to have some "alone time" with your husband and suggest catching up with them for dinner later.

 

[teacup princess]

I would make those days your busiest park days. Go to MK or HS. Don't go to Epcot... Too much walking. Then end your day and go back to the hotel early. I'm super introverted but I think I could tour the parks with someone if it was only a short walk and conversation in line and then a break of quiet time while on a ride. If it were me I'd be uncomfortable telling them I didn't want to hang out much because I was an introvert. Maybe that's just me.

Good luck.

 

[pumpkinpatchquilter]

Hello all,

My husband and I are going to Disney next week for 5 days, two of which will be spent with my husband's cousin, and his cousin's girlfriend. We love them, but I'm starting to get anxious about spending two full days with them because I'm an introvert, and there's only so much time I can spend with people before I need alone time. They are both CMs and are very enthusiastic to spend as much time with us as possible, which (I know it's silly) only makes me feel more socially claustrophobic. Disney can be sensory overload as it is, and I'm afraid of getting psychologically burned-out.

Any tips on how to maintain psychological balance with park-partners that you may not be entirely comfortable with?

Thanks in advance for your tips!

I am so similar in that I like people and socializing but probably not nearly as much as most people - even those in my immediate circle - and I must socialize in intervals. Would it be fair to assume if they know you they probably know you're an introvert to some extent? We always hope others will be respectful and understanding that all people are different but that isn't always the case...threads like this that showcase all the overwhelmingly different responses are exactly what wear out and break down people us!

I would say honesty is probably the way to go, at least it's what I would feel comfortable with and what I would want if I were your family member who you plan to spend the day with. You don't have to make a huge issue of it and outright declare that socializing with them is what you need the break from...I mean Disney is a HUGE trip, I think just be up front and open when planning your days with them that you want to be sure to make some time each day for chilling out and settling down so you can enjoy your time together refreshed but also so that the trip doesn't become too overwhelming - for them AND for you. With or without company on the trip I think that is a TOTALLY understandable request for anyone.

Sometimes though, even if you express to them your need for down time, you may not get it. If it were me I would just try and go in with a positive attitude and be optimistic...if you start to feel closed in like you need some down time you aren't getting, the idea of offering to sit out a few rides and grab a coffee or a snack on your own while and just enjoy the atmosphere while the others go off for a bit is a good one. There are a lot of areas in Disney that are quiet and not in your face and overwhelming.

No matter what happens you will get through it, good luck and I hope you have a wonderful trip!

 

[Minnesota!]

I totally understand...I am the same way!

When I need some down time...esp at WDW, I send DH and the kids on a ride and I bench warm. 30 minutes of people watching and nobody to bother me does my soul and mind a whole lot of good! My younger son is a lot like me in that respect, so often we just hang out in silence together on a bench.

I would just say that you get overwhelmed easily and please excuse you for a couple brief periods of time while you chill out. Just send them all on a ride or into a show together a few times

Also, as a pp said - I like to get up early and chill outside or in the lobby (AKL) for a bit.

 

[Nancyg56]

My DH is kind of like you. He loves people, but not all day every day, and Disney tends to have a lot of us in one place at the same time. He will often just take a seat when he needs a little break, and let the rest hit an attraction, watch a show or entertainment, or shop.

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make on a "family" vacation is to try to make everyone fit into the same box. My DS is already anxious about his trip with DDIL to her family for Christmas. His MIL will pitch a fit if he steps away to read, or unwind. they are visiting two weeks, and by the time he gets home, he will be a mess, because DDIL's family cannot respect that some people need to have space, and that at 39, he is pretty used to spending a lot of time alone. His DW always gets barraged by he family, and will eventually have to either speak up, because if not, my DS will have to. And that starts another "discussion". It's funny, because he has never joined us on a trip, and while I would love to have him and DDIL, I know he would be uncomfortable the entire time, so we just respect how he feels.

 

[tina.tina]

I was concerned about going on a short trip with DH's friend and his GF. Actually, she was more shy than I was and things went really well. Hopefully, OP, you're worried for nothing. Like PPs have said, just tell them you're going for a walk or to look at something. Who knows- maybe you'll find a new friend and enjoy some time with her!