Inter Racial Couples

[disneyfav4ever]

Okay, this is a half vent - half comment thread I'm going to start.

I'm a cashier, and when I was at work today I had a nice couple come through my line, with there very cute little boy, the woman was white, and the man was black. After they were done and left, the next customer, an older man, started talking about them.

I don't remember his exact words, but it was pretty much just that they shouldn't be together because they were different races.

I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to knock this guy out and/or run to the bathroom crying.

That's because I'm white, and my DBF is black, and I can't stand it when people look at us wierd, like why are we together? Or when some people start with racist terms, (and I've seen several, what I would call racist people, at my job,) or, my worst experience was when a black lady came in with a large bag, headed straight to the medicine area, and put a few high priced items in her bag, and then attempted to leave. Apparently since, we wanted to see her reciept, which of course she didn't have, we were "racist."

I hate being accused of being racist.

I'm very self-concious sometimes, and the looks me and DBF get when we're out sometimes, or comments I've overheard, one of my favorites, (BTW - DBF is about ten years older then me, but looks older then that,)

Person #1 "He's old enough to be her father."
Person #2 "Well you know he's not. He's black as night."

Then they both laughed. And I subbed black as night becuase what they said was worse, and I don't want to post it here. I've been called a lot of things since DBF and I have been together, (more then a year now.)

I'm also going to be self-concious when we have children, which we are talking about getting married and having kids, that they'd be picked on and made fun of.

I had a friend in high school, whose parents were black and white, and she was called names. The one that I remember off the top of my head is Oreo.

Aren't we, as humans, far along enough to accept different types of couples? Between me and my DBF, with the race and the age difference, and my gay friends, (whole other topic,) it seems like some people feel the need to judge others by who their with and not who they are.

I know I should just ignore them, but its very hard to.

 

[NewJersey]

I totally understand about the inter-racial couple thing. Sadly though, people are still living in the 1950s. I'm white and my boyfriend is black. I really don't understand the amount of intolerance some people have. It amazes me.

 

[mking624]

I hear you. I am Hispanic and DH is white....and it did cause an issue with his family at first. But because I LOOK white, they pretty much conveniently forget that I am Hispanic. But I do take it very personally when comments are made by ANYONE about interracial couples...or any racial remarks for that matter. My manager is awful at this and I've had words with him several times to the point where he really doesn't say anything about it anymore. The last time it came up between us is when he spotted a black/white couple and he asked me "what do you think about that." I asked him straight back "why? Do you have a problem with it?" He said no (in an unbelievable way) and I replied "well that's interesting because usually the only people who point it out are those who have problems with it." And then I went on to talk about how my marriage is interracial, etc etc.

We do have one woman who likes to come in our store and accuse all of us of racism, though. She wants to be hired by us, but we're a small store...as in we only need about 4-5 employees to be fully staffed...and every time she wants to apply, we're not taking applications. Then she begins to throw a fit about how we're discriminating...she demands to know if we have any "people of color" on staff (her words) and then demands the number for our district manager and corporate office. Now we don't even do paper applications anymore...it's all online. She came in a couple of weeks ago and demanded to work at the store, I told her about the online application, and she accused me of discriminating against her, and the whole nine yards. I just went off on her telling her that she might want to find out some facts about me before she falsely accuses me of stuff and I proceeded to explain to her the crap my family has been through when it comes to racism. I think I stunned her because her jaw dropped and she quietly left the store. Eh, she'll be back...she's been doing this for the last 3 years from what I gather...and we're not the only store she does this to. We did take an application from her once and when former jobs were contacted, ALL of them said they would NEVER hire her again because she did this all the time wherever she worked.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm sorry that some people are still so hurtful, backward, and stupid. How else can a person describe that kind of behavior without even knowing the couple involved?

Unfortunately, it will have to be something that you'll need to deal with. I would have no problem if one of my kids is in an interracial relationship, however, I would very honestly be frank with them about the racism that is still out there and help them realize that their relationship will need to be strong enough to deal with the jerks of the world. It's not fair--that is for sure!

Things are changing for the better, though. And some parts of the country are better than other places.

 

[Sparx]

This makes me so mad. I don't see race when I look at someone. I see a person. If two people are in love and have a child they are doing better than some out there. doesn't matter about the color of their skin.

 

[dmslush]

I'm white and SO is Alaskan Native, and we live in a very small, racist southern town. I have grown up here, and for all of the faults of it, it is my home.

We get a lot of stares. Many people around here assume he is Hispanic. His boss was once told, right in front of him, "He speaks good English for a Mexican." I reckon they thought he could speak english, but maybe not understand it.. I don't know why else that would have been said in front of him???

When we are out together, people will actually look at us and whisper to one another. And when we have our daughter with us (who is white, she is from my former marriage and he has adopted her) people will look at me like I am a bad mother because I let 'him' around my child.

But, you know, at the end of the day, we go home to a happy, loving enviornment and we actually feel bad for people who chose to live in such ignorance.

 

[Hercules10]

I married a Hispanic woman and the most BS I hadda endure was from my own parents. After standing them down and telling them to K-M-A and take it or leave it, she soon became the "favorite daughter in law".

With some folks it takes a sledge hammer to see the light.

 

[WldWcnWmn]

And some parts of the country are better than other places.

My ex-husband (who's white) took me to court for joint custody of my son (who's white) years after our divorce was final because I am white and I was dating a Black Man. My ex felt that subjecting my son to a person of color was somehow damaging. There were other factors at play, like I moved across the country, etc. But the judge actually took the fact that I was dating a black man into consideration! We were in Jacksonville, Florida and "Honey, the war aint over there, yet." Of course, now my son has a bi-racial sister by the "black man" I married and I live in Oregon and as soon as my daughter was old enough to travel I got the Hell out of Jacksonville Florida. So, I am a very white woman raising a white son and a bi-racial daughter. Some people are happy in different kinds of families. My daughter's father and I had a lot of issues while we were dating It was a never ending battle and sometimes I just didn't feel like being the Martyr for "the cause." There are certain places in Oregon that are scary, like Springfield but we don't venture there too often. The town we live in is pretty liberal and I haven't had big issues. Different parts of the country have different levels of tolerance.

 

[scrump]

I am part of an interracial marriage as well. DH is white, I am Asian. We are New Yorkers now, but DH used to live in a community that didn't have a lot of non-whites as members, and at times it got very hurtful. It really wasn't easy, and was a large part of why we relocated to New York City. Not that things are perfect here, but I think there's a larger support network of people who "get it" here versus where we were.

As far as kids go, I am mentally prepared to accept that as bi/multiracial kids, they will have challenges that DH and I never had, but I don't worry about it. Finding your identity is a long journey, I figure there will be times when they reject part of, or all of either heritage they share, but ultimately will find their place and accept who they are, regardless of what others say.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I married a Hispanic woman and the most BS I hadda endure was from my own parents.

Oh, I've had to endure plenty of BS from my family as well. I've been told several times, by different members of my family, whenever they met him, "you didn't tell me he was black," or something similar. DBF is the sweetest most caring person I've ever been with, and all of them, my family, are so, I can't think of the right word, self-centered? when it comes to him it's like they don't realize that there's a very good chance that this is the man I'm going to marry and have children with wether they approve of him or not.

OT a little, but have any of you seen Simba's Pride, the Lion King sequel? You know the part when Simba banishes Kovu, and Kiara goes after him, and then when there away together Kovu tells Kiara they can just start a pride of there own. That's how I feel with DBF sometimes. That we should just leave everything else behind, and just move somewhere where no one knows us. It's like we almost have to hide our relationship.

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

I wish you strength. I wish you compassion. You will hear a lot of flack when you choose to date someone outside the norms. Some people are simply ignorant. You could be dating a white guy a fat guy and someone would have qualms with it because of his weight. There will always be some reason that someone else finds that person unacceptable.

Keep your chin up, your head held high. If someone says something off color to you, loook them in the eye and tell them. "I'm sorry that YOU have an issue with it. I look beyond the color of the person's skin, and into the goodness of their heart. Perhaps you should try doing the same. The world would be a better place if we all learned to do that. After all, there really is only one race in this world... HUMAN." Or something.

*HUGS* Namaste.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend is black and I am Hispanic...we get ignorant comments like that ALL the time. Some of them from my own family! It really makes me angry and sometimes I just want to sock 'em. But then in a way I feel sorry for them. They are such backwards, ignorant, and close-minded people that it's actually kind of sad. You just have to remember that love knows no boundaries and that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is that you two care deeply for one another. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to ignore such hateful and ignorant comments but you just have to hold your head high and ignore them. Best of luck to you and your DBF

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm white and my ex-husband is asian. I never noticed any racist comments when we were still together (unless people talked about us behind our backs). I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[MAKmom]

I don't remember his exact words, but it was pretty much just that they shouldn't be together because they were different races.

I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to knock this guy out and/or run to the bathroom crying..

Next time say this. Lean in and say " If you think that is bad...I know a woman who married a bigot." Say it real low so only he can hear.

 

[helenabear]

I am so sorry My DH and I are different races. Honestly I seem to get more "crap" from his side than mine. His mother even looked at me and said "You do realize if you have kids, they could look black" Yeah, thanks for that oh so not important FYI. It's like those who are "minority" sometimes think you can't handle living with it because you aren't "one of them"

Life can be so stupid like that though.

My dad's side of the family are the most narrow minded people I have met. Because my mom wasn't 100% German and not from that town she was dubbed a "foreigner" I know nothing of my dad's side of the family (save a select few) because they chose to have nothing to do with us because of my mom.

Thoughts like that are absolutely rediculous.

I can't say I never see a race.... I will use it to describe someone, but usually only in skin, hair and eye color. But the race itself matters nothing to me. It can be used to describe someone physically, but that's it.

I don't know why all people can get so hung up on something as silly as skin color.

Makes no sense to me.

If my DH and I have kids, then we'll be blessed... we believe that they'll be gorgeous kids with neat eye color (DH is a hazel of all colors and mine green... both of us have nice shape as well). Hopefully they'll be healthy as well. The rest won't matter at all.

I never did understand why an ethnic backround mattered all that much. It sure never did with me

 

[ShannonRT]

I don't know about everywhere else, but in this part of the country, white/Asian relationships are much more "accepted" than white/black relationships. My ex-husband and I are both white. He married a Korean woman and there have been no issues anywhere around them. But if she was black, that would be a whole different story.

At least in the deep south.

 

[*Fantasia*]

I am Filipino and my husband was black (late husband). We didn't get any mean stares.. if anything they always compliment us for having such a beautiful children.

Some folks are narrow minded. They are very shallow. Try not to pay attention to them or let them bother you. The most important thing is that both of you love each other and happy. ::hugs::

 

[Tigger&Belle]

WldWcnWmn, Being from Oregon, I could guess some places there that you don't live. I was so happy to get out of Dodge, even though I miss it in some ways. I'd guess that you live in Eugene (I haven't lived there), Corvallis, or Portland. I'm from Klamath Falls and wow, it's not the place to be.

I do have a story, though. Helps explain the views of an older person who thinks that they are coming around, but who will never quite arrive. Yesterday I was talking to my mom on the phone. She's elderly (83yo) and has had some health issues. She had to have a "procedure" with a urologist (I won't go into those details ) and to ease the tension I asked her the that the really important question is if the doctor was cute. She laughed and said, "well, he's black". I said, "ok, well, was he cute? I hope you didn't say something stupid like you have a good tan". She assured me he was a great dr and only told me he was black because I asked if he was cute. Now I can see her saying, "He was a nice looking black man" Or "he was an ugly black man". Whatever--that would be part of the description and I wouldn't have had a problem with that, but that's not what she did. I do think that I got out of her that he was cute--I nagged her until she told me (I'm so mean).

In her defense, I will have to say that she adores her DIL who is from Mexico. I know that she had her questions when my brother first married her, but quickly decided that Alicia is a wonderful, sweet, loving lady and my brother was lucky to end up with her. On the other hand, she does not like her other SIL, who is white. She's a materialistic woman who lives beyond her means and is just not very nice. She's fine with my Jewish DH, even though she had a hard time with him being vegetarian.

disneyfav4ever, I think it's a great idea to move away from family in the beginning of a marriage. Gives you a chance to cement your marriage without the interference of even well meaning family. You learn how to be a couple first.

 

[dizneenut]

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with such ignorant people. I am white and DH is Puerto Rican, and thankfully we have never had any racial comments toward us. (Unless we just neve heard anything! )
My boys, for the most part, have not had any problems. There is a neighbor boy who likes to call them names (I won't post it here, most can probably figure it out), and one DS did have an incident at school, but that is it.

 

[minkydog]

If people could only see how they really look to others when they make these kinds of remarks My grandmother could not accept my Dh. He's 2nd generation Greek-American, olive complexion, dark eyes, dark hair. He looks very Greek. She had lived on Long Island, which apparently made her an expert on "those people". We only went to see her once because she treated him so badly. I loved her, but I refused to put my then-fiance through it again. Sadly, she never came around.

Personally, race isn't a big issue for me. I'm white. DH is sorta white. The kids are three different shades of beige. They have black, asian, and hispanic friends. We live in a large metro area near Atlanta and we see interracial couples quite commonly. It doesn't seem to carry the stigma here that it does in small towns. It would not bother me if my kids wanted to date or marry someone of another race.

As long as my kids marry for abiding love and common interests, including religious faith, the color of their SO's skin is immaterial to me. I would be much more put off by a criminal record, abusive behavior, drug addiction, or bad attitudes.