Inspired by Resignation Letters: Pen your Dream One Here

[danacara]

In all seriousness, I really enjoy my current job, but we've all had "that job" ... mine was in a tanning salon ... my boss used to embezzle from the safe and think that none of us were bright enough to figure it out ...

Dear Sir or Madam,

Kindly be advised that my last day, which would be today if you would just pull a Clinton and pardon me, will be two weeks from date noted above.

In the eternal words of Ja Rule, I am "outie five thousand" from this dump. Hopefully my new boss will be able to restrain himself from using business proceeds to finance his or her crack habit or brain transplant or whatever other similarly noble endeavor toward which you have poured our company proceeds.

Please be advised that my cell number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Kindly do not call it, but I figured the prosecutor might need it once the accountant narcs you out (hmm, proceeds are down 20% but only when you are on duty. Red flag perhaps?).

Naturally, I am indebted for all that I have learned in my tenure here, including but certainly not limited to the following:
1. If the high point of your working day is your trip to the gumball machine ... it's time to quit.
2. If the low point of your day is teaching your boss how to add in Excel ... it's time to quit.
3. If you have to play "We Didn't Start the Fire" in order to motivate yourself to get out of the car in the morning ... it's time to quit.
4. If you regard Friday 6 PM with the messianic zeal of a nun at Fatima ... it's time to quit.
5. If you can't wait to see how the walls are going to fall down at your workplace without you slapping emergency band-aids on the software and smoothing things over with the town inspector when whoops, your employer failed to realize that we needed a permit to add on that residental second floor in the commercial zone??? ... it's time to quit..

Yours in warmest possible, keyword possible, regards,

Dana Cara

 

[doxdogy]

Good letter. Fortunately, I have that I love. When I had a job I hated, I always dreamed about calling my supervisor and singing the Johnny Paycheck song on her voicemail as my resignation.

 

[msdznyduck]

Dear Madam,
As of today, I will no longer be employed, taken advantage of, stressed out, for a pittance of a salary, since I WON THE LOTTERY last night!! (don't look for a contribution, either)
See ya,
Elaine

-----short and to the point

 

[Serena]

What is the name of that song, "take this job and shove it, I ain't workin here no more."

I love it.

 

[swea_pea1]

Ahhhhhhhhh.....what fun therapy! Here's the one I'd write to my boss tomorrow if I had the nerve (and the cash!)

Dear Ms. Micro-Manager,

In my very best "snoopy dancing" shoes, I hereby inform you of my resignation. You see, I no longer have the desire to:

- pull out 6 month old e-mails (at your request) to remind you decisions you've already made
- add another project to my already overflowing plate while you leave for 2 hours one day for a hair appointment, 2 hours another day for a nail appointment, 2 hours the third day for a doctor's appointment, and when you leave at 4:00 every Friday so you can miss the rush of traffic to your beach house (and let's not forget the many, many trips to Target or Kohl's because they had something on sale you absolutely needed)
- spend 2 hours meeting with you to get you up to speed on projects that you "didn't want to be involved in"
- listen ad nauseum to why your employees just love to work for you (can you not see them walking out the door as soon as their year is up working for you????)
- spend another 2 hours providing input (again, at your request) that you immediately dismiss as "irrelevant"
- hear about how you "paid your dues" earlier in your career so that gives you the right to not give a rat's patooey about how many hours I work - this was right after I told you about how, for a solid week, I was at work before my kids woke up in the morning and got home after they went to bed.
- constantly lose talented staff to other departments because we pay $3 - 4 thousand dollars less for the exact same position. I know, I know, "we're doing what's best for our department" by cutting those costs. Sure we are. As soon as we get somebody in there and trained, they figure out they can make more and jump ship.
- lose vacation days each year because you're unable to live without me for more than one day at a time, let alone a week - as well as being required to call in to the office when I actually do get a vacation
- throw away plane tickets for already planned vacations (like the one to New Orleans for my 5th anniversary trip that I was so looking forward to) because you decide that a last-minute, hastily planned, unexpected firm-wide project needs my attention immediately
- be called at home to participate in meetings that occur when I'm absent due to me or one of my kids being ill.

So, stick a fork in me, 'cause I AM DONE! I wish my replacement the best of luck and only one word of advice...unless you want to give up your life - RUN....as fast and as far as you can.

Signed,

A gal who's going out to get herself a life

That felt great! (now Elaine, can you spare a loan??????)

 

[phillybeth]

Written on the back of that big cardboard check they give you in pictures when you win the lottery...

F You, I QUIT


And left on my boss' desk.

 

[izzy]

Dear Politically-Appointed Idiot,

If you expect me to take the fall for your shenanigans, fraud, and mismanagement, you've got another thing coming. I know that you have "friends in high places," but that seems to impress you a lot more than it does me. I hope that the powers-that-be find out what you've been up to and throw the book at you! As for me, I QUIT!

Die you scum-sucking pig,

your loyal ex-employee

 

[kadaten]

This is actually a good exercise! When I was quitting an AWFUL job, I wrote exactly what I *wanted* to say to her as a therapeutic exercise. With all that stress vented, I could then calmly compose a more professional letter....not that she deserved it, but I was attempting to not descend to her level....

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by swea_pea1
add another project to my already overflowing plate while you leave for 2 hours one day for a hair appointment, 2 hours another day for a nail appointment, 2 hours the third day for a doctor's appointment, and when you leave at 4:00 every Friday so you can miss the rush of traffic to your beach house (and let's not forget the many, many trips to Target or Kohl's because they had something on sale you absolutely needed) [/B]

YES! Been there!

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Lol, I like my job now too!

I went through a long "take this job and shove it phase". I actually lasted one or two days at a few waitressing jobs.

I never planned to say anything profound or creative, just "I quit". You guys are really good, though. This is fun to read!

 

[gdulaney]

What a wonderful thread! I'll have to think about what I'd write.


Ginny

 

[pammypooh]

When I worked full time and hated my job, I had a resignation letter on the computer that I would look at time to time to get me through the bad days.

I also had a file that I called, "You are not crazy" where I would file little inspirational articles that helped get me through the day.

Pam

 

[snoopy]

(for 3 jobs ago)

Dear Boss:

Did the thought ever occur to you that it yes, it does affect our credibility when you make racist statements in staff meetings? And that its a bit delusional of you to expect me and your other "subordinates" to follow you blindly in an effort to claw our way to the top? Just because this is the way you see fit to live your life doesn't mean you have to take us to Hell with you.

If I were a cruel person, I'd wait for the villagers to show up with the torches and then hold the door open for them. Instead, please consider this my two weeks notice. Effective xxxxxx I will be moving on to greener pastures.

Adios,

Your former employee

Oh and P.S. I don't suppose you could fill my cow-orker, aka Your Subordinate, in on the fact that an Ally McBeal skirt and six-inch stiletto-heeled mules are, in fact, inappropriate business wear for anyone except those employed by Heidi Fleiss?

 

[Phrebert]

Dear Boss:
Roses are Red
You are a Twit
I Hate you,
and this job I QUIT!!!

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

Dear Superintendent of Schools:

Just writing to let you know that after many years of service I've come to one conclusion . . .The only person getting raises is YOU. Oh how you complain and whine and state there is no money in the budget for raises, but yet there never seems a time where you, yourself don't get a 7% raise per year along with a vehicle, cleaning service, and an extra $1,000 a month for whatever you need. While we, the workers, slave away at our desks, deal with unruley out of control unbehaved pre-adult students and get a lousy entry level pay.

Just once I would of liked to turn the tables on you, see you stressed, see you deal with what I deal with on a daily basis, then maybe, just maybe you'd think we deserved more money. Oh yes, we have grieved our entry level pay for years with no compensation, oh how you manipulated our bosses into saying we do nothing but answer the phones and do data entry.

One day the time will come where people will start opening their eyes and see exactly what is going on. Nobody knows of your little perks but I'm here to change all that.

I hereby resign. I am also forwarding a copy of this letter to the local papers and news stations. Good luck in trying to talk your way out of the mess you made with the yearly budgets. You will no longer be sitting cozy. After they get done with you, you won't even get a job . . oh except an ENTRY LEVEL PAY job.

See Ya!

 

[Planogirl]

Dear Boss:

I am hereby resigning effective immediately. I would rather flip hamburgers or stock shelves than continue in my current capacity. Frankly, I would rather be unemployed than deal with you for another minute. Or as Weird Al once sang, I would rather clean all of the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend another minute with you.

Good day!

That felt good particularly using that awful line from Weird Al.

 

[Maleficent13]

I would never do this for my current job, but three jobs ago this would have been my dream letter:

Dear R***,

Please accept this letter as my resignation from the office of Dr. T*** B***. When I was hired here, I was under the impression that Dr. TB herself would be my supervisor - not her unemployed, community college husband who has had exactly ZERO experience working in a medical office.

I have decided that it is not beneficial to me to continue working in an office where the doctor in charge is reprimanded by her husband in front of her employees, not to mention a full waiting room, by being referred to as "a stupid, fat cow". I also feel it is more beneficial to me to find a working relationship with someone who does not tell me to shut up on a regular basis, and who does not think that women are something that belong barefoot and in a kitchen. I do, however, notice that you have no problem letting your woman support you and your two children.

I have decided I will no longer work Christmas Day and Easter Day for straight pay. I have decided to discontinue cleaning up your mess everyday, both the figurative ones and the literal ones. I would have to say the day I had to pick up all the bio-haz trash (in an OB-GYN office) because you thought your employees might be wasting gauze was a new low for me.

So, effective two weeks hence, I will be leaving your employ for one who actually FOLLOWS all federal and state mandated guidelines regarding paying overtime and taxes. Oh, and by the way, the state medical board has already contacted me regarding the many payments you have been accepting from insurance companies that do not belong to you. I am sure they will be very interested in what I have to say.

Most Happily,

Maleficent!

 

[lindajo]

What a fun thread..

How about saying......nothing! Just don't show up for work, get a new phone number, and just smile when someone sees you and asks what happened to you....? (Of course you would have had to come into some pretty serious money to do it that way.)

 

[CourtasanSatine]

DBF and I were laughing about this a few weeks ago and here's mine:

Adios nutcase,I found a job that actually treats its waiters with respect and there's no more shareing tips.I'll no longer work double shifts which leave me no time for a actually life and I'll no longer be treated like dirt for being the youngest on staff.You just lost this girl since I'm out the door with no regerts.Later scum bucket

Never sent this but sure was tempted a few times