Inspired by Facebook post: Bullying is it increasing or same as it ever was?

[OceanAnnie]

Regardless of venue, do you think bullying is increasing or is it the same as it has been?

Poll coming.

 

[C.Ann]

Yes - I think it has..

But what I find even more upsetting, is that I had never witnessed adult bullying until I got a computer and started visiting message boards..

Sad..

 

[PollyannaMom]

I voted other. I don't think it has really increased, just changed, a lot.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think that if anything, bullying may be on the decline. We hear about bullying when something horrible happens. There may be more ways to bully, but over all, I think that most sane people find it unacceptable and that the schools are responding when they see bullying taking place. It doesn't surprise me when I see adults being bullies on the internet because no doubt they were bullies in their childhood. People only change " so much".
I also think that what we used to consider normal teasing has evolved into being called bullying, so that could make it seem more prevalent when in fact, a certain amount of teasing between children is within a range of normal.

 

[DawnCt1]

I voted other. I don't think it has really increased, just changed, a lot.

It has changed and sometimes its worse.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think it has increased. But then there is the question, "What came first, the increase in bullying or an increase in media coverage?". Hard to separate whether it is reported more or there is an actual increase. My opinion is that it is both, reported more and more of it.

I also think people from all walks of life, of all ages have gotten so much bolder, and harsher in what they do and say.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I think there's more bullying then there used to be, but I don't blame Facebook, I think it has more to do with parenting, or lack of, and disregard for rules and common courtesy.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think it has increased. But then there is the question, "What came first, the increase in bullying or an increase in media coverage?". Hard to separate whether it is reported more or there is an actual increase. My opinion is that it is both, reported more and more of it.

I also think people from all walks of life, of all ages have gotten so much bolder, and harsher in what they do and say.

I definitely think that media coverage has increased.

 

[janette]

I don't think the inclination has increased but the reach has. Used to pretty much just happen at school but now the taunting can happen via the computer - cell phone etc. The media attention also makes it seem like it has increased. If anything I think schools for the most part have put safe guards in place.

I watched 20/20 last night and was pretty horrified by the school administration reaction to some of the incidents. I never heard that type of attitude at my girl's school, any physical violence in the HS was automatically reported to the police for them to handle. They also have a very large school so maybe that helps that everyone seems to have their group and the administration has a pretty good control of what goes on.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I think there are several issues here.

One problem is that we've changed the definition of bully. In real life, bullying used to be the person who was bigger than us who threatened us physically if we didn't do what they wanted. From the schoolyard lunch-money thief to the large co-worker or boss who backed us into a wall and told us that if we didn't do what he wanted, we'd suffer the consequences (while menacingly punching of his palm). THAT used to be the quintessentially agreed-upon definition of bully.

Now there are those who say that if someone repeatedly disapproves of what you're doing or wearing, THAT person is a bully. So, in that case, I'll have to agree that bullying has increased a thousand-fold.

However, if we're speaking of the physically intimidating person, child or adult, I'm going to have to say that bullying has decreased exponentially with the increased awareness of the practice and our efforts as a society to curtail those behaviors.

Another issue is that we've become so politically correct that we lack the self-confidence to consider what the other person is saying, shrug our shoulders, and simply dismiss it as incorrect for us as a person. We want to know why Sally doesn't like our new red dress. Then, when she tells us, we want to try to convince Sally that she's wrong and we're right. It used to be that we asked Sally's opinion, considered it, and depending how much we loved the new red dress, decided that Sally doesn't prefer our new red dress for whatever reason but we love it so we're going to wear it anyway no matter what Sally says.

Life would be easier if people simply stated that their opinions were preferences for the individual rather than right-or-wrong facts for everyone, don't you agree? I prefer not to be around people who've drank too much, but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who enjoy going to a party where everyone's a bit tipsy. Sounds nicer and creates fewer fights.

Anyway, I digress: because of our need to convince others we're right, our lack of being able to do so for everyone we encounter, and our need for personal validation from those surrounding us, we're more likely to see someone else's preference as a form of bullying to us simply because we're not getting the validation from them that we want. We see their lack of agreement as some form of bullying when, in reality, it's not bullish behavior at all. It's merely a lack of agreement.

So the perception of bullying needs to be defined before a case can be made regarding whether bullying has increased or decreased.

 

[ChrisFL]

I recall one year that there was a very high number of shark attacks reported....in the media...however the statistics for that year, shark attacks were DOWN, not up.

We really can't pull any real information from what the media decides is the hot topic to report on, because the stastics often tell a different story.

However, this should not make us think that we can ignore the problem as obviously there are still major problems with bullying, or more accurately, harassment

 

[Shelton123]

As a high schooler, I can say that bullying hasn't increased, people are just doing it differently now than they were before.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Interesting comments!

I think about the cases of students that were bullied and nothing was done. These cases came to light, after the problem was "well known" but nothing was done. It wasn't a priority until it was too late. In other words, I think there is a lot of lip service about bullies and not a lot of action in many cases. The administrations in these cases looked the other way until they were forced by the parents (speaking about bringing in the police) to actually "do" something.

I wonder how often this sort of thing occurs and therefore may be under reported.

I remember one case where counseling the victim was thought to be action. What about counseling the bullies, holding them accountable and stemming the root?

 

[MerMom60_94]

I voted no because I am thinking simply in terms of childhood bullying, but C. Ann brings up a good point. I see a lot of bullying going on on these boards. It is one thing to have a civil discussion with differering viewpoints (like we are so far in this thread). I have seen a lot of nastiness that results in personal attacks, though, and that kind of shocks me with a bunch of adults. I like Carly's points, too, about the definition of bullying. While I hear what you are saying, Ocean Annie, about counseling the bullies, I think we are trying to go too far to the extreme that we only counsel the bullies. I think there has to be intervention on both sides. I was bullied in sixth and seventh grade and it did hurt. I look back as an adult though and realize I was pretty immature for my age. I was one of the youngest in my class and the youngest at home and I am sure I was pretty babyish. The kids were sending me a message to grow up! Sometimes the way to get past the bullying is to change a behavior and hear what the kids are trying to tell you in their mean, immature way. Case in point is my niece. A couple of years ago she was getting teased at school for body odor. My sisters reaction was the typical reaction of lashing out at the kids and giving my niece a good comeback to throw at them. Luckily my nephews wife got involved and counseled my niece on personal hygiene and bought her some deodorant and so forth. Guess what, the bullying stopped. Another case in point, my husband's nephew opened a Facebook account at around the age of 10 or 11 at his mother's encouragement. Now, first of all, I think that is probably a little young for the reason a lot of bullying takes place at that age and this child already was being victimized on the bus. His mother setup a profile picture of him and her hugging. One of his friends started teasing him about being a mama's boy. My SILs reaction was that she was going to bait the kid to do it again so she could copy it and show it to his mother. First of all, why put the kid back through the pain and humiliation of being teased again? Second of all, if the other boys are calling him a mama's boy then his mama stepping into the middle of it is only feeding the perception. Hear the message! Mama needs to back off a bit and let him handle things for himself. Change the picture to kill the image! Guide him on his behavior! Stop sitting outside to intervene when he and his friends are in the yard (she still insists she has to be outside with the kids). Sometimes there is a valid message and kids aren't sophisticated enough or tactful enough to get it across without bad feelings. I am not saying this is the case with all bullying but I do see this happen a lot and the parents just fall onto the bandwagon rather than look objectively and help their kid hear the message.

 

[bicker]

I don't think things have changed drastically over time. Comparable situations have been occurring since my wife and I were children. As a matter of fact, I recall stories my late mother told me about how bullying - grievous bullying - was very common when she was going to school, and that was over sixty years ago. If anything has changed, with regard to these kinds of things, it is that our society has worked to overcome its myopia regarding this issue, and has had some minor success in that regard. Perhaps it seems worse now because we're not as ignorant of the issue.

 

[bicker]

One problem is that we've changed the definition of bully.

That's one way of looking at it. What it is/was hasn't changed, but we've upgraded our understanding of what constitutes this negative thing - this exploitation of a power difference to intimidate. I can buy-into that.

Another issue is that we've become so politically correct that we lack the self-confidence to consider what the other person is saying, shrug our shoulders, and simply dismiss it as incorrect for us as a person. We want to know why Sally doesn't like our new red dress.

I think that's a red herring. There isn't a lot of serious intention to take any action in response to the trivial comments about what people are wearing, such as you're referring to here. Again, bullying isn't about the insult - it's about power.

 

[Hannathy]

I think it has increased BUT differently.

Physical bullying is down because schools and parents are hyper vigilant against this, so there is much much less physical bullying than when I was a kid. However other forms of bullying is much more prevalent and nastier! And a lot of parents don't even know their kids are doing it. These kids are the so called good kids and are on honor rolls and leaders of clubs etc but they bully the "underlings" and any one they think doesn't treat them as royalty. they hold it over the other kids and with all the electronic media are able to really hurt some kids with the click of a button. They exclude them on purpose and make sure they know about it on Face book etc.

I sincerely think kids are nastier than 35 yrs ago but it is mentally not physically like it used to be.

 

[DawnCt1]

Yes - I think it has..

But what I find even more upsetting, is that I had never witnessed adult bullying until I got a computer and started visiting message boards..

Sad..

Ain't THAT the truth!!

 

[hereyago]

i voted no. It has just changed ways of bullying.


I was bullied for : not wearing the 'right'clothes, for being the smelly kid-because DM never taught me about puberty hygeine.
the one bullying stopped when I started better with hygeine. the one about the clothes, I ended up beating the snot out of her, i was so tired of it every day and DF told me that if I took it from her and did nothing back, he didn't want to hear it.
but that bully stopped after that.

now let's move forward to high school, a friend, or once friend ended up thinking -because of her other friend mean girls and such that i was trying to get her boyfrined-eeeww, because he kept dryiving by my house and stopped one night when i was outside. the next day: another friend and i were driivng to get our senior pictures taken, crazy girl had her friend drive and try to run me off the road in our housing development.

that girl ended up being a stalker before stalker was ever used. she would call me house, start rumors-which was funny because she was the biggest gardening tool there was. a police detective ended up calling her and the calls stopped, but she was crazy and guess what? Still is. classmates and facebook trying to get in touch wanting to be friends but then contacting my ex boyfriends and trying to get with them when she is married as well.

Now you can bully via facebook, text, there are just different avenues of bullying.

 

[castleview]

I don't think it's much different except that we give bullying a lot more attention - which we should. The media makes it seem like there's an increase and bullying through technology is so new to us adults that it seems a lot worse than when we were kids. Personally, some of the bullying I saw when I was in school would get you arrested today. A lot of it when unnoticed or ignored. So no, I don't think it is any worse.