Input needed neighbor issues...long...

[okeydokey]

My writing style is what happens... when I am so flustered I can't even see straight.

I understand. I got the basics!!

Good luck to you. The sooner you show her you will no longer engage, the sooner you will have peace in your life again.

 

[samshane]

I agree with what many of the others have said AVOID her. Just stay away...

We have a neighbor like that - she has an 8yr old son... and I feel badly for him BUT I am more concerned with my own family and I told them NOT to play with him. She showed up at my door one day with a whole bunch of crap her son told her my kids did. My kids aren't angels - but there is NO way they did what she said when I had a whole crew of other children saying the opposite. I told her that my kids would not be playing with hers anymore - period. I haven't seen her since. And my kids stay away from her son.

Recently her 8yr old assaulted another child so badly that the police were called and social services is involved. Thankfully I kept my kids away because one of them could have been his victim.

So even though you feel badly for the child - there is nothing but trouble in dealing with her. And your children may end up being hurt in the end if she is as unstable as you say she is.

You can't help everyone.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

To a prior poster.


The shoes were never mentioned. I guess that gesture, just opened the door a little bit for her to call me again.

 

[hentob]

tried the caller ID thing. LOL then she marches up the street and rings the bell or waits outside.

Look out. See it is her. Go back to doing what you were doing.

 

[hentob]

It is possible this woman is actually crazy. As in needs medication. I don't think it would be fair to turn her into an outcast (like the rest of the neighborhood) because of that.

Knock on my door, point a finger in my face and scream, um, I don't care what medication you need. You are now an outcast to me

 

[Mimi1965]

My boy's are 10 years old. her's just turned 7.

I:

That is a big age gap, really.3 grades apart
I think having your kids not play with hers is the simple solution.
Period.
She is off her rocker and your kids dont need the conflict-neither do you

 

[tonilea]

Write a letter, sent it certified:

Dear Crazy Lady,

Further telephone contact will be considered harassment and reported to the police as such. You may direct any further contact to 1-800-TAKEACHILLPILLYOUCRAZYWITCH.

Your presence on my property is trespassing and will be reported to the police as such.

Sincerely,

TwinMomPlus2New

 

[tonilea]

Maybe not exactly that, but I would let her know any further contact was harassment and visits to your home are trespassing.

 

[scrapbookworm]

This woman definitely sounds like the neighborhood bully. She's trying her hardest to exercise control over dozens of adults and kids. Her questions are very pointed and uncomfortable sounding. I absolutely hate questions like "why did you invite so and so" or "why didn't you invite me" or "why were you talking to THOSE people", when asked in an accusatory tone.

I agree that does sound like some sort of mental unbalance. However, your family is what is most important to you. That means you have to go into self-preservation mode. If being kind to her children brings on her wrath, then that means you and your children need to stop contact all together with the family. That does make me feel sad for her children. Key phrase being "her children". Like a PP said, you are not responsible for their socializing, or lack there of, due to their parents' unstable behavior.

Next time she screams at you on your doorstop, call the police.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

tonilea. Funny. sad but thanks for the laugh.

I know I agree with all that is said.
Guess I just needed another virtual dope slap. I can't really talk about it in real life. because then I feel I am betraying confidence. Ironic I know....


Disney soon and a week of relative quiet..

 

[agnes!]

Repeat after me: "I don't have to be nice to mean, crazy people." You would set a better example for your children if you showed them how you allow people to treat you. Join your neighbors and just refuse to have anything to do with her.

It is possible this woman is actually crazy. As in needs medication. I don't think it would be fair to turn her into an outcast (like the rest of the neighborhood) because of that. I do appreciate the fact that you let her kids come over to play. If she has a husband or other adult family, I'd try talking to them.

This woman's behavior isn't just somehow "crazy", it's downright dangerous. To me she sounds like she's pychotic/paranoid/schizophrenic, has borderline personality disorder or any possible combination of any of the above. And I'd like to point out that her husband certainly won't be any help because he's part of the problem. He is a willing participant in this anti-social behavior. Take a look at these posts mentioning the husband...

... it boils over to huge contentious fights between this household and almost everyone else.
when i say fights I mean oh my WWF fights. ... So she sent hubby over to scream at the boys Dad. Where he says this behavior is exactly why. they can't play. I am all set wiith you. Off my property. I mean its that bad. ...

Now this familys 7 year old will go home and tell if someone swears or he feels slighted which he is going to cause he is 7. then Mom and Dad come out yelling at kids, parents, you name it. ...

...I will say she moved from another area in town. And a friend that lives there said.
"That she freaks out causes all kinds of trouble. yells and screams and that she and hubby went door to door. talking about it."
And I responded with. i don't know she gives me no trouble. foot in mouth apparently! ...

... Same deal calls and if they don't pick up the phone, she rings the bell or sends hubby over."To Talk about it"
Ususally the talks wind up in raised voices and many expletives. ...

That's not fair to the children.

I tell you what... Let's say that you and your family got the pleasure of having them as neighbors so she and her husband were up in your grille all the time yelling and swearing *and* your kids ARE AFRAID OF HER. Are you really saying that you would make nice for this family's kids? Seriously?

I'm sorry, I have a hard time following your story and your writing style. But it sounds like you need to cut her off. Don't accept calls. Don't answer your door. If she corners you on the street walk away and say you are done talking to her. If she persists, and won't leave your property, call the cops. She sounds unhinged and I wouldn't want my kids to witness any of that behavior.

^This.

 

[bgirldeb]

That is a big age gap, really.3 grades apart
I think having your kids not play with hers is the simple solution.
Period.
She is off her rocker and your kids dont need the conflict-neither do you

I agree with this, and 7 years old is pretty young to be sent to a neighbor's house to swim without their parent. I understand you would be there, OP, but I wouldn't want that liability with this crazy woman.

 

[PlutoLuvr]

I really can't follow the original post at all.

woman without her man is nothing.

Punctuation is your friend! There are many ways to punctuate this sentence, and they all will result in a different meaning.

Seems like a juicy thread and I'd love to offer "input," but I'm completely lost in translation of the OP.

 

[Mommee]

Write a letter, sent it certified:

Dear Crazy Lady,

Further telephone contact will be considered harassment and reported to the police as such. You may direct any further contact to 1-800-TAKEACHILLPILLYOUCRAZYWITCH.

Your presence on my property is trespassing and will be reported to the police as such.

Sincerely,

TwinMomPlus2New

OK, totally OT, and I skipped the middle of this thread even (sorry..) but does OP live on my street? The lady two doors down is known as Crazy Lady. I've really tried hard not to refer to her that way when talking to DH because the kids started referring to her that way .

OP, I sympathize. I'm on the other side of this. I refuse my kids to allow to interact with the family, and there's one or two families that say "but she seems so nice". Their foot will be in their mouth one day...

 

[arminnie]

This action begged a phone call.
where she asked to work it out between us. wanting to know what my problem was.
Right here you should STOP the conversation. "Please don't call me again." Repeat as necessary and hang up. Yes you have a big problem with her but detailing it to her does NO good. Just gives her more to yell about.

No need for any of stuff below:h

I promptly repeated just what i have said here. that I am not doing anything wrong and am being acussed of such. She started freaking out. Said its perfectly normal to call and ask friends that?
I said I disagree. It is not.

I further said it was 4 phone calls and 2 vists. she replied thats a lie. I said no its not.
4 phone calls that I took. 3 additional that I ignored.
She said it doesn't matter how many times? I said I disagree if someone keeps calling asking you the same ? and you keep answering to the negative. it is accusatory it is not simply a friendly conversation.

It quickly led to a fight where I said the following.

I know your stressed and dealing with a lot so the first accusatory conversation.
I let go. Gave you a free pass. wow couldn't believe you talked to me like that But, chalked it up to stress and let it go.

she started screaming you GAVE me a pass? I said correct friends don't talk to each other the way you did.
2nd incident I was a bit more annoyed. 3rd not so much Now I was actually angry at the conversation we were having again.
4th time you ??? me I yelled back.

So basically she never yelled, never was unreasonable. i took it the wrong way and am twisting her words. and making stuff up about her.
To which I replied, here we go AGAIN.

no you do NOT have the right to continually ? me. PERIOD. I told you and I am telling you again. I decide how people talk and treat me.
IF I am feeling attacked thats my perception.
if you feel your not approaching me in an attacking manner. thats within you and you need to obvioulsy regroup.
i then got more swearing more prostations that I am indeed wrong.
I said we agree to disagree. Calling in the manner you do is accussatory and not at all friendly.
She responded with It was only meant as A ?.

So we went right back to the same issue.
​

Honestly If I was the only one feeling this way I just might start to ? if I was entirely nuts.,

OP, I give you lots of credit. You have been more then fair and nice to this women and you have bent over backwards because of her kids. I understand you feeling bad for her kids, but you have to think of yourself first. I agree with the others and if she keeps it up, then cut off her kids. Your kids won't mind that much. Keep repeating as you did recently what she is doing. I would even record her and play it back for her. Maybe she is so oblivious that she doesn't realize what she sounds like. Either she will have a lightbult moment or go bonkers, again. You have nothing to lose.

Tell her she alienated her neighbors where she lived before and now 15 other families don't want her drama. Hmmm...when its 15 against 1, then that should mean something. She needs to change or her kids are gonna be very lonely. Tell her this, maybe she will start to put her kids first. There is a right way to approach a neighbor and a wrong way. What is up with the DH to do her dirty work too...they are clueless.

Sorry you are going through this, you seemed to be so sweet trying to be nice, but there are some people that you just can't please and she is one of them. It is her problem not yours.

Good luck!

I disagree with saying anything to her to justify why you are not interacting with her. You DO NOT need to justify your actions to her. You really are not going to convince her that it is her fault. She will just refute and argue with you about what you say. You don't have to have a reason.

 

[luvthatdisney]

My first opinion after reading this thread....I will never own a pool.

Second, OP you need to give up this fight, you will never win it. Your neighbor has mental issues and no argument is going to get her to see your point of view. Sad as it is, her children will have to suffer due to her issues dealing with other adults. I am sure their school is having the same problems your neighborhood is having.

If I were in your shoes, I would place a no trespassing sign in my yard and would not answer any more of her calls. If she came onto my property, I would call the police. I would rather my children see me stand up for what is right than open the door or answer the phone and listen to this person berate me over and over. You may need to sit your children down and explain (not in detail) why you are cutting off contact with this family. I am sure at the age of 10 they see it too. Your boys will probably be relieved that they will not be stuck in the middle anymore.

OP, please take a step back and listen to some of the suggestions on this board. I know you are living the situation, but the faceless members of the DIS can sometimes be a good sounding board and usually have good advice. This is due to the fact that we can see both sides (sort of) and can be objective in our replies.

Good luck to you, your family, and your neighborhood.

 

[OceanAnnie]

My first opinion after reading this thread....I will never own a pool.

Second, OP you need to give up this fight, you will never win it. Your neighbor has mental issues and no argument is going to get her to see your point of view. Sad as it is, her children will have to suffer due to her issues dealing with other adults. I am sure their school is having the same problems your neighborhood is having.

If I were in your shoes, I would place a no trespassing sign in my yard and would not answer any more of her calls. If she came onto my property, I would call the police. I would rather my children see me stand up for what is right than open the door or answer the phone and listen to this person berate me over and over. You may need to sit your children down and explain (not in detail) why you are cutting off contact with this family. I am sure at the age of 10 they see it too. Your boys will probably be relieved that they will not be stuck in the middle anymore.

OP, please take a step back and listen to some of the suggestions on this board. I know you are living the situation, but the faceless members of the DIS can sometimes be a good sounding board and usually have good advice. This is due to the fact that we can see both sides (sort of) and can be objective in our replies.

Good luck to you, your family, and your neighborhood.

I agree. A lot of times we (general we) see things the way we want them to be. We want things to work out. We can visualize a resolution with a rational person. Sadly there are people among us that aren't rational. It's hard (and sad) to see things for what they are sometimes. You can go a long time without brushing up against "off" behavior. But OP, you are too close for comfort on this one.