Input needed neighbor issues...long...

[Jennasis]

The other children are not allowed to play with hers. because she calls the parents over and little percieved slight. and doesn't let it go. Same deal calls and if they don't pick up she rings the bell or sends hubby over."To Talk about it"
Ususally the talks wind up in raised voices and many expletives.
So what has happened is everyone has refused to interact saying nope all set.
Initially the kids on the street, Had the following rules. Allowed to play say up here if her kids were present. BUT never allowed on her property. One set gets punished 2 days if they go near here house. The other set gets punished 2 weeks if they do so.

Like I said up until last week. this was the arrangement. Now. It has progressed to the kids are not even allowed to play with hers anymore.
Because noone is willing to deal with this all the time. Hence the reason i am in the line of fire.
My kids play with everyone but if he is with the others can't play with hers. begging the him being in the middle.

My son said yesterday. He doesn't want to play with XXX anymore at all. Because everytime he does she is calling me saying he did something. and its not worth it.
I told her this and she said I was a liar. She never reprimands him. ???
I think we may need some meds here as she is saying things and then denying she said or did that?

Sounds like you may need to adopt the same "no play" policy as the rest of the neighbors. As you said...it isn't worth it. The entire neighborhood has alienated her kids because of her wacky behavior. While I am not usually a fan of playing these types of games, a good old fashioned community shun is in order.

 

[Ceila]

The other children are not allowed to play with hers. because she calls the parents over and little percieved slight. and doesn't let it go. Same deal calls and if they don't pick up she rings the bell or sends hubby over."To Talk about it"
Ususally the talks wind up in raised voices and many expletives.
So what has happened is everyone has refused to interact saying nope all set.
Initially the kids on the street, Had the following rules. Allowed to play say up here if her kids were present. BUT never allowed on her property. One set gets punished 2 days if they go near here house. The other set gets punished 2 weeks if they do so.

Like I said up until last week. this was the arrangement. Now. It has progressed to the kids are not even allowed to play with hers anymore.
Because noone is willing to deal with this all the time. Hence the reason i am in the line of fire.
My kids play with everyone but if he is with the others can't play with hers. begging the him being in the middle.

My son said yesterday. He doesn't want to play with XXX anymore at all. Because everytime he does she is calling me saying he did something. and its not worth it.
I told her this and she said I was a liar. She never reprimands him. ???
I think we may need some meds here as she is saying things and then denying she said or did that?

I'm having some trouble following your posts, as they aren't very clear. However, from what I can understand, I don't know why you are even asking this question. The answer seems simple enough. Some mother calls you up and shows up at your door crying and screaming, makes your own children uncomfortable, and lies, and you're still not sure whether to stop having contact with her?

Honestly, I would have put an end to this the first time she yelled at me. It isn't my job to make sure her kids have others to play with. Her behavior has caused this. If protecting my children from someone like her meant that my kids could no longer play with her kids, then so be it. My children's well being is my first priority.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Celia, sorry if my posts are a little whacky.its hard enough for me to follow this drama and I am in the middle of it. I did fix the above post though.. LOL

I agree with all of you. Sadly her children are going to wind up with no one to play because of her behavior.
I told her yesterday. I would not be treated this way as I have done nothing wrong. and she said Don't blanking talk bak to me, So I am saying yeh nope not working for me.


I have 2 friends hubbys who are police officers and both have asked whats up with XX house? And i just roll my eyes. so police are totally aware.

I am off to the Beach today to get out of here sad but true. And My Gf is on the warpath and telling me the same as you all here. I am gonna just have to bite the bullett and not answer door or phone for ANY reason from her. guess I am joining the pack.

 

[SC Minnie]

I am gonna just have to bite the bullett and not answer door or phone for ANY reason from her. guess I am joining the pack.

I wouldn't view it as 'joining the pack'. THe neighbor has aliented the pack by her behavior. She is a bully.

 

[budmonster]

Have you tried looking into Community Counseling, it may be offered through you local police department. It's a great was to sit the main people involved in this situtation down and try and talk out the problems like grown adults.

If that doesn't work then you can cut all ties with this family and not feel bad about it knowing you tried to work it out.

 

[krcit]

Have you tried looking into Community Counseling, it may be offered through you local police department. It's a great was to sit the main people involved in this situtation down and try and talk out the problems like grown adults.

If that doesn't work then you can cut all ties with this family and not feel bad about it knowing you tried to work it out.

Eh. So not worth it I would bet. As the old saying goes '10,000 countrymen can't be wrong." This nutbag has problems with every neighbor and no amount of counseling will change her. I agree with everyone else. Refuse to engage her in her rantings. Don't answer the phone or the door.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

It's been a very quiet 2 weeks or so. Haven't heard a word and have inititated no contact.

today kids were playing. and I gave 2 pairs of Crocs to her little ones.
My son had outgrown them and we were cleaning closets.

This action begged a phone call.
where she asked to work it out between us. wanting to know what my problem was.

I promptly repeated just what i have said here. that I am not doing anything wrong and am being acussed of such. She started freaking out. Said its perfectly normal to call and ask friends that?
I said I disagree. It is not.

I further said it was 4 phone calls and 2 vists. she replied thats a lie. I said no its not.
4 phone calls that I took. 3 additional that I ignored.
She said it doesn't matter how many times? I said I disagree if someone keeps calling asking you the same ? and you keep answering to the negative. it is accusatory it is not simply a friendly conversation.

It quickly led to a fight where I said the following.

I know your stressed and dealing with a lot so the first accusatory conversation.
I let go. Gave you a free pass. wow couldn't believe you talked to me like that But, chalked it up to stress and let it go.

she started screaming you GAVE me a pass? I said correct friends don't talk to each other the way you did.
2nd incident I was a bit more annoyed. 3rd not so much Now I was actually angry at the conversation we were having again.
4th time you ??? me I yelled back.

So basically she never yelled, never was unreasonable. i took it the wrong way and am twisting her words. and making stuff up about her.
To which I replied, here we go AGAIN.

no you do NOT have the right to continually ? me. PERIOD. I told you and I am telling you again. I decide how people talk and treat me.
IF I am feeling attacked thats my perception.
if you feel your not approaching me in an attacking manner. thats within you and you need to obvioulsy regroup.
i then got more swearing more prostations that I am indeed wrong.
I said we agree to disagree. Calling in the manner you do is accussatory and not at all friendly.
She responded with It was only meant as A ?.

So we went right back to the same issue.

Honestly If I was the only one feeling this way I just might start to ? if I was entirely nuts.,

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Repeat after me: "I don't have to be nice to mean, crazy people."

It is possible this woman is actually crazy. As in needs medication. I don't think it would be fair to turn her into an outcast (like the rest of the neighborhood) because of that. I do appreciate the fact that you let her kids come over to play. If she has a husband or other adult family, I'd try talking to them.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Sounds like you may need to adopt the same "no play" policy as the rest of the neighbors.

That's not fair to the children.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm sorry, I have a hard time following your story and your writing style. But it sounds like you need to cut her off. Don't accept calls. Don't answer your door. If she corners you on the street walk away and say you are done talking to her. If she persists, and won't leave your property, call the cops. She sounds unhinged and I wouldn't want my kids to witness any of that behavior.

 

[okeydokey]

That's not fair to the children.

It's not fair to the OPs children to witness this woman screaming at their mom and waving a finger in her face. Who the woman's kids play with in her own problem.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I have been more than fair more than accomadating.
My kids have literally bent over backwards to include hers. and still I get a ration of baloney.

Keep in mind...
This all started again today because the little guy was up here playing and went home with 2 brand new pairs of Crocs.

 

[Ceila]

It's not fair to the OPs children to witness this woman screaming at their mom and waving a finger in her face. Who the woman's kids play with in her own problem.

This. The OP's own kids were uncomfortable being around the neighbor. Sorry, but for me, taking care of my own kids comes before worrying about who the neighbor's kids will play with.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

My writing style is what happens... when I am so flustered I can't even see straight.

 

[JoiseyMom]

OP, I give you lots of credit. You have been more then fair and nice to this women and you have bent over backwards because of her kids. I understand you feeling bad for her kids, but you have to think of yourself first. I agree with the others and if she keeps it up, then cut off her kids. Your kids won't mind that much. Keep repeating as you did recently what she is doing. I would even record her and play it back for her. Maybe she is so oblivious that she doesn't realize what she sounds like. Either she will have a lightbult moment or go bonkers, again. You have nothing to lose.

Tell her she alienated her neighbors where she lived before and now 15 other families don't want her drama. Hmmm...when its 15 against 1, then that should mean something. She needs to change or her kids are gonna be very lonely. Tell her this, maybe she will start to put her kids first. There is a right way to approach a neighbor and a wrong way. What is up with the DH to do her dirty work too...they are clueless.

Sorry you are going through this, you seemed to be so sweet trying to be nice, but there are some people that you just can't please and she is one of them. It is her problem not yours.

Good luck!

 

[NHdisneylover]

How is it that you have "not heard a word and initiated no contact" for two weeks but her son was at your house? Do you just mean you have not heard from the mom but the kids have still been around?

Anyway, I guess I am shocked with all that went down earlier that you would still be hosting the kids and that you would be giving them things.
She sounds unbalanced enough that i would worry she could accuse you of trying to harm her kids in some way if you have them in the house/yard without her present. I would not risk that nor want my kids subjected to her outbursts so I would quit letting the kids in to play. I feel for the kids but you can only do so much and it is not wise to keep this relationship going based on what you describe.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Wow. That's some kind of nasty situation to be in!

I would suggest that your primary focus is of course, your family and your home, yes?

To that end, you cannot take responsibility for the result of her behavior on her child's social life. You simply cannot.

She sounds like she has more going on than just "being a difficult neighbor." Her behavior is outside the norm for social appropriateness and I know that I would curtail my exposure to such a person.

Don't take her calls, and if she shows up, tell her quietly she needs to leave and that if she does not, you'll be forced to phone "the authorities" and have her removed. Then be prepared to do it.

I would also consider bringing in a Child Protective service to do a call on the home. If she is that inappropriate outside her home, I would be quite concerned about the way she treats her child. That of course, is up to you.

Take care now and I hope you are able to resolve this situation to your best benefit. Not much fun for summer having an unpleasant person calling and challenging your every move.

Wise words.

I would not engage. No calls. No answering the door. Nada. If she approaches, I'd just say, "If you talk to me in a calm, non-accusatory manner we can have a conversation. If you can't do that we can not.". And follow through.

She sounds like she has flipped her lid and it isn't anywhere to be found.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I have not spoken to the adults. the little ones have been up here "outside here and there"
hers was outside trading silly bandz with mine on the front steps. I was inside cleaning.
My involvement with the kids has been minimal. Such as saying cute haircut dolly!
And How ya doing love bug!

I can't imagine not speaking to small innocent kids. and truly hope it doesn't have to come to that extreme here.
I will admit leting my 9 year old give him the crocs was stupid, probably should of sent them to good will.
however that is not out of the norm. I have always passed down stuff. it was not out of the ordinary. No kindness goes unpunished.

 

[java]

We have an unstable neighbor. Similar kinds of things- stalking type of behavior. One incident we had a party and she was in our bushes peeking in the window to see who was there. (we live on an acre of land so she hiked up the hill and into our yard)
I spoke with her. Face to face. I told her I could no longer be her friend However her children were always welcome at my home. (they are nice respectful children- she is the nut)
Since that interaction she has layed low. In fact almost scary quiet. That was about a year ago. Our kids don't play together. But when I see them I always say hello. As do my children. They can't help the nut they have for a mother.

In your case I would avoid avoid avoid. Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, and if she doesn't get the picture- have that face to face conversation. If she starts yelling walk away and tell her she needs help.

 

[disneymom3]

I will admit leting my 9 year old give him the crocs was stupid, probably should of sent them to good will.

Umm, why? She was mad you passed some shoes on her to her kid? This lady is unbalanced.

I will say we have a neighbor like this. Not as extreme though. The kid gets mad at the tiniest little things and the won't play. WHich my boys don't get too upset about because he is rather a pain. THe last one was that DS went to ask if he wanted to play. Two and a half hours later, DS wanted to come in. THe neighbor boy said he couldn't because he was the one who asked to play so he wasn't allowed to go inside first. What new kind of rule is that??