In Search of My Body - Not the One I Ate... Vol. 6: Goddesses just want to have fun

[goofyfan-12]

Ronda - sending you hugs on the loss of your kitty cat. It is so hard to go through something like that. They truly become part of the family and the hole that is there when they are gone can seem never ending. It will get easier in time. In the meantime, think of all the good memories you had with your kitty. Hope your heart feels better soon...

Liz - there is a walk in September to benefit the Neonatal center... We will need details of course as they become available. I have to find a way to help Sweet Baby Gen and all of her roomies.

Dawn - are you stealing my breakfast meals now?? That was eerily similar to what I ate this morning right down to the raspberries. Mine was JC's version of fiber one and I used skim milk, but then I am used to the thin taste of skim milk by now. Did I mention how much I love the fact that berries are in season again. They are so yummy this time of year...

 

[HockeyKat]

I am going to come out of lurkdom for a brief moment to say to Ronda on the loss of your cat. You know the day will come, but it doesn't make it any easier when it does.

 

[BrcsDisneyPrncs]

Could it be because you were tired?

Glad you got some rest. You need it.

It has been quiet around here lately. Hope everyone is doing fun things and all is well.

Stacey - I believe you owe us some sort of trip report from your recent trip to Disney.... Just sayin

I know i know, we are still here, won't be home until Late tomorrow night/thurs morning, then i will share.

Promise!!!

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Ronda - I'm so sorry about your cat. I have been there, tumor and all. He had cancer, I paid for chemo (I know, I know) and then he died with new tumor. It was heartbreaking. He was totally trying to hang on for me. Em was about 7 months old. Actually, I can tell you the date my cat died, five years later.

We still have not replaced him. It took Nick probably four years to get over it. He was a really great cat.





Deep breath!

Nancy, Paula, Dawn -

Okay, walk. Yes, we are going to the kick off meeting. It will be good, but will it help Jodi? Eh. She's got new mom hormones and is waking up to pump every three hours, but no baby at home and she's afraid Gen might not make it home. The wonder and hope is gone, replaced by fear and worry. Very very new mom, but add the scary statistics to it.

She was crying today on the phone about not crying. She is resisting comfort, i think. Anyway.

So, the walk is Sept 13th. I will get the details tonight. We'll form a team, and if you want to come, Paula, I'd LOVE that!

Dawn, your ramblings helped.

Here's how bad it is: she won't even let me come to Costco with her. Like, we always meet up and Costco shop together. But she's just crying and then avoiding. I'll see her tonight and go see Gen, but shes afraid to do our daily things because she might break down.

Of course I told her she should cry, and it's okay, but...

Also, she's not religious. She thinks prayer works but she doesn't have a relationship with God. Now, I know it works and I have that relationship, but being in this situation and not being able to talk to God is just awful to me. It must make it all harder, without some faith. She is talking to some other parents, but it's just so new and she's not one to reach out. UGH. I just wish I could hand her something to make it better. Kwim?

Helpless - yes, exactly. It's one thing to trust prayer and the doctors for Genevieve, but to whom do I entrust Jodi to but myself?

 

[goofyfan-12]

Liz - oh honey... so may words and feelings running through my head right now for you. Keep venting here. Keep trying with Jodi. This is all so new to her that it has got to be overwhelming. At some point, she will reach out.

Keep me posted on the plans for the walk. I'll put the date in my calendar as a reminder and we can go from there.

Hang in there. You are in this for the long haul so pace yourself.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Tonight is a kick-off meeting for a walk in Sept for the neonatal unit. The honeymoon has ended, officially. Gen is still okay, but her parents are not. At all. It's hard to watch.

Oh, no. I wondered.

Yesterday was a lousy, rotten day. So sncked. We put down our 15 year old cat.

Ronda - so sorry about this. 15 years is a long time and they are a family member.

Great news! Treyner was awarded a local scholarship but we will find out until next Monday night what the amount is.

Getting his financial aid packet and really going over the numbers yesterday was a huge reality check so any amount will be beyond helpful.

We knew there was no scholarship for the first year at this school. Depending how he does will determine his scholarship for his last 3 years. We knew that full rides were offered at lesser skilled soccer schools and that one year of financial hardship will lead into either a full ride at the same college or Treyner can move schools in a heartbeat his sophmore year and go to school for free barring any injury. There are at least 3 other NAIA schools that have graphic art/design for a major that want him now. So in all, one year of hge money is not bad. He is luckier than most kids. It still was a shock looking at that bill though. And this is only the beginning of the kids and college.

Congrats on the local. And good luck for the paper trail and investment to follow. Scares me.

I am going to come out of lurkdom for a brief moment to say

Okay, walk. Yes, we are going to the kick off meeting. It will be good, but will it help Jodi? Eh. She's got new mom hormones and is waking up to pump every three hours, but no baby at home and she's afraid Gen might not make it home. The wonder and hope is gone, replaced by fear and worry. Very very new mom, but add the scary statistics to it.

She was crying today on the phone about not crying. She is resisting comfort, i think. Anyway.

So, the walk is Sept 13th. I will get the details tonight. We'll form a team, and if you want to come, Paula, I'd LOVE that!

Dawn, your ramblings helped.

Here's how bad it is: she won't even let me come to Costco with her. Like, we always meet up and Costco shop together. But she's just crying and then avoiding. I'll see her tonight and go see Gen, but shes afraid to do our daily things because she might break down.

Why doesn't she want to cry with you? She might also be punishing herself. Not punishing like for being bad, but not going to let things go on like nothing happened. How can she go to Costco while her baby girl is... I understand that. I'd probably be the same.

Of course I told her she should cry, and it's okay, but...

Also, she's not religious. She thinks prayer works but she doesn't have a relationship with God. Now, I know it works and I have that relationship, but being in this situation and not being able to talk to God is just awful to me. It must make it all harder, without some faith. She is talking to some other parents, but it's just so new and she's not one to reach out. UGH. I just wish I could hand her something to make it better. Kwim?

Now IS the time to have a relationship with God. God meets you wherever - whenever. Please encourage her to lean on him, no matter what the outcome.

Helpless - yes, exactly. It's one thing to trust prayer and the doctors for Genevieve, but to whom do I entrust Jodi to but myself?

It's horrible cause you can't know that everything will be ok. You can't make empty promises. It just sucks. Period.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Dawn - are you stealing my breakfast meals now?? That was eerily similar to what I ate this morning right down to the raspberries. Mine was JC's version of fiber one and I used skim milk, but then I am used to the thin taste of skim milk by now. Did I mention how much I love the fact that berries are in season again. They are so yummy this time of year...

I am a berry freak! I actually a few years ago when I lost 50 pounds, did so via enough strawberries to have an allergic reaction. The doc was like, "Exactly how many have you eaten?" Can we say I live in excess? Maybe my brain is connecting to you because my heart wants your dedication to excersize. Even if you did not eat as well as you would have liked this past week, you only gained a pound girl. You are a rock star!

Nancy, Paula, Dawn -

Okay, walk. Yes, we are going to the kick off meeting. It will be good, but will it help Jodi? Eh. She's got new mom hormones and is waking up to pump every three hours, but no baby at home and she's afraid Gen might not make it home. The wonder and hope is gone, replaced by fear and worry. Very very new mom, but add the scary statistics to it.

Treyner had breathing problems at birth due to the 46 hours of labor they put us both through before a c-section. He stayed 4 days longer than I did. At 19 I was not prepared or warned that you may even go home without your baby. He was born Dec 14th and Chad and I went to JC Penny to get him a Christmas outfit one night when it was past visiting hours. I had tons of IV fluid that was still in me and I swear I can tell you exactly what I was wearing.

White canvas Tretorn tennies with no laces because my feet were swollen. Stretch pants and a big t-shirt due to my huge ****s and a brown leather bomber style jacket that I could not button because at 140 pounds, it did not fit what I had boughten at 120.

Anyway, I was holding my stomach from walking and we were standing in line to make our purchase. This couple taht was in there 50's was behind us and she points at me and says, "Look honey, she is in labor."

I started bawling and then sobbing and then snot was pouring out of my nose. Chad tried to explain that I had our baby 3 days before but he was not doing well and still in the hospital.

Nothing says you are not looking well like someone thinking you are pregnant after you have delivered.

So I get her wanting isolation and at the same time isolation just makes you more depressed. It is a viscious cycle. Offering her something like a pedi or mani will probably make her feel like she is a bad mom for enjoying anything at this time. Esp. being not at the hospital.

How often is she at the hospital? I had an idea that might work and I would love to chip in and get it for her.

How about a massage person that brings one of those chairs to work locations? She could do it in the lounge or somewhere a bit more private ( not sure how the set up is there) and it might help the knots at least even if it doesnt help the stress. Sleeping in chairs for 2 weeks with Baylor and just not being rested was hard. I just thought of something I would have appreciated and a massage came to mind but I would not have wanted to go anywhere either.

I will try and keep racking my brain if there is something else I can think of I will let you know.


Also, she's not religious. She thinks prayer works but she doesn't have a relationship with God. Now, I know it works and I have that relationship, but being in this situation and not being able to talk to God is just awful to me. It must make it all harder, without some faith. She is talking to some other parents, but it's just so new and she's not one to reach out. UGH. I just wish I could hand her something to make it better. Kwim?

Helpless - yes, exactly. It's one thing to trust prayer and the doctors for Genevieve, but to whom do I entrust Jodi to but myself?

Maybe get her a journal. A nice one she can vent to and cry with and throw against the wall when she wants. She can share what she wants by letting you read it but not ready to verbalize maybe just yet.

More rambling - I know. It is what I do best.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Lunch and snack

Ronzoni Smart Taste Penne Rigate w/ a vodka bolognese homemade concoction - 1 3/4 cup of cooked noodles with sauce already mixed (best guess from noodles and sause seperate from nutrition chart.)

1 tablespoon of fresh Parmesean Reggiano

Snack: 6 Triscuits w/ 1/4 tbsp of butter ( Dairy is my demise I tell ya)

so far - 6 glasses of water

Lunch - 310 calories
Snack - 145 calories

I will post dinner later and have greek yogurt planned with raspberries for snack later.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

It still was a shock looking at that bill though. And this is only the beginning of the kids and college.

In the same boat here. Frightening thought, isn't it

Did I mention how much I love the fact that berries are in season again. They are so yummy this time of year...

Love my berries Just came home from Costco with a jumbo size package of the most fragrant strawberries. YUM.

And I have 6 blueberry bushes in my yard

I'll see her tonight and go see Gen, but shes afraid to do our daily things because she might break down.

Hopefully she'll realize that breaking down does not mean you are weak. It means you are human. It's ok to have feelings and to express them. And of course we all deal with situations differently.


Helpless - yes, exactly. It's one thing to trust prayer and the doctors for Genevieve, but to whom do I entrust Jodi to but myself?

well, I know that you all are consistantly on the top of my list..

Maybe get her a journal. A nice one she can vent to and cry with and throw against the wall when she wants. She can share what she wants by letting you read it but not ready to verbalize maybe just yet.

I like that idea Dawn.



I'm feeling terribly unproductive today. I've done a lot of things, but don't feel like I've done much of importance, kwim? bleh. Hate these kinds of days

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Snack: 6 Triscuits w/ 1/4 tbsp of butter ( Dairy is my demise I tell ya)

I love triscuits. you know what's awesome on them? Laughing Cow light cheese. It comes in pre-wrapped wedges that are 30 calories a piece. Much better for you than straight-up butter, pre-portioned so you know exactly what you are getting - and one wedge is the perfect amount to spread on the 6 triscuits!

 

[Dizneydawn]

I love triscuits. you know what's awesome on them? Laughing Cow light cheese. It comes in pre-wrapped wedges that are 30 calories a piece. Much better for you than straight-up butter, pre-portioned so you know exactly what you are getting - and one wedge is the perfect amount to spread on the 6 triscuits!

K - got that actually in the fridge and use it on Rye Crisp all the time. Grandma and butter was a tradition. Not grandma and butter per se... eating triscuits and butter. She was a Swede thru and thru!

One time I did make her really mad though. And it was not with butter.

She had a bad habit of sleeping in the tub. Bubbles up to her chin and with an air pilow behind her head. Well one nice summer visit, my cousin Mandi and I were bored (age 7, I believe) and we decided to see if you could make a person mold into Jello. We were not the brightest but we were inquisitive. Long story short, we pulled the curtain back from the edge of the tub while she slept, poured 4 boxes of strawberry gelatain mix and waited in the living room for the Guiness Book of records to call.

She did not mold but she did turn a bright shade of red. The stain was right up to her chin line and my grandpa after threatening to beat the crap out of us, laughed his head off. It was July and she looked very fashionable in long sleeves and scarves! It faded after a few days but it was a story that still brings tears to the family at reunions.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Wowee Papa Bear, Biggest Loser weigh in/finale, ROCKS!!!! (kinda makes me feel like exercising, bwahahahaha)

 

[goofyfan-12]

I go to Tuesday Night Dinner and the gym and everyone disappears... WTH? (Jesse totally kicked my butt tonight BTW. Or should I say my arms since they are not liking me right now. It is all good though.

I guess you are all watching the Biggest Loser Finale.

I am off to make my lunch for tomorrow and then to catch up on some work at the house.

Talk to you all later...

PS - Kat, Sorry about the Canes tonight.... They'll get them in Game 7

 

[AKASnowWhite]

GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!

Long story short, we pulled the curtain back from the edge of the tub while she slept, poured 4 boxes of strawberry gelatain mix and waited in the living room for the Guiness Book of records to call.

Wowee Papa Bear, Biggest Loser weigh in/finale, ROCKS!!!! (kinda makes me feel like exercising, bwahahahaha)

Those people lost a whole lot of weight! OMG they looked awesome.

But poor Jerry. My family mocks that man mercilessly. He looks waaaay older than 64 to me. Thought he was closer to 80. And he always seems so confused and disoriented. We were laughing that he lost all that weight because he couldn't figure out where his wife put the food we really aren't very nice people sometimes

PS - Kat, Sorry about the Canes tonight.... They'll get them in Game 7

game 7. in Boston. You taking a road trip Kat?


LisaV - how are you??? Did you find a new home yet?

Steph - what did you decide about the job?

Amy, Amiee - hi

Kelly, Sunny, LisaPR, LisaZ, Roddy....where are you guys? Doin' ok I hope

 

[Dizneydawn]

For the love of all that is holy! I just typed out a saga and it is gone.

Here is a shorter version because I do not have time any longer.

Food since I posted yesterday.

1) 2 big bowls of mixed green salad w/ olive oil and vinnegar & a cup of cherry tomatoes
2) I made a concoction of a serving of greek yogurt, 1/4 cup of raspberries, 1/4 cup Bear Naked Granola (banana nut flavored) and added 2 tsp of sugar because I do not like it so sour cream tasting. -Ate 1/2 and saved 1/2 for today. It was great. I think it could be great frozen too.
3) A serving of 5 grain Bible bread w/ 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese

My totals for yesterday were
CALORIES 1,622 (1,200 - 1,550 )
CARBS 246 (165 - 240 )
FAT 58 (45 - 55 )
PROTEIN 52 ( 60 - 136 )

Less carbs today but more protein.

Nancy - we can toast to each other someday cause my family thinks the same about Jerry. Reminds us of my grandpa in some ways yet he was never so lost. I was waiting for him to say something innapropriate about prune juice and bowel movements. Love him but was on the edge of my seat every time he talked, hoping he didn't unknowingly humiliate himself.

His grandaughters name was Carsyn! Maybe spelled different...but Carsyn was thrilled.

I think Helen is on the edge of too thin. She looked older than 48. Which means I should be happy with 130-140 because what is the point of being thin and then looking haggard. Treyner thought she looked older too.

K - off to run errands all day.

Lyz - is that urge to excersize still there? I may needto borrow it!


This weekend we have prom, soccer Tourney for Baylor (1 game Friday, Saturday and Sunday because they like us to drive 2 hours round trip for giggles) and then Treyner is in goal on Sunday at 4 p.m.. (Prayers please)

I also signed myself up to watch Skyler this weekend.

I think I should be commited.

Treyner's beater broke down again and Dan is out of town for a week which means we are down to one car if Treyner's does not get fixed tonight. Thank goodness his friends and he are mechanical. (Prayer's again please!)

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

I was so so so happy for Jerry. The odds were SO stacked against him. He and his wife looked AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

Joelle! Can you believe how little she lost.

Oh and the cousin. He didn't lose much either. Dave? Orange team?

 

[AKASnowWhite]

A serving of 5 grain Bible bread w/ 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese

What's Bible Bread?

I think Helen is on the edge of too thin. She looked older than 48. Which means I should be happy with 130-140 because what is the point of being thin and then looking haggard.

I totally agree. I was shocked when she weighed in at 117. Too thin. Not enough muscle - just thin and frail looking. Personally, I thought that Tara looked much better than Helen - much healther and fit.


I have about a bazillion phone calls to make today. It's so beautiful out - I really want to get some yard stuff done too. We'll see - hopefully I can squeeze it all in.

 

[DisneyGalUK]

Ronda - So sorry for the loss of your cat

I am going to come out of lurkdom for a brief moment to say to Ronda on the loss of your cat. You know the day will come, but it doesn't make it any easier when it does.

Hey Kat, hope all is well

Also, she's not religious. She thinks prayer works but she doesn't have a relationship with God. Now, I know it works and I have that relationship, but being in this situation and not being able to talk to God is just awful to me. It must make it all harder, without some faith. She is talking to some other parents, but it's just so new and she's not one to reach out. UGH. I just wish I could hand her something to make it better. Kwim?

Helpless - yes, exactly. It's one thing to trust prayer and the doctors for Genevieve, but to whom do I entrust Jodi to but myself?

Liz - so much to say and no words to say it
I am a HUGE believer in the power of positive thinking and positive thoughts, so I will keep all of you and that precious baby in my thoughts and send them your way.

She did not mold but she did turn a bright shade of red. The stain was right up to her chin line and my grandpa after threatening to beat the crap out of us, laughed his head off. It was July and she looked very fashionable in long sleeves and scarves! It faded after a few days but it was a story that still brings tears to the family at reunions.

That might be one of the funniest things I have read - work mates now think I am a mentalist for laughing out loud

So, WW tonight. I am going to man up and go, even though its not been the greatest week of exercise!

Have a good day everyone

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Nancy - I'm only guessing here...

Bible bread would be Ezekial bread. Cause frankly who can spell Ezekial bread without looking it up.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I was so so so happy for Jerry. The odds were SO stacked against him. He and his wife looked AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

Joelle! Can you believe how little she lost.

Oh and the cousin. He didn't lose much either. Dave? Orange team?

Joelle and Carla cracked me up. I loved when Carla thanked Joelle for calling her and asking her to go to the BL casting in the first place. Can you just imagine that call?

"Hi. You're Fat. Go to the BL Casting"

And Dave - yeah. I don't think he ever wanted to be there. Just hasn't *clicked* for him yet. kwim? But he did lose like 45 pounds so at least he's headed in the right direction.

And how 'bout the "vote for the next contestant"? I voted for Erinn. For 2 reasons. One - because her name is Erinn and I'd love to hear Jillian screaming profanities at her in the gym - would just make me feel so much better about my own training sessions and, mostly because she broke up with her boyfriend because she hated her body so much that she didn't want him to touch her or look at her. God. That struck a nerve for me.