in need of help!!!

[Skywalker]

Put me in the "no thank you" category. I'm sorry, but the thought of my husband salivating over another woman is not a turn on for me! Nor is pornography as a whole, I think it is just...stupid. It seems that porn is going more mainstream and is acceptable to a whole lot of people.

 

[snowwite]

Hi... i have a question...i am not a newbie just hiding behind another name for this question.

would you consider your dh looking at porn behind your back as a type of cheating. i knew he use to and we got rid of all the stuff in the house....tonight i looked in the history on the computer and he has been looking up porn sites. i am sooo upset. please help!!!

I guess I am in the minority here. I do consider it damaging to a marriage and very selfish and hurtful. Tell DH how it makes you feel. If he loves you he will stop. If he cant stop he needs help.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I've worked in the mental health field with teenage girls who were prostituting themselves, and every one of them had been sexually abused in their earlier lives and looked at their bodies as commodities. Why would this be a whole lot different with adult women who make the "choice" to be part of the sex industry?

I think pornography is exploitative . A great deal of the stuff that's on the internet is NOT simple nudity like you would see in a Playboy magazine or such. It's incredibly disrespectful hardcore porn. I don't take a "boys will be boys" attitude about it at all.

 

[Disney_1derland]

I don't know if you have preteens or young teens yet, but they are curious, they will look, and the majority of the time, will find.

I understand that alot of couples are comfortable with viewing porn, I'd just like people to remember that vast majority of porn websites USE very young adults to MAKE alot of money. I'm not talking Playboy here.

We don't. We have young children. We will have to see what the future holds. Right now they have no access to anything of that nature and I can control what they do and do not have access to. The kids computer isn't even internet capable and they are not allowed to touch the mom and dad computer, nor is it left in such a state that they could access it.

I think that if you have informed, mature people making the decisions as to what to view you can choose not to participate in things like that. I know that unfortunately not everyone falls into that category. I also know that there are people who's whole lives are ruled by this sort of thing.

It's so nice to be able to have civil discussions with people who have such differing opinions!

 

[beckmrk04]

I think that if you have informed, mature people making the decisions as to what to view you can choose not to participate in things like that. I know that unfortunately not everyone falls into that category. I also know that there are people who's whole lives are ruled by this sort of thing.

It's so nice to be able to have civil discussions with people who have such differing opinions!

I agree with you Disney_1derland! There has to be communication! My dh and I have talked openly about this, and we're fine with our arrangement- I've been known to watch a porn now and again, as long as I get to pick (there are criteria it must fit, and there are definitely things I don't want to see). But, we're adults! And, just like you said, it doesn't make us bad people, or social degenerates, just means we found something different to spice things up now and again. And right now, I am on medicine that gives me zero libido- so, if he wants to watch or look, by all means, go ahead. I am not interested.

I think, though, that if OP's dh does not see porn as something that is morally wrong, and I'm inclined to agree (as long as it's legal, non-violent, and child-free), then I don't think it's anybody else's right, so to speak, to try to be his moral compass. He is an adult. He isn't doing anything illegal, or to many people, anything that out of the ordinary.

AND- YES!! It is great to be able to have a group discussion at such a calm and intelligent level. Kudos to the group!!

OP- I hope things have improved.

 

[disney50fam]

Ok.
I cant believe I am posting this but my ex husband had a HUGE porn problem.
He then started cheating on me with real life hookers. ( he was in the navy)
he would even look at porn when my kids were running around ( they were really young back then and I was at work and found this out when a friend of mine came by and saw him doing it) We are now divorced and this is one of the reasons why.

I am not saying your husband would do it.
And yes guys are visial. But sometimes they can let it go to far.....
Talk to your DH and let him know how you feel.
I know how it can hurt you when they say they have stoped and you find it..

If you ever need to talk PM me!