In-laws, what to do?

[Sammie]

Have to agree with the others about just be honest and say No Thank You, we have other plans.

My grandmother used to have a cute saying, "You have to lie down to allow someone to walk over you."

 

[bleeps]

s.

My grandmother used to have a cute saying, "You have to lie down to allow someone to walk over you."

This is priceless -- thanks for sharing!

So much good advice here, I hope you can find your way to say whatever you need to say to keep this your own, special, immediate family vacation.

One more perspective I'll share to help you know that you are doing the right thing by wanting to put your own family first and have this special time with them: our little family (me, DH, DS 7) is in the "middle" of both sides of the family; long story short, we're "it" for all the holidays, etc. etc. We appreciate that extended family wants to spend time with us, but I am VERY careful to put my foot down when I need to in order for the 3 of us to have our own, special time together. When DS overheard me during the holidays last year saying that we would be happy to host the gang later in the day but that Christmas morning was our own time as a family, he ran up and gave me a BIG hug and said, "thank you for making me feel so special!" Think about how much it will mean to your kids to see you put them first this time -- and have a wonderful trip (let us know how it goes)!

 

[TinkGirl]

We outright told extended family that we wanted to do Disney by ourselves. There is nothing wrong with this. It's the best thing we do for our family. We take other vacations with parents and siblings, but Disney's just for us!

 

[Robindianne]

Just had to chime in. I believe in honesty but unfortunately I don't always feel strong enough to be completely honest. Last year my DSis decided she and her son needed to come with us to WDW. I was honest and said we wanted a private DH/DW vacation and although she was hurt, she didn't press too much. Then the week before we left, when she was sick with the flu she decided she needed family time w/me and wanted fly across the country to come stay w/DH and I cause her son was off school for spring break. Hello! I'm leaving soon and don't want my family sick. So she called literally every day telling me how she was feeling better and better every day and guilting me. But I stayed firm, explained it was our honeymoon (we never took a honeymoon when we married a few years back but had wanted to at WDW) and how we simply could not risk either of us getting sick. She got very mad, doesn't feel germs are a reason to stay away from others, etc and finally talked me into booking her air for a trip to WDW ( I know, I layed down so I got walked on - do love that saying, thanks Sammie's grandma). She ended up going for a few days, w/only 1 day of overlap w/me and she didn't know where I was staying and I didn't know where she was staying because she quit speaking to me for several months beginning the day after I set up her flight.

Fast forward to this year: I'm not telling her and I hope she doesn't find out that we are going back in May. She is very emotionally needy and I just want to have fun. Also she is my older sis and is domineering so that's hard. Also she parents in ways that are hard for me to watch. So, shhhh, we aren't exactly lying but aren't letting on we are going. I suppose the chance of her finding out about it before we leave are sort of high but I'm still hoping not. If she does, I guess I'll get to learn how to say no again. Sigh.

Anyway, good luck tink2257. Be strong

 

[tink 2257]

We outright told extended family that we wanted to do Disney by ourselves. There is nothing wrong with this. It's the best thing we do for our family. We take other vacations with parents and siblings, but Disney's just for us!

This sounds like good advice to me...That's exactly how we feel! If we do other things together, there shouldn't be hard feelings when we want to take a Disney vacation by ourselves! Sounds good, now if I can only explain this to them!

 

[HopperFan]

You say you vacation with them every summer so I have to assume this will come up again..........

My response would be "Oh, we already have a vacation to Disney planned for just the four of us to celebrate Sally Sue starting high school this year. How about this year we plan a long weekend with you to the beach so we can have some time to visit?"

Then I would stand firm on them not going to Disney. I wouldn't share any details and if they continue to pursue and not get the hint, I would repeat "Oh I'm sorry I thought you understood we want this trip to be just the four of us. Let's plan a long weekend together - where would you like to go?" Kinda throws the ball into their court to come up with a long weekend idea.

 

[shellybaxter]

I believe in honesty with kindness. When people want to join us I say fine, we'd love to have you, but we already have plans. It will cost you XXX amount of dollars. We are staying at XXX hotel and have our heart set on it. If you want to stay somewhere else you can, but DH and I will be at our hotel. We are going for XXX amount of days and eating at XXX restuarants. The restuarants are sit down and are expensive. You can eat somewhere else but we are keeping our plans. We get up early and get to the parks by opening. You are welcome to join us or meet us later at our park of choice. I don't like to tell people they can't come, in fact I like having others around. I just think its possible for two groups to peacefully co-exist without getting on each others nerves. When my sister came with us she and her daughter did everything we did. We had a blast, but it ws planned that way. When we went at the same time as another family we know they didn't get to the parks until later in the morning. We didn't wait around for them. Dh and I went early and had fun doing "us things" and then did "groups things" when the other family arrived. That was fun too. I think people should be honest but kind when dealing with each other.

 

[tink 2257]

You say you vacation with them every summer so I have to assume this will come up again..........

Oh, yes, I left that part out, we still are going with them for a week this summer. We'll be going to Disney and then spending a week with them a month later. That's why I don't think they should be angry about this, but I know they will be.

 

[HopperFan]

Well then I think you are more than due a vacation with just your family. I think family vacations are precious time, especially when the kids still live at home. You should not have to share with anyone and they shouldn't expect you to, espcecially since you already spend a week together. Mabye your offer could be NOT this trip but maybe next year in lieu of your normal group destination. Going to Disney may not be as attractive as your other destination.

Having gone many times with different families I have seen the good & bad. Having everything planned and set and telling the "bad" families that they are free to join you but with your plans doesn't always work out well. We had it happen. When it got so bad (they wanted to stop at every food vendor instead of go on the attractions) we suggested we split up and meet for dinner. Guess what, their kids wanted to go with us ! So they stayed with us. It was a pain and I'll never go with people that don't like to do it the same way as us again.

 

[Kath2003]

We vacation often with my aunt, uncle and cousin (my mothers sister and her family) but my mother and aunt have identical personalities so that works out fine, and we all like eating at the same times, same places, have the same daily budgets etc.

I would NEVER EVER want to go on ANY kind of vacation with any other members of my family because the group is only as strong as its weakest player. If my other aunts and uncles and cousins were to come, we'd never get to the parks for opening, we'd continually be waiting around for them (they never get anywhere before afternoon) and hey, it's OUR vacation, if we want to run it like boot camp then we will

Disney is not a cheap vacation. It is expensive, it is hard work to see everything you want to see but if you pull it off it is the best vacation ever. Don't let the thought of your brother/SIL sulking for a few days put you off saying NO because they'll get over it real quick, but it could ruin your vacation if you don't say no, and a family vacation doesn't necessarily mean extended family. Be nice, but firm: "It's just going to be the four of us this time, but the kids are already excited about our next vacation with Uncle Joe".

 

[Nancyg56]

I would be honest, and I would do it before the issue comes up. Tell them you are planning a family vacation and that this may be the last time all of your family is able to go together because they are growing up and it will be harder to be together as a family unit. Tell them you know that they will understand, and add that you will understand when they choose to vacation as a family. It is true that as they grow they tend to grow in different directions, and it is nice to be together for some precious time.

We just took a vacation and included my SIL from my first marriage. It was okay, but awkward. During the planning phase we kept hearing how her friends plan Disney... How we were spending too much money...How she could go cheaper...it goes on and on. I finally told her that we knew what we wanted, and she was welcome to come with us, but enough was enough. My DH said never again. We have been planning another trip, but don't discuss too much with her, and she knows that we are going alone.

 

[Webbie]

I have to go along with many of the others and say be honest. This is could be the last time your immediate family will be able to go on vacation together...blame the DD going off to college or on to a job. Lay it out on the table and do not feel guilty, especially since you will also be going on vacation with your brother's family this summer too. If they don't understand don't own that guilt..it is their problem not yours.

 

[Bunchkin]

I would go with honesty and polietness. And I'll wish you a ton of luck. In our family someone always gets their toes stepped on no matter what you say or do.

 

[tink 2257]

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions! I will tell them soon, and I will not feel guilty about our vacation without them. They need to understand that it's nothing against them, it's about spending time with our family.

 

[Dznypal]

every other year my parents take all of us on a family vacation (there are now 20 of us!!!)

and things are great!! we plan a few things together and some seprate things

those that want to go--go and if you dont no one feels hurt>

although we never did a Disney family trip we've gone to some pretty great places

Hawaii 3 times--DS got married last time we were there
grand cayman and a cruise to the bahmanas

the key we found it is just hang loose

we always have the best times

 

[Markstudy]

Tell them you were watching David Letterman's show last night and he did a Top-Ten List, that you thought was soo funny... then forward a copy to them

TOP TEN REASONS- NOT TO GO TO DISNEY WITH ANOTHER FAMILY

10) They don't plan
9) They are clueless
8) They sleep the best part of the day away
7) They spend too much time in the bathroom
6) They stick you with the bill
5)...?
4) When they say "we will meet you at noon"... .they are late
3) They don't like to go on rides
2) They don't uderstand the concept of a GREAT MEAL

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON TO NEVER GO TO DISNEY WITH FAMILY
1) They're Cheap and penny-pinching is the last thing you need on YOUR VACATION!!!

Now... who do we know that this reminds me of ???

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

Be honest but wait until a few weeks before the trip to spring it on them. Be as kind as you can but be firm. Fully expect backlash during your joint vacation the next month...if they don't back out. Hopefully, they can be grown ups and act accordingly. One poster mentioned that her sister was sensitive and wouldn't speak to her for 6 months if she felt offended. Helloo! Emotional blackmail anyone? Funny thing is, these 'sensitive' (read: manipulative) people will usually get their way...

Enjoy your vacation and good luck to your new high-schooler!

 

[tink 2257]

Tell them you were watching David Letterman's show last night and he did a Top-Ten List, that you thought was soo funny... then forward a copy to them

TOP TEN REASONS- NOT TO GO TO DISNEY WITH ANOTHER FAMILY

10) They don't plan
9) They are clueless
8) They sleep the best part of the day away
7) They spend too much time in the bathroom
6) They stick you with the bill
5)...?
4) When they say "we will meet you at noon"... .they are late
3) They don't like to go on rides
2) They don't uderstand the concept of a GREAT MEAL

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON TO NEVER GO TO DISNEY WITH FAMILY
1) They're Cheap and penny-pinching is the last thing you need on YOUR VACATION!!!

Now... who do we know that this reminds me of ???

Hey, that's pretty good...I've never had such an original response!