In laws wanting to sponge off of our vacation!

[thumpersfriend]

Little backround- we are booked for the Poly next April. I am taking my 3 adult kids and 4 year old granddaughter who is autistic. Well, my son's mother-in-law asked me last night if she could go too. I said okay, but this vacation was all about my granddaughter and taking it slow. I told her the price of a room there and she gasped. Then she asked if she could stay in one of the rooms I reserved for one of the kids! I told her they want their own room but if she wanted to go to book a room. I also said that it would be too inconvient if she went somewhere else and stayed the night. Also told her about no pool hopping etc. She then seemed to think we should all be together and maybe find a cheaper place. I called and talked to her daughter today and now the daughter is mad at her mom for trying to take away our vacation plans. She is going to tell her that she was not invitied! Yikes, I hope this doesn't cause conflict. Anyone think that we should subsidize her trip or is it okay to tell her she really wasn't invited and risk that she will be mad at all of us. I wouldn' put any one in this situation so it really surprised me..

 

[JrChurch]

You have been very polite in saying she could join you if she paid for her own room at the Poly. I'm not going to comment about her nerve of asking to go in the first place. No, I would not offer to subsidize. You all have your plans, go and enjoy.

 

[Sandy V.]

I personally wouldn't subsidize her trip. She had a HECK of a lot of nerve to ask and then try and get YOU to change where you were staying. I would continue with the trip as planned, giving her the option to join you as long as she purchased her own room, park passes, food, transportation, etc.

Have a wonderful time!!

 

[4greatboys]

I also said that it would be too inconvient if she went somewhere else and stayed the night.

Why would be inconvient if she stayed at a mod or a value?



Is she the other grandma to the gd?

 

[caitycaity]

Anyone think that we should subsidize her trip or is it okay to tell her she really wasn't invited and risk that she will be mad at all of us.

i would have told her that she really wasn't invited, but i have never been known for my tact.

 

[Chicago526]

No, don't subsidize. Maybe help her find a code or other ways to save money, but don't pay a dime towards her trip. Also don't switch resorts just because she's a rude cheapskate.

IF she is willing to pay for her own room, and IF she is willing to go along with any plans you have already made, then I don't see the harm in letting her join you. But the way she has approched this already doesn't bode well for her future good behavior.

 

[Beth76]

Hey if your DIL is willing to go along with it then tell her she wasn't invited. Because she wasn't. Even if she did end up getting her own room at the poly it sounds like this is not the woman you want going on vacation with you. Personally, I wouldn't be worried for a second about hurting this woman's feelings. She's the one who put you in an awkward situation and then wanted you to change your plans to suit her. No way.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't understand why it would be an issue if she were to stay in a value or moderate, meeting up with you all at the parks. That might actually be easier for all involved that way you all can let her know the plans and she can meet up with you all when it works for her and you won't feel that she has to be with you all the time. If she wants to hang with her DD at her room sometimes she can work that out with her.

I would not subsidize her stay at the Poly, though.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would tell her that she's welcome to come if she pays for her own room. No one is sharing rooms, as they are arranged for the comfort and convenience of all the families involved. I would also tell her that you are not changing hotels at this point either.

If she wants to join you, let her pay for her own room at the Poly.

Make your decision, stick with it, don't let her "wear you down". Just keep politely repeating "we're staying at the Poly, here is the number to call to book yourself a room there". If she says it's too expensive, then say "I'm sorry, but that is the hotel we decided on. Maybe next time we can choose a different hotel that might be more affordable".

The key to this is to remain polite and calm, with an even tone of voice.

 

[thumpersfriend]

Thanks everyone, now I feel better. Tigger&Belle. She is the other grandma to my granddaughter and we really get along pretty good. The reason I think it would be inconvient if she was in another place is that she has never been to Disneyworld and she would be a basket case if we were not all together. Getting from one resort to another would do her in! She can't pool hop to the Poly and I think with my DGD being autistic I think alot of our day will be relaxing by the pool . She has never been to Disneyworld so would want to see it all. This year is all about the DGD and not showing someone the sites. I think she would feel cheated if she could not do it all. My daughter in law has just told me that her mom has spent alot of money lately and now wants to get a hot tub! Guess she has money for that though. Lucky my daughter in law isn't upset with me, that was what I was afraid of.

 

[disykat]

Hey if your DIL is willing to go along with it then tell her she wasn't invited. Because she wasn't. Even if she did end up getting her own room at the poly it sounds like this is not the woman you want going on vacation with you. Personally, I wouldn't be worried for a second about hurting this woman's feelings. She's the one who put you in an awkward situation and then wanted you to change your plans to suit her. No way.

ITA. I'm glad you generally get along with her, because she sounds like quite a case! I would not want to spend my vacation trying to meet up with someone who was staying elsewhere - unless they were someone I knew I could easily deal with, and that doesn't sound like the case here.

I really don't get the "more the merrier" attitude when it comes to vacation. I think you make your plans with those you are planning to travel with and NO ONE is welcome to invite themselves.

 

[nowellsl]

If her own daughter doesn't want to let her stay in her room I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[pkrimier]

I agree if your daughter in law does not want her mother along for the ride don't worry about it.
First of all this is a vacation that you planned for your family and grandchild.
And I find it quite nervy for her to try and insert herself into your plans.

 

[lulugirl]

Hey if your DIL is willing to go along with it then tell her she wasn't invited. Because she wasn't. Even if she did end up getting her own room at the poly it sounds like this is not the woman you want going on vacation with you. Personally, I wouldn't be worried for a second about hurting this woman's feelings. She's the one who put you in an awkward situation and then wanted you to change your plans to suit her. No way.

ITA. I would have no problem telling her she couldn't come.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would let your DIL handle her mother. If you all get along and you wouldn't mind having her there, let her know that and have them figure it out. Does she mind having her mom share a room with her? I've had family members share with me before at WDW and it's never been a problem, but of course some people really don't like that. Just depends on the people involved.

As far as the pool hopping, I'm not trying to open up a can of worms, but if she were simply sitting poolside with the rest of you I doubt that the Poly would say anything about that. Technically it probably isn't allowed, but if a big party has room keys I don't know that they really would care about one more family member. I'm not endorsing pool hopping, but I'm talking about her sitting at the pool visiting with you all. Of course if she's never been before there are other issues, like you mentioned. Everything is so spread about (resorts, parks, etc) and you all don't know your schedule with your granddaughter yet).

I would let your DIL do the communicating, though. Happy trip planning!

 

[fabumouse]

My SIL did that to us last year and it ended up being such a production! She invited herself to come and for many reasons we all (my DH and his parents) said no, but we'd love to see you any other time. She got extended family involved and my DH and I became "the most selfish people in the world". Ugh!!!

If she wants everyone to go on a trip together, she's got every right to organize it and invite whom she pleases.

Good luck!

 

[Stacerita]

I can't believe she invited herself on your vacation and then had the nerve to ask you to change plans to accomodate her. Some people. You said you were going next April, she can save up if she wants to go with you. She has a year to save for the Poly. Or if she really wants all of you to spend time together, she can plan a cheaper vacation for everyone another time. Its just rude of her to impose herself like that. And Im glad your DIL sees that and agrees.