In-Law Vent

[scanne]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! My in-laws are such selfish people!!!

Today is my DD's 2nd birthday. We had a small gathering to celebrate - just family. Well, the "just family" ended being my parents and my aunt, me, DH, DS and DD. DH's parents couldn't (or wouldn't?) change their plans to go to Atlantic City (they go 2-3 times a month) and DH's aunt and grandmother wouldn't have been able to come until 7 or 8pm.


So MIL calls about 10 minutes ago and says to DH, "Oh, we'll come over tomorrow around 7pm." ***!?!?!?!?!? So DH says, "That's too late." MIL says, "Oh we won't stay long." *** again??!!!! They are so selfish and inconsiderate of everyone else? What idiot goes to the casinos instead of to their granddaughter's birthday celebration?

I have absolutely no respect for these people anymore. I've been nice and held my tongue for 9 years. Well NO MORE! If they call tomorrow and decide it's ok to come at 7pm, they will be getting an earful from me.

I'm sorry, I just HAD to get that off my chest.


BTW - DD had a GREAT birthday and got lots of wonderful gifts. And she spent the day with those who truly love her!!! And she was able to name all 5 princesses on her birthday cake! That's my girl!!!

 

[LadyBears]

Happy birthday to your DD!

Gotta love the in-laws!

Just out of curiosity - how is 7 pm to late for them to stop by?

 

[Saphire]

Aww, that stings, scanne. But just remember, your daughter is blessed to have you and DH and the others in her life. Concentrate on what you have. Also, know that you can make it different for your children in the future...you and DH will make every effort to be there for those special times for your own grandchildren.
Happy 2nd Birthday to your dear daughter!

 

[BuckNaked]

I truly hope you aren't conveying to your DD that her grandparents don't "truly love her" because they didn't come to her birthday gathering.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ummmmm.... 7:00 or 8:00p.m. for a twenty-four month old!!!

I would NOT be home if they decided to 'invite themselves' over.

How absolutely wonderful of them to decide the time and place to celebrate your DD's birthday!!!

I feel for ya!!!

 

[Annie68]

Happy birthday to your DD!

Good luck with your in-laws, I sympathize. I have a very controlling FIL/step MIL, and don't put up with their demands. Currently they aren't speaking to us, because we said "no" to them about something ridiculous.

 

[Hannathy]

I think 7 Pm is totally acceptable for people to come over even for a baby. My goodness dont you people work! most people dont even get home til 6:30. My kids would have never seen their family if I thought 7 was too late.

My DD first birthday party started at 9:30 after my Dad bowled and my sister got off work. It was great because all the family was there,and turned out to be the last party before my Uncle had a debilatating stroke and my Dad got lung cancer. I could have had it at 6pm by our selves but I never would have had the memories and pictures I have and would not trade it for an arbritrary bedtime for anything. (I am guessing that is why 7 is too late) If you are going to be so inflexible you had better plan on a lot of small get togethers, people are busy now.

 

[BeckWhy]

OMG I totally feel you! Well, I'm not married, but with my boyfriend's parents. My car broke and it was off the road for like two weeks or more. And I had to go to school, so had to borrow my boyfriend's car. My mom had to drive my brother and sister to work everyday so I was unable to take hers and my dad was outta town on business.

So my boyfriend's dad says "go get the Crossfire outta storage and drive it." Well like I guess it was my boyfriend's mom's valentine's day gift a few years ago. She has only driven it once. I've even driven it more than her! Anyways.. so a week after Eric (my boyfriend) starts driving it, she decides to sell it. What the heck? So is Eric not supposed to go to work or am I not supposed to go to school? Eric's dad was like.. well if she really puts it on a lot, you take my Durango and I'll drive the van.

Eric's mom is always like that... she wouldn't allow eric's dad give his daughter (from a previous marriage) any money for her wedding... ugh..

 

[Blondy876]

My youngest will be 2 in October and she is in bed around 7 every night. If she goes to bed late her whole schedule is off. She becomes a cranky little nightmare (and I can't imagine anyone wanting to visit with her after that happens anyway ) Every child is different but this is what works for my family and apparently the OPs family as well. If she goes to bed at 7 then the inlaws should respect that. They had every opportunity to visit and they choose not to. It's not up to the OP dd to be inconvenienced for their sake.

It sounds like your little one had a great birthday.

 

[scanne]

In terms of the 7pm issue - it's more that THEY tell us WHEN they WANT to come over instead of asking what a good time is for US. It is totally irrelevant whether or not we work and the reason why 7pm happens to be too late for us this weekend is because we're going to DISNEY WORLD on Monday and will be running around doing last minute things tomorrow and Sunday.

Anyway, it's just a shame that they are so self-centered because they miss out on SO much of their grandkid's lives.

 

[BeckWhy]

In terms of the 7pm issue - it's more that THEY tell us WHEN they WANT to come over instead of asking what a good time is for US. It is totally irrelevant whether or not we work and the reason why 7pm happens to be too late for us this weekend is because we're going to DISNEY WORLD on Monday and will be running around doing last minute things tomorrow and Sunday.

Anyway, it's just a shame that they are so self-centered because they miss out on SO much of their grandkid's lives.

Well you have an amasing time in WDW and DON'T buy them any souvies.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

My goodness dont you people work! most people dont even get home til 6:30.

Disagree -- we're both home by 5:15.

I would say no to the 7:00 because the time you need to get your baby calmed down and bathed and ready for bed......and you don't know how long they are intending to stay.....

 

[ktink]

I can see why you're upset. I don't blame you one bit about them coming by on their own time. To me if they felt it were important enough to be at your dd party then they would have been. What does your DH have to say about this? Maybe it would hit home more w/ them if he were to let them know how disappointed you all are.

Have a great time at WDW. I know it's easier said than done especially when your DD is involved but try not to let them upset you so much because they're not worthy of the time and effort of getting your blood pressure up.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I don't think the inlaws are being shelfish.

Their plans didn't fit in with your plans.

When we have family parties for the kids, we just tell everyone what time to be at the house. If they can make it fine, if not fine.

I've never expected anyone to change thier plans to meet our needs. My sister and BIL feel the same way about thier kids.

If someone can't make during the party, they'll stop by a day or two later.

I just can't see getting upset over a two year olds birthday party.

Just because the grandparents didn't make the party, doesn't mean they don't "truly love" thier grandchild.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know what you mean but I do want to say to stop driving yourself crazy over them.

Of course my kids are 9 & 15 so I have had alot of years accepting the self-centered nature of MY OWN parents.

Your DH must feel awful. He probably had to grow up with those kind of shenanigins, right? I would try and do the opposite of what you want. I know it seems weird but the more important part is your family's happiness, which includes your dh.
It took me a long time to "see" the pain my own dh had with regard to family. I would complain and whine and later I realized all that did was make him feel worse. I was making him relive his childhood!
So just kind of keep that in mind.

 

[disykat]

.

If someone can't make during the party, they'll stop by a day or two later.

.

While I agree that if they can't make (or in the OP's case decide their weekly casino visit is more important than) the party it's not a huge deal. However, I don't see how that entitles them to get to stop by the next day at a time that they have been told is not convenient.


If they miss the party, fine. Just don't expect for people to rearrange their schedule to allow you a separate birthday visit at the time of your choosing.

 

[Michie]

I don't think the inlaws are being shelfish.

Their plans didn't fit in with your plans.

When we have family parties for the kids, we just tell everyone what time to be at the house. If they can make it fine, if not fine.

I've never expected anyone to change thier plans to meet our needs. My sister and BIL feel the same way about thier kids.

If someone can't make during the party, they'll stop by a day or two later.

I just can't see getting upset over a two year olds birthday party.

Just because the grandparents didn't make the party, doesn't mean they don't "truly love" thier grandchild.

I agree with this. I think we put too much pressure on family members to attend birthday parties, recitals etc. We all have lives, and sometimes things are going to conflict timewise.

If that is too late for your DD, I would stick to my guns, though.

 

[taximomfor4]

I, too, just let my parents and dh's parents know when we are having the kids birthday cakes. Whoever comes, that's fine. Whoever doesn't, that is fine too. Often, they mention stopping by a day or 2 later to bring a gift. We either tell them that time is fine, or negotiate a different time for the visit. We do NOT sing Happy Birthday again, nor do we get another cake. They come, they wish the child happy birthday, give a gift (sometimes but not always), SOMETIMES visit for a little while longer, and then they leave.


If 7pm is too late for your family, then offer them a different day / time to come over. At least they want to come over on a different day. My kids' one grandma doesn't usually show at all, nor does she usually give the kids gifts.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I have to say I agree with other posters. If they didn't truly care about their grandchild, they wouldn't try to come at all (as is the case with my in-laws.) I would be thrilled if they were willing to come a day later - at least they would be showing SOME interest. I don't get ANY. Be grateful that they care at all.

 

[disney junky]

I have to say I agree with other posters. If they didn't truly care about their grandchild, they wouldn't try to come at all (as is the case with my in-laws.) I would be thrilled if they were willing to come a day later - at least they would be showing SOME interest. I don't get ANY. Be grateful that they care at all.

ITA. My kids got presents mailed to them from a grandma who lived 8 miles away (there was no disability that didn't allow her to drive; she just didn't want to show up).