In Law vent Update #18

[olena]

That's crappy....and a no-win situation. Save yourself the trouble and invest in some distance between you and the in-laws. The good thing I'm hearing is that your DH isn't fighting YOU on this and defending this behavior. A unified front is much better. You'll be painted as turning him against them though, but who cares. It's your marriage and your family and that should always come first. You'll just have to get selective hearing and some thick skin.

Best of luck to you.

 

[chris1gill]

Well I told them and of course its MY fault because I am "insecure" and they were just trying to help. You cant win with these people I got the whole We didnt find it strange blah blah blah speach and how they went and looked the house that his brother and wife bought. But I brought up the fact that they asked them to go look at it..we didn't. I told them we felt like they were butting into our business and they were questioning our decisions. To which they replied how the fact that they gave us the land meant that they wanted us to live there blah blah blah. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH can you divorce your inlaws? I want to keep DH but gid rid of them

OMG, you SO did the right thing here.... what does your DH say?

About us, maybe I will take the above thought & get 3 hairy dogs and 3 slithery snakes... maybe that will keep the in laws in the in-law section! Course then again & maybe not....

 

[Grants Mom]

My inlaws gave us some land so we were going to build next to them. Well we decided on a modular home. Well FIL & MIL decided that me and DH are stupid and that we were actually getting a trailer.(were not) We had decided on a certain house and they went to the place that were buying from, and started questioning the people there and argueing with them. Well of course, I am embarassed that they did that, this is a small company and they told them who they were and we have decided not to live by them anymore. And heres the kicker, they dont understand why we are mad, like its "Normal" for people to do this. They called and told me they went to look at it and told me what happened. So its not like im getting the story second hand. I am so upset right now I could cry. I feel like I am back in highschool and being "checked up" on.

I totally feel for you. When hubby and I got married 7 years ago, we too were looking for a house. MIL stepped right in to "help". Every house we found, there was something wrong with it......every house she found was perfect. Then to top it, we did the big mistake and used her aunt as our agent! DON"T EVER DO THAT!!! The day before we were to sign the papers on a house, that I am not sure she was happy with, her aunt called to see if hubby (fiance at the time) was home. Needed to get some last minute things done before we signed the next morning. Needless to say, she did not say "no he is not here, but here is his cell phone number, or Molly's work number. NOPE! She went and took care of getting insurance on OUR house with out us. Then dropped things off at the realitors when she was done. While she was there - this is when I got mad at the agent - she sat down and asked the agent (her aunt) how much he finaced, what the interest rate was, how much our monthly payment was, and so on! THEN, she called ME at work to tell me all this. When it was all done and over with, they did not help us one bit move into the house, and I had to say I was sorry for getting mad. Poor Hubby! He was caught right in the middle. He knew mom was wrong and I had the right to be mad, but he did not know how to say it without making things worse. I am still MAD about that and it has been the start of many things since we got married. SHould have know right then and there what I was getting into!

I am glad, in a way that I am NOT the only person out there with Crappy IN laws, but I am sorry this has happened to you. Hope everything works out! Good luck!

 

[NikiM20]

OMG, you SO did the right thing here.... what does your DH say?

About us, maybe I will take the above thought & get 3 hairy dogs and 3 slithery snakes... maybe that will keep the in laws in the in-law section! Course then again & maybe not....

DH agrees with me that his parents are
And obviously we are for even thinking about moving there
But we do have 6 hairy dogs here and that doesnt seem to help

 

[mickeysgal]

Well I told them and of course its MY fault because I am "insecure" and they were just trying to help. You cant win with these people I got the whole We didnt find it strange blah blah blah speach and how they went and looked the house that his brother and wife bought. But I brought up the fact that they asked them to go look at it..we didn't. I told them we felt like they were butting into our business and they were questioning our decisions. To which they replied how the fact that they gave us the land meant that they wanted us to live there blah blah blah. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH can you divorce your inlaws? I want to keep DH but gid rid of them

Wow thats a hard thing to do alone. Good for you for being clear with your reasons.

In a way, its a good thing this all happened now rather than later. At least you found out how they react to things concerning you and DH and that this gift definitely came with strings.

Good luck to you!

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

The best advice I ever received was to let my husband deal with his family, and I will deal with my own.. Can you let your husband "deal" with this when issues arrise? If they come to you, nip it in the bud. Tell them if they have a problem they need to talk with DH about it.

My MIL has tried to guilt-trip us into inviting some of her family members to my baby shower, fully knowing DH is NOT ok with it. Finally, DH said no (even after I talked to him) and I simply e-mailed her to give her a heads up that invites were going out, he did not want them to be invited, and if she or SIL had a problem, please talk to DH. I do feel bad he doesn't want to invite SOME of them, but I don't know. I didn't want her to be upset/shocked when they were not invited.