In a quandry

[2Kds2K9]

Need a bit of advice or a confirmation here.

A little background. My DD and "Susie" were best friends in elementary school and I am good friends with her mom. DD and Susie have grown apart since junior high, but mom and I still get together every once in a while.

DD told me last night that she thought Susie was a (insert bad name here. Rhymes with shore) I dropped my jaw and told her never to call anyone that and then asked why she thought that. She told me that Susie was no longer a virgin. When I asked how she thought she knew this, and she stated that Susie was going around saying so. I had a long discussion with DD about not referring to people using that word and that some girls feel the need to boast or lie about these things and she was to not say another word about it and to not spread any rumors.

Now for my quandry. Do I talk to my friend about this? I know that she would want to know what is going on with her DD. I certainly would. Do I call her or meet her for lunch? I know that she has her DD on a "tight leash", so I'm wonder how Susie was able to accomplish this, if it's true.

How do I open the discussion without either one of us losing our lunch, if you know what I mean.

Or do I just not say anything and go under the premise that Susie is just all talk?

What to do, what to do? ARGH.

 

[powellrj]

I would mind my own business.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

I would also mind my own business. Maybe it's a rumor and then that wouldn't sit well with you and your friend. Somehow if it is true, the mom will eventually find out.

 

[indimom]

I'd avoid this like the plague. I only see a bad ending if you talk to her about it.

 

[tink20]

Need a bit of advice or a confirmation here.

A little background. My DD and "Susie" were best friends in elementary school and I am good friends with her mom. DD and Susie have grown apart since junior high, but mom and I still get together every once in a while.

DD told me last night that she thought Susie was a (insert bad name here. Rhymes with shore) I dropped my jaw and told her never to call anyone that and then asked why she thought that. She told me that Susie was no longer a virgin. When I asked how she thought she knew this, and she stated that Susie was going around saying so. I had a long discussion with DD about not referring to people using that word and that some girls feel the need to boast or lie about these things and she was to not say another word about it and to not spread any rumors.

Now for my quandry. Do I talk to my friend about this? I know that she would want to know what is going on with her DD. I certainly would. Do I call her or meet her for lunch? I know that she has her DD on a "tight leash", so I'm wonder how Susie was able to accomplish this, if it's true.

How do I open the discussion without either one of us losing our lunch, if you know what I mean.

Or do I just not say anything and go under the premise that Susie is just all talk?

What to do, what to do? ARGH.

Maybe the next time you two get together, just ask how are things going with Susie. I wouldn't tell her what you DD said. If your DD says anything, that may seem like Susie is in some kind of trouble, then maybe talk to her mom, otherwise, hold off on talking with her about this.

 

[rie'smom]

Mind your business and tell your daughter that the fact that Susie is not a virgin does not make her a bad person. Nobody knows what is going on in the girl's life.

 

[MELSMICE]

I would not say anything at all. Even if it comes straight from someone's mouth, you never know how much is truth & how much is fabricated.

 

[horseshowmom]

OP, I see that you are genuinely concerned for your friend and her daughter, but I'm afraid I have to agree with the others. I don't think there's anything you can really do about it. This is just one of those things that could quickly fall under "no good deed goes unpunished", I'm afraid.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I'd avoid this like the plague. I only see a bad ending if you talk to her about it.

ditto.

 

[epcotprincess]

This will undoubtedly wind up as a shoot-the-messenger situation, and either you or your daughter will be in a mess over this.

If you told her, there's a good chance she'd ask her daughter. If her daughter says, "where did you hear that?" she would either find out or just know it was from you. It might cause your daughter a heap of problems with the girl, and we all know girls tend to "rally the troops" and get each other to take sides.

I would let it go and not say anything because you personally didn't see it and you really have no idea if it's true or not. I know you are worried for your friend and her daughter, but it's not worth potentially causing huge problems for your dd by telling or asking.

Sometimes it's really hard to know what the right thing to do is-- it's hard to be a girl!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

MYOB! Let's just say that the girl isn't a virgin anymore. Then what? Telling her Mom isn't going to change that and you have no idea if the Mom even knows already. I also think that kids make stuff up and maybe it isn't even true. I am glad you talked to your dd though about the name calling. Hopefully if the girl is engaging in sexual relations she is protecting herself. I don't think it is your place to say anything unless the child was in danger imo.

 

[hereyago]

Need a bit of advice or a confirmation here.

A little background. My DD and "Susie" were best friends in elementary school and I am good friends with her mom. DD and Susie have grown apart since junior high, but mom and I still get together every once in a while.

DD told me last night that she thought Susie was a (insert bad name here. Rhymes with shore) I dropped my jaw and told her never to call anyone that and then asked why she thought that. She told me that Susie was no longer a virgin. When I asked how she thought she knew this, and she stated that Susie was going around saying so. I had a long discussion with DD about not referring to people using that word and that some girls feel the need to boast or lie about these things and she was to not say another word about it and to not spread any rumors.

Now for my quandry. Do I talk to my friend about this? I know that she would want to know what is going on with her DD. I certainly would. Do I call her or meet her for lunch? I know that she has her DD on a "tight leash", so I'm wonder how Susie was able to accomplish this, if it's true.

How do I open the discussion without either one of us losing our lunch, if you know what I mean.

Or do I just not say anything and go under the premise that Susie is just all talk?

What to do, what to do? ARGH.

Ok, is your DD and Susie in high school now? How does she equate with someone being a rhymes with snore because she is no longer a virgin? Oops not a virgin anymore, must be a blank? Also, no don't discuss it with the mom,it's not your story to tell. as for the "tight leash" I love when parents think they have such a tight reign, it is laughable.

My friend in high school, strict parents thought I was awful because I had a boyfriend at 17, well my butt never ended knocked up, having sex essentialy on the side road when my parents thought i had to work late at work at night. or climbing outside the window at night.These tight reigned parents to this day over 20 years never knew she was pregnant and had an abortion.

 

[Wall-E1]

It's the plot to Easy A. Susie is just spreading this rumor to give her gay friend street cred. What a lovely and generous thing to do.

 

[clh2]

DH and watched EASY A last night, it was on our Netflix cue.

Puts a whole different perspective on how fast rumors fly.

I am definitely in the MYOB camp. If you do feel the need for mentioning something - I would only take it as far as "I hear Susie had a boyfriend. I hope I don't have to handle any of boyfriend drama for a long time, that is why my DD can't date until she is older than 30."

Keeping it light, and humorous is maybe the way to go - dropping a hint to the other mom, yet not really offering any details. Yet - it gives the mom a hint that maybe she should be talking to her daughter.

Personally, my experience has been that the shorter the leash, the more the parents should be worried. The short-leash kids I know are very creative in how they handle life. Plus - the shorter the leash, the less detail the kids give. It's almost like the kids have a secret life that the parents have no clue. OOPS - I digressed a little.

 

[LuvLDM]

Myob

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not say a darn thing. It is a good policy of life to avoid "Mean Girl gossip" like the plague.

Even if it is true, it is something you should not talk about unless you had 100% proof as in Susie told you herself to your face.

 

[snykymom]

Are you the type of parent who's cued into the local grapevine? I'm not, but I have friends who know everything that goes on in this town. If you are, too, then you could approach it as, "I heard a rumor the other day . . . " next time you see Susie's mom.

If you're not part of the local gossip scene, though, then say nothing.

 

[Hannathy]

I'd avoid this like the plague. I only see a bad ending if you talk to her about it.

I agree! Gee how many friendships can we end with one lunch? Let alone stop any further talking to you from your DD. Telling a Mom something like this that you learned from your DD will mean you will hear NOTHING from your DD ever again along these lines.

My communication and trust with my own DD is more valuable to me than telling something that may or may not be true to a friend. Let her talk to her own DD.

 

[hereyago]

My communication and trust with my own DD is more valuable to me than telling something that may or may not be true to a friend. Let her talk to her own DD.

exactly.

 

[hereyago]

Rumors are funny, because the one's who spread and believe them will have it come back to them.. and then they don't think it's funny.

In high school: I was 17, still innocent. So I am in a guy's car, we are in his car at a stop light. I mean I am strapped into the seat belt, arms length away from him. nothing going on in this car. the next monday, this girl told people she saw me at this stoplight and she was SURE we were having sex.

I was and am pretty easy going person, but we had to have a Come to Jesus discussion in the cafeteria. well back then it was called something else. lol