I'm trying so hard not to be "that" parent. Frustrated.

Joined
Oct 23, 2015
They make notebooks for lefthanders now that are bound on opposite side! Still doesn’t help with the hand smearing the ink or pencil, but at least the spiral bound marks are gone :D Except my mom of course, who literally writes upside down - her hand never touches the paper.
I wonder if that was around when I was a kid. Would have liked that.
 

pweyl36

<font color=green>Now if I can only get them into
Joined
Feb 4, 2005
It's a private school, they are VERY strict on the uniform. I'm just picturing her having them hold up their pants legs so she can check their socks. Seemed like a waste of time to me. Both socks met the official requirements, I thought we'd skate by since he was wearing long pants.





You're right, I should probably phrase it differently.
That explains it private school. they will not test or give him help if he has a learning problem, all they want is the money.
Maybe public school would be better for him. They would first find out what is going on with him and his learning.
 

abdmom

DIS Veteran
Joined
Apr 6, 2008
No, but I probably do need to do so. We may look into that this summer. We'll have to pay for it out of pocket, I'm not going to let the school system do it, they completely missed my older son, we had to go private to get his issues diagnosed (mildly autistic with processing issues). Plus, while our public schools are great, like most other schools they have limited resources and it's like pulling teeth to get any assistance for a child that isn't failing.
Is it possible that this son may be mildly autistic and/or have processing issues as well? I would recommend not waiting until the summer and having him evaluated now.

It has to be so frustrating for him to have been held back and be threatened to be held back again. He needs a situation where he can feel successful and it sounds like his current situation isn't it.
 
  • Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    No, he writes right handed, he just does everything else left-handed. No idea what's up with that.
    I'm like that for being left-handed.

    I write left-handed but scissor right-handed, bowl right-handed, a computer mouse is right-handed, throwing balls depends on how it 'feels' and mini-golf is the same in how it 'feels', etc.

    It's all in how the mind works lol. Scissor-ing left-handed feels very wrong but writing right-handed feels very wrong, etc
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    Is it possible that this son may be mildly autistic and/or have processing issues as well? I would recommend not waiting until the summer and having him evaluated now.

    It has to be so frustrating for him to have been held back and be threatened to be held back again. He needs a situation where he can feel successful and it sounds like his current situation isn't it.
    I agree with that but at the same time you wouldn't want to put a child in a situation in schooling where they could just fall more and more behind their counterparts because they are pushed through the grades.

    Holding back 2 years in a row may not be the full solution though, would agree being evaluated could certaintly help to determine if it's an issue where more one-on-one learning best suites the child due to a disability rather than the child is just behind.
     

    DLgal

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 12, 2013
    After reading all the responses to this thread, here is my advice.

    That private school isn't a good fit. It is TOO small, too restrictive, and there seems to be very few teachers with such small class sizes. If the teacher here doesn't think your child is ready to move up to 3rd grade because of his behavior, SHE is not using effective teaching strategies for him, likely because she doesn't know what to do. With no other options for switching him to a different classroom, you have hit a roadblock.

    Do you have more than one public elementary school? If so, I would recommend going back public, ask for a FULL eevaluation for special education covering ALL areas (academic, psychological, occupational, speech/language, etc). If your child is found eligible for an IEP, he can go to ANY public school in the district and they have to provide door to door bus transportation. Many people don't know this is an option. It is federal law. Find the school that has the best program for what your child needs addressed (whether that ends up being a behavioral issue or a specific learning disability. By the way, it is ILLEGAL for a public school to suggest that a child be medicated. You could have reported that to the school district superintendent or the state education department. However, if the staff felt that his behavior was THAT bad, then there is likely a reason for it beyond "he doesn't like the teacher."

    It sound like he needs more support, and a teacher that is well versed in educating children with special needs. For that, your best option will be public school.

    FWIW, I have a son with autism who is now in 9th grade. In 6th, he was labeled "emotionally disturbed " due to frequent outbursts and crying, and "defiance and non compliance." This kid is an absolutely wonderful child at home, has never defied me or become angry with anyone at home, ever. He suffers from anxiety though, made worse by the classroom placement he had in 6th grade. That label, I didn't agree with. They created a behavior plan for him and everything. The "behavior" continued until this year, when it stopped as quickly as it started. You know what changed? The environment and teachers, because he started HS and has a set of teachers FAR better trained/equipped to handle his issues. His HS has a better program than the middle school did. He is not attending our home school, but I requested placement at the one he is attending based on stories I had heard from other parents. He had his recent triennial evaluation and the psychologist removed the ED label and said she doesn't believe it was ever actually deserved. My younger son started middle school this year and has similar challenges. I proactively requested placement at another middle school that has a better program for what he needs (he needs a small class as well, with more individual academic support, so he is in the self contained autism class for moderate to severe kids). Inclusion/mainstreaming with support was a failure for him. He is thriving there. Had I sent him to the same middle school my oldest went to, I have no doubt we would be seeing "behavioral issues."

    Your kid will let you know when he isn't in the right environment. The challenge is figuring out where he will thrive.
     
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    jaybirdsmommy

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 27, 2008
    Is it possible that this son may be mildly autistic and/or have processing issues as well? I would recommend not waiting until the summer and having him evaluated now.

    It has to be so frustrating for him to have been held back and be threatened to be held back again. He needs a situation where he can feel successful and it sounds like his current situation isn't it.
    I called today to make an appointment with a local psychology clinic that does evaluations. I haven't heard back yet, based on our experience with the older son, it'll take a couple of months to get him in. I'm going to have it done privately, as I said, the school district told me for years that older DS was fine when we knew he wasn't. They simply don't have the resources to spend on a child that isn't in danger of failing and kids with A's and B's aren't considered failing.

    Just to be clear, his first year of first grade was in public school. The public school was going to send him to second grade even though he was reading on pre-K level (in other words, he couldn't). He could, however, blow the Dibels assessment out of the water, so they considered him good to go. When he was evaluated by this school for second grade, he did not meet their placement criteria. The principal said that we could go ahead and work with him over the summer and put him in second if we insisted but that he would be the weakest child in the class academically. If we put him back in first grade, he would probably be one of the stronger students provided we got his reading up over the summer (which we did). Based on the fact that his self esteem was in the trash can at this point and he absolutely hated school ( I spent the last 2 months of first grade at public having to have the pe coach pull him kicking and screaming from the car each morning yelling "please don't make me go."), we decided to go with the second option and give him a chance to be the smart kid. I have NO doubts that holding him back for first grade was the right choice and would absolutely do it again. I'm just questioning the teachers assessment that he's going to struggle in third.
     
  • DLgal

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 12, 2013
    I called today to make an appointment with a local psychology clinic that does evaluations. I haven't heard back yet, based on our experience with the older son, it'll take a couple of months to get him in. I'm going to have it done privately, as I said, the school district told me for years that older DS was fine when we knew he wasn't. They simply don't have the resources to spend on a child that isn't in danger of failing and kids with A's and B's aren't considered failing.

    Just to be clear, his first year of first grade was in public school. The public school was going to send him to second grade even though he was reading on pre-K level (in other words, he couldn't). He could, however, blow the Dibels assessment out of the water, so they considered him good to go. When he was evaluated by this school for second grade, he did not meet their placement criteria. The principal said that we could go ahead and work with him over the summer and put him in second if we insisted but that he would be the weakest child in the class academically. If we put him back in first grade, he would probably be one of the stronger students provided we got his reading up over the summer (which we did). Based on the fact that his self esteem was in the trash can at this point and he absolutely hated school ( I spent the last 2 months of first grade at public having to have the pe coach pull him kicking and screaming from the car each morning yelling "please don't make me go."), we decided to go with the second option and give him a chance to be the smart kid. I have NO doubts that holding him back for first grade was the right choice and would absolutely do it again. I'm just questioning the teachers assessment that he's going to struggle in third.
    Have him evaluated privately, but also have him evaluated at the public school and request that a DIFFERENT TEAM perform the evaluation. You have that right. A kid doesn't need to be failing, in terms of letter grades, to be eligible for special education OR an evaluation. If there are ANY types of academic or behavioral concerns, which seem to be already well established, then there is enough to justify an evaluation. As a parent, federal law gives YOU the right to demand an evaluation. The district doesn't get to say they don't want to do one. My oldest son has always been a straight A student, but has been receiving special education services since preschool. Grades are not the only thing to go on.

    My suspicion is this kid is also autistic. It's a highly genetic condition. Both my kids are autistic. If your older child is diagnosed, this one has a high likelihood of also being diagnosed. Autism has many faces, and many presentations. My 2 boys could not be more different, in every way, but they share that diagnosis.
     

    jaybirdsmommy

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 27, 2008
    Have him evaluated privately, but also have him evaluated at the public school and request that a DIFFERENT TEAM perform the evaluation. You have that right. A kid doesn't need to be failing, in terms of letter grades, to be eligible for special education OR an evaluation. If there are ANY types of academic or behavioral concerns, which seem to be already well established, then there is enough to justify an evaluation. As a parent, federal law gives YOU the right to demand an evaluation. The district doesn't get to say they don't want to do one. My oldest son has always been a straight A student, but has been receiving special education services since preschool. Grades are not the only thing to go on.

    My suspicion is this kid is also autistic. It's a highly genetic condition. Both my kids are autistic. If your older child is diagnosed, this one has a high likelihood of also being diagnosed. Autism has many faces, and many presentations. My 2 boys could not be more different, in every way, but they share that diagnosis.
    Like I said, it's quite possible. I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, as is my brother (no doubt about it with him), father, grandfather, probably my husband, and definitely older DS. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the younger one is. No big deal, we embrace the quirky in our family.
     

    omniscientmommy

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Mar 12, 2018
    We had big issues personally with a private school. We found out that the teacher was 'shaming' ds(now 7) while he was in K5 in front of other students. Like he wasn't 'up to their standards'. We were paying a small fortune to the school and when we tried to address the issue with the principal I was 'dismissed' like it was a non issue. Honestly some private schools just don't give a f**k. We pulled him out of school and moved to the best public school district and called it good. My son is now super happy and doing better. He still requires help with reading/writing but honestly I think that's some left over fear from the previous school. Anyways glad you have an appointment scheduled for a doctor to see if there's something more and I hope that the teacher continues to talk w/ you and not leave notes where your son can see them.
     

    jaybirdsmommy

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 27, 2008
    We had big issues personally with a private school. We found out that the teacher was 'shaming' ds(now 7) while he was in K5 in front of other students. Like he wasn't 'up to their standards'. We were paying a small fortune to the school and when we tried to address the issue with the principal I was 'dismissed' like it was a non issue. Honestly some private schools just don't give a f**k. We pulled him out of school and moved to the best public school district and called it good. My son is now super happy and doing better. He still requires help with reading/writing but honestly I think that's some left over fear from the previous school. Anyways glad you have an appointment scheduled for a doctor to see if there's something more and I hope that the teacher continues to talk w/ you and not leave notes where your son can see them.
    That's awful. I had a teacher do that to me in first grade years ago (think 1976, also private school) and I remember the feeling. There are definitely some schools that are better than others. Sounds like that one was terrible. I'm glad he's doing well now.
     
  • Wishing on a star

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 7, 2002
    This, IMHO, does not seem to be psychological issues.
    You are looking for developmental and neurologic deficits (learning disabilities)
    You need a good eval from a good pediatric developmental specialist/neurologist.

    I do wish you well in finding a good specialist!!!!

    And, let me say that I know how hard this can be!!!!
     
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    Wishing on a star

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 7, 2002
    Wow...
    'shaming'!!!!
    This is almost exactly what we experienced with DS in that very small private school.
    They had their own 'standards' and clique of families and students. And, very narrow 'expectations'.

    When I finally went in for a meeting with the teacher and the Director present...
    The teacher who had just gone on about their/her 'nice' kids who couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong.... Actually, right there, to my face, with the Director there, said (about an incident that I knew about and fully understood but that she clearly did not.) she said how my DS was "just weird". Like he was acting 'so-called' paraoid when he kind of mentioned putting his drink in the fridge (which they did not usually do) and 'it would be safe there...." Which was actually because the kids had been taking the drink he brought with his lunch.

    OMG... my jaw just dropped... I just looked back up, and talking about the drinks, I said... "That is exactly what had been happening....."

    It was at that point, the meeting and discussion was over, I walked out and just kept walking, waved DS over and said "Son, hop on in the car...."
     

    luvsJack

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 3, 2007
    Like I said, it's quite possible. I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, as is my brother (no doubt about it with him), father, grandfather, probably my husband, and definitely older DS. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the younger one is. No big deal, we embrace the quirky in our family.
    My great nephew was just diagnosed with autism after MUCH misdiagnosing and much heartache from this sweet kid. He is finally doing well.

    The problems they were dealing with were anger issues, illegible handwriting (still illegible, but now they know why), very OCD about rules and some others. The biggest was his anger issues. He got thrown out of his first private school due to it. The next one just wasn't a good fit for him. Finally, they diagnosed his dyslexia and ADHD and he went to a school that specializes in those issues. I am not sure what happened but for some reason my niece decided to try and new doctor. They did, he was re-evaluated and Autism was the answer. He is also dyslexic. The private school he was in couldn't provide for an autistic child. She now has him in public school and he is doing great. They know how to handle his anger, he types his notes that he needs to study and the school is stepping up and getting him involved in things. He is the Basketball manager and loving it.

    Its so hard with kids. Seems like 10 kids can have the exact same symptoms and yet have 10 different things. Parenting really, really needs a direction book.

    Hugs to you OP and your son, hope you find the answers you both need.
     

    barkley

    DIS Veteran<br><font color=orange>If I ever have a
    Joined
    Apr 6, 2004
    just want to say that my son was in the identical situation. we chose to use the laws on special ed evaluations to our advantage by calling the local public school just about this time in the school year many years ago. we indicated we were going to enroll our son for the following fall and were making a formal request for evaluation under 504/iep. at the same time we scheduled our own private assessments and evaluations. we had'nt decided if ds was going to stay in the private or go to public at that point-we just wanted to see what someone outside the private school evaluated ds as (vs. 'bright but unmotivated, completely capable but lazy/defiant'-these were all in the same areas the op's son struggles with, and in particular w/handwriting and reading).

    public schools are on a time clock from the moment a formal request is made. sometimes asking for something around this time of year works to your advantage b/c they don't want to risk delaying and pushing into summer break. public school's got done in record time, and when we got theirs and it didn't agree w/ours (autism/small motor issues/processing issues...) it set the stage to be able to bring in OUR testing results and set up a program that made all the difference in the world for our son. with the right minor accommodations in place my son excelled. he caught up YEARS of reading deficits within the first semester (and it became easier so he was more willing and it no longer was a battle), his stress level greatly decreased so while he never became a huge fan of school it was no longer something he dreaded and demoralized him. he's in a college program right now for adults on the spectrum-the college recognizes these folks learn differently and minor tweaks to traditional methods make all the difference.

    i taught private school, my kids went to private school. there are good and bad-some will work w/kids that have special needs, others just want to make it difficult on the kid/parent so that they dis enroll and the school keeps their publicized 'us vs. the public schools' test results higher. when i taught i was one of the few in that system that actually held a teaching degree and credential so for some teachers it wasn't unwillingness to help/change-they honestly had no clue, had never taken a college teaching course in their life (were promoted up for years of service to daycare/church that ran schools, or worked in private schools that only cared about being able to say all their teachers 'hold degrees'-yeah, high school science teacher holds a degree in cosmotology, a/p math teacher holds a degree in phys ed, i/t teacher holds a religious studies degree...).


    do what's best for your ds-the right instruction methods can make a world of difference for him (and you). best of luck.
     

    PollyannaMom

    I was a click-clack champ!!
    Joined
    May 16, 2006
    No, he writes right handed, he just does everything else left-handed. No idea what's up with that.
    Some people really are ambidextrous. My brother writes left-handed, plays guitar right-handed, and could bat either way in Little League (drove the pitchers nuts. :teeth:) It's especially likely if you feel he isn't "left-brained" or "right-brained", but a good mix of both sets of traits.

    That said, it could be the case that he's really left-handed, and someone at school "steered" him to writing right-handed. They may have had good intentions - not wanting him to endure painful spirals, etc. But it also might have been that they just didn't quite know how to explain how to do things left-handed. (Or, alternately, he could just be copying how right-handed friends do things!)

    I have NO doubts that holding him back for first grade was the right choice and would absolutely do it again. I'm just questioning the teachers assessment that he's going to struggle in third.
    I agree and would not have him repeat 2nd with the same teacher he has conflicts with this year. I really expect he needs a fresh start. (And I get the importance of the small class size.)
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    That said, it could be the case that he's really left-handed, and someone at school "steered" him to writing right-handed. They may have had good intentions - not wanting him to endure painful spirals, etc.
    Funny you mention that. I went to a Catholic day-care center when I was fairly young. Appearently they tried to make me be right-handed. Everytime I had the crayon in my left hand they would tell me I was doing it wrong and put it in my right hand. They told my mom about it and she was like "she's left-handed let her be that way"..I was pulled out by my mom from that daycare center not too too long after that.

    I forgot the desk situation as you age. Very hard to find a left-handed desk. The new high school that was built near my house has really gone away from actual desks like what we think of-they are just tables that can be moved around for the most part. That likely helps with that part.
     

    Cannot_Wait_4Disney

    Ok all you A cattle, get in ...
    Joined
    May 18, 2005
    No. It is designed to be practical. Pretty is not it's purpose. While I agree, learning to write in cursive is like having to learn to read and write hieroglyphics (a dead language), the very reason cursive writing was designed was for practicality and to save time and effort while writing. It allows words to be written without having to lift the utensil off the page, thus saving time and effort.
    Those that say it is faster haven't thought it all the way through. Lifting the pen off the paper to move to the next letter doesn't take any more time than leaving the pen down. Your hand has to move anyway whether that transition is pen down or pen up. Further, the resistance of air to your movement is less than the resistance of paper to your pen. So it saves at best virtually nothing and at worst costs you. And for saving virtually nothing, the trade off is all those extra fancy loops cost a lot more time. It isn't faster at all That is a myth.
     

    DLgal

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 12, 2013
    Also, forgot to add, if the public school finds him eligible for services and you are unhappy with the placement, you can fight it. If you can prove or successfully argue that he needs a type of school or placement that the district doesn't offer and a private school does, they have to pay for the private school. Hire a special needs advocate/attorney to help you with this. Those private schools out of reach financially may be options if they can provide a better learning environment for your child.
     

    DLgal

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 12, 2013
    Like I said, it's quite possible. I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, as is my brother (no doubt about it with him), father, grandfather, probably my husband, and definitely older DS. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the younger one is. No big deal, we embrace the quirky in our family.
    LOL...yeah, similar story in my family. My dad is definitely autistic, I have several traits, as does my husband. We embrace the quirky as well. We are all weird in this house.
     



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