I'm trying not to over react!!(long vent need help)UPDATE PG 3

[Boots]

Can't add anymore to what has already been said, just sending you a {{{HUG}}}.

 

[SuiteDisney]

Why does everyone say that this guy should be reported to the church authorities? What do you expect the church to do?

This creep should be reported to the police.

 

[robinb]

I guess I would talk to your priest/pastor first. This happened on church grounds and they need to know. Secondly, s/he will be able to work out what other steps you should take. If you feel that s/he will protect him because he's "big" in the church, then that church may not be the right one for you . Maybe a meeting with you, your DH, the priest/pastor and the father would work. That way he'll be called on the carpet in front of an authority figure that he respects. At that meeting, I would make it clear that if he lays a hand on your child again you will get the police involved.

Then again, you can just go over and kick his All Star Sports . j/k .

 

[lulugirl]

Originally posted by ***********
Why does everyone say that this guy should be reported to the church authorities? What do you expect the church to do?

This creep should be reported to the police.

-because it happened on church property, and because her son will have to see this bully at church every week. you're right, he should be reported to the police as well...

 

[DVC-Don]

I'd take my son direct to the PD FIRST! Then call the church and give them a heads up. What a jerk.

 

[kejoda]

Please do not go anywhere near this man. If he doesn't have a problem assulting a child he certainly isn't going to have one with an adult. Your wiseest move would be to call the cops and then the church. Good luck let us know what happens.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

thanks for all the advice. My husband (who doesn't go to church with us ) is SOOO mad. He wants us to stop going there, its not the churchs fault this guy is a bafoon. I was leaning towards talking to the church (also partly because I believe that the pastor would have a"duty to act" if he even THINKS it was abusive or assualt) this guy teaches a class of young boys...NOT MY SON ANYMORE!!! Thats why I think the church should know about it. Just wasn't sure if it would be overreacting or not. Another thing...CJ has NEVER given me a reason to doubt his word on anything. I know that at some point in his young life he probably will "test" the waters between truthfullness and lies but so far he hasn't. He's also a straight A student which I think also speaks to his character. I'm worried no one will do anything because its a "his word against his word " kind of thing and sadly grown ups tend to believe other grown ups before kids (or that the kid "blew it out of proportion...or didnt understand the intent) EXCUSE ME!! THe only intent this guy had was to bully my son!!! I have to see him tonight at a school Christmas program and I'm so afraid I will lose my cool!!!

 

[Rajah]

If anything, you're being more calm about it than I would be. You are *not* blowing this out of proportion or overreacting! This guy *must* be dealt with -- but I agree with the others who have said *don't* confront him alone. Have your DH and/or pastor there with you at all times.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

Another comment my husband made in regards to the police (and has me wondering )since no "marks" were left if the cops would/could do anything about it. Seems like they should realize theres lots of ways to harm a child and not leave any "evidence".

 

[Disney Debbie]

I wouldn't go to the police THIS time - but I'd sure as heck talk to the guy and the pastor. And as far as anyone "believing" ya'll or not - it doesn't matter. The man KNOWS what he did and so does your son. I would imagine that calling this bully on his behavior will probably be enough as far as solving the problem with YOUR son. Making your pastor aware of it will leave a record of it with someone else in case something like this happens again with another child. Your child needs to know that you believe him and that you're willing to go out on a limb to protect him.

 

[marlasmom]

I think Disney Debbie is right on.

 

[Nagle]

Skip talking to him and go directly to the police. His reaction was completely unacceptable. If the same thing happened between 2 twelve year old kids at school, it would be dealt with wouldn't it? Why should this moron get a free ride. NO ONE has the right to do that to someone else's child. NO ONE!

 

[Boo'sMom]

Oh God...I'm going to open my mouth here....and I'm sure I will get flamed for it......but....I totally agree with Laura (***********)....go to the police. Why should this guy get a second chance.....as for the church doing anything....well...I won't even address that one
I can appreciate everyone's concern that something should be done, but the comments "This time" you should speak to him...and "if he ever touches you DS again"....sorry, you don't get a second chance with my kids....one strike and you're out....

Of course, that could just be my mother bear instinct kicking in.
I wish you luck and strength as you go through this difficult time.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Since this happened at church I think the logical thing to do is talk to the pastor and have him arrange a meeting with the offending dad and yourself. The pastor can act as a sort of mediator. I would hate to see law enforcement called into this since you will continue to see him in church.

TC

 

[tedsmom]

I'd probably call the police and ask them what to do in this situation. Explain what happened, and see what they recommend. I would also call the church authorities and tell them, and then prepare yourself to find another church, because you guys are going to be the ones who get blackballed. Quite frankly, however, if the church authorities don't take you seriously, why would you want to go to that church?

At least if there's documentation of the incident, two years down the line when this guy loses his cool and goes overboard with a kid, no one from the church can say "Gee, it came out of the blue". Anything you do, do it in writing.

 

[annemariec]

I don't think you are overreacting at all!

This happened at church! Of all places!! (Shaking head... He teaches a class to little boys?!?)

Makes you wonder if this guy has intimidated other little boys (possibly cases not reported) when no one was around. If he felt so comfortable laying hands on your son there's no telling. I think it is important to have the event documented.

You have a lot of good advice here. I wish you well on this. Please keep us posted.

Annemarie

 

[shortbun]

I and DH would definitely approach an individual
who physically threatened our child. We'd make it
known to more than enough folks that if this man
ever touched another child like that, he'd have
a repuatation for it. I'd tell the guy I was considering
pressing charges and talk to the police about just
what I needed to do to press charges in case
his "Santini-esque" behavior continues. What a creep!
How dare he!!!! It makes NO difference what he thinks
your DS did-if he thought there was a crime, he needed
to report it either to you or someone else in charge at
the church to be handled. Take care of this NOW and
let your DS know you've done it or he'll be afraid of this
guy forever.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I agree with TedsMom ... when this guy does something again to someone (and he will), there needs to be a documented report of the "first" offense.

Also, notify the church officials in writing and then find another church.

Nothing may come of this for you, but it will set up documentation for when he does something again!!!

Good luck!!

p.s. Are you sure this is his "first" offense? ... maybe the police have a previous report on him.

 

[damo]

This may definately not be his first offense. Was a police check provided for this man to volunteer with a group of young children?
If you don't report this and something else happens to another young child, you will never forgive yourselves.

If this happened to be a coach of an amateur sport, he would be removed from his position. Why should it be any different just because it is happening at chuch? Those things are kept silent way too often.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

The more I thought about this yesturday and the more of you that gave me support and encourgement I knew I had to go to someone and report this. I started called my best friend for one more shot of support and she had me go over what I was going to say (so I could be prepared and not so "angry" sounding. We were talking about the chain of events and when I came to the part where DS says Mr Xs face was beet red, my friend simply says "theres no doubt in my mind now that CJ is telling the truth" (my friend is the family MR X lived with along with his family while MR X was having a home built, they lived there for about a month and a half) She said "MR X turns bright red when he's pissed off and CJ would have no way of knowing that unless this had really happend" I then went to the church and talked to our childrens ministers, they looked so crestfallen and sad. I was told that they were taking the matter to the senior pastor and that they would proceed from there with who else needed to be contacted. I than went off to DD Christmas program where I knew MR X was going to be. While I was talking to another mom MR X came up behind me and gave my shoulder a squeeze and said hi. I turned on him and said " DONT EVER TOUCH ME OR ANYONE IN MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN!" He actually looked shocked and muttered something that I didn't hear cause I was so ticked and I added "You KNOW I'm SERIOUS and you KNOW WHY!!!"
I didn't want to say anymore cause I didn't want to "tip my hand" that I had filed a complaint cause I didn't want to give him a chance to "practice' his defense. I did hear his wife ask "what was that about?" and noticed that he was sitting looking like he had been busted. I'll keep you posted to how things develop over the next few days. THanks again for the support!