I'm the meanest, evilist Mom around (Long)

[Dopey Sharon]

I haven't read all the replies yet, but, from the way she is acting about the old one, it wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't more to the story than what you got.

I have two kids, a DD25 and a DS23. I have found out, after a few years down the road, things that had happened that didn't happen the way I was told!

I wouldn't let her have it. I would give it back to you ex and tell him to give it to her for Christmas or take it back.


ETA...I just read the other replies. You did the right thing. Sooner or later you will find out what really happened to the game.

Hang tough!

 

[wilderness01]

You did the right thing. I am a mean mom too! It sounds like maybe she "lost it", "broke it" or "gave it away" on purpose so she could get a new one. After she fesses up, maybe, just maybe, I would consider letting her put it on her list for Santa. If she never fesses up, she would never have one again. Kuddos to you for being her "mom" and not her "friend".

 

[barkley]

good for you op

i'm "the meanest mom" because dd kept begging to use my digital camera on our vacations and longed to get one of her own. i got her one for christmas and explained it was not a toy nor would i permit her to regard it as one-she would use it properly and only under specific circumstances. she has been realy upset when i would'nt let her take it to school for sports days and on field trips, but i've pointed out that we have disposables for those days, and taking the item is just asking for someone to pressure her into letting them "take just one picture" wherein if it was dropped the camera would be "toast".

i don't usualy put "strings" on gifts, but this was an unusual gift by our standards and i wanted her to appreciate the value.

thing is, i think it's sinking in-she's seen some other kids bring costly items to school and they've been damaged or destroyed due to negligence or just plain stupidity and on occasion she's approached me tentativly asking if she could take the camera, but including in the request "i know you'll probably say 'no' cuz such and such's camera got busted on the last field trip so it's probably not the 'best' idea but...".

i think kids need to know the value of items, and it's hard enough living in a disposable society where it's so much cheaper to replace vs. repair-so educate them at every opportunity.

 

[Florida_Mom]

Other: I would tell her she can have it back as soon as she reimburses you for the lost one.

 

[Missy Mouse]

Chances are if she's not looking for it she knows where it is....especially if she's playing the fence and crying to dad but is stoic around you on the issue...she probably does know who has it, so I'd be sneaky and tell her you're calling the parents of everyone in her class, and see what happens. If she freaks out, you have your answer. If not, I'd make her investigate...there's no reason for her to even think about getting that gameboy back until something gives and the truth comes out.

Well, according to D12 I am.

She has a gamboy advance and about 6 games, she loves nintendogs.. anyway, she is not allowed to take it to school or out of the house really, except for the car if we're driving somewhere.

On the last day of school (last Wed) she brought it down from her room and asked if she could please take it to school because they were having a party and snacks, and all the kids were bringing their gameboys and they were going to play together and try each others game.

I told her it wasn't a good idea, it might get lost, stolen, damaged but she insisted it would be fine.

So she comes home from school at 4pm and right away I can tell there is something wrong, she is not celebrating that school is out and she goes straight up to her room. Later I find a note on the kitchen counter

Mom'

Don't freak out

I was afraid to tell you but my gameboy disappeared, the last person I saw with it was Elizabeth.

I'll call her and some of my friends and I'll find out where it is.


So I didn't freak out, but I couldn't resist pointing out that I told her not to take it to school for this very reason and I agreed she should do her best to track it down and she told me she had told the teacher and he was going to investigate a bit (they are still at school for 2 weeks)

So the next day was Thurs and she was home all day, when I came home from work I asked her how it went with the phone calls and she said 'Oh, I didn't get a chance to call anyone;

What? she was home all day

So I told her to make sure it got done... later that night one of the kids from school called and they talked for awhile, I asked her what they said about the gameboy and DD12 said 'she forgot to ask her;



Friday, I get home from work... she Still has not called anyone about her missing gameboy. That night her Dad picks her up for the weekend (we're divorced)

Sunday night DD12 arrives back home grinning ear to ear with a brand new Game Boy Advance DS whatever... her Dad had bought her one.

Well, I was not impressed I took it away from her. I told her while it was not her fault if she was the victim of a theft, she is still responsible to look after her things, especially valuable things and there are consequences. Also the fact that she had not made inquires with the kids in her class as to what they saw and it had only been 2 days for the teacher to do what he was going to do at school.

She cried and told me that her dad bought it and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Oh yeah?

So I didn't let her have it and I tucked it away in the house somewhere. Today her Dad and I discussed the issue, he said he just felt really bad because she was crying about it being stolen and wanted to cheer her up.

I said 'too bad' she has to learn a lesson here and the lesson is not going to be you get a new toy when you don't take care of the old one. So we had some words and I said if he was going to buy her a new one it should be at Christmas or something, not right away.

Our house was robbed 2 years ago, came home and everything was torn apart, they took DDs(10at time) portable DVD player that she loved and used all the time. One of the first thing I did was replace it, because I felt so bad for her, but this time it is different.

So basically is it my business to take something from DD12 that her Dad gave her?

Should I give it back?

Am I the meanest Mother alive?

 

[LK03]

way to go OP! I agree with the others in that something is definitely off about her story she told you. You had mentioned that the one XDH bought was the new generation model. Well maybe she just coincedentally lost the old one when she was someone's new one at school so she could con XDH into buying her the new model.

 

[ely3857]

Take the Gameboy back.

Her old one been stolen is not directly her own fault however she did go against your direct wishes that it wasnt to be taken to school & also failed to take proper care of it when she did.

If her Dad simply replace's it then that draws a line under which all future disagreements between you and her will be measured, her Dad will always be the one who 'understands' ie-buy her more stuff or let her get away with bad behaviour.



Jodie

 

[MAKmom]

OP have you called the school to tell them your child was robbed? The police should also be contacted. I would tell DD that you are calling the Police & see what she has to say.

 

[Bbgrizzle]

I voted for "other". I'd make her earn it back by doing extra chores and assigning a dollar value to each chore. Have her keep a running tab to see how much she has earned, and how much she still needsa to earn.

(Sorry if this was already mentioned, I didn't read through the whole thread).

 

[Andrea]

I voted for other. I would give it back to her when she has proven that she is responsible enough to have it back. This would include making every effort to find out what happened to other one.

i agree with this one 100 %

 

[milkabum]

Put yourself in your hunsbands shoes, then you're daughters. It's simple, think about how they feel and decide.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I would give it back to her Dad and let her have it over at his house. If she wants a gameboy to play at your house then she needs to find the other one.

I agree with this.

 

[MrsPete]

At this point, you're in a lose-lose situation. If you take away the Gameboy, you're the mean parent. If you let her keep it, you feel bad that you're not holding her feet to the fire and making her live up to the consequences of her actions.

Here's what I'd do:

1. Insist that she make all attempts to find the old Gameboy. I would allow her to keep the new Gameboy only after you feel she's made a genuine attempt to find the old one. If she doesn't see the point, you can tell her that the old one can be "traded in" towards new games, it can be sold on ebay, or it can be kept in the car as a back-up. The whole truth is that she just needs to make the effort.

2. Talk to the teacher (or principal if you're not satisfied after the teacher meeting), and insist that the school end the bring-expensive-toys-to-school concept. It's a bad idea on several levels: 1) it invites theft, 2) it's hurtful to those who don't have these toys, and 3) if the kids are going to play Gameboy instead of learning, they might as well stay home.

3. Talk to ex-husband about purchasing of large toys. Ideally you two should agree ahead of time on such things. It's very easy to fall into the trap of trying to be the "good parent" or trying to buy the child's affections. If she learns to play you two against each other, she will be the one who suffers in the long run. Personally, I think this is the biggest issue here; the child's mistake was born out of immaturity -- he should've known better than to buy a toy under these circumstances.